Money and Family don't mix well... and I need advice

[Wizerman]

Hi OP,

I beg to differ, as I have some different thoughts. Please disregard my post, if you or anyone does not like.

From your post, I can imagine your painful financial struggle before few years. I am glad that you (and your H) worked very hard to overcome it.

Having said above...

Basically, the most important part is - MIL is a M of your H. Try to recollect, what struggles our parents might have gone through when we were born/child. Therefore, try to forget the past of your financial struggle OR at least pretend to forget it.

Currently, if you are in a ok/good/better financial condition, and if your parent needs your financial help in their old age, due to some reason; it is okay to do your best help AT LEAST ONCE. You may have a clear communication (prior to any financial help) with your MIL that it is a one time help only. (Please avoid any past in your communication/conversation/expression).

Just imagine - Even if you become billionaire in future, but, if parents dies due to their age... the scar of NOT helping parent will leave a big scar - an unforgettable painful memory.

Parent's blessings and/or your unconditional KARMA will help you a lot in your future in various ways. Remember, what goes up comes down.

[maggiespice]

Hi OP,

I beg to differ, as I have some different thoughts. Please disregard my post, if you or anyone does not like.

From your post, I can imagine your painful financial struggle before few years. I am glad that you (and your H) worked very hard to overcome it.

Having said above...

Basically, the most important part is - MIL is a M of your H. Try to recollect, what struggles our parents might have gone through when we were born/child. Therefore, try to forget the past of your financial struggle OR at least pretend to forget it.

Currently, if you are in a ok/good/better financial condition, and if your parent needs your financial help in their old age, due to some reason; it is okay to do your best help AT LEAST ONCE. You may have a clear communication (prior to any financial help) with your MIL that it is a one time help only. (Please avoid any past in your communication/conversation/expression).

Just imagine - Even if you become billionaire in future, but, if parents dies due to their age... the scar of NOT helping parent will leave a big scar - an unforgettable painful memory.

Parent's blessings and/or your unconditional KARMA will help you a lot in your future in various ways. Remember, what goes up comes down.

Wizerman, actually you are right when I come to think of it. We are to honor our parents and part of that does mean to help them out financially. If a person is in the financial position to help, then by all means do so!!!!!

[padyofurniture]

Asking for help is a bit different from demanding money. The MIL is expecting emotional blackmail and intimidation to get her way. Are they curbing the way they spend money to not push them further into debt?

[Wizerman]

Wizerman, actually you are right when I come to think of it. We are to honor our parents and part of that does mean to help them out financially. If a person is in the financial position to help, then by all means do so!!!!!

Hi, I am glad that you liked it.

I am not sure but, some/many/all of us may be a parent too.

[Wizerman]

Asking for help is a bit different from demanding money. The MIL is expecting emotional blackmail and intimidation to get her way. Are they curbing the way they spend money to not push them further into debt?

Yes, you are correct that "Asking for help is a bit different from demanding money". I respect your thoughts.

However, in some relations like - W, H, CL, M, F, MIL, FIL, Son, Daughter, brother, sister, close family, good friends, even in neighbours - does it matter much? I mean, ASKING or DEMANDING does not matter much as long as courteous language and behavior is appropriately maintained/respected. The basic fact that "OP's MIL is a M of H", is a key factor here.

In such relations, "Simply Step Up, Stand By/Along - Unconditionally, if you can". In such relations, "losing" gives us much more pleasure, self-satisfaction and peaceful nights rather than "winning" with sleepless nights. Joy of "losing" will last through out the life rather than few days/weeks of "winning"! Isn't it true?

If we can afford, we spend $$$$ and lot of time for our kids. This is always unconditional....
If we can afford, can we not spend at least $$ and some time for parents unconditionally, when they need US in their old age crisis?

OP, I am just expressing that past is always a past...we can not erase it but, you have "today - to build future". You should have an honest discussion with your H. If you can afford, help your MIL at your best. If you can't afford, then both of your (You + H) should have a transparent discussion with your MIL.

Btw, same applies in a revere scenario like OP is H and his MIL needs help.

[Darth Penguin]

@Wizerman ....DEMANDING is never courteous language nor behavior that is appropriately maintained or respected...It's an order..

And sadly for some...parents/siblings/other family members are not worth spending time on due to their previous behavior and with the fore-warning that they will abuse every thing to do or offer or you are voluntold to partake.

[tjthemanto]

you have a point. If instead of MIL if that lady was the OP's mother, maybe she would react differently to it.

Hi OP,

I beg to differ, as I have some different thoughts. Please disregard my post, if you or anyone does not like.

From your post, I can imagine your painful financial struggle before few years. I am glad that you (and your H) worked very hard to overcome it.

Having said above...

Basically, the most important part is - MIL is a M of your H. Try to recollect, what struggles our parents might have gone through when we were born/child. Therefore, try to forget the past of your financial struggle OR at least pretend to forget it.

Currently, if you are in a ok/good/better financial condition, and if your parent needs your financial help in their old age, due to some reason; it is okay to do your best help AT LEAST ONCE. You may have a clear communication (prior to any financial help) with your MIL that it is a one time help only. (Please avoid any past in your communication/conversation/expression).

Just imagine - Even if you become billionaire in future, but, if parents dies due to their age... the scar of NOT helping parent will leave a big scar - an unforgettable painful memory.

Parent's blessings and/or your unconditional KARMA will help you a lot in your future in various ways. Remember, what goes up comes down.

[endi2000]

Was there an agreement signed when the MIL invested - like your DH not accepting liability for losses of the investors?

[Colsgirl]

As this is an old post, I hope it is resolved by now!