when to have a second child?

Ok, so my friend and I were discussing the optimal time to have a second child. There seems to be some pretty serious beliefs about the age difference between children. My friend believes that it is best (but probably hardest on the parents in the begininng) to have a 2nd child within 2 years.
I can see the benefits like the children being close in age-appropriate toys, interests, friends...
But, OMG! I would go bananananananas if I got preggers right now! I am gouing back to work soon, and I am enjoying all the new and lovely (and not so lovely) new things Ty does.
So, anyone have any strong ideas? I would love to hear them!

I believe that the perfect time to get pregnant for your second child is when your first child is about 2 years old. Then your children would be about three years apart in age. Your second child should be potty trained by then, and you wouldn't have two babies in diapers at the same time. My children (a girl and a boy) are about three years apart. My daughter was always a little mother to her baby brother, and still is. They are grown up now, with children of their own, but they are the best of friends. Any more than three years apart, then they don't have very much in common growing up. The closer they are less than three years apart, the more difficult it is on the mother.
That's my two cents worth!

Good question. I think anymore then three years apart is too much, because they won't have that much in common growing up and they'll both be at different stages in life.
But I think anytime in between there is good; the further apart usually the less stressful on the parents but then again it can be hard to get back into that routine with a newborn when you just got used to having some normalcy back in your life.

One thing to keep in mind though is being closer in age doesn't always guarantee closeness. My sister and I are two years apart in age and while we certainly don't hate each other, we do grate on each other's nerves a lot.

My son and his little brother will be just over two years apart. I know at the beginning it's probably going to be tough on me, but I think it'll be better in the end.

There is 7 years difference between me and my brother and growing up I hated it. I always had to babysit him and was unable to participate in sports or after school activities because of this. I was a very spoiled only child for 7 years and then my baby brother came around which was very difficult for me to adjust to. We are now 26 and 19 and still have NOTHING in common.

That being said I always swore that if and when I had kids they would be very close in age. When my son was 12 months I got pregnant again with my daughter. It was a very difficult pregnancy simply because I had a VERY active toddler to deal with. The 6 months after the baby was born was also very hard due to no sleep and looking after a toddler and a newborn. Now my kids are 3 and 15 months and they are the best of friends. They have so much love for each other and get along so well that the difficulties I endured were well worth it. I guess there is no right answer to this question, you need to weigh the pros and cons and see what fits for you and your family.

I think anywhere from 2-3 years apart is perfect. If things go according to plan and we get pregnant next fall it will make the kids just over two years apart. It's close enough that they're more likely to be close but far enough apart that I won't be overwhelmed with babies.

My two youngest are 14 months apart so of course I consider that perfect ;) It was difficult the last few months of pregnancy because the older one still needed to be lifted and carried a bit. Other than that, it was nice because they are entertained by relatively similar things so I never felt that I had to do one thing with one of them and then do something different with the other. They could go in a double stroller together; they can wear each other's clothes; when the oldest grows out of shoes they just go directly onto the youngest; the younger one toilet trained herself by watching the older. Two in diapers was not that bad, I'd actually prefer 3 years of changing two kids to 6 years of changing one kid.

I find that when they are farther apart the older one either acts like a parent or thinks the younger one is a pest. You also have to deal with jealousy issues and preparing the older one for a new sibling if they are old enough to understand. Mine didn't know what was going on at the time, and now doesn't even remember not having a little sister. They are as close as twins, in fact for a long time we were sure the youngest actually thought they were part of the same person.

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Originally Posted by travel-mum

I believe that the perfect time to get pregnant for your second child is when your first child is about 2 years old. Then your children would be about three years apart in age. Your second child should be potty trained by then, and you wouldn't have two babies in diapers at the same time. My children (a girl and a boy) are about three years apart. My daughter was always a little mother to her baby brother, and still is. They are grown up now, with children of their own, but they are the best of friends. Any more than three years apart, then they don't have very much in common growing up. The closer they are less than three years apart, the more difficult it is on the mother.
That's my two cents worth!

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That is what DH and I are thinking... around 2-3 apart. That way the oldest will be potty trained and out of the crib hopefully when the next one comes along.
We will probably TTC#2 when DD is around 2. ;)

DH and I agreed that we would try again when dd is two years old. That would give me time to get back to work and save up before I have to go on mat leave again. Also she'd be closer to 3 years when the next baby comes. We also don't want to wait too long in between cause we want at least 3 kids and I'm not that young anymore.

i guess i'm the only one who only wants one child!!!:lolsign: hubby & i talked about it, and we really only want 1 child (well...he could go either way really - but only if he could have a girl.... but the odds of it happening from his family track recordare slim to none LOL), but this mama only ever wanted 1 :)

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Originally Posted by ex0ticb3lla

i guess i'm the only one who only wants one child!!!:lolsign: hubby & i talked about it, and we really only want 1 child (well...he could go either way really - but only if he could have a girl.... but the odds of it happening from his family track recordare slim to none LOL), but this mama only ever wanted 1 :)

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D would have been happy only having 1 kid, I wanted 3. We've compromised on 2. I can see the benefit of only having 1 though.

