Totally shocked!

[i_forget]

What you wrote in your post was correct Kelly5. A true friend will do what they can to try to be there for their friend and help their friend as best that they can.
Anyone who up and abandons a person during a rough patch is, in my opinion, not worth being friends with at all. So, I would be glad to see them go. Those are the ones that should be dumped. No one is perfect, and if someone can so easily turn away from them during a rough patch, well that is a more horrible person.
Do the best you can, at least then you know you have tried.

[screamy]

I don't necessarily think I'm acting like a doormat. All I've really done is call some friends and her parents to see what's going on, and then phone her. I don't really think that's really going out of my way. I totally agree that smashing other people's cars is not acceptable, and I don't think there is any excuse for that. I don't think it matters how bad your situation is, that doesn't mean vandalism is okay.

I've stated that I don't condone her behaviour, however, sometimes being a good friend means trying to help. Since I've known her for over 20 years and have never had this type of issue with her before, I feel like I owe it to her and myself to try and preserve this friendship. At the moment I'm not quite sure how to proceed as she hung up on me, but I will probably try to call our other mutual friends and try to sort this out.

I'm not saying that I would go through this over and over with a friend. There comes a point where I need to get rid of them because they are so negative that they are bringing down my own life. I just don't think that getting rid of a friend when they need help is a good thing. When I've gone through things, albeit without the vandalism and nasty letter, I have been able to depend upon her. I'm not ready to give up on her without trying to help more.

I also don't think that calling them names is beneficial, especially the last word you used. I can't stand when people use that word. It's demeaning to women, and if you are a woman then I definitely don't understand the use of that word, and if you are a man then you should know better. I've never really understood calling people names. It doesn't solve anything and really only makes the argument worse. Instead of concentrating on the argument and solving the problem the name calling results in hurt feelings and making the argument degenerate into meaninglessness.

Your post got edited, so I'm not sure if you were referring to my post or not, but given the "doormat" reference, I thought I should comment, just in case, because the last thing I intended was to offend you.

When I said she needed a friend who wouldn't be a doormat, I meant she needed one who would call her on her behaviour, exactly like you have done, and not just take something so out of character from her without questioning it. It's easy to just write someone off (even if it's still painful). If I had a friend blow up on me like that, I'd at least try (as you have) to investigate a bit further before I cut her off too.

And re-reading my post, I should also mention that when I said "reaping what she sows", I meant she would have to deal with her kids' behavioural issues later in life, and that you, being a good friend, would likely cultivate good friends in return.

It's all so clear inside my head when I type stuff....not always so much when I see it the next time around.

[erin9mmm]

I don't think it was your post screamy the one in question was reported and removed.

[screamy]

Oh, good. Still - much clearer to me in my brain than once out of it...I frequently tell my BF "Just listen to what I'm THINKING, would you??".

[Tracy0416]

I am sorry you went thru this. It hurts not matter how you spin it so give yourself permission to grieve and be sad. But also give yourself permission to not do as she asks. She chose to deal with the situation in a manner where you don't get your stuff back so why should she get hers. Selfish is an apt description. Your busy too. Is her time more presious? Is she more busy? No. She can't be bother to show your 20 year friendship the respect it deserves by speaking to you at least on the phone and taking what... a half hour to gather your things, so neither shall you. Take no ction either, just as she has, and do nothing. Just my opinion.

I've been through a similar situation and it stills hurts even tho the other person was a weenie poo poo head about the whole things so my sympathy is with ya! ((hug))

[r0c0upons]

i say cash the check and go put it under the windshield wiper of a dinged bmw in the back of a parking lot!

[Kelly5]

.

[Kelly5]

Your post got edited, so I'm not sure if you were referring to my post or not, but given the "doormat" reference, I thought I should comment, just in case, because the last thing I intended was to offend you.

When I said she needed a friend who wouldn't be a doormat, I meant she needed one who would call her on her behaviour, exactly like you have done, and not just take something so out of character from her without questioning it. It's easy to just write someone off (even if it's still painful). If I had a friend blow up on me like that, I'd at least try (as you have) to investigate a bit further before I cut her off too.

And re-reading my post, I should also mention that when I said "reaping what she sows", I meant she would have to deal with her kids' behavioural issues later in life, and that you, being a good friend, would likely cultivate good friends in return.

It's all so clear inside my head when I type stuff....not always so much when I see it the next time around.

No I wasn't commenting on your post. The post that I was commenting on was reported and removed. Your post was totally different, so no worries.

[screamy]

Phew! The situation is annoying enough without me adding to the grief!

[couponfreak]

a real prank would be to cash her check rip up the 100 dollar bill and send it back to her in pieces. the would be hilarious....joking aside I would just send it back and when you get that porshe park it in clear view..or get a security camera!

[hollyquaiscer]

Kelly, keep your chin up. She will need you, when she finally lets reality set in. She may be angry and upset right now, but it's not you she's upset at, but it's true, we often hurt the ones we care most about. I hope you can be there for her when she finally realizes what a great friend you have been to her and she needs to talk. I'm sure in a short time, she will feel bad about the way she has treated you, and I'm happy that you have left the door open for her to call you back. She knows she wronged you and needs to say how truly sorry she is, and I'm sure she will, in time. Divorce is one of the hardest things a person can go through I'm sure, so she's probably not thinking straight right now.

She will thank you for being there for her in the end.

[frankienitka]

I think you handled this with far more grace and respect that I or most people would have. You tried to fell her pain but still kept your dignity and belief. Hopefully she'll come around and realize she's was wrong and you can mend the relationship. If not, you've done what a good friend would do and cannot be expected to do more. You've given the proverbial olive branch and she has to choose to take it.