Did I Just Get A Psycho Girlfriend??

[walkonby]

vesper....hmmm. If it looks like a duck, quacks like a duck, walks like a duck but invades your privacy.....it is NOT a girlfriend. Please reconsider that relationship.

[Lynn49]

It looks like 'thumbs down' all the way. There is never, ever any excuse for invading someone's privacy. It's one thing to look through DVDs, books, etc, on shelves, but to blatantly attempt to break into a computer?!!
Vesper, we've been married for 44 years....and to this day, when my hubby asks me for something and it's in my purse, he will NOT go into it!!
Now THAT'S showing respect for a partner....!!!
And yes, I never go into his wallet, either, in case anyone asks..

[TrueNorthTreasures]

I'm with Lynn49 on this one - my relationship is similar to hers. I simply can't imagine my partner or me even going into each other's wallet/purse, let alone rumaging through each other's papers or trying to break into password-protected accounts. Personally speaking, if even a fraction of the things that this woman did to you/your things was done to me, the relationship would be over, immediately. I might consider my options re: a restraining order, too, if warranted. Her behaviour is creepy, invasive, and unacceptable.

It looks like 'thumbs down' all the way. There is never, ever any excuse for invading someone's privacy. It's one thing to look through DVDs, books, etc, on shelves, but to blatantly attempt to break into a computer?!!
Vesper, we've been married for 44 years....and to this day, when my hubby asks me for something and it's in my purse, he will NOT go into it!!
Now THAT'S showing respect for a partner....!!!
And yes, I never go into his wallet, either, in case anyone asks..

[redhdlois]

Boundaries......get some !!

[vesper]

On one night while I was gone, she became overcome with fear that maybe I was something that I am not, and in a panic she did her snooping. She had to be sure, she knew my ex girlfriend well and the horror that woman put me through.

She is an only child from a very well to do farming family, her parents kept her isolated on that farm, and more or less pushed her to marry a man from another well to do farming family, who also kept her isolated on his farm. Before she was 30, both her parents had passed away and she divorced her husband and is now running her family farm and leasing out her share of her ex husbands farm.

She is very stable and balanced except when it comes to feeling neglected.

I'm going to keep seeing her, I'm willing to work with her on her trust issue. I'm not naive but I am a bit excitable and will move slow enough to ease her, but fast enough to make things fun.

AT her core, she is amazing. I'm the lucky one here, for I had the courage to make a move while other men were too intimidated by her. Yahoo!!

[Shwa Girl]

Well, you have made your decision, vesper.
I wish you well.
I hope you are well.
Let us know you are o.k. and not tied up.
Blink twice if you are o.k.

[Shwa Girl]

Well, you have made your decision, vesper.
I wish you well.
I hope you are well.
Let us know you are o.k. and not tied up.
Blink twice if you are o.k.

On a serious note,
maybe your lady needs some time being single.
maybe she needs to heal some more after her previous relationship.
maybe...

Disclaimer: I am not a relationship counsellor and I do not play one on the internet.

[anisa]

I understand being wary of a person's intentions and wanting to check them out...

however i don't see how trying on your clothes and cologne fit into that.

it seems she needs some time to sort through her insecurities.

good luck with everything vesp!

[DiamondLil]

Cool beans Vesper!!! She sounds like an interesting and amazing person, I hope she can see how lucky she is to find another interesting and amazing person like yourself.

As a fellow snoop, I get how she wanted to look and see what she was getting herself into. As much as I love my honey, I know when we were single, I snooped all over his place to make sure he was over and done with his previous gf (I know, insecurities....). That is only the product of being in a relationship where I was dogged and cheated on....

Fingers crossed for you bud!!!

[redhdlois]

Me thinks she has a bit more going on than just feeling neglected.......

[travelgeek]

Looks like you've made up your mind. Keep your guard up.

[tasha313]

7. You may want to buy another toothbrush. Just sayin'.

If only the cats could talk.
Oh the tales they could tell...

BAAHHHH !! That would be amazing.. i'm sure they even shook their heads in shame. Hopefully we all this hoopla they got fed.. Did they lose any weight ? lol

Ha ha no this is not an Aprils fool joke at all. Bad timing!

It turns out I am just being over sensitive perhaps. I asked her about this today and with the most sweet mischievous smile she replied 'Of course I did you dummy.... what did you expect?'.

YOu know, she has a point! She wanted to make sure I am not some kind of weirdo.

I've known her a year and half, she divorced her husband who neglected her badly, the only man she had ever been with her entire life. She is a quirky introverted woman and since we started getting a little more serious, I keep getting sent on LOOOOOONNNNNGGGG work assignments, and like her ex... she gets neglected. Poor babe!

