When do I not feel like a failure?

[vibrantflame]

Oh don't feel bad, I am in the same boat as you! My son turned 4 in March and he is not potty trained either. My MIL keeps asking "when is this kid gonna be potty trained??" Um, I don't know, I guess whenever he feels like it because you can't force a kid to learn to potty. Right now he wears just pants during the day (no underwear or pull-ups), and he has a reward system: one jelly bean for every time he sits on the potty, three jelly beans for every time he poops or pees on the potty. It *should* work, but at the moment he just sits in his pee and doesn't even seem to notice that he's wet....I ask him over and over and over if he has to pee, he always says "nope", and he is very hard to coax to sit on the potty even with the idea of getting a candy (he gets angry that he has to sit on the potty to get the candy).

The best advice I can give you is "don't blame yourself!" You are trying everything you can do, and now as hard as it is, you have to wait for him to figure it out. And sooner or later, he will.

[vibrantflame]

Oh and hey on a side note for all of those here with school aged children - I have always been told that a child cannot attend preschool until they are potty trained. Is this really so? I mean like children do have accidents, and couldn't you put Pull-Up's on them? I am just asking because I am also scared my son won't get the idea of potty training before the fall and I don't want him to be behind or missing out because of it.

[MommyOfAustin]

You are doing a great job as a parent, never forget that!! Everything comes in time and even though you think your son is behind, he is not. And one day he may 'surprise' you and reach a milestone sooner.

It took me about 6 months to have my son fully potty trained! What worked for him (not sure if you have tried) was I just put him in underpants and we had a party (DH, myself & son) for becoming a big boy. We marched around the house and looked for diapers, wipes and bum cream and got him to put them in a big bag and throw them away. I had pull-ups on hand, just in case of nighttime accidents. We would never ask him if he had to go we would just watch him closely (meant not leaving the house for a few days) for signs and tell him "If you need to go potty, please let me know." I just found that asking him constantly always got us a NO response. It took a lot of poopy underpants before he 'got' it. Yes is sucked!! But we persevered and he finally got it.

I agree with many of the suggestions here, just keep up the work, he will surprise you!! You are doing a great job Momma!!!

Oh and hey on a side note for all of those here with school aged children - I have always been told that a child cannot attend preschool until they are potty trained. Is this really so? I mean like children do have accidents, and couldn't you put Pull-Up's on them? I am just asking because I am also scared my son won't get the idea of potty training before the fall and I don't want him to be behind or missing out because of it.

I think it really depends on the class size and preschool. A few of m friends have children who started school early (2 1/2 yrs old) because they were born late in the year. My BFF's son wasn't fully potty trained but wore a pull up at school. But after Christmas he was fully potty trained. Again, I think it depends on the school. HTH!!

[Sally888]

Here kids start full time school now as long as they are 4 that year. Junior Kindgergarten and its full days everyday (full day learning program is at our school already) they have to be full trained or they are not allowed to go to school. So you could have a 3 year old (not four till dec or something) and they have to be potty trained fully for school. To answer Vibrant Flames Q.

I think I trained my first son around 3, he was quite a while of work and one day it just clicked after 6 months of trying.
My 2nd I trained him shortly after he turned 2 and it took one full day. I just put him in his pants without underwear. Hes a strange child though ahha, he hated diapers and kept whipping them off CONSTANTLY!!!! I got tired of picking up poop and cleaning my floors so I though, heck i'd try it!

Anyways, I wouldn't feel bad kids are sooo different. I don't really believe the boys vs girls thing I just think every kid is different. As long as you have them trained before school its no big deal

[abbasgirl]

Maybe some of your little guys who aren't motivated by candy or wet pants will be motivated by school. If they're really excited about going to school for the first time you could tell them what the rules are and that might just make them want to give potty training a try.

[TudorChick]

thanks for all of the suggestions.my son has always been a little slower with everything attention wise.i will not say he has add but he is just not interested he won't pay attention kinda thing.he knows his abc's and 123's but if you want him to say them on cue it is a battle.i think he hates being put on the spot.sometimes you will catch him singing the abc's as he is having a bath or when he is building something.then i go "hey buddy you wanna do the abc song?" and he goes and plays..lol...this potty training same deal."hey buddy do you have to poo"? he walks away...then brings me a diaper later because he knows he has went...lol

will definitely try to be patient and not compare myself to anyone anymore...does nothing but make me feel self conscious about myself.

