Any legitimate Reason(s) to Still Getting Married???

[beachdown]

One party always seem to have more to gain from it than the other, but nobody will ever admit that. There is also a lot of false advertising until the deal has been sealed, then the real person comes out. My personal favourite is those that let "themselves go" because they get too comfortable. The article below outlines some true points

A 2010 Pew survey states that, by and large, single people do not feel married people have many advantages in terms of a "fulfilling sex life, being financially secure, finding happiness and having social status." And 24 percent of those who do feel marriage makes a positive difference in life say that when it comes to work, getting hitched can significantly hinder one's chance at getting ahead in one's career.
3. For men, being married could be connected to being overweight.
It's a tired cliché that women feel they can "let themselves go" once they get married, but a recent study published in the journal Families, Systems & Health shows that men are more likely to be the heavier ones in a marriage. After monitoring the eating habits, physical activity and the weights of 2,300 young men in the Midwest, married men were 25 percent more likely to be overweight than men who were single or in a committed relationship. And according to the study, about 60 percent of married men were overweight compared to about 40 percent of married women.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/0...n_5274911.html

[saveadollardiva]

I think all of us do change when we get married. But, with those changes come with getting married and now having two people's lives together as one. Both parties have to come to terms with career goals and changes and also in some physical changes. But, what people seem to lose sight of is that looks do not always stay, and, our looks will change and fade with age. You have to have a firm friendship to make a marriage work. They say in this survey that single people do not feel married people have the same advantages as they do, OK, because the are single and not married. That is why they do not know the advantages or disadvantages. I feel being married has many advantages then disadvantages. I get to wake up to my best friend for the rest of my life. Have someone who will support me emotionally and physically. Who takes me for who I am (bad days and all lol) Someone who shares the same views, likes and dislikes as me etc. Don't get me wrong, every marriage has their fight moments, but, so do couples who are dating. I look at weight gain as someone who is happy in their relationship. Of course we all try and stay healthy because we do not want health issues, but, at the end if the person gains weight and their spouse doesn't care, that shows their spouse loves them no matter what. I have had weight issues, I have been up and down with me weight, but, my DH still loves me just the same. I think you can have it all, career, kids, house, dream life etc and still be married. You just have to work at it all together with your spouse. I have a very good life, and, without the support of my DH I would not have the life I have today. So to answer your question, yes, I think there are many reason to marry-love, happiness, friendship and acceptance.

[beachdown]

*Disclaimer*...my comments here is hypothetical and not directed at you!!!

Hmmm...so if a previously married person is saying married people don't have it all, they don't know what they are talking about? I can personally tell you now that I get laid more now than when I was married, and before you say "that is just you", although women might not admit it to their friends, men in general do talk about it and the problem usually stems from little drama / arguments where sex is being used as an emotional blackmail because wife didn't get what she wants.

I also see a lot of married men and women walking around with a belly that makes them look pregnant...signs of getting too comfortable and not looking after themselves. If you fight as a dating couple, at least it's easy to just move on...there are a lot of married couples afraid to cut the cords because of finances, thought of going out to date, etc. Additionally, if one person is the only one bringing home an income, and the kids are of school age, how can that be of advantage to the person going out earning? Oh and before you say housework, there are many homes where the man is the one that cooks, does the gardening, etc.

Also when it comes to marriage, I think a lot of men are forced into it than the other way round because people want to show off to / one up their friends / post on Facebook.

Summary: Marriage is a dead institution, and most these days just do it for all the wrong reasons.

[Darth Penguin]

When we moved to Canada, it was easier if we were married than cohabiting...Then 2 weeks later the federal govt changed the rules...

[MortgageQueen]

Being happily married involves many variables. One of the most important ones is commitment. Another is your motivation for getting married.

It's not "marriage" that's a dead institution. . . it's commitment. Modern society is losing this concept at a dizzying speed. A vow or a commitment is something that you work hard at, in good times and bad (the bad times is why you need to be committed!)

And to acknowledge your point that one party gets more than the other, well that could/should vary as the years pass. It's rarely even steven and yes, someone will likely come out on top BUT it's not about measuring and critiquing. Marriage is about giving of oneself too.

