for parents OF ADHD/ODD KIDS

[NSangel]

I've been trying for so long to post in this thread, but every time I open it I break down. I have so much I need to say but I just can't. You are all so much stronger than me, being such advocates for your children and getting them the help they need. I guess I wasted all my strength fighting with my child and didn't have anything left to fight for her.

Every time I read this thread it breaks my heart to see how much support was available to me if I had only known how and where to ask.

you'll post when you are good and ready! yes it is very overwhelming. that's why when i'm having a bad day i put a warning at the top of mine, feel free to skip! am not trying to bring anyone down. but there are some ppl like christine and seekthetruth and carpedium that have such experience in this crap, that i feel i can lean on them, and get some well needed tips.

welcome to the forum maple..love the username we're here for u.

seek: i have no plans on letting those 2 kids get together anytime soon. they rarely see each other now because of past eps. anyway..the kid is not the problem, i mean, this other kid behaves. i don't know why he brings the devil out in ryan after..over excited? i donno.

i've told ryan the same thing, i only have to feed you clothe you and send you too school. the law can't force me to love you but i do. but that's gonna change if you don't.

ya..i'm beastmomfromhell deal.

he said he has TOO MUCH going on.



ok, so you know their perspective is screwy right? he has less going on than he did before!

so i gave him a schedule and told him to fill out what he wants to do.

he put down church, awana (like scouts, but thru church) and some taekwondo.

he cut out cadets

i looed over the schedule and took off tkd. i told him, i'm not paying for something you don't attend.

so now he has church on sunday am, awana wed pm, and THAT'S IT.

i'm going to go nuts.

so i filled in the blocks where he normally has stuff to do, and put

CHORES/EXTRA STUDYING.

din't phase him at all. is he being stubborn???

[seekthetruth]

How soon till school starts?

[NSangel]

it started on sept 3rd here. some ppl started on the 2nd, and some never started til the 4th. depends on where you live.

i have a question for you folks:

ryan at night, will start laffing like a hyena and end up doing something really fooking stupid. like tonight. 7pm he had a bath, and sat quietly at the table drawing/cutting out army men. then around 8 pm. we were tidying his room. it's a new routine i started. so he'll be all organized for school for the week.

well he started giggling for no (apparent) reason. so that's fine, he got everything done SUPER WELL, i mean, as if i done it myself. without hardly any direction (and no hollering..imagine!)

anyway, went downstairs got a drink, and put away his stuff on the table. so 9pm he brushes his teeth, he's giggling again. he finishes and goes to bed.

i walk into the bathroom, the sink is OVERFLOWING with soap.

now what is going on??? he's acting like he's overtired, BUT he always went to sleep at 9:30 last year. and we never had none of this maniacal (i call it) behaviour.

and while sitting at the table we had a talk about his ODD behaviours, and how he wouldn't be getting certain ps/nintendo games back unless he can prove he can control it for a month. he will still get his family friendly vid games, as long as he can behave for the week.

now he's upset that he has to start over. (he only lost one day).

i don't get it, any insight there folks?

[froggiestyle]

I would assume because school means newer routine.
The way I would think about it is....Can he as a boy control his behaviours? To a point he can but not totally. The way he behaves isnt 100% his fault. Its just how he is. Im sure he has "some" control over it. But to me, I think hes 9 right? A month may be a little long.
Although I dont know you situation in depth and you are mom and know (him and your home) best.

Maybe because he is getting older hes showing "maniac" behaviour and not tantums like a lil child. Hes more matture. But I definately would assume thats its because he has a new routine with school which will probably take more time than you would like to adjust again.
Goodluck and be happy he cleaned his room to your expectations and remember plenty of praise for that.

