Experience with a parent moving in?

[Zonny]

Greetings SC Friends.

So, have any of you had the experience of having a parent move in with you?

In my situation, it's quite temporary. My 73 year old mom has been healthy all her life, but was recently diagnosed with suspected hydracephalus (excess fluid on the brain). She's been walking poorly, shuffling along, and discussing the same thing several times during conversations, so we think this is the problem.

Fortunately, if this IS the problem, it's mostly reversable. But she had a one week hospital stay, her move to a new location has been delayed, so DH and I have agreed to have her stay with us for the remainder of the year to get back on her feet.

Unfortunately, she's lost much of her confidence in doing things herself. I'm trying to push her to go to the grocery store alone, etc. Then there's her apartment that needs to be packed up, most of which will be done by me. I was over there today; mostly she's pulled out everthing from where it should be and the place is a disaster. She keeps asking me to the the small TV from her high closet shelf or to remove the pictures from the wall, while everything is all over the place on the floor. After I tell her that this is not a reasonable task until we pack up everything else, a few minutes later she asks me to do the same thing again. It's not her fault, but I'm pulling my hair out.

So, anyone out there floated in this boat before? Mom is not terribly difficult to have here, and is quite willing to help financially, cooks for us, etc. But I think the problem is me, I'm set in my ways and have my household running in a certain way that's all fouled up right now. I'm crabby as hell and wondering how I'm going to live this way for five more weeks!

Z

[Stormie]

Oh man I have no words of wisdom to add but I just wanted to acknowledge that that is a tough go' ... One friend of Ours has been looking after his Dad with MS for over 40 years and it is a thankless and often overwhelming job yet there they are.

Plus when it's a loved one you sacrifice your own feelings for thier needs ... Chin up hun hopefully it's just a temporary situation and her health will improve because of your support.

[Patty Smyth]

Well, since I have been doing this for 16 years I think I can add a few tidbits of information if you like.

IF this is only a temporary situation then I would say stick it out and try to ignore as much as possible otherwise you will end up crazy in a week. Older people lose their confidence and are more than happy when someone takes over jobs for them. I have seen this with both my parents over the years. Let's face it, they have had responsibilities and pressures all their lives and as they get older I think they need to release a lot of this. I know that as soon as I took over a task, that's it they won't ever do it again. So I pretty much do everything especially since my mom never really cooked or cleaned much and now she has Alzheimers so she can't do anything.

If this turns out to be a permanent situation I would say you have to be prepared to give up just about your whole life. I know that sounds crazy but you will become the parent.

If you would like more details about what it's like you can PM me.

[TaraF]

Zonny, there really is a very fine balance you have to aquire to make it work. I am my Mothers primary caregiver so she lives with my Husband and I. What Patty said is true in alot of cases. You start doing something, it's now your thing to do. It does however depend on alot of different factors. Again, if it is temporary or not, what the actual reason is, is it something severe or less severe, does your Mother still have her wits about her, etc.

In my Mothers case, she does alot for herself so it isn't as hard as it could be, but it does become alot when you have to do it all though, and as Patty said you essentially become the parent. It can be tough, but it is rewarding. I always said to my Mother that she brought me into this world, clothed me, fed me, sheltered me and diapered me for many years, and when time comes for the roles to be reversed I will step up and do it. It's the least I can do after everything she's done for me. I wish you goodluck with it however, because at the very least it will become an adjustment of having her in your space 24/7 doing her thing.

And Patty, I give you mad props for taking care of your Mom especially her having Alzheimers, that's rough. My mother looked after her Father (my grandfather) when I was 9. He developed Alzheimers and had terrible bouts of PTS where he would think he was back in WWII. It wasn't easy to deal with being young when I didn't understand it, but I think it would be worse when you are older, don't understand it and just want to make it right.