Ignorant, mean, or obivious..??

[cherielake]

Sometimes I dont understand why my kids do the thinks they do. I have 4 kids a toddler, and 3 older children pre teens and teens.. anywas sometimes I just dont understand why they do what they do. I mean I get it their siblings, but I never fought with my sister like that.
They break my little guys toys all the time, blame each other of the baby (hes 18 months). Like really..?

They're super rude, and ignorant with each other, feelings are always hurt, and again they break (the other ones) things. I'm almost at my wits end Just stressed right out.

I alwasy tell them it was no picnic when I was growing up. My mother would rather drink most the time then care. We had little food, no tv, barely any toys. And they just look at me like Im crazy...??


I give them allowances and even try taking money away when they dont do good by each other but that doesnt work.
Sorry for the rant I just needed it out. I feel way better now, LOL

[Abby5]

It is summer...need I say more?

[walkonby]

I certainly do hear the frustration in your post. Doesn't it feel grand to just say it ( well type it) and then a little bit of the weight gets lifted? Glad you felt better sharing with us here.

I have discovered that kids often really DO NOT know why they act or do things. ( no matter how many times we say or in my case screamed " why did you do that? " )
I can only imagine with the age difference in the youngest that perhaps there may be some jealousy issues, it is common to hear siblings complain that the baby gets spoiled, or gets treated differently that they did.
As far as them trying to relate to what you went through in your childhood, I can say it won't make a bit of difference to them right now, they are for the most part in that " self centered " stage. All 3 of mine have had their turns at swinging that attitude when they hit about 17.
Hang in there. They do change like the wind. It may all work itself out without any action on your part.

[Minou]

Hey, the teens can get summer jobs soon to pay for the toys they break! Not only will they value the cost of things if they have to do more for themselves, they'll be out of your hair while they're working, too!

Is there any kind of free municipal summer parks program/drop in that you could send the preteens to?

If you're stuck at home with them all the time, maybe create a sticker chart for the older ones, especially if they're all pretty much equal in their fighting/disagreements. Sit them down to explain it to them and write down on Bristol board what behaviours you expect from them. They become a team that has to work together. The team can earn up to 3 stickers a day -- morning, afternoon, evening. If there's a fight/problem during one of those periods, no sticker for that period (and the timer for the next period starts right after the problem happens). Give each sticker a certain value toward allowance or some activity they all enjoy at the end of the week. They each get the same amount, based on how they do as a team by the number of stickers they earn.

[<3 My $aving$ <3]

Awww Cherie...
Summer was harder when my 2 Beloved Bratz were younger, those 2 could NOT stand one another ! LoL
Even though he's turning 19 and her 11, it took awhile for them to get along!

Their individual personalities in our home and otherwise are still night and day!
He's the Moody/Brooding Serious one and she's the Hell on Heels Lovey Dovey Social butterfly.

I've been a Single MoM for some time now and have stuggled through many obstacles along the way.
What we went through as a family definitely changed who we were to who we are now.

Kids these days have it wayyy too easy IMHO...
The have their own laptops/cellphones/games systems etc
from parents who again IMHO are over compensating for what they didn't have themselves growing up
(I was gulty of that awhile myself) but if they don't LEARN to EARN for themselves at a younger age
it will be damn hard on them once they turn 18 and have to join the Real World!

Once the kidlets learn to push your "watch this" and see mom explode button it's even harder
Keep in mind there is only 1 of you my dear and 4 of them!
I had trouble with just the 2 some days <3 HUGGGS <3
You also need to MAKE time for yourself too!

I am THE strictest parent in my Neighbourhood by far!
I never just grounded the kids I made them work while they were in trouble !
IE Extra chores, hand scrubbing the floor, picking weeds, sorting coupons
I also took away all elctronic eqipment (iPod/Cell Phones game consoles etc...
(as a side note my son has been working since he was 16 so he earned most of those items w/or w/out my help)

They will probably never appreciate it, but i think it helped them to realize that
there has to be more than words there has to be consequences to back it up as well.
Let's face it in the workplace people are (sadly) to some degree disposable... You mess up and you're out!

We live in a world where this generation is the 1st to be born into an electronic/social media run world.
For the most part personally I NEVER had anything handed to me,
I'd started babysitting when I was 12 yrs old it was the only way I'd get anything

When I was young (just shy of 40 myself) we had the great outdoors !
We played outside year round! Left in the am came home for lunch, left for the afternoon came home for dinner
and stayed out late to boot! We played sports organized and out of the blue!
I can also remember living back in The Teulon Area (1980)
we had 4 channels CBC/CBC French, CKY & CKND (HUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM)

What about the AG Fair ?!? Is that coming up soon ?!?
Is there free programming at the Aquatics Cente or Sports complex ?!?

[hollyquaiscer]

I once fostered a child that liked to destroy toys and other belongs of the other kids in the house. The thing that worked for me was when he (and for that matter any of the children), destroyed another childs belongings, that child would loose one of their own belongings. Not by breaking it, just removing it from them and putting it away in my room. i always removed the item they treasured the most. It could be a video game console, a game, make-up, a cd...whatever they just couldn't live without. It didn't take long for them to realize that they needed to respect everyone else in the house and everyones personal belongings.

