Legal or not? Regarding changing terms of 'lease'

[GoddessDigi]

Okay, first of all, I want to state that this is really upsetting me, because I saw my landlord as a bit of a 'friend'. After her husband died, I watched her boys so she could go to a concert, I give her snacks for them sometimes, our kids play together (DD just LOVES her oldest...), etc...
Well, here's our issue:
Last week, she decided that we were doing 'too much' laundry, too often, whatever (I do 4 loads a week, at most, for 4 people, 2 of them being toddlers that throw/spit up/etc). I do a load like every other day or every 3 days. Usually 3 loads a week. Anyway, she was complaining because she had to wait for my load to finish so she could dry hers. So, the next day, she had a notice posted on the wall, stating our days were Friday, Saturday, Sunday, no more than 7 loads a week. I spoke to her, said that's fine.
We both went to a Mom's and Tot's camp retreat and just got back today. Saturday. I was talking to DD, telling her what we were going to do (do laundry, unpack, and go grocery shopping). She heard me and said, no, she was doing her 3 loads, because her stuff was wet. I said, "Oh, I just need to do 1 for now, because DH needs his work clothes for tomorrow, and I have wet stuff, too." And she said no, she was doing it.. So, I point out the 'fair usage' policy, she posted. Her reply, "You have plenty of time between tonight and tomorrow." Umm.. I said, "Well, we are going out after this, so would you mind if I finished up Monday?" "No, you have plenty of time." So, again, I said, "Wasn't the days supposed to be fair?" (Even though, I think Wednesday should be shared, or something, especially as there is 1 more of us...) "I can do laundry whenever I like. Don't play this game with me, Jessica, you'll only win if I let you win." I was SHOCKED. I thought we were FRIENDS!! Or at least friendly enough that would never come out of her mouth..
Admittedly, I was MAD. I slammed out door, and started shouting to DH how pissed I was (pretty sure she heard me). So, we're stuck in lease until March.. And we have tons of mutual friends... Oh, and this was NEVER part of our lease. It just states we have access to laundry.

So..ranting, and is she even allowed to do that?
I was willing to follow that policy, before this.....

[i_forget]

Pretty sure she cannot do that. It is not part of your lease.

I feel for you....it is hard having friendships with people you also have to have business type relations with.

[GoddessDigi]

Well, DH wants me to 'keep the peace'.
So I went out, said sorry for yelling and she said she agrees to do Wednesday's shared, but to try to keep it mostly to weekend.
I do not plan on having much of a relationship with her after this.
Just very sad..
And I feel like a 'fraud', because I am honestly not okay with this AT ALL.
She said, "Well, I got home first." Yeah..by literally 5 seconds. She was just getting out of the car as we pulled in. And only because she went the shorter way (we left the church first).
Ergh, anywho....

[GracieAnne]

That right there is why I refuse to take an apartment in a house that the landlord owns and also lives in. I prefer to be a number is a huge apartment complex where they can't make stupid little changes like that just to be spiteful.

I'm sorry I have no advice for you other than I've been there, and will never go there again.

[GoddessDigi]

I didn't want to go to an apartment, because I thought, with 2 kids, any neighbours would HATE us.
But I'll probably be looking into apartments, because you're right, it'll probably be better.

[tobiwobi]

I'd be moving out as soon as I can and till then not talk to her unless I have to. Obviously need to reestablish some boundaries and get the woman to be professional, that way she talked to you is not ok.

[tobiwobi]

I didn't want to go to an apartment, because I thought, with 2 kids, any neighbours would HATE us.
But I'll probably be looking into apartments, because you're right, it'll probably be better.

All kind of ppl live in apartments. I don't know why neighbours would have issues with 2 kids. On my floor there is a couple with a small kid in a tiny place, and they argue in the hallway cos they don't want to inside in front of their kid its all good.

[GoddessDigi]

Well, we do have a lease.
And DH is against moving, at least for a little while, because he just started driving, and we're still trying to work out kinks in our budget (because insurance keeps going UP every month, for some reason...and we didn't budget enough, apparently).
And yeah, I am most upset about how she spoke to me.
Recently, she's been getting on my nerves, just a bit..because whenever I tell her about how hard the kids are making things, or something, she always comes back with, "Well, just think, I'm a single mom" blah blah blah.
I was kinda okay with that (well, not really, because it seemed she was making me seem insignificant) but after this..ergh.
And over the week, DS was being a PAIN, like, he kept poking/pushing/hitting the other kids. I did tell him to stop every time I caught it, and I was feeling stressed (our first year going to camp, and DS was just NOT listening to me this week). All the other moms were understanding, or at least didn't make it out like he was horrible. But DS poked my landlord's son ONCE, and she acted like it was the end of the world. One night the kids had dinner outside, and DS tipped over in his chair (I caught him at the end), and then her oldest DS tipped over in his.
She made a HUGE deal about, and I said, "Well, he'll be fine. Look, Ash is just fine, and he tipped, too." And she said, "Well, Ash was standing up in his chair, Rio (her DS) wasn't, these stones are just uneven."
Like I felt like...she's trying to make it that her son is better, or something.
I just don't know anymore...