[NSangel]

froggie: he's 11. and it may very well be the change in routine. something is causing it!

so just to clear up

the nintendo/ps games i took were the ones rated TEEN/MATURE, dukenukem, 007, perfect dark, command and conquer. some are more gorey than others, but all these have lots of shooting in them.

now i've been noticing (and i could be wrong), but after he plays them, he becomes reluctant to do things, and more ODD.

now today he was playing rollercoaster tycoon on the ps. i found some similar behavior, so i don't know if it's the game itself (i know an epa that swears it is, she deals with autistic children), or if it's the content. or if it's just because he's doing something fun and big old bad mama had to go and take his fun away.

remember me saying same behaviour occurs when he plays with certain friends?

so i took away these shooting games for a month, as long as he's not outright ODD, i may try him on ONE. otherwise he can play ones like bmx bike, racing, green army men (shoot all the ants you want), etc. E for everyone rating. mild violence.

don't get me wrong here, i don't believe in taking a toy away as punishment for a long period of time. i explained to ryan, i'm not taking these as a punishment, i don't think they're appropriate and i'm not sure if they are contributing to the behavior or not.

2nd reason, is that i find the first month of school is THE WORST! new teachers, routines and classmates can throw ryan right into a tailspin. so this is a good excuse to keep him off those games until the dust settles.

[froggiestyle]

Yeah Id be pulling the more mature games. What about only educational, non violence games for the first month of school? Would that help him for the choatic month? Do you guys have a WII? or something similar that has like wii sports or wii fit? Maybe something like that instead? I dunno, im just throwing out what comes to mind.

[froggiestyle]

We drive a Safari Van. The middle seat is out. Right behind the passenger seat is pails of paint that we picked up from the refuse center at dump on saturday. We havent taken them out yet.
Today we were out and notice that one paint can must have had a hole in the bottom because it leaked paint. I put them all on a garbage bag in case something like that happened. I bagged the pail. Some paint (red) got on the moulding and a bit on the carpet. All afternoon long we're in and out of the van. She is 5 so we continually remind her of things-good and naughty- All afternoon we asked her please do not touch the paint. When it dries daddy is going to cut it up, it was latex and was easier not to scrub it and make more of a mess.
Do not touch the paint, its wet and will get all over you and make a mess of the van,we even helped her in and out.
Hubby ran into the store while I was loading some groceries in the van. While I have the baby in the cart, I ask her to get in the van. Im done loading and grab Maxx to put him in his seat and Kaydence starts freaking out screaming.....IM SORRRRRYYYY, it was an accident, I didnt mean too, im sorry.
Yep she touched the paint, dipped her fingers in and smeared it all over hands and then rubbed her hands on our van seats. Keep in mind I was loading groceries into the middle of the van and only turned to pick bags up out of the cart. She deliberately stuck her fingers in and made a friggin mess. I was sooooo angry, hubby was severely PO'd. She was sent out back to get cleaned up by dad and then in her room until dinner, hollering all the way that she hated us and she was moving and we dont love her!
After regaining composure before dinner, we had a talk and she knew it was wrong but it was like a magnet to her. No matter how many times and no matter how nicely we ask and give an answer as to why not to do something she will do it even when she knows the consequence. Very frustrating.

[Aphena]

no matter how many times and no matter how nicely we ask and give an answer as to why not to do something she will do it even when she knows the consequence. Very frustrating.

Same thing here and mine is 16. Meds helped...I amde clear cut consequeses, she doesnt' care. She does. She jsut stole the bank card again...$300.00. UGHA.

[Aphena]

I hear thaat too, she hates me, I dont' love her, shes moving out....You name it.....Now currenlty shes been diangosed as bipolar. However past was odd and ptsd and intermiten explaosive disorder.

[zephara]

ok so where to start

i have viewed this thread i have no idea how many times. i have read a lot of what you parents have posted and wanted so many times to post in here but never knew where to start and thought i don't know how many times about how much easier it would be to phone everyone or wish you lived closer to me so we could all talk in person.

I want to say thank-you thank-you for this thread and all the information within it

my son is not diagnosed as adhd or anything as of yet but he is being seen by the school psycologist and a councillor on a regular basis. he is in grade 2 this year and man what a handful

i have known for years that i was not alone in my exceptionally active, non respondent child problems but i never thought any of you would be in this situation as well.

i want to tell you guys all about my problem and i know i will but i will try to split it up because who wants to read a long winded story? but i really want to write it.

i will start at the begining.

