Know it alls....

[Kempette]

I'm sorry for bothing you all but I know there are a lot of mom's here so I was hoping to get some advice

I just had my first child 8 months ago which is awesome he is an amazing baby I love him too death.

But I am having a serious issue dealing with all these know it alls. They constantly make me feel like a bad mother and wrong all the time...

They make me feel bad because there children were eatting stuff that I don't feed my child they were off the formula and drinking milk, there kids were walking by now. They tell me when he cries I shouldn't comfort him just let him cry.

Not only that but I've taken on a job for a large company that has been really good to my family it was only suppose to be 2 weeks and it has become 5 weeks I'm only here till the 20th and I'm so excited to go back home and take care of my baby. Now they are all pushing me to get another job...

My DH tells me to ignore them but it's really getting to me ... now the hard part is these people are my Mother, my Aunt, and my 2 yonger sister one of which has a 2 year old...

I just can't take it anymore, I feel like my choices and views on raising my own child don't matter to them...

How do I politely tell them to stop....

[nadiabreckon]

Everybody has different parenting skills, and it's a known fact that all mothers try to outdo others with what their children have accomplished and at what age such and such thing happened. Don't stress, it happens to everybody! Being family members, they should respect your parenting choices and keep their opinions to themselves...IMHO... Simply (and politely) tell them that you appreciate the advice and concern about your little one, but you are going to keep doing what you're doing because it's working for you and your family! If they keep insisting on giving you "advice", then be more stern about it and tell them to stop, plain and simple.

I've had people keep asking me if I was sure we didn't want anymore kids and DH is getting the big snip...I keep telling her it's our choice, and she says to "never say never".... now I simply ignore her opinions cause I'm sick of telling her to keep them to herself.

Hope this helps!

[TudorChick]

take the advice,but never question your own skills.everyone is different.every child is as well.my 4 year old still is in diapers and does not want to sit on the potty.all of my friends' kids are potty trained,can count to 50,etc etc.my kid is smart and will learn in his own time.

as long as you are providing the needs for your baby and the baby is still alive and thriving,you are fine.i hate know it alls too.i had so many old ladies shaking their heads at me,for various reasons.i learned to just live and get over it and they can judge me but they don't know me.sometimes friends tell you what to do,and may mean it in a nice way but their way may not work with you.

parenting doesn't come with a manual.with your first it is trial and error.i read so many books and it drove me nuts.i eventually stopped reading the books because i was comparing too much.

[MrsSunshine]

man i really wish i could post here what i really think you should say to them.. but instead i'll be nice. tell them thanks anyway for your help.. but were doing just fine raising OUR child.

[SmackUTwice]

Aww!

I expereinced that too. I think most do.. even the people telling you how to raise your child... lol, maybe.

I think when the child is young there ARE so many expectations and every little thing is closely watched.. by you, by docrtors by whoever. For me, with my child almost being 4 years old, it's MUCH less "oh, well, my kid did this or ate that.." it's like THEY are more accpeted to be an actual person. and indidiual in their own ways. rather than a statistic...

Hope that pans out similar for you.

At the end of the day, if you can say you are doing your best... GO YOU!!!!!!!!! You sound like a fine momma to me!!!!!!!!! I hope you also have someone or people in your life that tell you when you are doing a good job. I rarely do... and that's tough. But I sure have people tell me when they think I messed up. grr, lol!!

[vibrantflame]

I know just how you feel. I went through the exact same thing with my first son, to the point that I felt like giving him to my mother-in-law and saying "here you raise him since clearly you know better then I do". And I know that most people are just trying to help, but I also find that it sure does not feel that way when they are constantly trying to make you do things their way! I second the advice of one of the other posters who said to tell them that you appreciate the advice, but you're going to do what you are doing because it is working for you. Parenting is not a "one size fits all" kind of deal, there are many many ways to do it and still raise a healthy happy child....if you find something that works for you and your family, I say stick with it!

