Issues with Previous Family after your pet adoption

[danger_dan]

I thought I'd ask this as a general question, as it applies to everyone with a loving fur ball, feathered friend, scaly bud or whomever they may be as a part of our families.

Here’s the situation.

The Lady and I adopted of Yellow Lab, Cooper, a couple of weeks ago (less than 3 weeks to be exact). The Adoption Agreement with Cooper’s previous family, was exactly that, an Adoption Agreement, with no notation at all of visits or any sort of contact.

Thinking we would be kind and to assist the previous family in gaining closure after the adoption, we allowed them to message us from time to time to see how he is doing, and that we may send a photo here and there.

On the evening of the adoption, in the 2 hours between picking him up and arriving home, they messaged and called my phone asking how he was and how the travel home was going.

In the following days, there were more messages asking about Cooper. We did not tell the previous family about renaming Cooper, so they still refer to him by the other name.

During the pickup date, we had mentioned that we were going north to see my In-Laws for the long weekend and that we’d be taking Cooper up with us. We noted that we would send some photos of him exploring and enjoying the North. I sent the photos after the weekend, and received a short but polite “Nice pictures, thank you.”

An entire week passes after the long weekend, without as much as a peep from them, until this exchange of messages last night.



The Lady and I were irate when this exchange happened last night.
...and I'm still fuming...which explains this post in another thread.

We've had our discussions both last night, and continuing this morning, but I would love to have the input, thoughts, opinions, and comments from our wonderful group here as well. Please be honest.

I have yet to respond to the latest text.

[MillieH]

I 'd put a stop to it... right away.. What a bizarre situation , trauma for the kids and dog.. lordie..

[TrueNorthTreasures]

Oh, boy. I understand that they miss and still care about Copper, but they are crossing the line. Copper is now your dog and any communication, pictures, etc. coming from your end are done out of courtesy, not obligation. I am not sure they understand that. Was the adoption agreement done directly with that family, or through an agency or rescue of some sort? In any case, I feel for you and understand your annoyance. As uncomfortable as it might be, some very clear boundaries need to be established/clarified as soon as possible. I agree with MillieH - those people are causing unnecessary stress for their children and the dog, and you and your partner as well.

Please keep us posted!

[Shwa Girl]

I have yet to respond to the latest text.

My opinion, OP, no response is necessary. Boundaries. Just delete this text and all future texts. And they should not come to your home. Boundaries. They will learn that it's really 'Good bye'
BTW if they show up unexpectedly, don't let them in.
I have a bad feeling about this...

[danger_dan]

@MillieH , @TrueNorthTreasures , @Shwa Girl ,
Thanks you so much for your input Ladies, much appreciated.

I did end up sending a very sternly worded message yesterday.
I clearly outlined the agreement which was signed (a pre-written agreement, printed from somewhere online, of which both parties have a signed copy) and the fact that a visit is in no one's best interest.
I noted that any correspondence to date had been as a courtesy, and that I had been in no way shape or form obliged to send them anything.

I know they received and read the message due to the time stamps shown with iMessages, but no further communications from them.

My wife told and some others told me that the message I sent sounded like it was written by a lawyer and had a touch of harshness to it, but that it was perfect, since it needed to be said.
@Shwa Girl ,
Oh believe me, my Wife and I had that chat. I was fully prepared to call the police if I had come home and they were anywhere near my property.

[TrueNorthTreasures]

Just wanted to check in. Have they contacted you since?

[danger_dan]

Thanks for checking in and bumping the thread @TrueNorthTreasures, perfect reminder.

I was think about this over the weekend, and thought I should just give everyone an update.
The Lady has asked me regularly over the past week and a bit, if I've received any messages from the previous family; and the answer is, I have not.

I think they received the message loud and clear.
They received, read, and did not respond to the last stern message I sent.

All has been quiet on this front.

Thanks again for checking in

[Natalka]

That's great, Dan!

[frugal50]

​I have adopted 2 cats from families but never had that problem

I feel that they were missing Cooper, which is normal .. especially during the first few weeks

but I draw the line when it comes to visiting

an occaisional email and photo is ok