Family fed my baby junk food!!!

[goldenkagi]

We just came home from a family get together, and this really annoys me!! My husband's cousin (who is a nurse, mind you) find him candy. Then, husband's dad fed our baby french fries. I mean really, a nine month old? My husband and I don't eat super healthy, but our boy is just a baby and I want him to have a good start and eat healthier food. Is it too difficult to quickly ask me or my husband like hey, can baby eat this? What if they feed him something and he's allergic or intolerant or something? I don't know, am I weird for thinking and feeling this way?

[Decaf]

Speak up, let them know you only feed your child healthy food.

[goldenkagi]

Decaf, I did! My father-in-law was obviously drunk and he was like, french fries are healthy.

[maggiespice]

When my DS was a baby, I was sooooo super overprotective. I would not even let someone hold him if I thought the person was not clean.....so something like that would have happened only over my dead body.

[goldenkagi]

Oh maggie, I know what you mean! I was all about the cleanliness when our boy was a newborn. I told my husband his family could only hold him after they've bathed (LOL) and no lotion, no perfume... Now that he's a bit bigger I've let up since he crawls all over the floor anyway. The only thing is he has major stranger anxiety, and he only wants me right now. So when other people were holding him, he was bawling his eyes out. Maybe that's why they fed him junk food, to try to bribe him...

[julies1949]

You can relax a bit about any allergic reaction. You don't have an allergic reaction the first time you eat something. You have to have been exposed to it previously for your body to build up antibodies to the allergen (the food in question).

[goldenkagi]

Thanks julie, we do try to keep a log of everything he eats so in case there is a reaction, we have a short list of suspects and are not left clueless. We also try to follow our paed's guidelines, like only one new food per three days or so.

With regards to allergies, I was thinking more like, what if our baby has an intolerance or insensitivity THEY don't know about? *If* he was sensitive to peanuts for example, and they fed that to him? They never asked, so they feed him, us parents have no clue because we had no idea he was being fed, and we go home with a baby who develops a rash. Poor baby.

Okay, that's a hypothetical situation, and I guess I'm overthinking because he's our firstborn, and I'm just overprotective. I try to be chill about it, but I worry a lot. And I guess it's really the principle that they're feeding him stuff we don't want him to have yet. He's still just a baby....

[Ciel]

If one of the relative's was under the influence of alcohol, then there should be no reach for baby by that relation.
You just found out that even a relative who is a healthcare professional left logic somewhere before the gathering.
Unless you or DH have personally vetted and trusted certain relations with baby's food/feeding, no one else gets to feed the child except you too. Serenity guaranteed (as long as DH and you take turns with baby to allow the other to get some lunch or dinner without baby on lap).

You cannot choose your relatives but you sure can choose your friends.

The candy feeding is a legititmate concern-did the person who gave the child candy have CPR certification for kids or Heimlach training in case there was a choking spell? Read the riot act to the persons involved in private so they know they are on the carpet.

[sweet sparrow]

I've always fretted about how much junk our LO eats. My inlaws try to sneak her any junk food they can find. They would seriously wait until I was in the bathroom when they tried to pull stuff like this. DH is a junk food eater, so he doesn't mind as I do. Chocolate chips, ice cream with candy bits, things I would never let her eat. Unfortunately, the real world and other people will always offer junk. Not to mention DH's sister taught her her first swear word (not on purpose though), and this one was the good sister. I'm really more worried about Grandpa, who swears like a drunken sailor when he is sober.

As LO got older (13 months), she went to a daycare that fed boxed, processed, fried foods, sugary juices, limitless cookies, and other treats. I sent her in with her own food, but was turned down because I may have put nuts or eggs in my foods and it was a liability since they were a licensed daycare. I requested whole wheat or whole grain options when there was the option and asked that they not add jams or spreads because I knew from all the tins and boxes that it was all processed.

Fast forward to daycare #2 (because of the diet and many other concerns), it was a private school/daycare which allowed packed lunches every day. Each month, there would be several days when children would have birthdays and their parents would bring in cupcakes, pizza parties, and a myriad of junk food. Followed by potlucks (more junk food) and holidays. At Easter, I could smell the chocolate on her breath a mile away.

Daycare #2 closed and she is on to daycare #3. I chose this one because they say they make their meals completely from scratch but I open up the fridge in the evening to get her bottle for the way home and I see sugar laden yogurts, dozens of packaged condiments, and I know they feed things like jarred salsa, nacho chips, and snacks. On Hallowe'en, I picked her up early to take her to a doctor's appointment and the cook gave me a wrapped "afternoon treat" to take along. It was an orange rice krispie square with M&Ms in it. I have no idea what made it orange, or why it left an oily stain that went through the plate.

I think a lot of people and places will feed your child junk and there's really little you can do unless you become a helicopter parent. What you can do at home is make healthy choices, encourage good eating habits, and give the occasional treat (whether it's fruit or homemade cookies, or something else). I let the rest of the world and birthday parties indulge LO, but restrict it to one or two.