[anisa]

there will always be ppl with opinions, but whatever works for momma and baby is what is going to happen

don't let ppl make you feel like you should be working instead of being at home if being at home is what you want. going back to work after 6 weeks used to be the norm many years ago, and now it is one year. there is a reason for that. no one can love and care for and teach your baby as much as you can. you would be surprised actually just how many moms are choosing to stay at home permanently.

as for ppl telling you that you pick up your baby too much, *ppffftttt* on them.

you just do what works for you and let comments go out the other ear. it's hard to ignore, and telling them to mind their own business, but i doubt you're looking for a bunch of fights

[MommyOfAustin]

I know how you feel. What bothered me the most was advice from people with NO children!!!

I agree with the other posters, only YOU know your child and no matter what, you are providing for him the best you can. That is all that matters, and your DS will appreciate that.

[GoddessDigi]

If you were reading this section a year ago, you would have seen quite a few threads by me, worrying that my daughter wasn't 'normal'.
I always searched to find what 'normal' was, and got so many different answers (ex. concerning formula amounts) and then would worry that she wasn't like other babies..
I finally realized...all babies are different! She's healthy and happy, and that's all that matters. If it works for you, do it, if not, then don't. Just make your baby happy and keep him healthy, and you're a good mommy!

[Kempette]

Thank you all very much I am trying really hard to ignore them and from what a lot of you are saying it should start slowing down in a couple years lol. So I'm either going to have to work up the courage to say something or just buy a really good pair of ear plugs lmao

Don't get me wrong when they come out with legitimate advice I will listen and take it if I believe it's good but I just can't stand the advice that makes you feel bad/ unfit

I apologize for venting on you guys

[Nomerr]

Trust your instincts. You know your baby best. I always comfort my DD when she cries! (And she is a VERY happy, well adjusted baby)
Try and keep in mind that your 'family' believes they are trying to help you. Keep up the good work Momma.
We all kind of stumble through this adjustment......And those that say they dont are LIARS....lol

[Jina]

Totally understand you.
I have a MIL who always compares my son to her other 2 grandchild, and my SIL thinks her kids are the best (I'm talking about the same 2 kids here...). Everytime I encouraged my son to walk (he's 14 months, and walks now), MIL would say that the other 2 walked at 11months. When I gave DS his drink in his bottle, she would tell me how SIL's kids went from breastfeeding straight to drinking from a cup. I' heard the same thing over and over.

I can only tell you to ignore them. I know it's hard.

[ninna]

agh. It's frustrating, isn't it? I think every parent goes through that. For me, it started when they were in utero. LOL.

Sure, advice is great and sometimes, people have some good ideas. It's the unsolicited advice that's usually the problem. Because you didn't ask for advice but are getting told something anyway, it has a way of making one feel judged.

But I don't question my parenting style or judgment nor do I allow others to make me feel bad just because they'd do it a different way.

In cases where someone is really judgmental about a particular thing, I typically just nod my head and smile and go to my happy place where I can't hear them harping in my ear....and continue to do things the way I'm gonna do them.

Try not to let it get to you. At the end of the day, you are the one who has to be happy with the choices you make. No one else. So do what YOU think is best and to heck with the rest.

[betholio]

Those people had their chance at raising a baby/babies, now it's your chance. Like others said, you have to do your best to ignore the advice (though sometimes something helpful will be in amongst the nonsense). I tend to laugh uproariously when my MiL says something particularly unhelpful like last night she said. "I've thought for a while that Robbie should be getting more sleep."

Both dh and I just laughed and laughed and laughed. She thinks we keep him up 'til 11pm to watch the news or something? He goes to daycare 1 day/week so it's not like we're dragging him out of bed at the crack of dawn to be somewhere. We want that kid to sleep. He's the one that fights it.

[corbinx]

Sometimes I smile and nod, it can be easier than fighting. But usually I speak up. Sometimes I bring up stats and things I've researched to shut them up. My mom is the worst...apparently she never was sick in pregnancy, all her kids walked by one, and were potty trained by two. Argh!
Unfortunately someday you might become one of them, lol. I find myself giving advice too and I'm guessing everyone else who does the same is trying to help and not to criticize so as annoying as it is, try to keep their good intentions in mind...
Just remember, you are the mom and you know best. Helpful hints are great to hear but you will decide what works best for you and your child!