PammieD's Love is in the Air Package Train

[slambert]

Honestly? I would recommend professional help...I was actually thinking that as I was reading your description and then you asked the question. I suffer from anxiety related to my OCD and seeing a psychiatrist was the best thing I ever did. It sounds like you and your dh have done everything possible to try and make him feel comfortable and in control, but you have to be careful not to take it too far too. Outside of the home, there will be things that he can't control and with me, my anxiety started getting to the point it was hindering me in the outside world. Getting him help sooner rather than later I think will hopefully help him get to share in some of those exciting childhood things you want him to enjoy (sleepovers etc). How old is he? Does MIL know what she's done? It sounds like something my mom would/will do one day

Yes she knows, doesn't care but she knows. She's of the mindset that he's a kid and he's going to figure it out sooner or later that bad guys exist so why not be honest with him...GRR..They didn't get the keys to the house, but that's not what bothers him. He's bothered by the fact that "bad guys" were on his street...OH did I mention she lives across the street from me...sigh..We have had him to a psychologist when he was going through chemo so I'm going to call her tomorrow and see if we can get him in and do some talking..Thanks for confirming for me, I feel so helpless. He's 11 now but has lots of fears left from what he went through with his treatments, and I think the fear of someone coming in the house started with the nurses coming into his room to give him needles when he was 4, it really freaked him out and I don't think he's ever quite gotten over it. Thanks for the advice

[slambert]

slambert so sorry you are going through this. It wouldn't hurt to ask your family Dr. This can really have a huge affect even on his overall health. I think it is wise to maybe ask him what would make him comfortable. Let him make an action plan he can carry out. Like each time he does something to overcome his fears he gets a reward something to make him feel like he has reached his goal. Wether it is a bag of skittles or a hot wheel. Making sure you both mark down when he was able to over come it. It is easier to do it in baby steps. Also maybe having one of those rotation nightlight thingys you know with fishys and sorts not sure the right name to calm him down at night. Maybe also possiable to take a tour at a local police station and let them know ahead of time his fears.

Those are great ideas!! Thank you, I'll talk to him about a different night light tomorrow and see what he thinks of a reward system. Might get us through until we can get in to see a DR. It sometimes takes awhile to get in.

[MrsSunshine]

my goodness.. sounds like your MIL needs to see someone.. oh do i have words to describe her... piece of work is a nice term.. wow who does that?? to a kid??? im so sorry but thats just wrong on so many levels..
it almost sounds like a horror movie.. i really hope that his therapist can help him.. your son can move on.

[MrsSunshine]

Slam.. im sure if you inform the dr. whats happening they'll get him in faster.

[slambert]

my goodness.. sounds like your MIL needs to see someone.. oh do i have words to describe her... piece of work is a nice term.. wow who does that?? to a kid??? im so sorry but thats just wrong on so many levels..
it almost sounds like a horror movie.. i really hope that his therapist can help him.. your son can move on.

yes piece of work is a nice term..I have lots of other names for her...this is only the tiny tip of the iceberg of the problems she has caused in our lives but there is not enough time or room in this thread for all of it.

[KK7]

well there is never harm in a nightlight no matter the age Kayla is 15 and she still needs one time to time. I think she needs to reamber that this is your child not hers and he has gone through enough without making his fears worse in life. His senses are going to be higher due to what he has gone through and if she can't understand that maybe she needs to see a shrink ; )

[pumpkin9211]

OK ladies I need help, I'm going to lose my mind My son has always been nervous of having someone break into our house, and last year my genius MIL let two teen into her house in the middle of the night because they said they needed the phone. They stole the vehicle keys and then the vehicles when she went back to bed. Knowing our son's nervousness we specifically asked that she not share this with him.. well she is a mother knows best kind of MIL...yay me...and she told him anyway. He has had trouble sleeping since then. He has panic attacks from time to time, he will not sleep out of our house without me or my husband..so no sleepovers with friends or no visits to my Mom's (I'm so sad he is missing out on these special parts of childhood because of big mouth ) I have tried everything to make him comfortable, we allow him to lock the doors and turn on the alarm when he goes to bed, we have the dogs sleep in his room with him, we've shown him that no one can get into the house, assured him the dogs wouldn't let anyone near him, also assured him that we would never allow anyone to hurt him, taught him some self calming techniques and he is still panicking to go to bed, and it seems to be getting worse . Is it time for professional help or is there something else we can be doing? My heart is breaking for him and I feel like I'm out of options...though I'm doubtful it will help him I'm thinking MIL needs a punch in the face...GRRRRR I wish people would think before going against a parent's wishes...maybe, just maybe we know him a little better than she does, and the sad part is she was trying to get one in on us and ended up hurting him.

First, I would like to punch your MIL in the face.

Second, what about these ideas?

Getting a pre-paid cell phone that only dials 911(they are out there--forget what they are called) its cheap.. like $5/month. He could sleep with that under his pillow.. if anyone breaks in.. he could call for help right away

I agree with everyone suggesting you speak with a doctor.

Nightlights. Sometimes, when I am spooked and hubby is away.. I will sleep with the bathroom light on and I have two big dogs too

An alarm for him in his room... it could be a simple whistle he could blow to worn you and the ones you buy at Canadian Tire.

He knows self defence... remind him of that. Let him teach both you and hubby his moves so YOU know how to help protect him. (in his eyes)

Hope some of the ideas help....

[slambert]

First, I would like to punch your MIL in the face.

Second, what about these ideas?

