Many different WAYS TO MAKE MONEY
I'm sure that there are infinite ways that people have found to make a buck.
I am not one of those people -- what I am is stuck.
I live with my partner who owns his home and while I do not "own" any part of it, not on paper, and not in my desires or future plans, either, I do have to, obviously, contribute not just to the household coffer, but also when something goes wrong, I need to help pay to fix it, if we can't repair it ourselves.
Well, neither one of us is a plumber, or an exorcist, so when our toilet decided it was going to rebel by becoming possibly an actual demonic force, backing up into sinks & tubs (HORRIFYINGLY, MAY I JUST ADD!) we had to call some professionals and their creepy unmarked van and their fancy pipe cameras and what must be such wonderful quality of life for their families, for what they get paid ... the bill was enormous, and much inflated from the quote we'd received.
Our pipes are rotting and we have to not just replace those buggers, but also bring the place up to code, as the last owners of the home gave not a piddle about suck things as "rules" and "preventing the new owner's girlfriend from nearly being carried off atop the waves of a laundry flood every week. That will be another visit from Creep Van, and a bill FOUR TIMES THE AMOUNT of the one currently financially crippling us.
So what though, right? Life is like that, growling toilets and poop-tubs happen, that's why so many people jump off buildings -- it is what it is and life could get exponentially worse! Think of how bad other people have it! (Saying that never words to console anyone ... at best I think it makes the bleeding heart types think about the suffering of others and just feel so much worse, like turning the sniffles into full-blown sobbing, for their plight -- way to go, Helper~!)
So this is just a post about how I figured out how to survive with a bunch of ingenuity and a small loan from my father of a million dollars -- I definitely got outta this jam, right?
NOPE. Because I was ALREADY DEAD BROKE WHEN THE FIRST WATER CATASTROPHE HAPPENED.
Now I am carrying an unmanageable debt load that crushes me down under heel like a cigarette butt, every single day a little more smushed as interest mounts, and my income flow remains as unchangable as it is pathetic. I have no spending money, nothing to use for groceries, nothing to use for incidentals, and the cats are going to have to eat couch stuffing for a few weeks. I couldn't even take a city bus right now if I wanted to, if I had the untold riches of the THREE DOLLAR FARE, unless I latched on to back of the vehicle while moving like some sort of really f'n sad action movie about a woman who cries a lot about toilets. I'd get Jason Statham to play the poop tub.
Long story soooooo much longer? Well, dig it, you saw this coming:
I NEED MONEY.
I NEED IT.
I have a limited & fixed income as it is, and cannot get a "real job," for many reasons. Those reasons are for ME to be filled with shame about and will not be disclosed here as I can not make them sound funny enough to even bother.
I try to SAVE money:
- I have been a member of all the Canadian survey sites (Pinecone too) for as long as I can remember.
- I collect and redeem rewards points such as Air Miles, and SDM Optimum.
- When we use credit, such as for the plumbers, we use a card with cash back rewards.
- I clip & use coupons diligently and only buy things if really needed, or sometimes if it is dirt cheap, like a if I got to Shoppers I will visit the Clearance rack & sometimes something will have a Manager's Coupon stuck to it, and a Manufacturer's Coupon for the same item will be in my sweaty little paw. That's how as many household things as possible are purchased -- bargain basement sort of dealings.
- Groceries are always Price Matched and a lot of effort goes into that, because I find it, excuse my French, dull as heckaroni, but I still gotta do it.
- I redeem Mail-In Rebates immediately, and cash the cheques.
- We have been lax with sticking to a budget but I will be making one for the household tonight and we'll go at it like gangbusters.
- Each day, I write to you, plead, really, while sweat rolls off me like water off a duck's back, only gross, because the A/C costs money. We conserve energy every way we can, turning off lights & unplugging vampires.
- We have started eating less, with absolutely no takeout, and a much, much lower quality of food, which I am going to have to STOP, because I think I am getting sick from malnutrition. I cook extra to freeze. Usually, the husband's lunch is packed and not bought.
- My husband used to like to have brand name beer -- now when he's thirsty or looking to unwind after work, he gets a bottle of water I just wrote "VERSACE" on in Sharpie to make him feel better. But he has to keep using the same bottle because I AM NOT MADE OF AQUAFINA MONEY. I bet he cries every day on the drive to work because Budweiser hasn't touched his lips in so long and they've been friends for EVER.
- NO MORE SHOPPING, which was one of my favourite hobbies -- especially Dollarama. Things we got, we used, though "need" would not be an appropriate word. Now I stare at the wall in front of me, a lot. Sometimes, I close my eyes and pretend I'm getting yelled at by a surly, poorly-trained Dollarama employee to make it feel like an authentic visit, all up in my head.
- Any shopping needing to be done is at thrift stores, discount / clearance / liquidation places, Kijiji (where I can get things for next to nothing, and I'm one of these rare golden eggs who SHOWS UP with ACTUAL MONEY to buy what I agreed to purchase in writing. We HAVE saved a bundle-ton! I use Ebates for everything, but they pay out only four times a year I believe, so I don't often see the spoils of my impulse eBay shopping ... also a thing of the not-so-distant past. *wipes single tear rolling down cheek*
There are many other little things, just tightening our belts until we bisect & don't have to worry about this nonsense ever again!
I even HAVE **tried** to MAKE money:
- Everything that I considered of my belongings to be "extra," I tried to sell on Kijiji. I spent several hours over the course of a couple evenings carefully photographing everything, and writing detailed, yet succinct, ads, posting dozens upon dozens & dozens of listings.
