for parents OF ADHD/ODD KIDS

[Aphena]

Guys, thanks for sharing this information. Can you tell someone who is unaware of symptoms etc, when you started noticing this agressive/stubborn behaviour (for those that have this). My situation is that my 3 year old (his 3rd birthday is tomorrow) has extraordinary mood swings and will fly off the handle at nothing (screaming, pounding the walls, kicking, hitting, spitting, biting, repeating "no" like a hundred times). I know he is 3 and it is a rough time, but his behaviour really seems over the top. I am wondering if there is something more wrong than just being 3.

Laura

For me it was one trip after another. She was fine till she was violated. Then she snapped. It was one dignosis after another. You can alwys geta psychologists op. It doesnt' hurt..

[NSangel]

well, it's not about drama now, this is just plain stubbornness.

he has a psychatrist. that has put us on a waiting list for parenting course..supposed to start in fall, still waiting! argh.

then if that doesn't work (it won't) he's supposed to go the therapy/councelling route.

fruuuustrating. meanwhile, he gets worse.

i think it's partly wanting to be independent, and partly the teen rebelliousness..(he's 11). he want to do his own thing, feels like we're bossing him all the time (he's odd, he wants to be the boss). he thinks he has no time to do his own thing

and when he does...guess what?

yep..

I'M BORED MOM!

[NSangel]

were was laura's post? did we already respond to it? sounds familar.

they won't usually do a formal diagnosis until they start school. many behaviours go with the territory, terrible twos terrible threes. if they don't out grow it by the time school starts, then they start testing.

with that kind of behaviour tho, at this pt, it's important to make sure that you don't give it attention. the majic 1-2-3 program works good at this age. you let them know before you start how the program works, then u just count,

that's ONE
(wait 5 sec)

that's TWO
(again, wait 5 secs)

THAT'S THREE, TAKE X (X=#OF YEARS OLD YOUR CHILD IS)

at this pt you take them into time out, can be a chair (if willing to sit), a hold (where u restrain them if possible, not recommended for violent kids), or to their room (hold the door, or lock it if you need to).

for a minute for each of their years.

when my son started biting, i did everything to try to get him to stop. before i even knew of this program, i finally got fed up. he bit, i said very loudly,

THAT'S ENUF.

and dumped him right in his playpen.

he was so shocked, he never bit again

note: if they stop on one or two, you don't go to three

and if they use violence or swearing, it's an immediate time out, they don't get 3 opportunites to call you a beotch

[Aphena]

were was laura's post? did we already respond to it? sounds familar.

they won't usually do a formal diagnosis until they start school. many behaviours go with the territory, terrible twos terrible threes. if they don't out grow it by the time school starts, then they start testing.

with that kind of behaviour tho, at this pt, it's important to make sure that you don't give it attention. the majic 1-2-3 program works good at this age. you let them know before you start how the program works, then u just count,

that's ONE
(wait 5 sec)

that's TWO
(again, wait 5 secs)

THAT'S THREE, TAKE X (X=#OF YEARS OLD YOUR CHILD IS)

at this pt you take them into time out, can be a chair (if willing to sit), a hold (where u restrain them if possible, not recommended for violent kids), or to their room (hold the door, or lock it if you need to).

for a minute for each of their years.

when my son started biting, i did everything to try to get him to stop. before i even knew of this program, i finally got fed up. he bit, i said very loudly,

THAT'S ENUF.

and dumped him right in his playpen.

he was so shocked, he never bit again

note: if they stop on one or two, you don't go to three

and if they use violence or swearing, it's an immediate time out, they don't get 3 opportunites to call you a beotch

Now I was told by an intensive therapist that used to come to my home, that when she gets violent with me to restrain her. Guess it's the situation there. (as she was puttign me in danger)

We also tried the aressted route when she did anything illegall. Which was good for threatning, but did not proove sucessfull as she didnt care. The only thing that calmed down the behaviors with her were the antipsychotic drugs. I didnt want meds but when is aw the results i was gald i did.

[zephara]

i remember when i wa syoung ( idid not have Adhd ) just kept feelings bottles up. My dad would once a mmonth come and talk to you and get me so mad and angry i would try to beat the crap out of him. it was his way of getting me out of my shell i guess. but when i got to the boiling point he would stand up and hold me for hours at a time if needed. he would someimes sit if he got tired and he would not let go of me until i was still and quiet in his arms for 2 mins. i remember being there one day for 4 hours. and he sat there or stood there while i punched him, bit him, called him names, and sometimes i really hurt him but he never got mad at me he just said he would let me go as soon as i calmed down.

