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Thread: When Times Get Tough...What Do You Do?

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    We did talk about what to do if his income changes, but there is a chance he will be paid off this summer. So we know the process to get that in motion right away.

    The lawyer does agree about the braces, which is why he wants the letter. We went there today and requested it. But they were closed today and all of next week. We did talk to someone there, but we probably won't get it until the week after.

    He is working on the income, because it does matter for extracurricular activities. He has no bearing on the actual child support payment.

    I may have to go off work. I'm stressed to the max. Work is not helping. I'm having a hard time because I feel like our financial future is in such jeopardy.
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    Quote Originally Posted by ex0ticb3lla View Post
    well hopefully she smartens up and realizes the best interests of the child. Seems like she most likely won't though, its all about money. Its really unfortunate just handing over money. You wish with your whole being that it actually goes to the child, when in actuality, most of it probably doesn't.

    Either way if you do have to go to court, you guys seem like you have a decent case. You're not arguing child support which is great (set tables ARE hard to argue when you don't have shared custody), and the fact that she is asking for money for extracurricular things when the band already subsidizes her is fishy, to say the least. If DH's income changes yearly (drops especially), if its the same as ON, make sure you file a motion to change child support. Her argument for back support may be null...in Ontario you have 30 days from the anniversary date of your order to file, or you forfeit any back owed support (subsequently you also forfeit being able to lower your child support if you miss filing). Just try and relax. Either you will stress over the money that will be put out, or you will stress over court. There isn't much you can do, so take it one day at a time!!
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    Canadian Guru jasperandchar's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wimbly11 View Post
    We did talk about what to do if his income changes, but there is a chance he will be paid off this summer. So we know the process to get that in motion right away.

    The lawyer does agree about the braces, which is why he wants the letter. We went there today and requested it. But they were closed today and all of next week. We did talk to someone there, but we probably won't get it until the week after.

    He is working on the income, because it does matter for extracurricular activities. He has no bearing on the actual child support payment.

    I may have to go off work. I'm stressed to the max. Work is not helping. I'm having a hard time because I feel like our financial future is in such jeopardy.
    The most important thing is your health, your unborn child's health and your families well being.

    $ is $ and you can't change that but you can adapt to new circumstances.

    My dh got injured at work in 2005, we had to adapt to a drastic change in our finances, dh was a licensed and unionized plumber so he made really good $.

    He was entitled to EI which was great but significantly less than his pay cheques.

    DH filled for WSIB because of the workplace injury, it took 1.5 years to get a reply and back pay.

    We lived on 1 salary for a year, it was extremely hard to adjust to be had no choice.

    We did what we had to manage on my salary. My dh couldn't watch the kids because of his injury and post surgery care, so we still had to pay child care but we managed.

    We got rid of the satellite, never ate out, no treats (takeout, coffees, no birthday cakes from stores). We got used to making our coffee at home before I/we left for work. And dh still does this everyday. We made our own birthday cakes and they were delicious and saved us $30 atleast.

    We got extremely creative with what we had as there was no extra money. We learned to manage with what we had and the situation we were dealth.

    Yes of course there were pity parties but they were short lived.

    Then in 2007 I went off on sick leave from the government and retired at age 32 on medical retirement. That's 10 years ago and our lives have changed drastically.

    Dh was retrained by WSIB and graduated in 2012 from Algonquin College after a 3 year course in Child & Youth Worker.

    He makes less than 1/2 of what he made as a plumber but loves his job. He only works 3/4 days because of his injuries and the pain.

    It's taken us years to get a budget and set goals that are actually achievable given our new circumstances but we don't feel deprived and we're extremely grateful for what we have achieved.

    I thought I would share our story so that you know things and circumstances in our lives/careers and family live but we always adapt and manage as we have no choice.

    Take care
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    The clock is ticking to the end of the day. Ex was in her lawyers office when our lawyer called. No word yet, looks like a good chance that court is going ahead tomorrow *inset really pissed off face here*

    I don't know if I should go with DH or not. He wants me there, but only if it won't make me too freaked out. He's worried about the baby. But he also said having his pregnant wife in the seat may look good for him lol I'm going to be worried and anxious either way. I want to be there so I can hear what's being said. I don't want to see her. I'm worried about stressing myself too much, but I know I'll be loosing my mind sitting at work. I also just got called to see Fetal Medicine at the hospital for 9:15 tomorrow. Court is 11, so I may have no choice but to miss it. Feeling pulled into 1000 directions.

