People who want you to beg for the money you loaned them

[nainai0585]

UPDATE PAGE 3!!!!!!!!!!



Sorry, its long, so be prepared.

I loaned 4000 to, what I assumed at the time, a very good friend (let's call her J) and family member 1.5 years ago. I loaned J this money so that her family could come with mine on vacation. It was made VERY clear, this was a loan, NOT a gift. I trusted J and had no reason not to believe that she wouldn't pay me back as I loaned her 1500 in the past and received the funds back within 30 days. At the time of the loan, J was going to be receiving 4000 within 60 days after I had given it to her. I knew this, it was an expected refund of her expenses and one I was well aware of. 60 days later, the people who where suppose to reimburse J the 4000 (and then give it to me), backed out and stated that she ripped them off of several thousand dollars. Ok, I fully understand and am more then willing to work with her when she discovered she wasn't receiving the money, and told me that the following month she would take as much as she could from her dh cheques each month to pay me back. Perfect, even if its only $20 a month, at least J is making an effort.
Fast forward 3 months later, and I haven't received a penny. Ok, I understand your living off of 1 income and have 6 children to support....but you could afford to lease the lot beside your trailer for the season for an additional 2000 on top of your park fees, but you can't pay me back? So I ask J nicely when I'll be getting my money back. Another excuse as to why she can't pay (at the time we where still good friends and had a great relationship). I'm getting annoyed, but don't say anything more then that I need that money back, can you please get it to me asap. Her response, of course!
Throughout the next 14 months I hear one excuse after another as to why J can't pay me, even after she tells me she is receiving well over $10,000 for back disability. I am VERY angry at this point and bring up the subject to her at least once a month to 2 months. More excuses - but A LOT of new items that J shows off to me, and tells me exactly what she paid for each item + interest payments, like 2 new vehicles (making payments on both vehicles) + one she's still making payments on, new furniture, etc. I am fed up and demand my money she owes me (plus heard rumors that J told all family members that I gifted her that money, even though I had made it VERY clear to all those involved that it was a loan and only a loan). Another excuse.
This past March I make a final stand, give me my money you rightfully owe me. I am officially done with this friendship and anything to do with you, I am tired of the excuses, I am tired of your 'Poor me, woe is me' attitude, I am tired of you constantly verbally attacking my family (meaning my dh and her dh family, they're cousins), I am sick of the back stabbing, I am ready to snap! J storms out of my home, and states that she will give the funds to my husband with her husband's income tax. They received $10,000 last month from income tax, this was confirmed by J, her dh and her oldest son. We receive nothing.
Dh is ready to go primeval on J. So two days ago he goes over and confronts both his cousin and her since she has blocked all contact with me and has refused to even acknowledge my existence (which is fine with me, but I want my money back!). J states that I need to go over there, apologize to her for continuously asking for the money, I need to make a public apology on facebook and to the family about her, etc. My husband stated that she owes him his money back, it was a loan, not a gift, and she knew that. J's response to him was that it was NOT his money, it is my money (meaning me, not her) and he had no right to it. Dh flips and states that ANY money that comes into our home, whether it is a cheque, refund, etc is both of ours, she continues to argue with him even after her dh agreed with my dh (but her dh stopped talking and coward in the corner when she scowled at him, according to my dh).
J is basically saying that I need to beg for my money back. When dh gets home and tells me this, I send her dh a text through my dh phone (neither dh or I have her as a contact on our phones), simply stating that I will meet with J, in a public setting (mall, coffee shop, etc), with my 4000 in hand. I also stated that I understand she may have other expenses and that I was willing to give her until Nov. 1 of this year to collect my funds (this is NOT a problem for her, I know this but cannot go into details about it). I also stated that due to J not paying my back or even attempting to pay me back within a reasonable amount of time, along with the numerous excuses, is the major cause of the break down in our friendship. There was no foul language, no name calling, nothing. That is exactly what I wrote to her.
J's response is that I am lying about why I am no longer friends with her, and blames her dh's sister (named A, she lived with them during this time). She acknowledged she owes me this money and will pay it back by Nov. 1. Perfect!
BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE
Yesterday my husband receives a text from J while he is at work stating that because we did not tell them about A moving out of their home this past April and cost them a lot of money, she is now going to make us wait until Dec. 1 (A was suicidal and only dh and I treated her like a human being deserving respect and understand [her brother, J, and their children treated A like she was less then an animal]. We knew that if they where told about A leaving, J would do everything in her power to make A's life a living hell, this was a guarantee as J stated this to me in front of A. dh and I, along with his aunt and uncle (A's and J's dh parents), secretly took the cousin out of the foul situation and they left back to Ontario. Since returning, A is doing 10x better and is in a much happier place. We do NOT regret the decision to save her life by not saying anything to dh's cousin orJ ). J said that we deserve to wait, and even went as far as to say that because we secretly spirited A away, we deserve NONE of our money back. EXCUSE ME?! My dh only responded with a simple thank-you and left it at that. He said he was WAY too ticked off to respond in a way that will still guarantee us our money back.

This was a VERY huge eye opener and I have learned my lesson....NEVER, EVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES loan money to ANYONE, unless I am gifting it to them. If there is no money in my account by Dec. 3, I will be taking legal action against J.