[abbasgirl]

I'm a little confused about the note on the laundry room wall. Does that mean you're only supposed to do laundry on weekends while she gets the other days or is it the other way around? If it's the former, then why is she doing laundry today?

[GoddessDigi]

It's the first one, weekends are supposed to be for us.
And apparently, because she can.
She posted this notice on..Friday, I believe (possibly Saturday), and yet, she did laundry on Sunday last week, as well. I didn't pitch a fit then, because she had just posted it, but...I was a little peeved.
Oh, and I said I was even fine with the '7 loads', because I never have done 7. She said, "I'm pretty sure you have." Um...NOPE. She usually does 2 loads at a time. I only ever do 1. I just seem to always need to do our when she does hers, so I guess she assumed since she did multiple loads a day, so did I? But she shouldn't have argued...I know how many loads I do.

[DianneS]

I am a little confused, too, about why she is doing laundry on Saturday if that is supposed to be your day.

That said, I am curious about how long it has been since her husband passed away. The process of grieving can take a long time and it may be that she is struggling. It may be difficult for her to hear about your occasional challenges with the kids because she would give anything to have her husband to struggle alongside her. She will probably always look at other families with a bit of sadness for what she has lost. This doesn't justify the way she is treating you but it could explain it. Would it be a good idea for your husband to take the kids for an evening and the two of you go out for coffee so that you can sort things out? If you have mutual friends and have been friendly with her, it could be a very long haul until March. For your own sake and for hers it would be nice if you could have an honest talk with her and see what it is that is really upsetting her. I have a feeling it isn't really the laundry...especially since you can't seem to win even when you play by the rules.

[GoddessDigi]

It's been a little over a year now. She ordered a memorium stone for his 1 year passing and had it sent to my grandmother's (in the US, since they didn't ship to Canada) and I brought it back for her, this was in April.
My DH can't even handle 1 of ours, much less all 4 of them (they're all under 4, hers are the same age apart as mine, just a few months older).
It just seems like every time I say something about how anything is hard, she twists it back to how she has it harder because she lost her DH. Once in our mommy group, I was venting to them about how hard it is to forgive someone for what they did to me years ago, and she somehow turned it to that, how she 'has it harder being a widow' and I'm like...what? When I told her my mom had cancer, she tried to downplay it, because that's what caused her DH's death. She said something along the lines of, "It's not the same when it's a mother going through it, losing your husband to cancer is harder." Ummmm....
I guess she's always been kinda...mean, but she's just never been so...forward with it? I suppose.
I'm not good at confrontation. I'm more of the kind of person to just...blow up. Which is what I did today. What I still WANT to do.
But, I swallowed my pride and tried to smooth things over, for my DH's sake. Her DS was asking Luna to come up earlier, and I just made excuses. That is what hurts the most, because those 2 are SO close. They hold hands, sit together whenever they can, and they talk about each other ALL THE TIME. But, I don't feel right letting my kids play with hers, now...

[GoddessDigi]

Oh, and both of her boys are now in daycare, full time. She drops her boys off before we do DD (we drop DD off around 8ish), and she picks them up after we pick DD up (we pick her up between 5 and 5:30).
So, she has even more free time than I do (because I always have DS, he's not in daycare).

Edit:
And just so we're clear on the laundry situation: As of now, she has done 3 loads of laundry today. I just did mine all in 1 wash, 1 dry, and 1 currently drying (I find if I put a load that large in the dryer, it won't all dry, so split it up).
That is for the 4 of us, since last Sunday, and we spent a week at the beach, so of course, extra laundry (bathing suits and such). Does not seem excessive, right? *shrug*

[DianneS]

Do you know if she has gone to a grief support group? It sounds like she has some issues to work out -- and she may need some help doing this. She seems angry, which is not surprising given what she has gone through. (In fact, anger is a part of everyone's grief journey.) To her, everyone else's life has gone on normally and hers will never be the same. She may feel like she is dying inside and no one is noticing. Maybe there is a mutual friend you can talk with who would encourage her to go to grief therapy or to find someone to help her through this very tough journey. Does your landlord go to your church? Maybe the pastor could help. I'm sorry that you are on the receiving end of all of this, and I know it's especially tough when your dd is so close to hers.

Re your edit: This is not about laundry....you are being very reasonable and there is a lot more going on.

[Midnightly]

i think you gotta remember.. she is not your friend.. she is your landlord.. she might be nice and friendly but in the end she is still your landlord and as a tenant you have rights

an apartment is always a good idea.. though if you do live in an apartment you will probably have to pay per load for laundry and it will be first come first serve(could cost you anywhere from $2-$5 per load to wash and dry) vrs just using free machines IF this is your only issue with her i'm sure you can work it out or work around it in the larger scheme of things (an apartment will have no yard access, you may have to pay extra for a parking spot, you may have to pay more for your utilities)