Groundings, taking away allowance, making them pay for things they had destroyed, I tried them all, but they didn't work. BUT, when I finally decided to try this, it was amazing how things turned around. It works with children of all ages. I raised 5 girls of my own, and also fostered 3 to 4 teens at the same time. Our house was always full, so I hear your pain with the constant kerfuffles that break out. Believe me, this will work if you are consistant, do it for every child, and don't give in in a few days and give the item back.

I would keep the items I took as long as it took for that person to start respecting everyone else. If their behaviour continued, I would continue to take away items. I had one child that had nothing in his room for a month but a bed. That it, nothing else, not even his clothes (we did give him clean clothes every day, but he didn't get to choose what he wore). And yes, the social workers and any adults in his life new what was going on. It took about 6 months, but this child did turn around. I'm proud to say I hear from this child almost weekly, he has graduated a trade school and now has a great job I'm such a proud momma.

You need to take a me break, even if you have to lock yourself in the bathroom for 5 minutes. I can tell you are very stressed. After all the kidlets are in bed, make yourself a nice hot cup of tea, put your feet up and enjoy. I hope everything works out for you.

[Tweetybird999]

Have to say I agree with the summer comments and also about taking things away. We take things away as punishment as it means so much more than a time out. Keep your chin up, kids are so challenging. We've all been there and it sucks sometimes.

[cherielake]

I bought the kids a summer pass to the pool because there really isn't much here, and what is here cost a good bit of $$. Which I dont have. I have taken swimming away from them but they dont seem to care. My kids are 18 months 9 , 11, and 13. and its more of the 9 and 11 year old them fight together push each others button LIE. OMG do they lie. I'm trying to teach them that if they tell me the first time then it wont be so bad.. but they just dont get it. My youngest daughter hasn't gotten allowance the last 2 times I gave it because she asks like a jerk I've grounded her, made her sit at the table which she hates (no books, no music nothing) that kind of works. I think Im going to have to try working them. LOL
I'm guilty of giving my kids things I never had. I just think I hated it. Didn't even have a clock radio. I babysat for my money but had my mom pawn my game system after I got it. (I moved out and into my grand mothers after) but yeah. I worked for my money. I think I might have to try to be for lack of a better word more strict. Like I want my kids to know they cant walk all over me, but I dont want them to think Im too tough.

My oldest can be a real help but shes no angel either, LOL!
I'm going to try a Uh oh your in trouble chore list. Like Mow the lawn, pull weeds, clean closets, ect. And see how that goes. Thanks for all the tip everyone! It was amazing how much weight was lifted after I hit that enter button I tell ya... Again thou.. thank you. I appreciate it

[YOU AND ME]

Cherie i know what you are going through,i babysit my 3 GD 6,10 12 when something goes wrong no one fess up ,they all say it wasn't me,i say must have a ghost in the house as it sure wasn't me.I agree taking away something,2 weeks ago my oldest GD told her father a lie she got her Blackberry taken away for 2 weeks it was suppose to be 1 week but kept going on about it being so unfair another week tacked on.The Blackberry is her life,i think she learned her lesson but we'll see.

They constantly fight with each,i'm so tried of hearing this,truthful i'll be glad when school goes backI love my GD but sometimes they get on my nerves

[Sally888]

my kids are getting bored and picking fights with each other. Driving me batty.

[<3 My $aving$ <3]

List of CHORES ALL KIDS HATE !!! <3

MAKE THEM WASH THE WALLS
Fill an old Windex botte w/your fave smelling Laundry Soap ( I use Gain Apple Mango Tango ) and warm water
Use an old shirt and put them to work! Explain to them they need to spray the was as HIGH as they can reach
and wipe ALL THE WAY DOWN THE WALL and across any floor/wall/window trim you may have!

This makes you house smell great, it's easy on the paint. Best of all IF you have a swiffer spray the cloth with the mix.
And finish off what they missed This will also allow you you do a quick once over!

MAKE THEM REARRANGE THEIR ROOM! AND NOT THE WAY THEY WANT EITHER!
fOR SUMMER (if POSSIBLE) make it so their Headboard aligns with the window.
It will help them to calm down a little at night at their age.
By NOT being able to look directly out the window and SEE it is still daylight,
their bodies will respond better to winding down for the night!
AND in the morning b/c the crack of dawn is not shining in their faces they are more likely to sleep in!

This will also help you get them in a new routine for fall.
as all they would have to do is change where they lay their pillows!
So that the Sun does hit them 1st thing in the am...

PLUCKING WEEDS !
We've always lived in a house and the kids have ALWAYS picked weeds!
It's cool 1st thing in the am and later in the evening...
Nothing harder on the kids than being outside and NOT being able to play...
Just make sure they aren't so spiteful they wreck your garden...
My son was sooo mad once he thought he WEED my roses...
Needless to say he never tried that again... STILL doesn't like touching Roses all these years later LoL

Planting in the garden
NOTHING says RUINED like being ALLOWED to add Water to mud
but NOT have any fun with it...