That brings me to one's motivation to get married. I think a lot of people have this screwed up. As SaveaDollarDiva said, it should be based on a solid friendship. . .not physical attraction, sex, or having a good time with that person. All of those things fade BUT are replaced with much more valuable things, such as a loyal partner through thick and thin, and being loved/appreciated for your qualities rather than what your appearance or performance is rated at.

I'm afraid many see marriage like Hollywood. The second it loses it's shine and excitement, it's disposable. Time to move on to the next one. Unfortunately, one takes the same traits and issues that likely had a lot to do with the failure of the first one. . . .

[saveadollardiva]

*Disclaimer*...my comments here is hypothetical and not directed at you!!!

Hmmm...so if a previously married person is saying married people don't have it all, they don't know what they are talking about? I can personally tell you now that I get laid more now than when I was married, and before you say "that is just you", although women might not admit it to their friends, men in general do talk about it and the problem usually stems from little drama / arguments where sex is being used as an emotional blackmail because wife didn't get what she wants.

I also see a lot of married men and women walking around with a belly that makes them look pregnant...signs of getting too comfortable and not looking after themselves. If you fight as a dating couple, at least it's easy to just move on...there are a lot of married couples afraid to cut the cords because of finances, thought of going out to date, etc. Additionally, if one person is the only one bringing home an income, and the kids are of school age, how can that be of advantage to the person going out earning? Oh and before you say housework, there are many homes where the man is the one that cooks, does the gardening, etc.

Also when it comes to marriage, I think a lot of men are forced into it than the other way round because people want to show off to / one up their friends / post on Facebook.

Summary: Marriage is a dead institution, and most these days just do it for all the wrong reasons.

Your comments I know have nothing to do with me, you have the right to voice your views and thoughts just like I do.

But, here is my comments/views back at your points. People who have divorced have many different reasons to leave a marriage. Some like you have pointed out would be because of drama/ arguments, sexual issues etc. BUT a lot of people also leave marriages because of abuse, verbally and physically, on both sides men and women. Also, sometimes the other partner cheats and or lies etc. Also, blackmail can be used by both sides when it comes to sex. A husband can be mad at his wife, and, because of that not have sex with her as well. In regards to sex life in a marriage, I think it is just as healthy and or even more healthy as someone who is single. A single person is always on the look out and or dating to find the next person to be with in a relationship, which can also I am sure be sexually frustrating because I am sure you would have to date a few times or for a while before sex would even come into play into a relationship. Also, you would have to know the person for some time and or know who they really were as a person.

Unless, it is one night stands, which is totally fine if that is what people are looking for in their lives, each person is different. BUT I also believe that there is a BIG difference when it comes to having sex and making love. I know it may sound cheesy, but, what are single people looking for? SEX or Love Making? Because those are two different things and have two different kinds of satisfactions. In the end we are human, and, I think we all want something more then just someone we can be intimate with physically. Again, one day we are all going to be old, were, we may not be able to be intimate with our partners. SO your going to need a lot more in common with that person then just going to bed with them.

In regards to someone being the only bread winner and bringing home the money, well, that is something that should be discussed by the two people in the relationship. If someone is feeling the stress of being the only one bring home the $$$$ then that person needs to talk to their partner about how they are feeling. I think communication is key, if your open and honest with your partner, then, usually most problems can be resolved. Also, If the other person is not working, are they doing other things that are also adding to the house hold? Volunteering at their kids schools, or other various after school programs? Are they doing daily things that need to get done? Taking the kids to doctor appointments, dentist appointments, after school activities, helping with homework, getting dinner ready, making lunches for the next day? This is what a person in the house hold is not working could be doing. Which, in itself is a job. I have mentioned all this without even added house work like you mentioned.

Some people might marry to show off, but, I feel that would be a silly reason because marriage is a BIG thing and to just marry someone to show off would be kind of stupid lol. Some people also marry for looks or money, but, at the end of the day I think 95% of people get married because they love the person and want to have a life with them and share what life has to offer together. I married my husband because I love him, want a life with him, and want to share everything this great life has to offer with him.

