Points And Prizes - Sheknows

[shaman2263]

"A BOY'S PRAYER

I pray for a girl who gives great head.
Amen. (GRIN, I like that prayer, How bout you SHAMAN. lol"

I assume you are talking about when she pours beer..... LOL

[newsnakeowner1978]

continued......................................... ..................


The judge asked the defendant to please stand. "You are charged
with murdering a school teacher with a chain saw."

From out in the gallery, a man shouts, "Lying !"

"Silence in the court!" the Judge says to the man who shouted.

He turns to be defendant and says, "You are also charged with killing
a jogger with a shovel."

"Damn tightwad!" the same man in the gallery blurted out.

"I said QUIET!" yelled the judge.

To the defendant, "You are also charged with killing a mailman with an
electric drill."

"You four-flusher!" the man from the gallery yelled.

The judge thundered at the man in the galley, "If you don't tell me
right
now the reasons for your outbursts I'll hold you in contempt!"

The man answered, "I've lived next door to that man for ten years now,
and he never had a tool when I needed to borrow one!"



The other day, I was sitting in a sports bar watching a baseball game,
and the guy sitting next to me leaned over and said,
"You know, if Jesus had played baseball, he would have been the greatest
baseball player ever!"
I thought about it for a second and said to him, "You know, if Babe
Ruth had been the Messiah, the Catholic's would have beer and hot dogs for
communion!"



A very attractive young lady was sitting in a fine restaurant
one night waiting for her date. She wanted to make sure everything was
perfect.

So, as she bends down in her chair to get the mirror from her purse,
she accidentally farts quite loudly just as the waiter walks up.

Sitting up straight now, embarrassed and red faced, knowing everyone in
the place heard her, turns to the waiter and demands "Stop That!".

The waiter looks at her dryly and says "Sure lady, which way is it headed?"



The veterinarian told the blonde that her dog needed some exercise. You
need to make sure the dog runs around, the doctor said. Try playing a
game of fetch.

I can’t play fetch with my dog, the blonde said.

Why not? the doctor asked.

Because, she replied, He can’t throw.



How does a blonde kill a fish?
She drowns it.

What did the blonde do when she broke her Tupperware?
Called the plastic surgeon.



A guy nearing the end of his senior year in high school unfortunately
still has to share a room with his brother who is only 9 years old.

One night, he decides to bring his girlfriend home for a little fun.
They have bunk beds and the guy notices that his little brother is
already
on the lower bunk. So he and his girlfriend climbed into the top bunk.

As you expected, things began to heat up. The guy remembers that his
brother is sleeping below, so he tells his girlfriend to whisper,
"Lettuce" if she wants it harder, and "Tomato" if she wants a new
position.

She screams, "Lettuce! Tomato! Lettuce! Tomato! Lettuce! Whoa!!! Pull
It Out Now! I Can't Get Pregnant!"

Then the little brother shouts, "Hey, would you two guys stop making
sandwiches up there! You're getting mayonnaise all over my face!


What's the definition of a woman?
Life support for a vagina.


Dirty Johnny is walking down the street leading the giraffe.
A cop says, "Kid, where you going?"
Johnny says, "I'm taking this giraffe to get mated."
The cop says, "Where?"
Johnny lifts up the giraffe's tail, points to her snatch, and says,
"Right there."


What's the difference between a geneaologist and a gynecologist?
A genealogist looks up the family tree, and a gynecologist looks up the
family bush.



The definition of head
some one who sees on the floor and steps in it anyway

What's the difference between slime and a lawyer?
I've been looking for years, I still can't find any. (sry if any lawyers in here lol)


Mr. and Mrs. Nearier come before the judge for their divorce hearing.
The judge says, "What are the grounds?" Mrs. Nearier says,
"Cruel and inhuman punishment.
He tied me to the bed and then forced me to sing the National Anthem
while he pissed all over me." The judge says,
"My God, that's horrible." She says, "Yeah.
He KNOWS how much I hate that song."


I had sex with this oriental woman, and I was horny again one
hour later.



It’s Harold’s first day in the carpool. They honk the horn in front of
his house and he comes running out. He gets about halfway down the walk

when he hears a grunt and the sound of his wife’s foot tapping on the
porch.

He turns around and there she is, scowling at him. He runs back to the
steps, spreads her bathrobe, bends over, kisses her on the snatch, runs
back down the walk and hops in the car.

They ride in silence for a few minutes, until Burnett, the driver,
can’t stand it. Burnett asks, Harold, it’s none of my business, but
why’d you kiss her down there?

Harold says, You wouldn’t believe her breath in the morning. (OMG LMFAO)



A Blonde bought a brand new Car and decided to drive down from some
place far off, to meet this friend. She reached there in a few hours.
After spending a few days there, she decided to return, and called up
her mother to expect her in the evening. But she didn't reach home in
the evening and not the next day either.

When she finally reached home on the third day, her distraught mother
ran and asked her "What Happened?"

She got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said,
"Oy, ye these car designers, these people are crazy! They have four
gears for going forward, but only one for going back!"


Did you hear about the blonde who got locked into the bathroom?
She was in there so long she peed her pants.



What did santa say when he saw the three blondes?
Ho Ho Ho!



And now for you lovely ladies. hehehe snicker snicker snicker

A male-to-female transexual was being interviewed on a radio talk show.
The DJ asked the transexual "What sort of pain did you experience
during the operation?"

The transexual replied, "Well, when they cut my penis off, that really
didn't hurt as much as I thought it would. Then they implanted the
breasts in my chest, well, that really didn't hurt too much either..."

"Then you didn't experience any real physical pain at all then?"

"You're joking! What really hurt was when they removed half my brain
and doubled the size of my mouth!"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

[newsnakeowner1978]

"A BOY'S PRAYER

I pray for a girl who gives great head.
Amen. (GRIN, I like that prayer, How bout you SHAMAN. lol"

I assume you are talking about when she pours beer..... LOL

if that will keep us outta trouble then...... yup thats what i was talkin about. lol wink wink

[rebate queen]

PointsandPrizes.com Keyword: LIGHTSCAMERA worth 100 points good through 7/12/09.

[Grey]

PointsandPrizes.com Keyword: HITENTERTAIN worth 100 points good through 7/12/09.

[shaman2263]

The opinions expressed by newsnakeowner1978 were his own and do not represent all the male posters........ but they were damn funny

Power

[shaman2263]

if that will keep us outta trouble then...... yup thats what i was talkin about. lol wink wink

You are the new Snake in town

[Grey]

PointsandPrizes.com Keyword: TRUCKTEAMWORK worth 100 points good through 7/12/09.

[haunish]

those jokes are good you guys, cant wait to read them to dh when he gets home..lol..couldnt rep ya for them..

I love little johnny jokes, they are my fav

[roseofblack25]

What are you trying to do, take over for NS and Ap in the "pick on shaman" sweepstakes?


LOL

well someone has to...it may as well be me

[shaman2263]

Your halo is slipping rose

[haunish]

Your halo is slipping rose

that pic is awesome, would make a sweet tat, speaking of tats my siggy tick made me I am getting the tattoo artist to see if she can do it as one, if not have a nother gargoyle pic to do

[roseofblack25]

my halo isnt slipping at all

[shaman2263]

[roseofblack25]

ok I will take that pic over the angel any day!