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    Quote Originally Posted by wimbly11 View Post
    The clock is ticking to the end of the day. Ex was in her lawyers office when our lawyer called. No word yet, looks like a good chance that court is going ahead tomorrow *inset really pissed off face here*

    I don't know if I should go with DH or not. He wants me there, but only if it won't make me too freaked out. He's worried about the baby. But he also said having his pregnant wife in the seat may look good for him lol I'm going to be worried and anxious either way. I want to be there so I can hear what's being said. I don't want to see her. I'm worried about stressing myself too much, but I know I'll be loosing my mind sitting at work. I also just got called to see Fetal Medicine at the hospital for 9:15 tomorrow. Court is 11, so I may have no choice but to miss it. Feeling pulled into 1000 directions.

    Working on Virgin to try and get a better deal on our cell phones. Decluttering and selling everything I can find. Trying to save our finances...
    Sometimes we forget our husbands need us too. It may make him feel more relaxed and calm to have support behind him. I know its sucks...been there while pregnant. Also currently going through it, pregnant again so I completely get it. The best thing you can do is relax. I know its hard to say that. But honestly, it will be what it is. You can't change the outcome. You adapt. I learned long ago to accept the things I cannot change (love this quote). Stressing only hurts me, the baby, my family, and everyone else around me.

    Just keep remembering that you aren't asking for the moon, or even the stars. You're asking for what is best for everyone involved. Judges see these cases day in and day out. They know exactly what is going on (in our case they asked the ex directly if it was just money with her). Not everything is a battle
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    Thank you.

    I certainly hope you are right.

    Quote Originally Posted by ex0ticb3lla View Post
    Sometimes we forget our husbands need us too. It may make him feel more relaxed and calm to have support behind him. I know its sucks...been there while pregnant. Also currently going through it, pregnant again so I completely get it. The best thing you can do is relax. I know its hard to say that. But honestly, it will be what it is. You can't change the outcome. You adapt. I learned long ago to accept the things I cannot change (love this quote). Stressing only hurts me, the baby, my family, and everyone else around me.

    Just keep remembering that you aren't asking for the moon, or even the stars. You're asking for what is best for everyone involved. Judges see these cases day in and day out. They know exactly what is going on (in our case they asked the ex directly if it was just money with her). Not everything is a battle
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    @wimbly11 relax you can't change anything at this point whether it's in court or waiting for your very important appointment.

    If time permits then go to court as you will be stressing about what is being said and the outcome.

    Keep us posted, we're all pulling for you and your lovely growing family
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    Hope your appointment at the Fetal Medicine at the hospital went well. Take care of yourself.

    By now you most likely have more answers then you had yesterday. Hope all is well
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    Thank you jasperandchar for your kinds words.

    So the appointment with fetal medicine went well. They can't see any problems with the baby or myself, so hopefully the issues that I am having will resolve. They are going to follow me at the hospital for the rest of the pregnancy which is reassuring.

    We met with the lawyer before court. The ex refused to accept our deal. We agreed to the basic child support amount but are not agreeing to anything else she is claiming. She is demanding backpay and her lawyer says that she is entitled to $14,000. Our lawyer said not happening. So we went to court, but the judge didn't see us as we were calling for a adjournment to gather materials to object her claims. He said we will probably have a few months before court. Now we are tasked with finding every piece of paper work, receipt etc showing things that we paid for that either should have been split or should have been covered under child support.

    Feeling emotional over the road ahead and praying the judge will see the facts. If he agrees to her backpay I don't know how we'll manage. Plus everything else she wants a month. We are already very frugal people. We've cut corners. The fact that her greed could take away from the life we are trying to provide for our family infuriates me...

    Quote Originally Posted by jasperandchar View Post
    Hope your appointment at the Fetal Medicine at the hospital went well. Take care of yourself.

    By now you most likely have more answers then you had yesterday. Hope all is well
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    Quote Originally Posted by wimbly11 View Post
    Thank you jasperandchar for your kinds words.