There, I am sure, people out there that just stay married due to finances etc, but, if people are seriously unhappy in a marriage, regardless of finances, in the end will divorce because happiness is worth more then money in the end. Money can always be replaced and or gained back, happiness can never be replaced so easily.

If someone is dating someone, and, thinks it is easier to move on if they have a fight and or it is not just working out, then, maybe marriage is not right for that person and they should stay single. There is nothing wrong staying single, some people are just not meant for marriage. Just because you fight with someone and or are having a few bad days in the relationship doesn't mean you should pull the plug on the relationship regardless of being married or not.

Summary: Marriage in my eyes is not a dead institution, because if it was, and it was so bad, and being single was so great, then people would not be getting married at all. I also feel people still get married for the right reasons and intentions still to this day.

*Why do I feel like Dr. Phil all of a sudden?* LOL....

[lecale]

You can have a fantastic loyal, trusting monogamous, supportive, successful relationship without ever getting married.

A lot has changed since I was born some 40+ years ago. Birth control wasn't even legal in Canada, being a spinster or divorcee was a social shame most people didn't have the strength to bear, there was no DNA paternity testing, and laws and social attitudes hadn't yet changed to make domestic violence and rape within marriage real issues.

If you hooked up with a bad person, your life was ruined. If you never hooked up with anybody, you were a failure.

The same things that make a good relationship work make a marriage work. Account for all the money spent using software and have a clear idea of who is contributing what, and come to a fair arrangement. Strive to improve and grow yourself and your partner. Be on your best behaviour, without rage or sulking or other immature behavior towards your partner. Be both devoted to the concept of maintenance...of yourself, of the house, of everything you own - because if you care for it it will last.

You don't need to marry to have it all.

[saveadollardiva]

You can have a fantastic loyal, trusting monogamous, supportive, successful relationship without ever getting married.

A lot has changed since I was born some 40+ years ago. Birth control wasn't even legal in Canada, being a spinster or divorcee was a social shame most people didn't have the strength to bear, there was no DNA paternity testing, and laws and social attitudes hadn't yet changed to make domestic violence and rape within marriage real issues.

If you hooked up with a bad person, your life was ruined. If you never hooked up with anybody, you were a failure.

The same things that make a good relationship work make a marriage work. Account for all the money spent using software and have a clear idea of who is contributing what, and come to a fair arrangement. Strive to improve and grow yourself and your partner. Be on your best behaviour, without rage or sulking or other immature behavior towards your partner. Be both devoted to the concept of maintenance...of yourself, of the house, of everything you own - because if you care for it it will last.

You don't need to marry to have it all.

I also agree you don't have to be married to have a great relationship with someone or to have it all. Each person is different. I do agree that in today's world views have really changed when it comes to marriage. I am just saying that marriage is not bad and there are people who are happy being married, just like there are happy people who are single or in a long term relationships.

[lecale]

I also agree you don't have to be married to have a great relationship with someone or to have it all. Each person is different. I do agree that in today's world views have really changed when it comes to marriage. I am just saying that marriage is not bad and there are people who are happy being married, just like there are happy people who are single or in a long term relationships.

Well there is noting wrong with doing things the traditional way if both people are of good character and know what is right and wrong. If you can't respect your partner, there is no reason to think that getting married is going to fix fundamental problems.

I do think one traditional reason for getting married - because your parents want that - is possibly the poorest excuse anyone can come up with. Your parents will certainly survive the shame of having a single adult child in this day and age, but you're the one that has to live with your partner and deal with the consequences of separation (which happens far to "easily" these days even though it is an involved, life-shattering scenario).

[beachdown]

Now this is interesting MQ......so are you saying when you've dated a man, it hasn't been about what he looks like, but his personality????? I find that hard to believe, as you hear women and men talking about is "how cute that guy/gal is", and it doesn't matter if the personality is like that of a peanut.

You watch shows like bachelorette and the likes, those women with their antics, are indicative of what is out there on the street i.e. real world.