My brother and I are 10 years apart. I personally think that is a long time. I do not remember much about growing up with him, as I have blocked out a LOT from my childhood.

I do remember me yelling a lot as he was a pain.

As both of us grew older, we have become much closer and enjoy a great family relationship. I consider him a good friend. He is still a pain, but in a different way.

Now, back to the real question.

My son is 3 and I have #2 on the way. I am almost 4 months pregnant.

That is just how it worked out for us. Life got in the way and this was the best time for us to have our second.

Having said that, to each their own. What is best for one, is not necessarily best for another. The best way is to speak to partner / spouse and come up with what is best for you both. There are pros and cons to any age difference.

Just my 2 cents.

--Dizzy

Honestly far apart or close together they are still going to fight like cats and dogs Lol!

Mine are 7 years apart, honestly theres no perfect time.

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Originally Posted by Sally888

Honestly far apart or close together they are still going to fight like cats and dogs Lol!

Mine are 7 years apart, honestly theres no perfect time.

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This is true. There is no relationship that has more fighting than sisters.

I have three and I think about 2-3 years is very goods. mabey even 4. My eldest was 7 months when my ds was born. wholly schamoleys. You ever seen a movie about zombies? that was me!! they are now 7and 8 what a life they still drag me around the walls. My youngest is now 2 so him and my eldest are 6 yrs that seemed really good they get along really really well. Better sometimes than the other two.

but I really liked the potty training at the same time, no more diapers they are calling me. they just tore apart the living room. have fun!!

My sister and I are 4 1/2 years and we never got along,my mom still tells the story of when I said to her "mom, I liked it much better when it was just me, you and dad", that just about summed it up!!! My brother and I are 7 and by that time I was old enough to helpout and really felt like a big sister, I still treat him that way now!!

My father is an only child and my husbands mother is an only child, and both of us grew up hearing how much they hated being only kids.

Our boy is 4 months and I have really mixed emotions about a second one....all I know forsure, I plan to sleep through the night atleast ONCE before we have another!!!

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Originally Posted by ame555

Our boy is 4 months and I have really mixed emotions about a second one....all I know forsure, I plan to sleep through the night atleast ONCE before we have another!!!

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Don't worry, you will sleep through the night real soon! Especially if he starts cereal soon. But, for us, our son only started to put himself to sleep on his own at 7:30 (at 9-10 months). Before that we were up until 10-11pm!:rant:

My sister and I are 3 years apart, we HATE :rant::twisted::mad: hate hate each other. We don't even speak anymore. She says I'm this and that and I say she that and this.... She was always leary of me and jealous, blah blah blah. So, after decades of it, I threw it in her face. Especially growing up. You get to know people's buttons, and you just push them to get back at them. I want to avoid that.

I have 2 sets of children 2 boys 13 monthes apart, 2 girls 13 monthes apart and 8 years between my sets. I don't have twins but they do come in twos and it was hard to adjust from an 8 yr old to a newborn. But once you get in the hang of things its great.

[quote=juniperjune;544208]Don't worry, you will sleep through the night real soon! Especially if he starts cereal soon. But, for us, our son only started to put himself to sleep on his own at 7:30 (at 9-10 months). Before that we were up until 10-11pm!:rant:




thank you so much for the encouragement!!

[quote=ame555;545376]

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Originally Posted by juniperjune

Don't worry, you will sleep through the night real soon! Especially if he starts cereal soon. But, for us, our son only started to put himself to sleep on his own at 7:30 (at 9-10 months). Before that we were up until 10-11pm!:rant:




thank you so much for the encouragement!!

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It will come out of nowhere too. One morning you'll wake up and realize "hey wait a second, I didn't get up last night". If you're like me you'll then freak out and go running to the nursery to make sure everything's OK.:redface:

The plan for us was to have our kids 13 to 14 months apart, but my body was not cooperating. Now they will be about 18 months apart, which is still alright, but I want at least three kids. Honestly, I would have as many kids as I possibly can, but I don't think I will be allowed to.