HAVE SMALL RUGS ?!?
Lay it out over the fence, give them the broom and let them at it!
It alleviates their frustration and you get clean carpets in the process...
Spray down the carpets while they are outside.
Later as they are vacuumed the laundry scent will continue to be released!

PUNISHMENTS:
OH SOOO MANY WAYS TO TORTURE YOUR CHILD WITHOUT YELLING/OR LEAVING A MARK!!!!

Add a password to the computer/change the password while they are grounded!
Same goes for TV use the parental locks to your hearts content
MY SON hates THE dISNEY CHANNEL... soooo... I'd lock everything out BUT Disney

LOCK DOWN THEIR CELL PHONE ! NO GAMES/APPS/FB/ LIMIT THEIR CALLS AND TEXTING TO FAMILY ONLY
(This takes more than a degree of effort but if they''''re in trouble for more than a week,
by the end of Day 3 they will be be pulling their hair out of sheer boredom
MEAN ... to a degree BUT if they need the Cell for Emergency contact they STILL have that just NO FUN STUFF!!!)

NOW IF THEY HAVE FACEBOOK
Post to their page saying that they are GROUNDED and for how long!
While you have their FB open casually scroll thru mssgs w/their best friends JUST to make sure all is well
Sometimes when they are acting out it's b/c of something they won't admit to you...
Maybe they are being bullied, or are having a rough time w/a teacher/ subject at school
FB is the NEW: DEAR DIARY

Make them EARN their Allowance
Allowance should NEVER BE A FREEBIE
They need to keep their room clean / make their beds
Base their household chores on age/ set the table / clear the table/ who does dishes/ loads the dishwasher etc

It's too late for this summer but early next year apply to The Sunshine Camp Fund for the older 3.
Depending on your situation you may qualify for FREE summer Camp for each child!!!
(That has been a God~send here) as I am packing up my girl to leave on the 30th for 13nights!
It cost me $100 but I was able to pay over 4 months. I just needed a longer break this year!
Usually 6night camps are free or rquire a degree of Fundraising or volunteering...

That way you could rotate so that the kids are away one at a time or all at the same time !

I am lucky that I qualify for free funding as a Single Parent on Disability.
My benefits worker sets everything up for me.
There are many day programs and camps available

[SavenRaven]

Wow, , those are some really great ideas!

OP, hang in there. Eventually they grow up and become us. If the kids are super bored they will try anything to ease the boredom. Negative or positive, it never matters to them. Have you tried positive reinforcement?... It works at any age. Dedicate a few days to rewarding only positive behaviour (with praise, love and your attention) and ignore the negative. You may be surprised at how quickly they turn to only positive behaviors just to get your attention.

[Abby5]

I find you get more with honey. Meaning positive enforcements.
Mine are 13 and 19.
i did a lot when they were younger---now they get a long and we do lots of fun stuff.
First I try to catch them doing something great!
And reward them right away eg. Candy or something small
It is hard at first when you are busy but it works
The others see this and will be like "I am good I want one"...then you have to say "when I catch you then you will get one too"
After a little while ..you can start a family check mark chart:
-list only positive things they can do--- no negatives (eg. Keeping your hands to yourself from 7 am to 12pm (negative would be ..no punching anyone ever !)
-make sure you but something positive as a reward on the end for the whole family
-I usually have three options at the end eg.hike and picnic lunch 2)stay up to 11pm and have popcorn and watch ----- movie3) bike ride and get ice cream at mc Donald's
- when they get x amount of check marks they all vote and you get a vote too
One of mine was make your bed Monday, Tuesday, wednesday ect.. my little one had trouble doing this so the older one often would help him!
-every week we would work towards something --it got to the point of a few bags of their favourite candy and fun end of the week little trips
-one week I put clear out everyone's room eg. Brady's room Monday and Tony's room Tuesday and at the end of the week we would go to the beach with friends! -both their rooms were cleaned on Monday !! They got all the check marks for the week too. That week I ended up taking them for All you can eat pizza at pizza hut too (they tried on all their clothes even! And I made a list of what they needed for September)


We had much better summers when I got positive
"it takes 1000 that a boys to make up one negative "

[eve160450]

Just to put in my two cents....There is truth in the saying that parenthood is one of the toughest jobs in the world. I would suggest trying everything you can and even though it's a lot of work for you DON'T give up trying. The lessons you need to teach them are life lessons. I try to remember that with kids the most important thing is not trying to make them my friends but to prepare them for life and what is ahead of them. They may not like my rules and consequences and may not even like me but what I am teaching them will let them become a functioning adult in the real world. Good luck to you and remember that in the end when they are older and wiser they will thank-you for what you did for them.

[CheriBomb]

Not much I can add that hasn't already been said. Just know that we are here if you need to be talked out of the crazy tree, and remember that there is only 40 days till school starts again! xox