-
A woman went to police station to file a report for her missing husband:
Woman: I lost my husband
Inspector: What is his height
Woman: I never noticed
Inspector: Slim or healthy
Woman Not slim can be healthy
Inspector: Color of eyes
Woman: Never noticed
Inspector: Color of hair
Woman: Should be black
Inspector: What was he wearing
Woman: I don’t remember exactly
Inspector: Was somebody with him ?????????
Woman: Yes my Labrador dog (Romeo), tied with a golden chain, height 30 inches, healthy, blue eyes, blackish brown hair, his left foot thumb nail is slightly broken, he never barks, wearing a golden belt studded with blue balls, he likes non veg food, we eat together, we jog together.
The woman started crying
Inspector: Let’s search for the dog first!!!!!!! !!!!!!
-
-
-
-
Bill Gates dies and goes to hell.
Satan greets him: “Welcome Mr. Gates, we’ve been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You’ve been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you’ve got me in a good mood, I’ll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you’ll be locked up forever.”
Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured.
He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions.
Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a Beautiful young blonde with an alluring look on her face, sitting at a table on which there is a bottle of the finest wine. To Bill’s delight, he sees a PC in the corner. Without hesitation, Bill says, “I’ll take this option.”
“Fine,” says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room. Satan locks the room after Bill. As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer.
“That was Bill Gates!” cried Lucifer. “Why did you give him the best place of all!”
“That’s what everyone thinks,” snickered Satan. “The bottle has a hole in it and the girl hasn’t…”
“What about the PC?”
“It’s got Windows 95!” laughed Satan. “And it’s missing three keys.”
“Which three?”
“Control, Alt and Delete.”
-
Dear IT HelpDesk:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child-processes that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activities.
Applications such as BachelorNights 10.3, Basketball 5.0, BeerWithBuddies 7.5, and Outings 3.6 no longer runs, crashing the system whenever selected. I can’t seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications.
I’m thinking about going back to Girlfriend 5.0 , but the ‘uninstall’ doesn’t work on Wife 1.0.
Please help!
Thanks,
“A Troubled User”
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that people complain about. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program.
Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 5.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 5.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed not to allow this. (Look in your Wife 1.0 Manual under Warnings-Alimony- Child Support) .
I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the environment. I suggest installing the background application “Yes Dear” to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean 2.5, Sweep 3.0, Cook 1.5 and DoLaundry 4.2.
However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program NagNag 9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Shopping 2.1 and Jewellery 5.0.
WARNING: DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary WithShortSkirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck,
IT HelpDesk
-
Saturday 20th August
Trivia
HSWs New Design Quiz (Motorcycle Body Armor) - helmets
HSWs II New Design Quiz - Less stable, less gas mileage
HSWs VIII New Design Quiz -Abrasion
HSWs IV New Design Quiz - A sweet-smelling car is always a good sign
HSWs VII New Design Quiz - 1970 AMC Gremlin
HSWs (Salvaged Cars) New Design Quiz - state
HSWs IX New Design Quiz - 15 bags of groceries
HSWs New Design Quiz - Both of the above
Could you graduate from 4th grade? - Compassion
Games 'n eCards Trivia - 16
Music Challenge - Billy Ocean
Name that Question - Who is Sam Giancana?
Sport Trivia - 2011
This Day in Canadian History - 1998
HELLESABRSWEGRESTABAGBOT16
-
Lady Florence Bjelke-Petersen's Famous Pumpkin Scones
http://www.abc.net.au/queensland/sto..._w_m908917.jpg Chef: Lady Florence Bjelke-Petersen
This recipe is courtesy of the website www.southburnett.net
Degree of difficulty: Low
You need:
1 Tblsp butter
1/2 cup sugar
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 egg
1 cup mashed pumpkin (cold)
2 cups Self raising flour
Method:
Beat together butter, sugar and salt with electric mixer.
Add egg, then pumpkin and stir in the flour.
Turn on to floured board and cut.
Place in tray on top shelf of very hot oven 225-250c for 15-20 minutes.
http://www.thenibble.com/reviews/mai...shMelissas.jpg
https://trial.fitness2live.com.au/media/recipe_6300.jpg
-
HSWs New Design Quiz (Road Trip) - jumper cables
-
HSWs II New Design Quiz - 10 percent
-
HSWs IV New Design Quiz -sugarcane
-
HSWs New Design Quiz (Bugatti) - 48 inches (122 cm)
-
HSWs New Design Quiz (Can Biofuel do That) - Can biofuels reduce the cost of fuel overall?
-
HSWs IX New Design Quiz - three
-
HSWs VII New Design Quiz - Most people need ten or more feet to successfully parallel park their car.
