My neighbour is bothering me...

[morningrose]

In this summer when I went to visit my parents for 3 weeks my elderly neighbour helped me looking after my tree in front yard by watering twice a week and even gave my one set house keys in case we miss other set. It is nice with her until last week. She came and asked if I can help her get rid of her stuff like clothing and purses which she was not using from 5 to 10 yrs. I agreed to sell for her on fb and kijiji. I thought it is paying her back. I said they won't go for more as they are good used ones and not excellent used ones and also not top brand ones as only one is nine west but there is peeling. I said purses go for $5 each ( she gave 7 ) and one coat( will post for $10) and 2 jackets ( $5 each , bit fading).She agreed and I was able to sell 3 purses for $15 in Saturday ( she gave on Friday).She knocked my door on Sunday afternoon when busy with other things and asked her things back. I said 3 things are sold for $15 and gave money and her other things back. She yelled at me saying that I sold for cheap and they are worth more and I have kept money without paying her. Again she knocked and said she wants more money for her things.I have messaged saved too selling for $15 but she did not give me opportunity.She knocked again on Sunday sating sameand yesterday I said her she can't change her words. Then she says her one purse is missing and if I have it in home.I reminded her that she counted 4 of them on Sunday and 3 clothing pieces but she again says she is missing. During this time of year I am feeling bad about this and not able to concentrate.Any suggestions how to handle this situation? TIA

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[maggiespice]

I am sorry you are going through this. It is not good not to get along with your next door neighbor, that is for sure. I know what that is like because I experienced this first hand with a elderly neighbor as well. We did end up friends in the long run, but it was never really the same after, if you know what I mean.

All that being said, may I suggest that you do something good for her. Get a nice basket of something together, or whatever, and get a nice card to go with it (make one if you have to) and apologize for any misunderstandings that occurred.

The ball is out of your court after that...........

[endi2000]

In this summer when I went to visit my parents for 3 weeks my elderly neighbour helped me looking after my tree in front yard by watering twice a week and even gave my one set house keys in case we miss other set. It is nice with her until last week. She came and asked if I can help her get rid of her stuff like clothing and purses which she was not using from 5 to 10 yrs. I agreed to sell for her on fb and kijiji. I thought it is paying her back. I said they won't go for more as they are good used ones and not excellent used ones and also not top brand ones as only one is nine west but there is peeling. I said purses go for $5 each ( she gave 7 ) and one coat( will post for $10) and 2 jackets ( $5 each , bit fading).She agreed and I was able to sell 3 purses for $15 in Saturday ( she gave on Friday).She knocked my door on Sunday afternoon when busy with other things and asked her things back. I said 3 things are sold for $15 and gave money and her other things back. She yelled at me saying that I sold for cheap and they are worth more and I have kept money without paying her. Again she knocked and said she wants more money for her things.I have messaged saved too selling for $15 but she did not give me opportunity.She knocked again on Sunday sating sameand yesterday I said her she can't change her words. Then she says her one purse is missing and if I have it in home.I reminded her that she counted 4 of them on Sunday and 3 clothing pieces but she again says she is missing. During this time of year I am feeling bad about this and not able to concentrate.Any suggestions how to handle this situation? TIA

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I might be tempted to try and rectify this so there are no hard feelings festering.

I'd be tempted to bake up a batch of cookies, write up a Christmas card and invite her over for a cup of tea. (Not sure if knocking on her door or inviting her over would be the best option - or maybe even offer to drive her to a mall for Christmas shopping and stop for a coffee break) During the visit, I might try and bring the subject up saying you really want to be a good neighbour and don't want hard feelings. I might explain that you have checked your house again and cannot find the items she thinks are missing. Then I would ask if there is something you can do to reassure her that you did the sales in good conscience.

Don't forget, if she is elderly, there is a good chance that she may have a condition affecting her memory or personality. Have you noticed any other odd behaviour? Or can you find out from other family?


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[morningrose]

Thank you Maggiespice and endi2000. I gave her gift , small decor handmade piece and she accepted it, still came and said this yesterday evening, 6 houses apart so I said the purse might have missed on walking path. She is not good at remembering things as I wrote my house number couple of times on a paper before vacation.She lives alone and her daughter visits on weekend as said by her.