Being happily married involves many variables. One of the most important ones is commitment. Another is your motivation for getting married.

It's not "marriage" that's a dead institution. . . it's commitment. Modern society is losing this concept at a dizzying speed. A vow or a commitment is something that you work hard at, in good times and bad (the bad times is why you need to be committed!)

And to acknowledge your point that one party gets more than the other, well that could/should vary as the years pass. It's rarely even steven and yes, someone will likely come out on top BUT it's not about measuring and critiquing. Marriage is about giving of oneself too.

That brings me to one's motivation to get married. I think a lot of people have this screwed up. As SaveaDollarDiva said, it should be based on a solid friendship. . .not physical attraction, sex, or having a good time with that person. All of those things fade BUT are replaced with much more valuable things, such as a loyal partner through thick and thin, and being loved/appreciated for your qualities rather than what your appearance or performance is rated at.

I'm afraid many see marriage like Hollywood. The second it loses it's shine and excitement, it's disposable. Time to move on to the next one. Unfortunately, one takes the same traits and issues that likely had a lot to do with the failure of the first one. . . .

[beachdown]

Yeah.....but at the end, the lower contributor doesn't turn round and say I'll take 20/30/40 percent instead of 50% because I contributed lower would they now? It's usually I want half or more

You can have a fantastic loyal, trusting monogamous, supportive, successful relationship without ever getting married.

A lot has changed since I was born some 40+ years ago. Birth control wasn't even legal in Canada, being a spinster or divorcee was a social shame most people didn't have the strength to bear, there was no DNA paternity testing, and laws and social attitudes hadn't yet changed to make domestic violence and rape within marriage real issues.

If you hooked up with a bad person, your life was ruined. If you never hooked up with anybody, you were a failure.

The same things that make a good relationship work make a marriage work. Account for all the money spent using software and have a clear idea of who is contributing what, and come to a fair arrangement. Strive to improve and grow yourself and your partner. Be on your best behaviour, without rage or sulking or other immature behavior towards your partner. Be both devoted to the concept of maintenance...of yourself, of the house, of everything you own - because if you care for it it will last.

You don't need to marry to have it all.

[DaveP]

You know, beachdown, before this thread I thought you were female for some reason. My apologies.

As for marriage, it's worked well for my family - and I wouldn't have it any other way, but sometimes it doesn't work so well for others. That's life, I guess, and everyone has to choose what's best for them.

[lecale]

Yeah.....but at the end, the lower contributor doesn't turn round and say I'll take 20/30/40 percent instead of 50% because I contributed lower would they now? It's usually I want half or more

Well listen, if you were to set up a business you wouldn't join forces with some slacker, offer them 50-50, and then say let's have no accounting system for our business.

It's imperative that both parties under a financial contract such as marriage keep good financial records IMO. Any relationship for that matter. You need to know where the money is going, set budgets...have his records, her records, and the overall "business" records.

Say I like to spend my money on home decor and furniture and my partner likes to spend his spare cash on beer. Things break down and we split everything 50-50...I lose half my stuff and he still keeps the experience of having drunk all that beer on my couch, and maybe the couch too. The only way you can keep things like that happening is if you have a financial record of where the money went.

[beachdown]

Last time I checked...it's not every day that kids have to go to the dentist, doctor, after school activities, you volunteer at their school. I manage to do all this with my son whilst holding down a full-time job...now should someone be paying me / looking after me for doing this regular chores? Again, having kids is a choice, but looking after ones self is a necessity as an adult.

What am getting from this is that some people like to take the easy way out once they get married. I mean if they weren't married, would they not work then?

[beachdown]

People should get prenups these days if they plan to get married and have more to lose. The highest earner with more stuff will be stupid not to have one........no amount of I love you should cloud your judgement.

If the other person doesn't sign it, then you know they have an ulterior motive.

I was wondering why you kept giving me all those reps

You know, beachdown, before this thread I thought you were female for some reason. My apologies.

As for marriage, it's worked well for my family - and I wouldn't have it any other way, but sometimes it doesn't work so well for others. That's life, I guess, and everyone has to choose what's best for them.