Originally Posted by
bhlombardy
While I agree, there is a level of respect that goes along with it... there's also a case of admitting, as a parent, that you aren't able to control every aspect of your child's life, especially when you aren't around. And that IS A GOOD THING. Children (even babies) start learning as soon as they open their eyes. It's an instinct for that life-form to learn how to survive by observing its surroundings and learn from it. Kids need to know that their parents arent ALWAYS going to be there for them, and they need to learn how to deal with that.
Saying that the aunts/uncles/cousins should have asked you first is projecting blame. If you dont trust the judgement of those family members, then don't leave your kids with them. If you are the type to get worked up over it, don't blame them.
However, I think DaveP's point was that this situation might be a matter of over-parenting here... and what that sort of parenting might lead to.
I am in my 40s... I was raised with a fair amount of leniancy at least by today's standards. Dont get me wrong, I knew what discipline and parenting was... but I wasnt sheltered.
Now, we recently took on an employee who is in his late 20s who by even his admission, was parented in this sheltered way. He doesnt complain about it, but he admits he wasnt allowed nor encouraged to do certain things growing up. He doesnt complain, because to him, he knows no other way.
So, since this discussion began regarding food and diet... I'll start in with that:
His exact words when he's invited when we go out to lunch someplace different, new, or exotic is "I don't like that food." -- So we ask "Have you ever tried it?" -- "No, but it's not what I usually eat and I dont like trying anything new". This from a 27 year old.
But it's not surprising. He admits to us that he only ever eats the foods his parents eat -- and always did. He doesnt ever try anything new. This guy STILL lives at home with his parents and has no desire to move out. Nor do they have any desire to encourage him to, all in an effort to "protect" their child.
In the odd chance he DOES come along with us at lunch and does try some new food, he's often surprised how much he DOES like it. But he still doesn't aspire to go somewhere new on his own. While myself (and the rest of us) are more the type to try something new as soon as it arrives.
And in these cases, it has nothing to do with him having some sort of pragmatic reason for his choices (health, nutrition, past-experience, allergy...) He's more than willing to eat at Burger King or down a few slices of pizza and he has no food allergies.
It's all because his parents were over-protective (and I would say still are). He has been told from day-1 what to do/not do, where to do it/not do it, how to do it, what to eat/not eat, where to go, and where NOT to. He has suffered no consequences from making any 'bad choices' of his own, because he has never had to make any. He has learned that as long as someone else (ie: his parents) make the choices, he'll be safe.
He was encouraged by his parents to go to a local school for post-secondary education so he could still live at home... instead of allowing him to go away and learn what it's like when other people have an influence on your social behaviour. (Going away to university was the best thing I ever did for my social life, I'll be honest). As such his only 'friends' are either online or the people that he works with. He does not have any real-world friends that he socializes with outside of work or home. When he takes vacation time, he stays at home and plays video games online. -- His ability to handle finances are completely non-existent. He spends his entire paycheck on fluff (electronics, movies, computer hardware, TOYS, etc) because he has no bills to call his own, so he hasnt learned the perils of saving for a rainy day. His parents still take care of everything.
He hasn't learned self-reliance because he's never been exposed to any situation where he's had to fend for himself. Because his parents have always made these decisions for him... so he'd be "safe" and "unharmed".
Getting back on topic here... if a parent plans their child's diet that strictly, and then "react-strongly" to such situations, there's a strong likelihood that the parents are also over-protective when it comes to other aspects in the child's life, including social interactions and the like. It's usually not just limited to diet. I hope they realize that if they put their kid into a situation where someone else makes the decisions, then they have to deal with those decisions and realize that it's NOT likely going to be a major detriment to their child's development. In fact, it might help them to diversify their life experiences and realize that there's a bigger world out there than what mom & dad have shown them.