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[morningrose]

Finally she came yesterday and said not to mind,still I want to be careful from now not to have money dealings with her.


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[padyofurniture]

That sounds like the most reasonable way to handle it. Even if you had to borrow something from her, I'd take photo evidence that it was returned so you could show her in the event that she didn't remember properly.

[tjthemanto]

She seems to be suffering from Alzheimers or some other form of dementia.

Plus lot of very senior folks don't really understand Ebay & Kijiji much, so she probably thinks you are lying and ripping her off.

Its best if she just arranges garage sales each summer to get rid of her old stuff, so she can't blame you. You can maybe help her in the garage sale a bit to pay back for what she did for you.

[Shwa Girl]

She seems to be suffering from Alzheimers or some other form of dementia.

Plus lot of very senior folks don't really understand Ebay & Kijiji much, so she probably thinks you are lying and ripping her off.

Its best if she just arranges garage sales each summer to get rid of her old stuff, so she can't blame you. You can maybe help her in the garage sale a bit to pay back for what she did for you.

I agree that there may be memory loss, normal age related memory issues or memory problems related to poor sleep habits.

OP, maybe it’s not a good idea doing a garage sale. She may come knocking at your door asking for her garage sale items back or again accuse you of taking some items or selling them too cheaply.

Hello and goodbye may be the safest neighbourly communication, at this time. If you are close with her daughter, maybe you and her daughter can have a chat.

[timjn]

All that being said, may I suggest that you do something good for her. Get a nice basket of something together, or whatever, and get a nice card to go with it (make one if you have to) and apologize for any misunderstandings that occurred.

[torontogal12]

Sorry this is happening to you. Is she suffering from dementia? She may have forgotten some of these things? If you've made some peace offerings, it may be best to discuss the situation with her daughter. The daughter may not have noticed the forgetfulness and it is important to let her know. And maybe let her daughter sell these items in the future

[Ciel]

I might be tempted to try and rectify this so there are no hard feelings festering.

I'd be tempted to bake up a batch of cookies, write up a Christmas card and invite her over for a cup of tea. (Not sure if knocking on her door or inviting her over would be the best option - or maybe even offer to drive her to a mall for Christmas shopping and stop for a coffee break) During the visit, I might try and bring the subject up saying you really want to be a good neighbour and don't want hard feelings. I might explain that you have checked your house again and cannot find the items she thinks are missing. Then I would ask if there is something you can do to reassure her that you did the sales in good conscience.

Don't forget, if she is elderly, there is a good chance that she may have a condition affecting her memory or personality. Have you noticed any other odd behaviour? Or can you find out from other family?


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My elderly father falls into accusatory mode OFTEN (he picks on me or Mom and I let him know RIGHT AWAY when he's on the wrong track-most times, he has put something somewhere and forgotten. If and when he finds whatever, he NEVER tells me so nor apologizes) and when I saw this bit about the elderly neighbor, that stood out for me. She may not remember things well and finds it easiest to accuse those close or known to her, rather than acknowledge forgetfulness or own behavior. I'd stay well out of the way in future money or asset dealings.

OP, you did get your house keys back, right?

I agree with saying hello and goodbye but also have a diversionary topic or response if the same old topic of lost stuff comes up (because it seems to have stuck in neighbour's mind). Firmly say I returned the unsold items to you on "date" and also gave you the money from the three sold things. Then say something about the weather or time and finish the conversation.

[morningrose]

Thank you all for your nice words. I think she cannot remember things properly. Today I gave her Compliments Belgian cookies with a card for Christmas, she was very happy for them . She again asked what grades my kids are studying. She said she will introduce me to her daughter this holiday season then I will probably have chat regarding this. I am planning to show hee daughter her purses, my posts regarding them with prices so she may understand the situation.

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[alex78]

Can I also suggest that you put in writing what occurred with this neighbour and make sure you include times and dates of your contact with her and also detail who was with you at the time of your conversations with her. I don't think you are in any trouble but it would be tragic if she accused you of anything. As people tend to age and slip into dementia, accusations can become more frequent and if you say her daughter visits on the weekends, she may not understands her mother's issues. I just think you should protect yourself.