Getting a pre-paid cell phone that only dials 911(they are out there--forget what they are called) its cheap.. like $5/month. He could sleep with that under his pillow.. if anyone breaks in.. he could call for help right away

I agree with everyone suggesting you speak with a doctor.

Nightlights. Sometimes, when I am spooked and hubby is away.. I will sleep with the bathroom light on and I have two big dogs too

An alarm for him in his room... it could be a simple whistle he could blow to worn you and the ones you buy at Canadian Tire.

He knows self defence... remind him of that. Let him teach both you and hubby his moves so YOU know how to help protect him. (in his eyes)

Hope some of the ideas help....

OMGosh Pumpkin those are amazing ideas. He actually does have a cell phone (got him one in the summer when the pedophile moved into the neighborhood) so I'll get him to put that in his room, and I love the idea of a whistle. My hubby is in karate with him but I think he'd love to teach me some karate. I'm excited for him to get up tomorrow so we can discuss all of the wonderful ideas coming from this thread..I knew you ladies would know what to do.

[Armygirl76]

Slam I was so hesitant to wieght in because my mind went to sort of a different place. Knowing what your amazingly brave son has and is still going through I wonder if in a little way there is some transference of fear. I know for me my fear of my cancer and the inability to truly want to think of the possibilities associated with it I direct my emotions good and bad at other things. Like my fear it is easier to place my fears in things that are tangible that have a solution I can in way control rather than let myself truly feel what is really wrong. I am sorry if this is way off base.

on a side note my MIL is very similar so I do think a good punch in the mouth is probably the only effective move lol

Tell Trent I think he is the bravest coolest kid I know

[slambert]

Slam I was so hesitant to wieght in because my mind went to sort of a different place. Knowing what your amazingly brave son has and is still going through I wonder if in a little way there is some transference of fear. I know for me my fear of my cancer and the inability to truly want to think of the possibilities associated with it I direct my emotions good and bad at other things. Like my fear it is easier to place my fears in things that are tangible that have a solution I can in way control rather than let myself truly feel what is really wrong. I am sorry if this is way off base.

on a side note my MIL is very similar so I do think a good punch in the mouth is probably the only effective move lol

Tell Trent I think he is the bravest coolest kid I know

I agree with you 100% on him placing fears of cancer onto other things. We have seen a psychologist before for this among other things, and this one is getting way out of control, it seem debilitating for him. I know he has major anxiety about a relaps, he's a very smart boy and he knows if the cancer were to come back that we are in a much different situation than the fist time. That freaks me out so I can only imagine what an 11yr old turns that into. But even before cancer he has had a fear of "bad guys" as he calls them. The treatments and scary hospital stays didn't help. We talk a lot about his health and how far he has come past cancer but I'm not sure how much he totally trusts what we say all the time. I'm going to call his pediatrician in the morning as well as his psychologist and see who can get us in faster so he can do some chatting. Thanks for the insight

[Armygirl76]

Oh Slam I hope it gets figured out that boy needs some peace

[missbee217]

Pumpkin,
We did not get the game yet, but thank you again for thinking of us!
You SC'ers are the nicest bunch of people I have ever met (or rather, not met...)

[wendyjane]

think i might just pick the cute little kitty

kitten definitely wins (he's a jerk)

[cowgirlmama04]

slambert, you are an awesome mom!! I don't have any other advice then what has already been offered, but you have done and continue to do everything that your child needs, and you will succeed at this too.

[dlee]

They accepted our offer on the house!! We are moving in, in a few days!!! Not far though, we have been renting the basement suite for 6 years, and now we own the WHOLE house, I am so freakin excited!

CONGRATS!!!! I'm so excited for you! I can't wait for that to be me one day! I love dreaming about my dream home.

OK ladies I need help, I'm going to lose my mind My son has always been nervous of having someone break into our house, and last year my genius MIL let two teen into her house in the middle of the night because they said they needed the phone. They stole the vehicle keys and then the vehicles when she went back to bed. Knowing our son's nervousness we specifically asked that she not share this with him.. well she is a mother knows best kind of MIL...yay me...and she told him anyway. He has had trouble sleeping since then. He has panic attacks from time to time, he will not sleep out of our house without me or my husband..so no sleepovers with friends or no visits to my Mom's (I'm so sad he is missing out on these special parts of childhood because of big mouth ) I have tried everything to make him comfortable, we allow him to lock the doors and turn on the alarm when he goes to bed, we have the dogs sleep in his room with him, we've shown him that no one can get into the house, assured him the dogs wouldn't let anyone near him, also assured him that we would never allow anyone to hurt him, taught him some self calming techniques and he is still panicking to go to bed, and it seems to be getting worse . Is it time for professional help or is there something else we can be doing? My heart is breaking for him and I feel like I'm out of options...though I'm doubtful it will help him I'm thinking MIL needs a punch in the face...GRRRRR I wish people would think before going against a parent's wishes...maybe, just maybe we know him a little better than she does, and the sad part is she was trying to get one in on us and ended up hurting him.

the ideas given are so superb. I think getting a professional opinion might help a lot too. I know people view seeing a professional or a counsellour as sometimes something "negative". but I see it as a real positive. I myself go to someone every month just to talk through some of the things I'm going through and it has made me feel so healthy. I hope if you do see a professional you don't see it as something broken that needs to be fixed but rather an opportunity for him to be able to understand himself better. but you are an amazing mom so I know that anything you decide will be good and in his best interest. cheering you on slambert!!