I hate it when people take things without asking and another beef..

[toban]

My brother, sister in law and two nephews (4 & 8) are visiting for 12 days.

They were over at my place for two days, then my brother, sil, nephews headed out to a relatives cabin yesterday, will be returning to my place this Saturday. Today I decided to have tuna for lunch and couldn't find the can opener (hand held one) anywhere. My sister in law made some meals so I figured she stuck it another drawer. Nowhere to be found. Couldn't find my cheese grater either.

Today I realized my olive and vegetable oil are gone too! I had salad last night. Tonight I planned on cooking chicken, no oil. Argh!

Last year my body lotion disappeared from the bathroom. My brother, sister in law, nephews went away for 4 days to visit someone. In the mean time I'm wondering where my lotion disappeared too. When they returned it was in her suitcase. I did get it when I mentioned I needed the lotion back.

I guess it just irks me. I would rather someone say "Could I borrow your can opener, cheese grater body lotion for when I visit relatives, cabin ?" I know for a fact this relative has a hand held can opener and a plug in one so I would have mentioned that.

When I visit relatives I would never think of doing that. I would ask to borrow it.

It doesn't bother me that she is using the items while at my place but it does when she takes them with her without asking first.

They are coming back here by the weekend. I started to put things away that I don't want 'taken'

My second beef...

Both my brother and sister in law act like I should be doing all of their laundry including the kids when they visit. They don't ask would you mind throwing a load in. Brother says to me when I 'm walking by the washer.. "Oh by the way this shirt of mine can't go in the washer." Sister in law says to me when I'm near the washer ( half whining.). "Oh I'm low on socks, underwear." I'm sorry but I'm not their servant. They are adults who know how to use a washer! When I visit their place I do my own laundry. I don't mind throwing one load in but then it's like they expect I will do the rest of it. Same with dishes. I clean up, load, unload the dishwasher since we are eating together. But this gets me.. I cleaned up on the weekend. Went out, came home and the kitchen counter and sink was full of pots, pans, dishes. My sister in law was still cooking and asked me if I had another steam pot. I said sorry that is the only one I have. She said in a whiny voice "Oh but it's dirty". Seriously wash the pot. When I sat down and read a magazine she was giving me that look like she expected me to wash it for her.

Ugh.

[Midnightly]

time to be blunt? tell them your not a slave..inform them if they cannot wash the dishes they will have to start using plastic! (my mom has done this for her foster kid and in all honesty it's saved her sanity) and i completely agree with you it's fine to use your items while at your home but they do not leave your home! a can opener.. stays in the kitchen.. lotion sure use it but don't take the bottle.. and... don't use all of it

maybe make an offhand comment that last time they were here things magically went missing.. say your not blaming them or accusing them of anything.. BUT.. if things go missing again after they leave you will really begin to wonder who is taking these items

when she tells you she's low on socks and underwear (and in all honesty eww yes she might be family but she's an inlaw not a sibling you grew up with) ask her why you need to know that? or straight out say "then you better wash some!"

[toban]

Thanks Midnightly for your advice.

I agree I need to be more blunt or upfront with them.

My brother has always been bossy towards me. My sister in law.. I hate to say it but there is something about her I don't like besides the missing items. She comes across as selfish, uppity etc. My sister lives on the other side of the country, met SIL only 1x and has said similar things such as uppity, selfish etc. Sister thinks she is a cold fish. Yes I try to get along with her and not cause friction.

[Sherbear609]

all i can say is "they have balls" sorry to be rude... but wow...I would never dream of doing that... heck when I go somewhere.... even my SIL I ask if i can use a kleenex...I get the wierdest looks but really feel like it's not my place and you should ask If you can use something of theres...

[sguyot]

Both my brother and sister in law act like I should be doing all of their laundry including the kids when they visit. They don't ask would you mind throwing a load in. Brother says to me when I 'm walking by the washer.. "Oh by the way this shirt of mine can't go in the washer." Sister in law says to me when I'm near the washer ( half whining.). "Oh I'm low on socks, underwear." I'm sorry but I'm not their servant. They are adults who know how to use a washer! When I visit their place I do my own laundry. I don't mind throwing one load in but then it's like they expect I will do the rest of it. Same with dishes. I clean up, load, unload the dishwasher since we are eating together. But this gets me.. I cleaned up on the weekend. Went out, came home and the kitchen counter and sink was full of pots, pans, dishes. My sister in law was still cooking and asked me if I had another steam pot. I said sorry that is the only one I have. She said in a whiny voice "Oh but it's dirty". Seriously wash the pot. When I sat down and read a magazine she was giving me that look like she expected me to wash it for her.

