My son got caught cheating on his exams :(

[gameprogirl]

My son is a straight A student, all in advanced classes and he is very smart. He got conned into downloading a copy of the exam to an external HD with all his answers for a friend who is failing and got caught.

To further compound the problem, this so called friend of his has been putting stuff in his head about quitting school and moving out so they can be roommates. My kid is 16, turning 17 in Dec.

My kid was doing really good until now and I dont know what to do. He's gonna screw up his future. He's become very rude to all of us and my family. He feels he is entitled to lots of cash handed to him, wont work, keeps sabotaging job interviews, talks back and is generally lazy. I'm really frustrated, he even stopped saying please and TY and wont wish ppl happy birthdays, or anything. I'm pissed right off.

All we expected from him was good grades, he dont even have chores, he went from 95% to 60-70% on his final report card. Can anyone give me some advice?

I forgot to add, he's been lying to people too, trying to play family against me to pretend he is the victim and get sympathy. I found out about his cheating through a 3rd party, the school didnt even call me.

[me@t k@tie]

I would say don't give him everything he feels he is entitled to and make him work for it instead. If he wants money, he can get a job and earn it himself. He seems to think that he doesn't have to worry about a thing. Let him see what life is really like.

[gameprogirl]

I'm not the one giving him stuff, its my sister thats where my son is right now, at her place for the summer, he was supposed to be working but I dont know if he is.

[Natalka]

Sorry, but I think he's just been showing you that he's not so smart, afterall... What will the school's discipline be on the cheating?

I have a son who's 19, so I do understand what it's like to have a teen son.

Sounds like yours has a sheer sense of entitlement. He should be having lots of chores around the house, he really should have a part-time job - those are things which help give teens discipline, structure, etc.

I think it's time for some 'tough love' - for you to have a series of talks with him about how things are going to change - let him know the expectations you have and things that aren't going to happen with him any more. Make sure there are consequences to his bad attitude, bad behaviours, etc. - anything which exceeds what you want set out as guidelines.

I would be seriously restricting his mobility and freedoms at this point, but that's only my point of view, and what I may do in similar circumstances.

Though it's going to be a change and maybe difficult for you, time for you to stop spoon-feeding him...

I wish you luck!

[Natalka]

Uh, time for you to get him home for the summer, and start on a new plan! If you don't even know if he's working or not, something is up...

[Sally888]

Hmmn..... some of it sounds like typical teen tude BUT for the cheating part you need to call the school. Its very very odd you weren't notified.

[Sally888]

Uh, time for you to get him home for the summer, and start on a new plan! If you don't even know if he's working or not, something is up...

Ita

[Patty Smyth]

It's very difficult at this age, they put so much more stock in what others say than what their parents say. Mine, 15, has a bad attitude right now too, it's a daily struggle. The lying, laziness, the stupid influential friends, the internet. All bad, all tough to monitor at once. Good luck you are not alone. Not that this helps any.

[Natalka]

Ita

- had to look that one up at urban dictionary, lol!

[screamy]

Bring him home immediately; cut off all his access to this "friend" - I would even go speak to the friend's parents, and explain that until your son straightens himself out, they are not to have contact, and you'd appreciate them letting you know if they see him/learn that he has called, etc. - give him a heavy-duty rota of chores - unpaid - and let him know that his behaviour will dictate how he is treated.

When he complains that you're not respecting him - and he will - tell him that he has to earn it, because he has violated your trust and the guidelines you had set (he focuses on school and doesn't have to work).

[Poirot]

Don't have any children but if he has a cell phone get rid of it then he won't be contacting his bad influence friend so easily.What's wrong with the school not letting you know about the cheating.You might mention what happened to Reena Virk.

[mimi-]

This is very delicate issue. Since he's turning 17 in Dec., he'll be in Gr.12 next year right? He can't mess up that year or else his chances of getting into a good university are shot. I don't know if tough love would work, it might drive him further apart. Definitely talk to him. He might have some issues at school, maybe with acceptance or self-identity. That friend of his seems to have an abnormal amount of control over him.

[glenglen]

I can relate to you my son cheated and got caught another kid turned him in he was in grade 12, they booted him out of that school which he loved and he did graduate at another school with really high marks on his own the same year but it was rough getting him into another school as they really look badly upon cheaters and they kick them out period,not much advice but wish you the best!

[Miss_April]

You know what? He sounds like me when I was his age. I didn't listen to my parents, did what I wanted to do, got crap grades, and stayed out all night long at my friends house.

When I got home one day I found all my stuff on the front lawn, my mom came outside and told me "Well since you don't want to listen to my rules and want to be out on your own THERE YOU GO!" She kicked me out.

I was in shock and couldn't believe it. I went around friends houses and stayed for a bit but found out that really I had no one I could rely on. Except my parents. I went back home. Apologized and got my life back on track.

One more thing my mom did was make me switch highschools. I had to make new friends and stopped talking to the old ones. I got my grades up and graduated with high marks.

I know that sounds mean but it was TOUGH love, my mom did it because she loved me. I now thank her all the time for doing that to me because if she didn't I probably would never have go my college diploma and great job. I'd probably have a real crap life.

Now you don't need to do what my mom did but your son needs tough love and soon. You can't let him get away with it any longer.

Good luck

[Natalka]

Miss April, right on! Sorry you had to go through that, but wow it worked!

I was hoping my post on here didn't sound harsh... but this is the type of thing I was getting at.
Parents MUST be vigilant, set guidelines, etc. and yes, sometimes be strict. That's our job!
Don't excuse bad attitude/behaviour with 'oh, typical teen' - NO, it doesn't have to be that way!