Venting

[IMLN]

I’m frustrated I just need to vent…My 7$ daycare just decided to not renew my contract in November. To make it more complicated, I hade decided to go back to work; I was getting bored finally…

My son is hard to handle he doesn’t communicate with words I am seeing a speech therapist we are waiting to be admitted in a ted (trouble envahissant du développement) clinic and day care was helping out with a plan they were trying to put together to help baby boy to communicate. We were having a meeting yesterday about his progress.

We hade the feeling that things were actually looking up and he actually stop screaming to get something instead he takes our hand and brings us to what he wants…

So instead of talking about his progress, she gave up or will give up in November he is to demanding…

How can I send him back now knowing that she already gave up?

[snuffaluffagus]

I know how difficult this is for you *hugs.*

Both my boys (now 15 & 21) had global developmental delays, delayed speech, and auditory processing deficit (one is also dyslexic). I think what was most frustrating to deal with was that everyone kept insisting it was behavioral, not physical in nature. And then trying to find someone who could care for them with patience and understanding was quite the challenge. For our older son, I finally found him a spot at a University daycare where he was so well taken care of while I studied and worked part-time. I wasn't so lucky in finding excellent daycare for our younger one so, on my days off, when not in therapy, I took him to moms & tots type playgroups so he could learn to socialize with others his age. My husband stayed home with him for several years until he was 4, when we put him in an elementary pre-school.

I'm so happy you're getting to see a speech and language pathologist. If you haven't already consulted with one, a psycho-educator would also prove valuable. The tools they offer us to help our children are priceless.

I know it's easy for me to say as I'm not in your situation but, I wouldn't feel comfortable sending my children where those responsible for them have no interest in understanding/helping. If anything, I'd be afraid they would make the situation worse. Do you have any colleges or universities nearby who may be able to make room for him in their daycares? Most, if not all, the workers there are studying early child care and education (special education as well). It might be worth your while to look into it if you're planning on returning to work.

[Wellan]

First of all, BIG HUG.

My 14 years old is also TED.

If U have a diagnostic, call your CLSC. Mine is in Candiac. They have an entire departement that takes care of needs/logistics of TED kids. They can give you "répit" $$$ and "gardiennage" $$$. They can give you adresses of "friendly" daycares. They can assing you a social worker that listen to your needs and help you with them.

We also met a wonderful ergo at "Ergothérapie les milles pattes" in Greenfield Park. They specialise in TED. They can also evaluate and give the diagnostic. I think they're the only private clinic that does it in Quebec. They give the "ADOS test" that is recognised by the governement. It's expensive but EXTREMELY fast.

We are actually waiting for our Mira dog and expecting a lot of it.

You are not alone. Feel free to PM me. I know it can be overwhelming at times.

[IMLN]

Ohhh thanks guys! It is good to know that things will get better eventually and that i'm not alone wich you tend to think when a brick falls on your head!

[quebecqueen]

I went through something similar with my son who is almost 17 now. He was refused and returned from 3 daycares between the ages of 3 and 4, all because they told me he could not stand still and was very ''disturbing''. Lots of people where telling me he had ADD but I refused to acknowledged it. When he entered school ( at the age of 4 because of his birth date) I was then sent multiple letters telling me he was not mature enough, would not sit still and would not listen. Again, telling me he had ADD and to give him Ritalin.

After 2 years and all the tests with different specialists accompanied by degrading looks and comments from teachers and school direction, who where pushing me to give him ''Ritalin'' (which I refused to do) they found out the only thing he had was '' A HARD HEAD''. Just a hard head, like his father (may he rest in peace)..

So now he's 17 in his last year of high school and he's doing great. I know my situation is not exactly like your but I feel your pain about having people refuse your child because he's not like others. They want perfect little children who sit still, who listens to a ''T'', and who do not disturb the group..

Often enough, daycares, want the money but do not want to put the effort in our children's education (the same goes with school). I find that many teachers and educators are not willing to put the effort in to educate our children. Even if your child has special needs or needs a little more attention then others, so what!..

Do not make me feel like my child does not deserve a good daycare or education because he has a ''hard head'' ( In my case) or because he needs a little more of your time.

Best of luck to you!

[Meyou]

OP, I just wanted to say I hope you have some luck getting your son into a program that can help him. I have a difficult daughter with ADHD (who we chose not the medicate) and it's a stuggle at times. I know I'm not dealing with nearly the scope you do but I do understand needing a break and worrying that your child is happy and well looked after.

My suggestion would be to talk to your provider about the next few months. If she was "done" to the point where your child wasn't safe I would think she would have given you a shorter notice to terminate care. Unless there is some clause in your contract that prevents her from doing so. Ask how she's planning to cope, if she intents to continue the techniques you'd previously discussed etc etc. Be frank and honest but focus on the care your son needs for the next few months. You should be able to tell whether she's "done" or just at a point where she knows your child is not a good fit. There is a huge difference IMO.