I remmeber he did that to my daughter one day and i had totally forgot that he would do that for me. but with me he needed to egg me on to get to that point so that way my anger and agression could be dealt with on his terms and i didn't hurt myself or anyone else.
other than bottleing up my feelings i was a really good kid.
but i tell you it really does work.
just remember you may be there for a few hours sometimes. so clear your agenda. turn off supper or stop the bath water. and make sure it is in the middle of the living room or somewhere else that there is a lot of room, for a kicking, screaming kid.

[NSangel]

i was like that as a teen, felt no one listened to me, (and they actually didn't), but i got to the pt, i would get mad and throw things. my parents would ignore it. i broke half my stuff, and now still harbour feelings of resentment. wish my parents had of tried it your guy's way.

on another note, i found this on the sheknows site. british researchers found a co-relation between food colorings and behavior probs (adhd), and the british gov't has banned the use of food colorings in products. not so in US. (probably not in canada either..not sure).

but here is the list from their site of what to watch for. my thought is, if ya don't need it, don't add it. and i noticed, my son would eat 3 bowls of fruitloops. according to kellogs usa, it contains: red #40, blue #2, yellow #6 and Blue #1.

but: cornpops, frosted flakes, mini wheats, raisn bran, special k, corn flakes and rice krispies is not listed as containing any food colorings. so what makes cornpops so yellow? "anatto" , a plant derrived food coloring.

1. Avoid these food dyes at all costs:

Red 3
Red 40
Yellow 5
Yellow 6.
Blue 1
Blue 2
Green 3
Orange B

2. Some manufacturers are sneaky about listing ingredients under unusual names. Learn these aliases for food colorings, so you won’t fall prey to their tricks!

Allura Red AC (a/k/a Red 40)
Erythrosine (a/k/a Red 3)
Indigotine (a/k/a Blue 2)
Tartrazine (a/k/a Yellow 5)

3. Sometimes you will see “lakes” listed as an ingredient. This ingredient is also harmful food coloring -- in its water-insoluble form.

4. It is possible to find foods that are naturally, colorfully enhanced. These additives offer a safer color boost:

Beet juice
Annatto (plant-derived)
Turmeric (rich in antioxidants!)

5. You expect to find these color enhancers in the usual junk food like candies, ice cream, cakes etc. But where you don’t expect to find them is in healthier foods like:

Yogurt
Cheese
Juice
Vitamin water

Bottom line: Artificial food dyes are dangerous – end of story. Read labels and avoid these harmful dyes at all costs. You’ll have calmer kids and sweet dreams once again!

i know after reading this article, i'm going to be more choosey about my son's breakfast, and snacks!

[zephara]

My mother was told this years and years ago about the red food dyes. She took them out of my little sisters diet and her behaviour turned around a bit. so it is true. with her though it was only the red dyes. so now that she is a grown up she still tries to stay away from red dyes no matter what.

[zephara]

So just thought i would share my day with you before the kids come home. wholly crappers this mornuing was tough.

Kids got up and from the second my son's feet hit the ground he was running. he made his brekfast but could not sit still enough to eat it. tried to ask him what he wanted in his lunch and he could not think said all he wanted was grapes. he tried to pick a fight with his big sister, (thank-goodness she wasn't going for it) picked on his little brother made him scream and cry. than got him all worked up and they were running around the house screaming.

finally got him to sit still and do his home reading as soon as it was done he was off again. all in an hour before the bus comes.

gets on the bus ok tries to cut in front of sister but he falls back when i tell him it is her turn.

teacher phones home (never a good sign right?) he is out of control at school. using pencils to pretend to stab people, screaming at the top of his lungs, running around the classroom, playing musical desks, disrupting the rest of his class, and making the teacher pull her hair out. all before lunch. I do not want the call from after school.

ok so coucillor will see him at 12:45 today as planned than she comes to my house (no car for me) to sign some papers i am sure that will not be the only reason she will come now. Wonder what she will have to say about all this.

All I can say is this is one day that i wish i had no kids i am not looking forward to when he gets off that bus. man what a day i am going to have. And he is only in grade two what a life for me.
well at least i can never say having kids is boring.!! lol

[froggiestyle]

Wudda hectic morning *hugs*-Howd the visit go?

Nope its never a dull minute with a wild child.

My DD got put in time out today for the first time...teacher warned her three times to hush at show n tell and she didnt so she had to sit in the time out chair. Teacher is unaware of the problems we have at home with her so I explained a bit at lncha nd she said she would keep me informed on any behaviour. One good thing was she showed she was upset about her punishement and quieted down quickly to be allowed to come off the chair- shows she learned the consequenced and didnt like it and hopefully will learn next time, Mrs.... means buisness---but now she says she doesnt want to goto school...*big sighs*

[Maple]

My daughter got suspended a week ago for possession of alcohol and illegal drugs. Today she wants to know when her grounding is over, because "obviously" she learned her lesson and has changed.
This is her first major behavioural trouble at school, so the VP believes her. Me, not so convinced.