Well, everyone on Kijiji during that period was a halfhead time waster, because nobody would show up, unless you count the guy who got to my place and immediately started low-balling me on the agreed upon price, or the fine gentleman who, after arriving to pick up a $60 item that was going to MAKE OR BREAK my entire week (spoiler: BROKE), had intentionalLY brought only one $20 bill, hoping he could just quickly exploit a stranger in that way ... to both of them and their askew moral compasses: NO SALE. REMOVE YOURSELF FROM MY PROPERTY. I think I told the second guy that his greenback was just enough to "buy a clue." The gall on people.
- Craigslist was a similar bust, but at least I got to copy and paste and it only took me several hours of effort on ONE night of neglecting my family, pets, responsibilities, and urination requirements in order to achieve maximum efficiency.
- Upon my failure on the above two sites, I took like a lady lunatic to the Facebook Buy / Sell groups. These people are on a different wavelength than Kijiji scammers -- they want you to KNOW THE NAME of the people wasting your time, much bolder than I expected. No sales, no success, unless you count a single $4 sale on the one thing I really didn't WANT to part with, and then of course all the things that I ended up giving away for free, which is what I eventually did with such a huge chunk of my stuff: I gave it all to my favourite charity (LOOK UP THE CHARITY BEFORE YOU DONATE, THESE PLACES ARE RIFE WITH CORRUPTION! Make sure your charity GETS YOUR CHARITY!) and hopes someone, anyone, anywhere, could get some joy / use out of it all.
- I "sell" Avon, poorly. I have been trying to get my friends to buy out of some kind of pity maybe, but these broads are too cool for stodgy old Avon, forgetting I suppose that catalogue shopping is the cat's ass! I did make one sale this month, though, WHEN I SOLD SOMETHING TO MYSELF. My social issues (anxiety) prevent e from beating the streets, going door-to-door to hawk my wares. I have no family to subject to incompetent yet high-pressure sales tactics (think flop sweat and lots of lies).
- I have been gently begging friends and family to use the various referral links that I provide to them, as it benefits both parties when a company wants to give me a kickback, and the new member a joining bonus. They end up signing up on rarely, but on purpose, without my referral code, I think because my loved ones are a bunch of jerks? That can be the only explanation. I'D LOVE Y'ALL MORE IF YOU COULD JUST GRAB MY HAND TO KEEP MY HEAD BOBBING ABOVE WATER -- BUY A DANG LIPSTICK PLEASE!
- I am a member of both focus group / market research companies in my city area.
- I scan, with insane intensity, the Want Ads in my local paper (online), Kijiji, Craigslist, HRDC Job Board, and other places, seeking a part-time job that I know would overburden me, but I need to do what needs to be done. I also scan these ads for odd jobs, gigs, things I can do once, or periodically, to pick up some coin. I do whatever I can find, surveys, video ads, whatever whatever -- earning it a half penny at a time.
Things I CANNOT do, independent of above-stated failures aplenty:
- I do not have enough stuff, or appropriate stuff, to Yard Sale.
- My social anxiety precludes me from exciting activities like cold calling people at their door to try to strong-arm them into buying subpar cosmetics I no longer like, from a company I no longer believe has much integrity.
- Canada just expects you to give them your blood for free. I sold some of mine once in the States, and you still get a cookie, but also SOME FREAKIN' MONEY.
- Exotic dancing? Maybe 10 years ago, and within that imaginary time when I was slender enough to not plummet through the stage.
- Drug dealing? I can't even sell Avon, how can I sell something which I HATE that requires EVEN MORE talking, and to DRUG PEOPLE? It looks like a real cash cow, all the same.
- No jewelry to sell for them to melt down.
- I own nothing to hock -- even my laptop is garbage, soon needing replacement (the money for which, I assume I will find in the hollow trunk of a maaaagical oak tree once inhabited by bank-robbing gremlins).
- None of my friends wanna buy JACK SQUAT off me, secondhand, catalogue, or anything.
- Nobody will simply GIVE me money. I've asked. Loans would be no good, because it's just mashing the debt around, breaking it up into different-sized pieces and spreading it out for maximum confusion and payment lapsing.
- I cannot STEAL this money, not out of any moral qualms, really, but because I have no idea how to do such a thing, and since I get not just busted but IN HOT SOUP for things like chewing gum, I doubt I could pull off a daring jewel heist. Never say never, though.
- I cannot babysit. Well, I can, and I can do it quite well because despite being a coarse, dark-humoured weirdo, I am a nurturing and fun person who values kindness over all else. However, I am quite intimidating looking in person, large of frame, and I scare off the parents even though the kids don't really care about my tattoos and "scary boots." it's the parents' prerogative but I can't convince them that not only am I not a serial killer, but also: serial killers do not dress like scary ladies, they dress and look like the kids' white nerd Dad.
- I have no skills to teach, such as piano playing, or math tutoring.
- Nobody would willingly witness, let alone actively pay me, to get nude on a webcam, so other sexiness-based work opportunities, like all those weird "MASSAGE ATTENDANT, PAID DAILY; LOOKING FOR ARAB, PERSIAN, SRI LANKAN GIRLS 18-19" ads are really, REALLY out of my wheelhouse.
- My husband can't get a second job, because that is an irrational and bananas thing to even ask of him.
SO CLEARLY, I NEED SOME IDEAS!!!
What do YOU do? What have you heard of people doing? What WOULD you do? What could you do?
BRAINSTORMING TIME AND REMEMBER, THERE ARE NO STUPID IDEAS IN BRAINSTORMING, the opposite of in every other situation, so please, please, ohhh gooooosh please, SPITBALL AWAY!