I think the closer the better. You don't get used to not having diapers. I don't know ... there are definately pros and cons to both ways, but the best way to find out is to talk to you DH and see how he feels about it too.

My boys are 22 months apart and although it is alot of work I think worth it. I do not think it is tough to change two diapers, I used to refer it as the assembly line but it was tougher to potty train the eldest with the little one roaming around so try to get the potty training done when the baby is small and cant move yet. There are days that are much tougher but now that they ar 3 and 16 months they play all day together, truly love each other and just make the day more fun. The eldest helps alot and they are super cute together. I am hoping to have a third one soon. The timing on the 3rd child has been ensuring when it is born the eldest is in school so I would only have 2 at home for the day :) So hopefully if my body co-operates I want to get pregnant in the next few months.
I had another reason for having them so close in age, I didn't want to be at work for very long after the first, so I basically went back pregnant :) My mom had my son and it made it super easy to tell her it will only be about 8 months or so to care for him. After the 2nd I quit my job to raise them.
I really think once the eldest is out of diapers it is tough to go back and start over again, more than 3 yrs I think is a big gap, alot of your stuff cannot be used anymore like carseats that expire and maybe even high chairs so even for hand me down stuff you want to have em closer in age.
Good luck everyone out there who wants more kids, I think it is awesome. Now if I can just master how to have a girl :)

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Originally Posted by amycrows

Now if I can just master how to have a girl :)

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http://www.ovulation-calculator.com/shettlesmethod.htm

I'm fascinated by this. Obviously it's not scientifically proven at all but it's still interesting. We've decided that when it's time for #2 we're going to try this. I figure if we do end up with a girl then great and if we end up with another boy that's great too. We can't lose, really.

I can`t wait until I have my second :)
butttt I`m going to wait until my son is 2 years old...

I have to go back to work before we start for #2. Plus hubby has to finish school in end of April, get a job in his domain (will take about 1 week!) and move to a place closer to my family, work, friends....

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Originally Posted by travel-mum

I believe that the perfect time to get pregnant for your second child is when your first child is about 2 years old. Then your children would be about three years apart in age. Your second child should be potty trained by then, and you wouldn't have two babies in diapers at the same time. My children (a girl and a boy) are about three years apart. My daughter was always a little mother to her baby brother, and still is. They are grown up now, with children of their own, but they are the best of friends. Any more than three years apart, then they don't have very much in common growing up. The closer they are less than three years apart, the more difficult it is on the mother.
That's my two cents worth!

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I second travel-mum. My son and daughter have 3 1/2 yrs difference. At first it seemed difficult when I got preg with my second one [daughter] but then as time went by it is getting better and better. Although sibling rivalry will always be there which ever age difference they are in, my son now in 2nd grade understands responsibility and can take care of his little sister well. As soon as my daughter starts JK next sept. she would understand things too although she seems to be more mature at this age than my son was at the same age. I gues thats where boys stand in maturity however big they grow :teeth::teeth:

good luck.

My daughter and son are two years and two months apart and they get along very well. They have their little arguments, but they are like best friends and we are now pregnant with our third. I think 2-3 years apart is a great range. My brother and I are in the same range of age difference and get along well also (and as kids too). With a third on the way, she'll be four years younger than my 2nd, but it'll work out. I think the main thing, regardless of age difference, is giving as much attention to each child as possible so they do not feel left out or treated unfairly.

My doctor told us to wait 2 years between pregnancies, personally I want to wait a little longer, say about 3-4 years

Wow this thread read my mind...I always wonder the same thing. My DD is almost 6 months and I'm already (secretly!) thinking about when to announce to DH that I'm ready for another! I want them to be 2 yrs apart, so I think towards the end of this year we will start trying for another. As I hit the big 3-0 this year I don't want to wait too long. In case we have another girl we might want to try for a third. Right now I'm just enjoying my time off with my little one.

And yes one day you will wake up and realize it's morning and you never got up last night to feed your baby! My DD stopped one feeding at around 1.5 months old and her second feeding at 2.5 months old....and since then sleeps from 11pm-9:30am! I really lucked out with a such a good baby. I'm sure the second will make me pay for it :)

i am 30, one of my brothers is 41 and the other is 48. HUGE age difference for us. i get along with my oldest brother but its weird too.

my boys are 25 months apart. i think thats perfect. right now its tough, sometimes they are both crying (and the dog is barking!) but when they are both a little older i think its gonna be awesome! and there will not be a third....no really i mean it.

we didnt want any kids at all. when we had the first we swore it was our last. then i got preg again. if i am to have two i am glad they are so close in age and now i am happy to have two. but not 3!