Akward Situation, need some help

[ame555]

My mother in law will not stop asking us for money. It is absolutley driving me crazy and causing us stress. She guilts my husband so bad.
My husbands parents split up about 13 years ago after 30 years of marriage, she got the house and recieves a lot of alomony.

The frustrating parts is
1) she buys so much junk, I swear she is a shopoholic ( trinkets are unbelievable ) - we once counted all the watches in her room 62!! 62 watches.
2) everytime I see her she has a new suit on
3) she is constantly buying our little guy toys etc (he's 14 months, doesn't need all this!)
4) She smokes like 2 packs a day

my husband has been sick off and on or the last six months, I just went back to work and we have daycare starting, neither of us have pensions, we have to plan for our future too, and she doesn't see this at all.

She is now 68 and never worked, and always had money come in, so I think she has no idea how to budget.

Last night was my breaking point, she calls says she needs money because she has to renew her prescriptions etc. Husband says, I'll see what I can do. Gets off the phone and tells me, and I say, no I'm positive your mom told me she doesn't have to pay her prescriptions, just $7.00 because of the plan she has.

Now I'm the bad person for saying this. And I can't talk to anyone about it, because 1) my parents would freak if they found out, they have worked hard all their life, and try to help us out, not take form us) 2) I'm rather emberessed about the whole situation.

Anyone else been in a similar situation? got any advice?
Thanks so much.

[itsjustmebub]

My advice is for you to not be the one dealing with it, and let your husband be the one to put his foot down.
It's his mother, and things can get sticky with in laws.
If it's getting out of control he needs to step up and say something.

[Giseledta]

Is she paying hte money back?

That would be a great starting point. let her know, you cannot afford to subsidise her income.

[smb127]

I all ways thought that the parents where the ones that helped their kids!!

I would sit down with hubby and let him know how you feel about this. He needs to tell his mom that you guys are not a bank. Maybe turn the tables and ask her for some money. Tell her you need if food and bills.

I would not be giving her any more, not if she gets alamony. If she needs more then she shold get a job and look after herself. I hear Timmie's is always hiring.

[thecountess]

My advice is for you to not be the one dealing with it, and let your husband be the one to put his foot down.
It's his mother, and things can get sticky with in laws.
If it's getting out of control he needs to step up and say something.

Same

[Amybee28]

If she's that bad with money (and it sounds rough) perhaps you should consider someone to take over her finances. I forget what its called, but my grandmother has one, its my dad in her case. He ensures all her bills are paid and that she has enough money for day to day stuff. It also allows him to put a stop to any major withdrawls on her accounts without his consent. It sounds extreme I know, but maybe if someone else was keeping an eye on her money, you could see where it was going. If your MIL won't agree to it though, (And I doubt she will) I think you have to speak to her doctor and get a letter saying she's incapable of being responsible for her finances, something like that. To be honest though, If she spends money like you say eg. 62 watches.. (purchusing multiples of the same item is a symptom of alzheimers i believe and quite possibly, maybe she doesn't remember she has a plan for perscriptions) I dunno, just spitballing some ideas for ya.. Best of luck to you however it works out anyway..

[Kyles_Mama]

That is a tough situation for sure. Especially if you cannot get DH to put his foot down. Perhaps offer to accompany her to pick up her prescriptions? If she adamantly refuses, you will know that she is trying to get money off you to spend elsewhere.

Perhaps suggest she has a nice garage sale to unload her 62 watches and other trinkets you mentioned That would likely generate some extra cash so she won't be digging into your pockets for awhile. Good luck with this issue Ame555. Keep us updated!

[dealsniffer]

I think the posts above are good advice-unfortunately I don't have anything to add. I wish I did but I do hope that you all can find some way to work this all out. Does her ex husband (your husband's father) know about this stuff? should he maybe know what is going on? I was just wondering. I don't know if that would help or hurt but it was just a thought I had. I really hope stuff gets worked out and you don't have to keep getting asked for money because you shouldn't have to give her any....especially if she uses it the way she does.

[anisa]

just say you don't have any extra money this month.
bills have been high, the price of necessities has gone up etc.
give the same excuse the next month and month after.
giver her maybe 50 bucks or 100. not more than that.
she will hopefully, eventually get the hint.
obviously you care about her, don't want to be rude or anything.
maybe this type of tactic will discourage her from asking so much

good luck

[tidytaurus]

Just a thought on this if she is 68 she should be able to collect Old Age Pension it starts at 65. This should help and as far as precriptions my sister pays for the first 600 and then 5 for the rest she had her first 600 paid for in the first 2 weeks so now is 5 dollars. I think you or your dh could check out the facts on this it might be some help.

[YesI'mcheap]

I understand what you are going throught, my inlaws ( most of them) are greedy people. They think everything should be handle to them on a sliver plater, and I finally put my foot down. I personally don't care if they don't like me or not, because I'm not there fans. I think that is a question you need to ask yourself is this relationship important to you? Is the debt you are going in to worth it? Let's face this can cause a big rift between your Dh and you but so is giving of money to his Mom. I felt that it was worth being the bad guy, but then again I'm not you. I think you need to have a good old fashion soul search, about your feelings about your MIL over all.

[mcminsen]

Ultimately, you may not be able to get your MIL to change, or even your husband. Can you draw some personal "lines in the sand"? Just how far will it go?

If you had a really detailed budget that accounts for every penny, then MIL or hubby could be asked "Okay, what shall we take this out of? The grocery budget? The gas budget? The Christmas budget?"

Above all, remain civil! Don't get baited into any nastiness. Master her. Be vigilante. Tough love.

[Poirot]

She sounds like hoarder.If any of the watches are worth money have her pawn them or something else she owns before you think of giving her money.If you do give her money don't give it unless you give the pharmacist the money yourself for her prescriptions.I would suggest you make a list for her what she could cut out of her budget so she no longer harasses you for money.

[Kaldirris]

Like the commercials say "Just say no."

I had an MIL like that years ago ... she always drove a brand new Benz, but called begging for money a couple-few times a month. Our family had one (small) income at the time. The ex & I fought about it all the time - in fact, I went to the doctor for help, because it got to the point where I couldn't even face the day anymore - I just felt this massive weight on me, and knew I couldn't continue that way... there we were, barely scraping by - with a pre-6month old baby, and all this money was flowing from our bank account to hers! The last time she called & asked for money, I finally told her that we couldn't afford gas for our (one) crappy car, let alone financial gifts to her. She immediately called the (now) ex hubby at work & asked him - he, being a little, well, stupid, gave it to her. I fed him Mr Noodles every night for a week. When he complained, I told him we couldn't afford better groceries because he gave his mom the grocery money. Thank goodness I was still nursing our daughter!
Next time she called, the ex told her to sell her car. LOL
Then again, I'm a really horrible, nasty person, who takes offense to people sponging off me ... I figure that I carry MY own weight, and everyone else should as well.
I don't really recommend you strap on your b*tch-boots, but maybe picturing hubby eating nothing but no-name KD & Mr Noodles will help you get through it.

[Monique.b]

And it sounds like it's taking a toll on your family, if not financially, then emotionally. You need to gently get your husband to understand why you're feeling mistreated. Then have him give her the tough love. This really isn't a financial issue.