when to have a second child?

[juniperjune]

Ok, so my friend and I were discussing the optimal time to have a second child. There seems to be some pretty serious beliefs about the age difference between children. My friend believes that it is best (but probably hardest on the parents in the begininng) to have a 2nd child within 2 years.
I can see the benefits like the children being close in age-appropriate toys, interests, friends...
But, OMG! I would go bananananananas if I got preggers right now! I am gouing back to work soon, and I am enjoying all the new and lovely (and not so lovely) new things Ty does.
So, anyone have any strong ideas? I would love to hear them!

[travel-mum]

I believe that the perfect time to get pregnant for your second child is when your first child is about 2 years old. Then your children would be about three years apart in age. Your second child should be potty trained by then, and you wouldn't have two babies in diapers at the same time. My children (a girl and a boy) are about three years apart. My daughter was always a little mother to her baby brother, and still is. They are grown up now, with children of their own, but they are the best of friends. Any more than three years apart, then they don't have very much in common growing up. The closer they are less than three years apart, the more difficult it is on the mother.
That's my two cents worth!

[vibrantflame]

Good question. I think anymore then three years apart is too much, because they won't have that much in common growing up and they'll both be at different stages in life.
But I think anytime in between there is good; the further apart usually the less stressful on the parents but then again it can be hard to get back into that routine with a newborn when you just got used to having some normalcy back in your life.

One thing to keep in mind though is being closer in age doesn't always guarantee closeness. My sister and I are two years apart in age and while we certainly don't hate each other, we do grate on each other's nerves a lot.

My son and his little brother will be just over two years apart. I know at the beginning it's probably going to be tough on me, but I think it'll be better in the end.

[jessandjake2005]

There is 7 years difference between me and my brother and growing up I hated it. I always had to babysit him and was unable to participate in sports or after school activities because of this. I was a very spoiled only child for 7 years and then my baby brother came around which was very difficult for me to adjust to. We are now 26 and 19 and still have NOTHING in common.

That being said I always swore that if and when I had kids they would be very close in age. When my son was 12 months I got pregnant again with my daughter. It was a very difficult pregnancy simply because I had a VERY active toddler to deal with. The 6 months after the baby was born was also very hard due to no sleep and looking after a toddler and a newborn. Now my kids are 3 and 15 months and they are the best of friends. They have so much love for each other and get along so well that the difficulties I endured were well worth it. I guess there is no right answer to this question, you need to weigh the pros and cons and see what fits for you and your family.

[rachel1496]

I think anywhere from 2-3 years apart is perfect. If things go according to plan and we get pregnant next fall it will make the kids just over two years apart. It's close enough that they're more likely to be close but far enough apart that I won't be overwhelmed with babies.

[Maple]

My two youngest are 14 months apart so of course I consider that perfect It was difficult the last few months of pregnancy because the older one still needed to be lifted and carried a bit. Other than that, it was nice because they are entertained by relatively similar things so I never felt that I had to do one thing with one of them and then do something different with the other. They could go in a double stroller together; they can wear each other's clothes; when the oldest grows out of shoes they just go directly onto the youngest; the younger one toilet trained herself by watching the older. Two in diapers was not that bad, I'd actually prefer 3 years of changing two kids to 6 years of changing one kid.

I find that when they are farther apart the older one either acts like a parent or thinks the younger one is a pest. You also have to deal with jealousy issues and preparing the older one for a new sibling if they are old enough to understand. Mine didn't know what was going on at the time, and now doesn't even remember not having a little sister. They are as close as twins, in fact for a long time we were sure the youngest actually thought they were part of the same person.

[belle67]

I believe that the perfect time to get pregnant for your second child is when your first child is about 2 years old. Then your children would be about three years apart in age. Your second child should be potty trained by then, and you wouldn't have two babies in diapers at the same time. My children (a girl and a boy) are about three years apart. My daughter was always a little mother to her baby brother, and still is. They are grown up now, with children of their own, but they are the best of friends. Any more than three years apart, then they don't have very much in common growing up. The closer they are less than three years apart, the more difficult it is on the mother.
That's my two cents worth!

That is what DH and I are thinking... around 2-3 apart. That way the oldest will be potty trained and out of the crib hopefully when the next one comes along.
We will probably TTC#2 when DD is around 2.

[Alixana]

DH and I agreed that we would try again when dd is two years old. That would give me time to get back to work and save up before I have to go on mat leave again. Also she'd be closer to 3 years when the next baby comes. We also don't want to wait too long in between cause we want at least 3 kids and I'm not that young anymore.

[ex0ticb3lla]

i guess i'm the only one who only wants one child!!! hubby & i talked about it, and we really only want 1 child (well...he could go either way really - but only if he could have a girl.... but the odds of it happening from his family track recordare slim to none LOL), but this mama only ever wanted 1

[rachel1496]

i guess i'm the only one who only wants one child!!! hubby & i talked about it, and we really only want 1 child (well...he could go either way really - but only if he could have a girl.... but the odds of it happening from his family track recordare slim to none LOL), but this mama only ever wanted 1

D would have been happy only having 1 kid, I wanted 3. We've compromised on 2. I can see the benefit of only having 1 though.

[mydoglugnut]

My brother and I are 10 years apart. I personally think that is a long time. I do not remember much about growing up with him, as I have blocked out a LOT from my childhood.

I do remember me yelling a lot as he was a pain.

As both of us grew older, we have become much closer and enjoy a great family relationship. I consider him a good friend. He is still a pain, but in a different way.

Now, back to the real question.

My son is 3 and I have #2 on the way. I am almost 4 months pregnant.

That is just how it worked out for us. Life got in the way and this was the best time for us to have our second.

Having said that, to each their own. What is best for one, is not necessarily best for another. The best way is to speak to partner / spouse and come up with what is best for you both. There are pros and cons to any age difference.

Just my 2 cents.

--Dizzy

[Sally888]

Honestly far apart or close together they are still going to fight like cats and dogs Lol!

Mine are 7 years apart, honestly theres no perfect time.

[rachel1496]

Honestly far apart or close together they are still going to fight like cats and dogs Lol!

Mine are 7 years apart, honestly theres no perfect time.

This is true. There is no relationship that has more fighting than sisters.

[zephara]

I have three and I think about 2-3 years is very goods. mabey even 4. My eldest was 7 months when my ds was born. wholly schamoleys. You ever seen a movie about zombies? that was me!! they are now 7and 8 what a life they still drag me around the walls. My youngest is now 2 so him and my eldest are 6 yrs that seemed really good they get along really really well. Better sometimes than the other two.

but I really liked the potty training at the same time, no more diapers they are calling me. they just tore apart the living room. have fun!!

[ame555]

My sister and I are 4 1/2 years and we never got along,my mom still tells the story of when I said to her "mom, I liked it much better when it was just me, you and dad", that just about summed it up!!! My brother and I are 7 and by that time I was old enough to helpout and really felt like a big sister, I still treat him that way now!!

My father is an only child and my husbands mother is an only child, and both of us grew up hearing how much they hated being only kids.

Our boy is 4 months and I have really mixed emotions about a second one....all I know forsure, I plan to sleep through the night atleast ONCE before we have another!!!