why do people desappear when you need them?

[Mia001]

have you already noticed that?

[elliott_gyal]

ive experienced that before yes....

with friends of course.

maybe a couple times with family..

[Thumpersmom]

I know it sounds like a cliche but you don't know who your friends are until you need them.But it also lets you know who is worth "spending" your love on. Those people who walk away were never your friends and you were unfortunately expelling love and energy where it wasn't appreciated. I find too that in a time of crisis if you open up your heart and mind to it you will be surprised who will jump onto that breach. It may be the person you least suspected.

[elliott_gyal]

you will be surprised who will jump onto that breach. It may be the person you least suspected.

TOTALLY AGREE.

had this happen to me when i was a bit younger...

my best friend left me, my friend for ages had left me, and the girl that i was not even really friends with, was the only one to stick by my side.

its crazy how things like that open up your eyes.

[roseofblack25]

yep I have noticed that but it helped me weed out the people that weren't worth my time and energy.

[roxyjazz]

I agree with rose,,, I'm in the process of weeding myself right now.

[elliott_gyal]

i think that people make mistakes sometimes too though....

im sure i havent ALWAYS been there for my friends when they need me.....

but they have not ditched me because there may have been an incident like that

i think everything needs to be taken into consideration... the size of the issue you are dealing with, the time you needed help... etc..

i really think it depends.

[smb127]

About 11 years ago I got to find out who some of my real friends were. For years I had been sending gifts and cards to my Godson and asking the parents if I could take him out when I was in Town. I live 6 hours away, so 2 or 3 times a year I would be visiting my folks and want to to visist them too. After 3 years of them being too busy for me, I drop them. This was after my mother had a baby shower for and my best friend (I thought) didn't bother to come. After that I didn't send her any cards for Christmas or birthdays. Don't get me wrong here, my goodson was old enough to send his own thankyou cards or call me, but that did happen ever, so yes he got cut off too.

I now have a great group of friends and they pulled together for me when I went in for surgery a few years back. I dropped my car at one friends house and drove inot town with her, her hubby and son dropped my car back at my house. I stayed over night at anothers and she drove me to the hositpal the next morning. The 3rd friend picked me up, drove me home and even made and left me food. Three days after my surgery I was trying to cut the grass, bad idea, but the neigbour head me having problems and came to see what was wrong. Shoo'd me into the house and cut my grass for me., I have 1/2 acre so alot of cutting. That was 5 years ago and they/I still do things for each other.

[jenna321]

In my case, I think people are afraid to help or don't know how to deal with whats going on. It certainly hurts and shows you who really are your friends or family for that matter! Sometimes friends are there to distract me from what's going on or just be a shoulder to lean on. My true friends know who they are and i'm ok with a few I have because I don't need gobs of friends just a few loyal pals in my life.

[swouper2]

In my case, I think people are afraid to help or don't know how to deal with whats going on.

It's unfortunate, but I think that sometimes we don't want to step on toes and be too intrusive when people are having a hard time. I myself always struggle, not knowing where to draw the line between helpful and meddling. I really hope though, that my friends know that I love them, and that I would help in any way, if I knew what they needed. I would like to think that I have always been there for my friends, but sometimes I wonder if I do what is helpful or not...

One thing I have noticed, though is the opposite problem, has it happened to others that some people just jump in and are super helpful in the rough times, and then disappear after the crisis? It makes me wonder if they actually cared about me at all, or if I was just a "little baby bird" that they could "rescue"...

[kaela]

i have a lot of selfish people in my life. that being said they are very good people and show friendship and caring in ways that they are comfortable with.it may not be the way i think i need it but the next day,they may drop by with a coffee or a movie and tell me off color jokes.