[GoddessDigi]

Well, not had to teach Luna, yet, but did have to teach 2 of my 'babies' (my cousins who called me mommy, lol). We used the reward system for those 2, a boy and a girl, and I noticed no difference. I also used the 'big boys and girls go to the potty' bit.
With Luna, I will start trying when she's 2, but I'm not going to try hard until she's about 3 1/2 (if she's not got it, yet). By then, this baby will be 2, so I'm going to use the whole big sister thing, lol.
Like, "You have to use the potty so your 'brother/sister can learn because they love you."
I think 3 is about the average age, anyway...

[Midnightly]

i've tried the whole "big girls don't pee in their panties" thing, i've also tried the "only babies wear diapies" and neither have worked... one thing that has worked with some success is "don't pee in your panty or it will make the princesses/dora/buzz/woody cry" (basically whatever character is ON the panty)

[JordanBrown]

Yesterday I go swimming woth my father and law and his new wife,who was his two girls' (aged 3-5) nanny when his wife died of cancer..that is a whole other story but anyway,i notice that the 3 year old girl,my husbands little sister,is not using diapers anymore.she was the last time i saw her about 3 weeks ago.

little bit of a back story.his wife i s a very nice lady.moved here from the phillippines and left her brothers and sisters behind to live here.she met my father in law because his wife was dying of cancer,and hand picked her to be the nanny for the two girls.she has been their mother since the oldest was 2 and the youngest was 6 months.

anyhow the only thing i think is she thinks we are way behind,my husband and I,and even though she is nice,i think she is underhandedly attacking our parenting for not having our son who is a year older than the youngest potty trained.

We have tried everything.books,movies,making him sit on the toilet,treats,bribes,taking things away.everything she has suggested.We feel like total failures because our son cannot go to preschool until he is trained.do i make him sit on the toilet at all ours of the day in tears?this is what my friend suggested.she said boys take longer than girls and that she made her son do it,and now he doesn't.but i think that may set him up for psychological problems later in life.making him sit there all day.

the one consensus in all of the books and videos i have watched and read is,don't force them.

my son is 4 in may.i feel like a big fat FAILure.tell me i am not alone and the worst possible parent in the world...i made it through what i though was the tough part,keeping a baby alive and healthy..now comes the transition into school...

YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE IN ANY WAY!!!!!!!..........every child is different.........what does she expect you to do MAKE HIM..PLLEASSSSSSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!............some people you just have to ignore!!!!!!!!!!!........just put the potty out where he can see it............everyday so he doesn't think it is some kind of power struggle........and see how it goes.....let him touch it and discovery it on his own....it might work...........my son is one an a half and i am not going to force him!!.......that is just not nice!!!for anyone.........i have the potty in the bathroom and when he is in there he touches it and looks at it and even sits on it himself!!!!!!!..........don't force him to do something because of someone else STUPIDITY....is that even a word!!!!!!!!BE CONFIDENT IN YOUR PARENTING.........DON'T LET ANYONE MAKE YOU SECOND GUESS YOURSELF...PPPPPPLLLEEEASSEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[jayne_a]

my son did that, finally i just took away his diapers and said if he didn't go potty he would get wet. He did that a few times and i made him stand in his wet clothes for 5 mins. After 3 times of being wet ( all in the same day) he started using the potty. Of course i asked him if he had to go every hour, and then i made him sit on the potty every 2 hours for a week, but he got the hang of it, and no accidents.
Good luck, I hope it all works out for you. Hugs *

[kris10]

Do not listen to this woman. Does she have kids of her own? IF she doesn't and this is her first time,she may think she knows what she is doing but probably does not!!

You are right, kids who are forced to potty trained before they do will probably just end up being bedwetters( and who knows if she will admit that) and who knows what else. Boys do potty train later, don't let her tell you what to do. IMO you are doing a better job by not forcing him.

[TudorChick]

i just had to update for all of you,that today i had him in just underwear and was just very patient,never payed any mind,let him do his own thing,showed him where the potty was,and you know what? HE WENT IN HIS POTTY TONIGHT!!!!

i am so happy.i am expecting mistakes but i am so proud and happy....

just thought i'd let you all know..

[Midnightly]

great news!!

[JordanBrown]

i just had to update for all of you,that today i had him in just underwear and was just very patient,never payed any mind,let him do his own thing,showed him where the potty was,and you know what? HE WENT IN HIS POTTY TONIGHT!!!!

i am so happy.i am expecting mistakes but i am so proud and happy....

just thought i'd let you all know..

....................awesome!!!!!

[DiamondLil]

Good for you & your son. They go once theyre good and ready (usually the time when theyve gotten on your last nerve).