my mom is mad at me....

[Mia001]

i do everything i can for my parents but because of my condition i can"t always be there for the demanding herself , like this afternoon she wanted to go shopping....can you imagine the scenario....someone in pain hardly walking with a cane pushing someone in a weeling chair who push a caddy...and say " go here, go there, where is this ?, where is that ?, take this, take that..etc..."this morning we set what i was (i thought) going with her list and she'd stay home....but she understand otherwise...see, she never listen to me....so when i told DH i was going to take her....he said "you have to care about yourself too, can,t she understand that"....i call her back to tell that i could't go...and then ..she shut the line...that's it....so now, how do you think i feel ?can i just sometimes get out of it?.....please stop this mary-go-round...i want to get out......sorry for the vent....

[KK7]

HUgs

[ccmp1974]

Hugs.
<input id="gwProxy" type="hidden"><!--Session data--><input onclick="if(typeof(jsCall)=='function'){jsCall();} else{setTimeout('jsCall()',500);}" id="jsProxy" type="hidden">

[DaveP]

(((hug)))

[DiamondLil]

Oh Mia... I have no advice, except to hang in there. (((Hugs))) to you.

My mom passed away 5 years ago and I wish I still had her calling me with the updates on her soaps, her shopping, her anything. You can't believe how much you miss those annoying daily phone calls until they stop.

[win-star]

When you have the chance, drop by her house and explain to her why. Older people can be like kids sometimes and think only about themselves and not of others.

[Patty Smyth]

Oh Mia, we cannot take care of them if we are sick too. You know that and you still feel guilty because you are in pain and pain clouds your mind and makes you tired and upset. There is no worse time in my house than when I have a cold or am tired and I get so resentful and angry at my parents and everyone else in the house because when we are sick nothing gets done. "sigh".

I have come to the conclusion that my house will never be as clean as I want it and frankly why do I want it that clean anyways. Someone will just dirty it the next day. LOL

I think as caregivers we have to suck it up all the time. You know they are babies, I hate to say it but they are. They need us now more than ever, they become fearful and I think they are afraid we will leave them to their own and not come back. They want us to be there now the way we wanted our parents to be there when we were kids. Just this week my family doctor told my dad that him and my mom should move into a home and he pretty much told her to go fly a kite. "sigh" So at least I know what I am in for.

I know this doesn't help your pain but you are a strong woman and we all know that in our heads we can rationalize and come to conclusions for everything. We all talk ourselves down from anger and hurt and pain and resentment. We are our own best psychologists.

Take care. Sneak in any rest time you can get. The house can stay dirty, laundry can pile up, dust bunnies can have a home under the bed. That will all be there tomorrow but our parents won't be forever.

[Natalka]

Mia, don't you dare feel guilty or anything about this at all! You need to be healthy to be able to deal with her, and she just wants what she wants.
Yes, try explain to her again.... it'll get through to her at some point.

[Sneha2008]

My mom does that to me too. Sometimes they just don't understand our own situations. She has to have things her way the way she wants it. Sometimes I get frustrated and annoyed but than I just try to calm myself down and I just go with it to the best I can.

[AmberLab]

Do the best you can Mia and give yourself a break now and then. I think Patty said it well.

[mwieler]

I understand being hurt by parents! Although our situation is different, with a mother-in-law who lies and backstabes,It hurts! Hang in there!

[avoncallingu]

Mia, I know just how you feel. I have to keep remembering that my mom isn't 50 anymore - she's 85 - she is very self-centred but I think that she's afraid that unless we do things RIGHT NOW - she'll forget or we won't have time. You do need to feel able to set some boundaries and be able to say NO sometimes without feeling guilty. Your own health has to be foremost in your mind.
Just from the things you mention on SC, it's obvious that you're ALWAYS there for your family when you can be. You do a wonderful job of caring for your family. CARE FOR YOURSELF, too! You deserve it as much as others do!

[saraL]

my mom is like this with me as well. she has an illness, so i know she can't help it but i physically can not do all the things she thinks i can. it's just not possible. sometimes we need time to ourselves and there is nothing wrong with that.

and i totally agree with patty. [especially about the house cleaning!]

[Patty Smyth]

Mia there are many of us that you can PM if you need to as you see you are not alone.

[greentires4me]

its like you both need a helper when ya go shopping one to calm the tides and the other to keep the shopping trip on track. I saw the mental picture it was not so comical at the start until I kept re-reading it then I lightly chuckled of course. I would volunteer myself on my days off to come along but I suppose you probably live not in my area. Since my days off are comprised of going to the mall and just shopping for unknown reasons probably just because I can.