[toronto166]

As I was reading this, my blood pressure was soaring! Oh my goodness, what a piece of work. Please keep the text from her saying that she would pay by November 1/December 1. By putting that in writing, she has acknowledged that it is a loan and not a gift. (I watch too much Judge Judy ) I have no words. I am speechless. You do realize once December comes, she will say that she has no money for you because Christmas is coming?!?! (another excuse). Nainai, I'm sorry that you are going through this. I do not believe you have any other option but to take her to court. I believe we have all gone through something like this at some point in our lives. I too will never loan ANYONE any money. Good luck and keep us posted.

[MillieH]

I've been in somewhat similar situations.. its weird how you turn into the bad person when its time to pay it back.. all I got for my money was the lesson to not loan anyone money .. I hope you get your money back..

[GracieAnne]

That's awful, I agree with the above about keeping that text. Maybe after December you could look into taking it to small claims court. It would probably cost a lot more than its worth, but even if it means you only get 1000 or 2000 back from it after court costs, the principle of it would make you feel better.

[jandbby]

I do hope you get your money back
Been there before and learned my lesson. NEVER discuss your finances with family or friends - if you are doing better than they are, you are going to get asked. Someone who needs to borrow money to go on vacation cannot afford it. If someone was certain that they would have the money in 60 days, I would suggest they charge a credit card. And if the credit card company will not lend them money (bad credit) then neither should you.

A wise old man once said "...a person's attitude when they need to borrow is very different from their attitude when it comes time to repay the debt..."

[luckbealady]

Wow.

First of all, I'm happy to hear that your DH's cousin (A) is now in a place where she is doing much better.

This woman sounds crazy - like vicious crazy. I do hope you get your money back, and good for you for stepping away from her, because she is obviously toxic. I think it is also very likely that their household will collapse - it wouldn't surprise me at all that the money they claim they are getting is not near as much as they say, and that much of what they spend is on credit (of course some people think spend now and declare bankruptcy later!).

Second, I know to some extent how you feel. When my DB and his girlfriend were buying a house, they didn't have enough spare cash for the down payment. I had saved the majority of the money from my summer job, and loaned them $3000 (pretty much everything I had) towards their down payment in the beginning of October. Their bank had already guaranteed that they will get the down payment refunded to them when they received ownership of the house. They got the house at the beginning of November.

A couple of weeks later my parents and I asked when they were getting our money back (my parents had taken out a loan to give them $8000, and really needed the money back before interest payments got out of control). Well we were told they hadn't gotten it from the bank yet, but it would be soon. So we wait 2 more weeks and ask again - turns out he had gotten it shortly after the first time we asked, but hadn't gotten around to dealing with it! Now it's beginning of December, and we want to do our Christmas shopping - but apparently he can't just come and bring us our money, instead he does email transactions - but he can only do so much a day without being charged, so then it was another week before we had all our money back.

Obviously not near as extreme as your situation (and there are no hard feelings between my DB and us, it was just a frustrating time). But it was still stressful - and it's not something I ever want to experience again. So I can only imagine how stressful this time must be for you and your DH.

[torontogal12]

She wants a public apology on Facebook? Lol! So everyone can know she has not paid back? Do you have any written paperwork saying that you loaned her the money? You may be able to get a lawyer involved

But yes you want to screenshot that text and print it out too

[megansavingmoney]

Wow, what a mess! DH and I have a saying: "Everyone gets weird over money." I can't believe the trouble you are going through. and that stuff about a Facebook apology and spiriting A away is just bizarre.

Good luck trying to get your money back and I think you will definitely be better off without J!

[nainai0585]

I was very naive and trusting at the time of the loan, and unfortunately did not get anything into writing. BUT, after checking the procedures for the Alberta small claims court, I have up to 2 years after I have given her the loan (must show proof, which I don't have) or after she acknowledges that she owes me the money, which thankfully she did by her text messages So I have evidence that she agrees she owes me this money.


I'll update if anything new develops.

[super_e]

Public apology?

"My Dearest J, I'm sorry that you borrowed money from me over a year and a half ago and have still not payed me back. I'm so sorry that in all that time that you were struggling with your two new cars and myriad of other new purchases, you felt it necessary to not pay me back and then treat me horribly every time I asked you about the money I loaned you."

[cath007]

Never loan money....No good reason are available...I have be fooled so many time,I am still in the process of resolve that at least trying...

[cath007]

Even with a wrotten note if the person dont want to refound you ,you have to take legal action.I have a wrotten note and the person have the *(&*(&(* to said to me I imited this written....Wow....So ...I dont comment that,no more energy to loss with that.

[Ciel]

It's a gamble that by waiting, she'll pay near the end of the year. Gift her with a small claims notice ASAP and see if you can purchase a copy of her credit report as well. Not sure if your province moves faster on cases than Ontario but show her you mean to get paid back through the court. She's going kitchen sink on you (tossing in all kinds of arguments not related to the money issue).

[wolfwoman]

Never, ever lend people money!!!! And cross your fingers you never win a lotto. You will have long lost cousins needing expensive medical treatments popping out of the woodwork. Like megansavingmoney said " people get weird over money"

[coupongirl99]

Nope, never loan money to anyone, that's my rule of thumb.