    So the appointment with fetal medicine went well. They can't see any problems with the baby or myself, so hopefully the issues that I am having will resolve. They are going to follow me at the hospital for the rest of the pregnancy which is reassuring.

    We met with the lawyer before court. The ex refused to accept our deal. We agreed to the basic child support amount but are not agreeing to anything else she is claiming. She is demanding backpay and her lawyer says that she is entitled to $14,000. Our lawyer said not happening. So we went to court, but the judge didn't see us as we were calling for a adjournment to gather materials to object her claims. He said we will probably have a few months before court. Now we are tasked with finding every piece of paper work, receipt etc showing things that we paid for that either should have been split or should have been covered under child support.

    Feeling emotional over the road ahead and praying the judge will see the facts. If he agrees to her backpay I don't know how we'll manage. Plus everything else she wants a month. We are already very frugal people. We've cut corners. The fact that her greed could take away from the life we are trying to provide for our family infuriates me...
    I'm glad you and baby are doing well, great that they are following you along your pregnancy.

    oh wimbly11 it's a good news bad news scenario. You atleast have some time to track down your receipts etc which is great and it will also allow your lawyer more time to track down the ex's sources of income etc to help build your case that she doesn't make $4k a year.

    I think if you have to back pay her it could be done over the course of a period of time but I'm not sure. I think it would be unreasonable to expect someone to come up with $14k in 1 payment.

    Best of luck and you have some time ahead of you so try not to stress, do as you can.
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    Quote Originally Posted by jasperandchar View Post
    I'm glad you and baby are doing well, great that they are following you along your pregnancy.

    oh wimbly11 it's a good news bad news scenario. You atleast have some time to track down your receipts etc which is great and it will also allow your lawyer more time to track down the ex's sources of income etc to help build your case that she doesn't make $4k a year.

    I think if you have to back pay her it could be done over the course of a period of time but I'm not sure. I think it would be unreasonable to expect someone to come up with $14k in 1 payment.

    Best of luck and you have some time ahead of you so try not to stress, do as you can.
    It would be completely unreasonable. Can I ask why she waited so long to file for back child support? $14,000 isn't a low figure. Even if you're paying $1000/month in child support...that still would be about 14 months she allowed it to accumulate. Like I said, Ontario you need to provide reasonable grounds for the reason you allowed it to accumulate for so long (couldn't find them to be served, waiting on paternity test etc.), and especially if you already have a court order showing you have 30 days from the date of your order to file for the persons taxes.

    I also know in Ontario they allow you pay an extra amount per month to pay off the back child support. But it is something you have to work out with the responsibility office, not something the ex would have control over. Seems rather greedy to me to be asking for that much in back support. I'm curious of where they're getting those tallies from. It just floors me because its SUCH a high amount and from what I gather, your hubby is already paying child support? Bizarre. Its women like that that make me wonder why our court system allows to breed such greediness and vindictiveness. Custody isn't a privledge when both parents are fit to be there. It should be an automatic right. Surely the prospect of having a father figure in the daughters life, outweighs any amount of support she would get. But then again, I've seen women sit through 9 hours of court to fight for $40 a month nothing really surprises me anymore lol

    It also floors me that the courts expect people to continue on paying, when custody arrangements don't get respected. I get that there is a responsibility to the child to make sure their needs are covered, but not enforcing a custody agreement because the child is of a certain age just breeds parental alienation for financial gain. To me the mother should be held in contempt of court for not forcing her child to visit the father on his scheduled days. Why the heck isn't that even an issue with the court.
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    Quote Originally Posted by wimbly11 View Post
    Thank you jasperandchar for your kinds words.

    So the appointment with fetal medicine went well. They can't see any problems with the baby or myself, so hopefully the issues that I am having will resolve. They are going to follow me at the hospital for the rest of the pregnancy which is reassuring.

    We met with the lawyer before court. The ex refused to accept our deal. We agreed to the basic child support amount but are not agreeing to anything else she is claiming. She is demanding backpay and her lawyer says that she is entitled to $14,000. Our lawyer said not happening. So we went to court, but the judge didn't see us as we were calling for a adjournment to gather materials to object her claims. He said we will probably have a few months before court. Now we are tasked with finding every piece of paper work, receipt etc showing things that we paid for that either should have been split or should have been covered under child support.

