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you don't give a crap about what anyone else thinks or says about you. you've heard it all and you can suck it up.
you used to read some pretty cool teen magazines
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You know the facts of how things came to be.
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i turned 30 now im scared of everything lol
I just forgot how old I am.
Three old women
Three old women are talking about their aches, pains and bodily dysfunctions.
One seventy-five year old woman says, "I have this problem. I wake up every morning at seven and it takes me twenty minutes to pee."
An eighty year old woman says, "My case is worse. I get up at eight and I sit there and grunt and groan for half an hour before I finally have a bowel movement."
The ninety year old woman says, "At seven I pee like a horse, at eight I crap like a cow."
"So what's your problem?" asked the others.
"I don't wake up until nine."
The old man and the hunter
An 80 year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling. "I've never been better!" he boasted. "I've got an eighteen year old bride who's pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?"
The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, "Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day went out in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun." The doctor continued, "So he was in the woods and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised up his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle." "And do you know what happened?" the doctor queried.
Dumbfounded, the old man replied "No."
The doctor continued, "The bear dropped dead in front of him!"
"That's impossible!" exclaimed the old man. "Someone else must have shot that bear."
"That's kind of what I'm getting at..." replied the doctor.
A 97 year old man goes into his doctor's office.
"Doc, I want my sex drive lowered."
"Sir", replied the doctor, "You're 97. Don't you think you're 'sex drive' is
all in your head?"
"You're damned right it is!" replied the old man. "That's why I want it
lowered!"
Funny Old Age Quotes:
"You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder
what else you could do while you're down there." George Burns.
"He is alive, but only in the sense that he can't be legally buried."
Geoffrey Madan
"A man's only as old as the woman he feels." Groucho Marx.
"People ask me what I'd most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh
birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit." George Burns.
"I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my
nap." Bob Hope
"When I was a boy, the Dead Sea was only sick." George Burns
"I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my
ears meet." Rita Rudner.
"I do wish I could tell you my age but it's impossible. It keeps changing
all the time." Greer Garson.
"Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had
pimples." George Burns
"Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your
children will not have declared you legally insane in order to gain control
of your estate." Woody Allen
"I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to
be anywhere." George Burns.
"Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did."
Robert Benchley
"Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the National Debt." Herbert
Hoover
"I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in it's holder is a thrill."
George Burns
"The secret of longevity is to keep breathing." Sophie Tucker
"At my age I do what Mark Twain did. I get my daily paper, look at the
obituaries page and if I'm not there I carry on as usual." Patrick Moore.
"I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed,
sold me this watch." Woody Allen.
"At my age flowers scare me." George Burns.
"My grandmother was a very tough woman. She burried three husbands and two
of them were just napping." Rita Rudner
:hahaha:I loved George BurnsQuote:
Originally Posted by operabob
you can post pictures of some of the finer moments in your life when you looked very fine.
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When Jack Benny opened the Orpheum Theatre in Vancouver he brought along a big star at that time named Alan Jones (the hero in the Marx Brothers "Night At The Opera". My father's best friend, "Uncle Sid", was the head photographer for one of the newspapers at the time. Comments were made that Jones did not have an escort for the event that night. Sid said, "I can get you one" and phoned my father. "Can I borrow your wife for the night?"Quote:
I loved George Burns
My mother ended up being Alan Jones date for the night. She said he was a perfect gentleman.
Here's his big song (sung to Jeanette MacDonald I think).
PS: The mention of Burns who was Benny's BFF made me think of this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RyHNlfT6B9E