Is there actually going to be a point when dealing with her gets easier? I could use something to look forward to.

[zephara]

What i have found with my little sister who is now 24 is that it gets a little easier when they move out. but she was arrested in grade 9 for assault, suspended for assault, had a drinking problem thank goodness no drugs. they can get way too dependant, sometimes more so than others would. all i can say is hang in there and we are there for you.


the meeting went well councillor says he was all smiles and giggles for her (surprised? hell no) teacher told son to tell councillor what happened today and he tells her all about the castle they made in the sand pit. ( go figure) oh well at least she got to see my happy little man that i know is hidding in there somewhere.

teahcer should be comming today at some point to start an "action plan" i always hated those two words together oh well see what we can do anyways. at least she is trying to help me.

[taylorblue]

I am so happy to see there is a thread for this. I admit I didn't read all eleven pages but I had to say I'm glad I am not alone. My daughter has ADHD and is being re evaluated for the third time. I think it's more of a bipolar thing. But things have been getting crazy the last couple of days...lying and stealing...and she has been so impulsive. I truly feel that no one around here understands because she looks so sweet. And she only gives me problems when my husband isn't around. So I feel like the crappiest mom alive!

[zephara]

I am so happy to see there is a thread for this. I admit I didn't read all eleven pages but I had to say I'm glad I am not alone. My daughter has ADHD and is being re evaluated for the third time. I think it's more of a bipolar thing. But things have been getting crazy the last couple of days...lying and stealing...and she has been so impulsive. I truly feel that no one around here understands because she looks so sweet. And she only gives me problems when my husband isn't around. So I feel like the crappiest mom alive!

I know how that feels my kids did the same thing for years dh even kicked me out because he thought it was just me and i was a bad parent and could not handle our darling kids. boy was he wrong. i left without them, boy did he have a rude awakening.

Always remember you are not alone, especially here, we all know what it is like!

[froggiestyle]

I have an appoinment the end of October with a ped for DD!! yay!
But I hafta say.
5 days now, I have not raised my voice. I have ignored her whines and tantrums until she speaks to me normally. Three strikes your out ule applies. I have been listening to her even if shes told me 5 times in a row. Im at her eye level. When a trantrum starts, I ask her if shes hungry, tired or needs a hug and I usually get a reply. Ive been taking steps to try and have patience, be a better mom, not a yelling mom, trying to understand why she does the things she does. I wont always understand but the last 5 days have relatively calm, she still has her moments but I feel better, we've even exercised toegther. I know it may not stay like this for long but im gonna enjoy it while it does!

[zephara]

Froggiestyle I am going to try what you are doing and see if it helps me with my DS, I really hope something helps.

we had a really traumatic day yesterday. He woke up and I could see it was going to be another one of those days. I told him if he did not settle down he was not going to school( thinking of the poor teacher) He got things on the go and we headed out the door to meet the bus. things started to go downhill from there. His sister and a friend who catches the bus with us started to have a fight over who was going to be first on the bus. it ensued into my DS having ahitting match with the little girl. She is 6 and he is 7 but he is the size of a 10 year old. when the bus finally came I had to hold him back so she could safely get on the bus. When I finally let him go he turned around and kicked me and hit me with his bag. When he was on the bus going to his seat (by this time he is crying) he turns and hits a 5 yr old girl. Now she is crying so he gets bugged and yelled at by the other kids on the bus.

He sits in his seat and tries to stare down another little boy (8). So now the bus driver( really good one. I really like him) who is really patient with my son and tries to help him out all the time goes to take off his seat belt while whistling through his fingers to get the attention of my son. So I know that it is I need to step in and diffuse the situation. So i climb on t6he bus and physically remove my son and his bags off the bus.

Just picture this me carrying/ dragging my 7 yr old down the driveway while trying to get my 2 yr old who has his brothers school bag all the way to the house it is less than a 1 min. walk and it took me 5. ahhhhh. then I phoned a friend who's daughter was late for school to come and take hime to school. The entire time we were waiting for her my DS was at the door trying to run away. ahhhhhh what a morning. finally he went to school and I guess had a good day because I got no phone call. when he got home it was not as bad as the morning but it was not a very good day either.

What a day thank-goodness today went ok. lets hope for the same for tommorrow!!!