As for allergies, my nephew was allergic to milk, any milk. Cow's milk, goat's milk, but my sister didn't know until he could talk (he also had colic and other issues). Despite having a lot of milk when he was younger, he's a perfectly fine 20-something now. Still allergic to milk though. There are major allergens, but your kid will still have to consume the allergen at some point before you know, unfortunately.

[goldenkagi]

Ciel, I know nothing happened and for that I'm thankful. You understand the risks and potential harm that could have come to the baby. Now, unfortunately, my husband does not and he has downplayed what has happened. He told me that I was over reacting because it was *his* family, the baby was fine, no harm no foul. I cannot seem to drill into his thick skull that just because nothing bad happened makes it okay. As his parents, we have the responsibility to do everything in our power to eliminate or at least reduce the risks of baby getting hurt. Whew!

sweet sparrow, I know what you mean. I know that when he gets bigger, there will be more and more opportunities for him to eat junk. Specially when he's a teen or an adult, I'll practically have no say if he decides to eat 10 candy bars for dinner or whatever. It's just that he's a baby, he's got a small tummy right now. He's still breastfed, and I'd prefer if his solids at his stage were healthier. I'm not a completely no-fun mom, I plan to bake him a smash cake for his first birthday and he can stuff his face as much as he wants. Thank you for sharing your experience. It sure gives me a peek into what's likely to happen with our boy in the future.

[sweet sparrow]

I am completely okay with being the no-fun parent. Please don't ever feel guilty for doing what you think is best for your child. You are totally normal, but there are other people for which normal is the other end of the spectrum. My LO is now 2.5 and my friend teaches health at one of the more prestigious universities in Canada. Each week, she gives out handfuls of junk food to LO at snack time and I grab as much as I can before she shovels it in her mouth. She knows all the effects of sugar, obesity, etc. Now she brings fruit, but LO rejects it and looks to other parents for snacks. You can only do so much.

As long as your baby eats with you most of the time, and junk is not a regular thing, I treat visiting in-laws and friends like a birthday party. LO rejected junk foods until she went to daycare and saw all the other children eating it.

You're braver than I. I couldn't handle the smash cake. :D My other friend got as far as placing it in front of her daughter and watched her tap her carefully sculpted and iced owl. Five minutes later, she grabbed her hand and pressed it down into it. Then she took it away and said that was as much mess as she could handle. Ha ha!

A few horrible snacks here and there won't ruin your child's diet for life, but you're right, at this stage, it's preferable that they develop a taste for real food. Until they're pre-teens, if they don't want to eat the food you give them, they don't have to eat at all, so you've got at least a decade of feeding him your menu until then. Good luck!

[Nina1]

Wow! What a hot topic this is! When my babies had babies I would tell them to watch the baby if I left the room! They laughed like crazy at that. We never stop thinking we know best and since this is your baby this is your say. We had our turn. Good luck with that but I will say, pick your fights. These are family and sometimes friends. They don't have to know that you don't agree with them unless they babysit and even then you can't see what they are doing if you are not there. Pick your battles. There are more on the horizon, believe me!

[nicolthepickle]

My babies never had food from anyone until they were at least 1. I didn't let other people babysit/feed them either though.
If you don't feel good about it, say something and bring some food for the baby. That you know he can handle.

[goldenkagi]

Oh sparrow, sometimes I'm amazed at how ironic it is, how some healthcare professionals are the ones who "push" junk at our LOs. Right now we're having our boy try as much fruit and veg as we can. My SIL told me her twin nephews are so picky, there was a time when they would only eat goldfish crackers. My other friend's nephew though, would eat anything.

I'm amazed at how he could get sweet potato on his hair when I'm spoon feeding him. He'll mush it all over his high chair tray so we have extra to wash lol. We'll just bring extra clothes, wipes and towels to his birthday party for the smash cake mess

Nina, oh I tried so hard! I was ready to explode but I tried to tell them as calm as I could.

nicolthepickle, I don't let anyone babysit either. It's just that, we were at a party and they try to sneak him food. That night we brought him food that he ate, applesauce and meat udon. Kewpie brand, made for babies from 8 months onwards. The udon noodles in it were mushy and baby-safe. Our friends from Japan sent it. He loved it.

They asked to hold him, sure. Later I hear him bawling and they're like, oh we fed him french fries. I was like, what?? "We saw you feed him biscuits so we thought french fries were okay." Uhh, those were the baby rice crackers that melt in baby mouths. "What does he eat then?" Uhh, baby food?

[walkonby]

My babies never had food from anyone until they were at least 1. I didn't let other people babysit/feed them either though.
If you don't feel good about it, say something and bring some food for the baby. That you know he can handle.

same here @nicolthepickle Our 3 never saw the inside of a daycare centre OR were ever babysat by relatives. We made that sacrifice to be sure of their diet and that it was healthy. ( especially when under 1 year for heavens sake )
I do remember one Xmas a SIL trying to offer my then baby son a piece of licorice! I nipped that but fast! That was when we made it quite clear that whatever they fed their own kids was fine, but we did not want ours having sugar yet. @goldenkagi it will just mean you will need to be as diligent as possible whenever you are in your DH's family's company. Too bad if their ego's get bruised, this is your child. They may talk about this behind your back, but who cares? Doing what is right for your own kid is what matters.