Besides her very odd behavior sometimes and very ugly sweaters, and her tendency to disappear to be alone for long periods of time... she is still very exciting to me!

*** The oddest thing about her.... she has no internet at her farm. Now that is both weird and very weird!

uhmm... yeah ok .. "of course she did" ... try and break in 97 times !?!? .. now if that's not obsessive I don't know what is. If someone did that to be they'd be history.. plus... you don't have to pay for her ex-husbands crap and deal with this.. how much energy are you going to put trying to make her feel at ease and all vs. what you're getting back ?? You did nothing to lose her trust yet you're going to be working your A$$$$ off trying to gain it cause for some reason you're paying for past A-hole(s) ..
and the disappear-to-be-alone-no-internet-at-the-farm thing.. ?? weird.. I'd have a tendency to think SHE's busting some shady crap since shady people think others are shady.. and therefore.. THIS is shady.. just saying.

In her defense, who doesn't snoop at their boyfriends place when they start dating? If I was dating someone new and had unfettered access to his apartment, I'd snoop. I'd check the boxes out in the closet and under the bed, the drawers, the cd collection, the medicine cabinet, everything really except the computer - that left evidence of her snooping (really, she thought you wouldn't notice????). Its human nature to check out what you're dealing with, you don't want to end up with some oddball with a collection of ladies used undergarments or a collection that would rival a s#x shop inventory.

Granted, its weird that she wore your clothes (really!!!), but snooping is normal for both men and women. She sounds cool, and the fact that she keeps her own space (and is not a cling-on that smothers you for or with attention) is a plus for me.

for sure.. but .. trying on clothes and trying to break into the computer... 97 TIMES ?! She's in a whole other ballgame..

I say trust your initial gut reaction to what she did.

Silk

DIIITTTOOOOOOHHHHH

The cold shoulder after only a month together is a huge red !

DOUBLE DIIITTTTTOOOOHHHH

On one night while I was gone, she became overcome with fear that maybe I was something that I am not, and in a panic she did her snooping. She had to be sure, she knew my ex girlfriend well and the horror that woman put me through.

She is an only child from a very well to do farming family, her parents kept her isolated on that farm, and more or less pushed her to marry a man from another well to do farming family, who also kept her isolated on his farm. Before she was 30, both her parents had passed away and she divorced her husband and is now running her family farm and leasing out her share of her ex husbands farm.

She is very stable and balanced except when it comes to feeling neglected.

I'm going to keep seeing her, I'm willing to work with her on her trust issue. I'm not naive but I am a bit excitable and will move slow enough to ease her, but fast enough to make things fun.

AT her core, she is amazing. I'm the lucky one here, for I had the courage to make a move while other men were too intimidated by her. Yahoo!!

This is all fine and dandy in theory.. but you're going to spend most of your time defending stuff you never even did that are the complete creations of her mind and trust me .. thats bs..

[toban]

She has issues from the way her ex husband treated her so that may tie into her behaviour. If someone did that to me- trying to break into your computer 97 times and snooping, it would make me uncomfortable. Just be careful Vesper. However you know her better than us- in real life- and if you believe you can help ease her than that's your choice.

[TrueNorthTreasures]

Try going back and reading your original post with fresh eyes, as if it was written by someone you didn't know.

I don't know you, but when I read it, my stomach twisted. Just because a person is nice, attractive, and intelligent does not mean they are mentally stable or good people to have in your life.

I noticed you back-tracked a bit and said that perhaps you over-reacted and that, after all, everyone is curious/snoops a bit.

Trying to break into password protected accounts and going through your personal belongings?

To each their own, but in my life, that elicits a resounding, "No bloody way!"

[frugal50]

On one night while I was gone, she became overcome with fear that maybe I was something that I am not, and in a panic she did her snooping. She had to be sure, she knew my ex girlfriend well and the horror that woman put me through.

She is an only child from a very well to do farming family, her parents kept her isolated on that farm, and more or less pushed her to marry a man from another well to do farming family, who also kept her isolated on his farm. Before she was 30, both her parents had passed away and she divorced her husband and is now running her family farm and leasing out her share of her ex husbands farm.

She is very stable and balanced except when it comes to feeling neglected.

I'm going to keep seeing her, I'm willing to work with her on her trust issue. I'm not naive but I am a bit excitable and will move slow enough to ease her, but fast enough to make things fun.

AT her core, she is amazing. I'm the lucky one here, for I had the courage to make a move while other men were too intimidated by her. Yahoo!!

it's not your job to be her therapist.... you may still be in the "honeymoon stage" come back a year later and tell us how you feel
I wish you well, sounds like you already have your mind made up.......