[zephara]

wholly crum my hands are shaking really bad right now. i think i just may cry. why? i have no idea but i just might do it.

ok so we noticed my little man was different from about the age of three. up until that point he was such a good little boy. the child a parent dreams of, helpful, good listner, caring of others, and all around perfect ( i knew something was amiss) around his third birthday things started to change. he was talking back, (at 3!!)he would scream at you when you told hime to do something, he would cover his ears and act as though you were going to beat him if you told him to do something more than twice.
i thought if anyone saw him doing this they would actually think that i did beat him on a regular basis.

his ears seemed to shut down. the only time that he was really still was when he was watching t.v. although i really would not call it still as he usually stood to watch t.v. ( and still does) or plays with the wall or something else. he chewed on everything ( and still does) he had no resect for other belongings or his own. he had turned from my little man to some person i had never seen before.

he was every where at this age. he even used to sneak out of the house at the age of 3 and a half. i remember one morning at around 7 my neighbour came to the door in her bath robe to say that my kids were in her yard on her swing set playing and had been for an hour or so.
Wow what a freal out that was first thing in the morning. so we bolted the door at night as high up as we could so even with a chair he could not reach it.

At the age of 3 and a hlf he took apart his toddler bed and threw it out his bedroom window 4 times. we finally had to take it away. he also threw out the mattress many times and had to take that away as well. and he just sat there and laughed and said it was fun and he did not mind sleeping on the floor. WOW what a shock. he also ripped apart three mattresses his and his older sisters. so for 6 months he slept on the floor with no mattress.

[zephara]

well the rest will be a back and forth time line cause yeah. whatever.

He used to pee on his floor just because, and not care, he would urinate in his room pee his bed as soon as he got into it. beat on his sister and all that

so much for a poor mom to have to deal with.

present day, i am getting a better understanding of him and the school has been a big help for him they are trying to help me as much as they can. giving me resourses that may help.
i am unsure if he is adhd or not. i have no idea i know my younger sister is and she is now 25 years old. but he reminds me as lot of her from when i was growing up so i think he just may be.

my mother used to make my little sister at the age of 9 run around the outside of the house 3 times before bed to get her energy out. it seemed to work for awhile. she also noticed that some red dyes like kool aid and jello made her go off so she cut them out of her diet. i am a little prepared for my son having to deal with my little sister but man what a workout from the time he wakes up till bed.

his kindergarten teacher noticed that whjen she gave him something special fior him to do he was good al day at school. this teacher is having a hrad time with him. he has been known to try and throw desks at her. he a has also tried to escape from school through the window and screamed for help out of them. she is having a harder time with him but never complains to me. i am really glad for that. it is a daily struggle with him. If there is money out there that i could get for him as you have said than i am going to try because then i could pay someone to watch him for one day a week or so and than i could have a break from this. oh well no more typing for now.

[NSangel]

wow zephara..somewhere back there, i posted another link to another forum that is dealing with stuff as well, (but they're stuff makes ours look mild, trust me), will repost the link when i can find it.


sorry i haven't been in much guys. i've been busy in other threads (my bad). but i'm back here now.

zeph: my 3rd cousin is the SAME way, he turned his bed upside down at a young age like that and had huuuge troubles in school. he was put on adhd meds, and if i remember right, risperidal. also meds for sleeping too.

wanted to say, hang in there, the school is willing to work with you , that's the biggest and best support you can imagine.

one thing i did notice, is that he acts like he doesn't care when he does these things, but he does. and my son did some of the same behaviours, (same reason, but diff behaviours, included throwing a desk at the teacher)

why? simple. for attention. seriously. the school i had my son in, went all ballistic as soon as he acted out. the new school, had a more calm, no that's not acceptable, and timed him out approach. no big drama. he lived for the drama.

he turned it all around in grade 2 when he switched schools.

altho now i'm dealing with O.d.d. behaviours, (every 4 days, right at 8pm, wtf is going on i donno). but he is refusing to go to his after school activities. i was so mad dragging him for the dozenth time and having him refuse..that hubby had to take him to a friend's house for the pm.

boy o boy. it does get better, then it changes...

[NSangel]

[seekthetruth]

NS does ryan have a therapist? I got a friend whose daughter did the same thing with the sink. And she was putting coffee grounds in the silverware daily. I am not sure why, But sometimes she just starts doing very strange things. Maybe it is he wants the drama and attention. However I am wondering if it isnt something else?