    Feeling emotional over the road ahead and praying the judge will see the facts. If he agrees to her backpay I don't know how we'll manage. Plus everything else she wants a month. We are already very frugal people. We've cut corners. The fact that her greed could take away from the life we are trying to provide for our family infuriates me...
    FYI not sure about NB but in ON they have something called the hardship for child support. It is INCREDIBLY hard to prove, however what it does do, is calls into question the living standards of both homes. They evaluate both homes, their incomes from ALL sources, who else lives in the home (subsequent children, child support etc.), the expenses of both homes, and essentially what it does is show Primary parent is paying $x amount of dollars to raise said child, other dependants etc. and bringing in $x amount to do so...then it shows that non-primary parent is paying $x amount of dollars to raise said child, other dependants, and bringing in $x amount to do so. If the standard of living is far superior in the exs home, you may have a case to prove financial hardship of the continued cost of such a high child support payment (if the $14,000 is awarded to her). Your hubby has a responsbility to his daughter...but he also has subsequent children he is ALSO legally responsible for.
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    Quote Originally Posted by wimbly11 View Post
    Thank you jasperandchar for your kinds words.

    So the appointment with fetal medicine went well. They can't see any problems with the baby or myself, so hopefully the issues that I am having will resolve. They are going to follow me at the hospital for the rest of the pregnancy which is reassuring.

    We met with the lawyer before court. The ex refused to accept our deal. We agreed to the basic child support amount but are not agreeing to anything else she is claiming. She is demanding backpay and her lawyer says that she is entitled to $14,000. Our lawyer said not happening. So we went to court, but the judge didn't see us as we were calling for a adjournment to gather materials to object her claims. He said we will probably have a few months before court. Now we are tasked with finding every piece of paper work, receipt etc showing things that we paid for that either should have been split or should have been covered under child support.

    Feeling emotional over the road ahead and praying the judge will see the facts. If he agrees to her backpay I don't know how we'll manage. Plus everything else she wants a month. We are already very frugal people. We've cut corners. The fact that her greed could take away from the life we are trying to provide for our family infuriates me...
    Her greed is the key here. Lawyers always ask for more in hopes of getting it. It doesn't necessarily mean that she will get it. But best to document everything and if you are stuck paying the $14,000 that is where your lawyer will claim undue hardship and work out a payment plan.

    Unfortunately this type of greed is very common.....ask most divorced men with kids. I used to date a man whose ex wife would send the kids with torn clothes on weekends in hopes that he would replace the clothing....it was terrible to attend a concert and see her (the little girl) in torn clothes while the mother paraded around looking like a clown (all made up, lots of makeup) and bragged about a camera case that she bought for her boyfriend....I was pissed.
    Last edited by barbis9; Wed, Mar 8th, 2017 at 01:12 PM.

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    Quote Originally Posted by barbis9 View Post
    Unfortunately this type of greed is very common.....ask most divorced men with kids. I used to date a man whose ex wife would send the kids with torn clothes on weekends in hopes that he would replace the clothing....it was terrible to attend a concert and see her (the little girl) in torn clothes while the mother paraded around looking like a clown (all made up, lots of makeup) and bragged about a camera case that she bought for her boyfriend....I was pissed.
    How do the courts expect someone to co-parent with that. People like that shouldn't be allowed to have financial control of their kids. My husbands ex is exactly like that. The kids come in clothes too small or boots that leak in the winter, but she always has her hair and make up done (pardon my language but where the f*ck are their responsibilities). Maybe i'm different, but when I chose to have a child (out of wedlock with my ex) I made the conscious decision that if we did ever split (and we did), I would never expect financial help from him. Thankfully he wants to be apart of his child's life as much as I do but doesn't have the means to share custody so he decided it was best to contribute financially.
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    She hasn't asked for an update since the original court order in 2005. She's coming after us now because her husband left her. She's going after him as well, he was walking out of court as we were walking in. Had us lined up like ducks

    Hardship for child support sounds interesting and is something I will explore this for sure. I have argued this from the start. We know we have to pay child support, that is necessary for step-daughter. But he also has 2 other children to support and a household to run and I stand by the fact that that should count for something. So because myself and DH are still together the court doesn't care?

    The greed is amazing.
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