Ugh.[/QUOTE]

I think we have the same relatives!! My mom had a problem like this when her nephew, his wife and daughter used to come and visit. They acted like it was a hotel. Now when they want to come and visit my parent's tell them they have to stay in a hotel!

[GoddessDigi]

Oh, wow!
I still ask if I can have something from the fridge when I go over to my in-laws...and I lived there for over a year! They also tell me to eat whatever I want.
But, not my house anymore, so I still feel awkward.

Balls, for sure.

[Darth Penguin]

IF they are your guests , then it's possible they feel that they are not welcome to use things like the washer and use passive aggressive remarks to get a decision out of you.

When family visit us, it tends to be for several weeks and I would never expect a guest to be forced to use my laundry since I wash every other day .

If I spend time at either my family or in laws I ask if either I can use the washer or if the host would prefer me to add to their loads.


If you are sharing the rental, then you need to work out a usage system. Your holiday in a joint situation is equally important in terms of down time with regards to household chores.

Of course I don't know your family's dynamics, they really could be a bunch of free-loaders...in which case you need firm rules before you end up in these situations. Rules which are followed or consequences leading to you not spending time with them.

[Darth Penguin]

Oh, wow!
I still ask if I can have something from the fridge when I go over to my in-laws...and I lived there for over a year! They also tell me to eat whatever I want.

I'm like that when I go to my mother's house...the one I lived in for 22 years.

[GoddessDigi]

lol, Darth.
I even asked at my grandmere's...and she practically raised me, and specifically kept 'kid snacks' for us. I'd ask for a popsicle, even though she kept the downstairs freezer stocked up just for us kids (not them, of course, they're diabetic). It just feels..wrong, to take without asking, unless I paid for it, even with permission.

[toban]

They are guests at my place. I always tell them if they want to use the kitchen, make a meal feel free to do so. Also I mentioned to them they can use the washer, where the laundry detergent is located and showed my SIL how the washer works. I have done a load or two of their laundry or if I don't have enough laundry of my own will ask them if they have anything to add. But I find once I do this they start leaving piles of laundry and making remarks l mentioned in my first post. When I visit relatives, friends I ask if its okay to use their washer, borrow something etc.

Funny enough I was doing laundry tonight and my Shout stain remover is missing too.

[Brandy Hunter]

I'd never wash another persons underwear...

If she mentioned how she's low on clothing, tell her the washer is free. kind of playing 'dumb'

I wouldn't welcome them back in my house if they stole. Can they really not pay 5$ for a can opener at a garage sale?! Stealing is one big no-no, and lying. They're obviously not telling you they took the items, so that's lying to me.

Don't let them step on you, in your own house!

[Darth Penguin]

Then they are just being PITAs...I'd reconsider ever having them back.

When I've stopped at extended family's homes, I've tried to make as little disorganisation for the hosts as possible. Heck I even cooked 3 course meals and washed up afterwards to thank my hosts.

I must be a bad guest....

[ashokia]

lol, Darth.
I even asked at my grandmere's...and she practically raised me, and specifically kept 'kid snacks' for us. I'd ask for a popsicle, even though she kept the downstairs freezer stocked up just for us kids (not them, of course, they're diabetic). It just feels..wrong, to take without asking, unless I paid for it, even with permission.

40 weeks and 3 days pregnant?! When is that LO planning on coming out?!

[Darth Penguin]

I'd never wash another persons underwear...

The first time my parents-in-law spent a holiday at our first home, DMIL decided to ....hand wash our laundry

It contained items of a veddy personal and skimpy nature designed only for my beloved's view....

[toban]

^ Before the left for the cabin, I had a list on the table of items I had already brought out to the cabin. Cooking oil etc etc. I showed them the list on the table because I knew they planned on buying groceries on the way out and. So they wouldn't waste money on duplicates. This cabin has a can opener, cheese grater, kitchen gadgets. Basically everything you need. My brother picked up a dumb bell (which is mine) in the basement. He said I'm going to take this with me. At least he mentioned it and didn't just take it. However I think my SIL is the main culprit.