(no subject)

[Neil McRae]

I've now been in the psych ward at Peace Arch Hospital for two and a half months and they found a hybrid home share for me through an organization called BRAVO, but because it's in the process of being vetted it won't be ready for another four or five weeks and the family is tot Caucasian. After I'd only been in the psych ward for a couple of weeks they were going to look at finding a home share in a different community outside of the Surrey area before they found the BRAVO organization. I would rather go home to my parents while they look for a different home share with a Caucasian family in my preferred community. Their applications for some kind of a tertiary place for me to go while I wait for the home share have been declined, but even if they could find one for me I'd rather stay at home with my parents and wait.

They said when the home share does start they don't want me to go home to my parents house for the first six months. I know this wouldn't be the case and I'd get to start going there for visits much sooner if I didn't come to the hospital and had gone to the home share directly from their place. I wasn't happy that I had to be in the hospital for my 35th birthday last month and I'd like to get to go home for Christmas Also I need to be with my cats.

Now because it's a hybrid home share it means I will have additional support staff coming in during the day and taking me out in the community. This person came to the hospital yesterday morning and met me for the first time. He seemed like a nice guy and I'm happy about that, but if for some reason this home share that they are looking at doesn't end up being a go once it is vetted then we'd be back at square one and I would have to stay in the hospital for even longer until they find another one.

I was a bit queasy when I went out with my dad a couple days ago on a pass. Luckily whatever it was seemed to have passed after a couple of hours, but until it did I thought I was gunna come down sick while in the hospital. If I had stayed in the hospital that afternoon instead of going out on this pass I would've had to listen to the sound of hammering and them using an impact drill or a jackhammer on the floor below. It almost sounded like they were working on the floor above me, but I found out yesterday that it's on the floor below. Imagine them doing it right over our heads!.

There's also this other patient who was discharged after I'd only been here a couple of days, but then she came back again as well as a third time after being discharged the second time. She doesn't follow orders given to her by the nursing staff, my right to speak freely is also violated and I have to keep my lips sealed when she is present because if I say anything to anyone else she'll often make a snibe comment, when I do my laps around the ward to get my exercise and pass the time she'll tell me to stop walking around, or if I happen to walk by the seclusion room while the patient who is locked in there is banging on the door she'll shout at me to get away from there even though she is not one of the staff. I think it would be up to the staff to ask something like this of me. I would file for a restraining order against this person if this person were to demonstrate any of these behaviors towards me while not being admitted in the hospital.

I haven’t needed any bloodwork done on me in such a long time nor had anyone taken my vitals since not long after I first came. They had a high risk suicidal patient here last week who got discharged ahead of me even though he'd only been here a day. I heard he was even still rambling on the very day they discharged him.

If you have any power in these kind of decisions that are made by CLBC and doctors please talk to them about getting me out of here, or even if you don't work for CLBC please do something.

-Neil

[Neil McRae]

I went with my dad on a pass yesterday afternoon to see the place I'll be moving into a couple of days after the New Year. For vehicles they have a Hyundai\ Sonata and a Nissan Pathfinder which are two kinds of cars I want to make it through my life wihtout riding in. I would rather have a Caucasian family who drive cars that I will ride in.

Also the sister of a respite worker who I haven't seen for ten years lives just a couple blocks from this non-Caucasian family who I will be living with in Langley, and a community support worker that I had more recently lives just three or four houses down the street from the home share family. I've been avoiding going out in the community to all public areas in Langley, Cloverdale, White Rock, and South Surrey as long as the respite wokrer who I hadn't seen for ten years continues not to work with me because I don't want to run into er, but I realize it would be too much to ask for in addition to wanting to get out of the hospital and returbn home to my parents.

I knew that girl who was struck and killed by her laptop while riding in her car. She was in my grade three class in elementary school and she was killed a couple of years after the respite worker had stopped working with me. A new behavioralist was supposed to come and work with me for the first time on the day after I'd heard about her death on the news. Now because I did not have a good sleep on the night before he was supposed to come after hearing this news I asked my mom in the morning whether she would reschedule the behavioralist for me. She said she would, but then when I asked her a couple hours later whether she'd called him yet she became miserable and said she wasn't gunna cancel him even though she'd said earlier on that it was what she was going to do. I demanded that she cancel him since she'd said earlier that she would and she shouted no.

Now the respite worker who I hadn't seen for ten years was the one to tell me just a couple years before finding out about the girl being killed by her laptop not to wish people dead. She’d said this in response to me letting her know that I got angry with my dad and told him that I hope my grandparents on his side of the family die in a car accident. She asked me how I would feel if he were to say quote, “I hope Chloe dies.” Chloe is my cat who as of now I haven't seen for more than three months. And the respite worker doesn't even know that I knew the girl who was killed or about how my mom reacted to it.

I had known this respite worker ever since I lived in North Surrey and was going to elementary school there. She was my teaching assistand in grade six and at the time I was going to a different school than where I was when I knew the girl in grade three. I didn't even meet the respite worker until I got to grade six, but there was this other boy who was in grade five when I was in grade six and going to the same school as me. She was also his teaching assistant at the same time and only a week before I heard on the news about the other girl being killed by her laptop, he had got hit by a car while on his way to work. The car drove over his leg and he took a year off work to recover. Now today I am having nothing to do with my friends and it has been this way since the respite worker had stopped working with me.

I promise that any future replies I make in this topic will not be nearly as long as this one.

-Neil

[Neil McRae]

It was said at the latest meeting they had yesterday that I will be spending Christmas in the hospital and I will be forced to live with the non-Caucasian home share family who drive vehicles that I don’t want to ride in. They also said that they're gunna be forcing me to start doing my own laundry and making my own bed for the last couple weeks that I'm still in the hospital before going to the home share, but I shouldn't have to be pushed to do those things for myself now that I'm 35 and since these things have been done for me pretty well my whole life so far.

While someone else had their laundry going in the machine last night, another patient had complained about how that dryer is so loud and then she said that it’s the worst dryer she’d ever seen. Me being sensitive to loud noises is another reson not to do my laundry in the hospital, and another patient here who is only in her mid sixties will have her laundry done for her in the place where she is being discharged to in a few days.

I swear I'm gunna lose it and I'm gunna explode if I have to do my own laundry or make my own bed in the hospital and not have my dad keep taking it home until I am in the home share.

-Neil