My gut instinct (as a home childcare provider) is that she wants to help you and your son but she physically or mentally can't take the strain anymore. It might be personal strain or it may be a strain on the group. It can also be very stressful for the children to be around a child who doesn't follow the routine. By giving you such a long notice she was trying to create a situation where you had lots of time to find an alternate arrangement but she had an end date in mind to help her through the next few months. I'm sorry if that's hard to hear since we're talking about your son. Sometimes a provider is put in a position where the needs of the group outweigh the needs of the individual. She has multiple children to worry about and it's a stressful position to be in.

Three years ago I provided care for a family that had a child who couldn't adapt to group care. This lovely little 3 year old beauty screamed like someone was killing her 4-5 hours PER DAY for the 12 weeks I cared for her. She had never been told No at home and couldn't adapt to the schedule, rules or the other children. I redirected, I praised, I gave timeouts, I even hired an assistant(@$80/day out of my own pocket) for 9 weeks so I could give her more one on one attention to help her adapt. But between a crazy unschedule at home (very few rules, no bedtime, eat what you want when you want) and a stubborn little personality she couldn't do it. I had to give notice for the sake of myself and the group. I started dreading the morning and my happy-go-lucky buds were crying at drop off and asking to go home if she was first to arrive. I had one little boy that was actually evaluated for autism because his reaction to her screaming was so strong that he had physical symptoms of intense anxiety. They stopped any day she wasn't there.

I eventually realized that I couldn't help this child. I was NOT the right person for her and it would be much better for me, the other children in my care and her to find the right person for her. I provided care for them for 3 weeks after I gave them notice and I put 110% into her even knowing she was leaving. I felt defeated and horrible but it was the best thing for her and for me.

I guess my point is that it doesn't sound like your provider terminated in anger or frustration rather at the realization that she couldn't do it anymore and that wasn't good for him. I hope so anyway. If that's the case I think you should consider giving her the benefit of the doubt and finishing out her time with your son.


Good luck again and hugs to you.

[IMLN]

Tanks to all! You all have valid points and it does help me lots! It’s hard to be objective when it’s your child!

What bothers me the most is that when she was asked by her supervisor if they would find help for her 5 days a week for Brandon’s specific needs, she still shook her head negatively.

I think it’s better off if I keep him with me and I try my hardest to make him speak with the speech therapist tricks and games. She is so great with him; with in 5 min he was already playing and trying to communicate with her.

It’s hard for me to be objective with my son, but I only see a stubborn child. All my kids did have a hard time speaking. We do speak English, French and hubby speaks German at home. Now we try to focus on French only since the therapist is French but it’s not natural for any of us except my 2 oldest kids.

Hey he said “done” today !!

[snuffaluffagus]

Meyou, thank you for sharing the story of the little girl. My son was a screamer and had continual tantrums. Not because he was spoiled but, because he had severe separation anxiety (had been this way since infancy). I remember one home daycare that said, "no problem, we can handle it," only to find bruises from adult-sized fingerprints on his thighs several weeks later. Even when he attended pre-school, we found bruising on his arms and shoulders from being squeezed by an adult supervisor. I think it's crucial for us as parents to know when our children are too much for others to handle. I only wish they, like you had done, told me that they couldn't deal with him before they had to hurt him.

All that to say, kudos to you for being honest with the girl's family and fair to the other children in your care.

What bothers me the most is that when she was asked by her supervisor if they would find help for her 5 days a week for Brandon’s specific needs, she still shook her head negatively.

Is Brandon in a daycare center? Is there maybe another group that he can fit into? I'm not sure I understand...the daycare's supervisor offered extra help and the caretaker refused?

I think it’s better off if I keep him with me and I try my hardest to make him speak with the speech therapist tricks and games. She is so great with him; with in 5 min he was already playing and trying to communicate with her.

It's amazing how simple adjustments in interaction can change a child's life for the better. Are you allowed to stay and observe while he is with her? I think most therapists make the greatest models for us as parents to learn from.

[IMLN]

I’m new to this to so I don’t get 100% how it works. Brandon only started daycare 6 months ago (hoping for him to socialize). It’s a home daycare subsidized by government. I pay 7$ a day and the gov. pay something like 30$ a day. All the 7$ daycare in the city are under one big head office. They are there to make sure the kids are safe, by surprise visits and that the sitter are meeting the requirements (meal plan, educational games, no tv…) but also to problem kids. When he turned 2 (two months ago), the supervisor ged him as not communicating and not socializing. She is the one that took in charge a program for Brandon to help him out and we were meeting 1 to 2 times a months to work together with daycare. Things to do at home and thing to do at daycare.

Yes the lady offered full time employee specialized in problems like Brandon have. No charge, she still refused.

I do understand how it’s hard for her; she does have a strange group of kids.
A baby that is 1, Brandon that is 2, her 3yr old daughter, My 4 yr old daughter, another 4 yr old girl and a 5 yr old. It’s got to be hard to do arts and crafts and play games when no one is the same age. But then she pick the kids, it’s not my fault.

[IMLN]

I do sit through therapy with my hubby (that would not miss this even if his job was in jeopardy, he is one dedicated dady =) ) To remember as many tricks as possible!