Justified

[frugal50]

so it was my ________ graduation

family were in hand to host him a dinner party

i am not close to this dude nor do i like him

his aunts both gave him monetary gifts

i didn't give him a red cent, why should i?

he's not technically my nephew and he gives me attitude

i feel justified.....

[Ciel]

Oh, there are relations that are really hard to be around for family gatherings. If you managed to be civil during the dinner party, then you might have the thick skin necessary for possible post-party comments about your lack of gift-giving (people DO talk, so be prepared).

I have a feeling you had to appear at the party. I have chosen to avoid certain relatives because we don't get along. When I do give gifts, I do want to have some goodwill existing between myself and the recipient. Otherwise, no gift is forthcoming.

[MillieH]

This sounds like a brag, not a rant.. as to the why should I question.. giving a gift of some sort not only affects that family member, it affects those who observe, a grandmother.. a mom.. a sister or brother.. its part of being a family.. my sister has step sons as does my daughter.. once they became step family they became part of our family.. therefore to be treated as part of our family.

I don't know the rules of 'step' families though..

Having said that.. if I felt resentment toward someone enough that I couldnt give them a gift.. I wouldn't attend the event..

[Shwa Girl]

Graduation - what a great achievement.
Some go to college, university or trade school but do not complete their certificate, diploma, degree, apprenticeship. There are many reasons why not.

Graduation is a great achievement. Congratulations to him.

[sassypants]

I don't think there should ever be expectations of money or such - gifts are gifts because we choose to add to something ... being a part of a family gathering is a gift in itself to show encouragement and support for one another's achievement.

[Darth Penguin]

There's probably gonna be whole load on FB/Twitter about you...by your step-nephew his family and friends...

Still if it was me, I would hvae made a polite refusal to go to the party and sent a card.

[ticul]

There's probably gonna be whole load on FB/Twitter about you...by your step-nephew his family and friends...

Still if it was me, I would have made a polite refusal to go to the party and sent a card.

Yes, I would have done the same thing...............

[Minou]

Step nephew? Does that mean he's your nephew on your husband's side... or your stepsibling's son?

For me, it would depend... I would feel required to give a gift to my husband's sister's son, but I probably wouldn't attend my husband's stepmother's grandchild's graduation party. She and my father-in-law married when my husband was past 30, so he has no connection with her children.

As kids, I guess we all knew the adult who chooses not to do anything for us, and we just accepted that. Our family had neighbours for years (an older couple without children) who we called auntie and uncle. They were around all the time for probably the first sixteen years of my life, and came to holidays and special occasions. They'd be over for coffee in the evening at least once a week. We'd all go camping together. The only time I received a gift from them was when I was about twelve years old and they bought me a little red phone book (worth about $3) with my name on it! They wore sweatshirts and jeans to my wedding. Our family just kind of shrugged our shoulders at their quirks and certainly never took any offense.

All the same, though, I don't think they'd be bragging about never doing anything for us as kids... I think they were just clueless!

[miamitall]

If I was going to attend, I'd spend less than $ 10 - get a dollar store card, go to Value Village and pick up 1 or 2 new books about "Secrets to Success", Business, etc., of something inspirational, , etc. ( $ 5. or less each). They have lots of books of this kind. I'm sure even Chapters has something for less than $ 10.
Then go online, find 2 inspiring quotes. Handwrite "Dear (Insert name of nephew), and write a quote, etc. inside the front cover of the book.
Then add the 2nd quote to the card. You've spent less than $ 10, yet, if attending, you did acknowledge the event, without having to give a "monetary gift" Even if your step nephew gives you attitude, you're the adult & you should lead by example. Plus, you come across as a better person, and it appears as if you put a lot of time & thought into a thoughful gift. But YOU know you only spent $ 10 and a few minutes of your time. Just my thoughts...

[Landior]

I don't think there should ever be expectations of money or such - gifts are gifts because we choose to add to something ... being a part of a family gathering is a gift in itself to show encouragement and support for one another's achievement.

THIS. Well said, sassypants.

Good for you, frugal50, or not giving in. I find it really frustrating that materialism seems to dictate how we interact with relatives and firends and am tired of everything being a gift grab. It makes no sense to me that you shood be expected to buy something for a relative with whom you are not close...to me doing so would undermine the very meaning of giving a gift. A family member's presence should be enough and anything on top of that is a bonus in my books. If people have nothing better to do than gossip about it, well, that's their problem.

[frugal50]

THIS. Well said, sassypants.

Good for you, frugal50, or not giving in. I find it really frustrating that materialism seems to dictate how we interact with relatives and firends and am tired of everything being a gift grab. It makes no sense to me that you shood be expected to buy something for a relative with whom you are not close...to me doing so would undermine the very meaning of giving a gift. A family member's presence should be enough and anything on top of that is a bonus in my books. If people have nothing better to do than gossip about it, well, that's their problem.

his blood aunts like to give out of guilt and they are both pretty generous with their money
nobody gossiped about me, they know i'm frugal and don't just give away my hard earned money
i have no regrets.

[Sblijenie]

This post is very informative. Thank you!