How to Afford?

[walkonby]

wimbly11, it sounds like both of you could weather a financial storm or two if a child came along, and this new wrinkle of marriage is just another layer to that. The wedding part can be as simple as going to City Hall if it is just for a legal reason ( how sweet of him to want to do it right for your sake ) but since you guys are already saving for a home, maybe save as much cash as you can by doing the simplest of wedding days to enjoy the new life you'll be creating together.

[wimbly11]

I just wanted a simple wedding, city hall was fine with me. I was married before and dd the big wedding and do not want Togo through that again. However he feels he owes it to his parents to have a wedding because his sister eloped and his parents were very hurt. I don't want to wait to start trying. I do t know what I'm supposed to do bow


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[online]

Lots of good advise from everyone here.. Just wanted to add... Find out if there are midwives that you can get service from. My second one was delivered by midwife and covered by OHIP. I wish i contacted them for my first one too.

All the best.

Sent from my SGH-T989D using Tapatalk

[Zonny]

I just wanted a simple wedding, city hall was fine with me. I was married before and dd the big wedding and do not want Togo through that again. However he feels he owes it to his parents to have a wedding because his sister eloped and his parents were very hurt. I don't want to wait to start trying. I do t know what I'm supposed to do bow


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

For the wedding, maybe go up the middle of the road. Have a small, simple ceremony with a dozen family and close friends. Gives his parents a bit of the wedding they want for their son, without the big extravagant wedding that you don't want for you. Something that small could be arranged without having to plan it for months.

For the 'trying' part, no way to know how that will go. But it might be quicker and easier than you think. When we decided to try, I looked for signs, counted days that indicated that it was the right time, and the very first try we got DS.

on

[wimbly11]

I just don't want to wait to start trying but he seems to want to do things the right way. I understand his reasoning but we're not even engaged and I'm not willing to wait another year or more before we try...


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Natalka]

So I was thrown for a little bit of a loop last night. Myself and my boyfriend have always known that we want to get married. However, we had said that we would probably try for kids before that because we hadn't planned to get married anytime soon because we are saving for our house. I casually asked him last night how he felt about kids before marriage. He has a kid from a pervious relationship (they weren't married) so I didn't think it was really something he was concerned about. However, he admitted to me that there was part of him that wants to do this right. He said that he respects me and thinks that I deserve to have this done right.

I have no doubts that I want to get married. However, here's my problem. We are not engaged yet and there are no plans made for marriage. However, I am 30 and he is 40. I feel like now is the time to start trying for our family, I don't want to let too much time pass. Even if we got engaged today, a wedding won't happen two months down the road. Part of me would love to be married first, however, I don't want to push this back another year or two.

I'm so confused

I think it's very sweet and heartfelt that he wants to be married first!

I was 28 and my husband was 38 when we married; it was two years before our son was born.
You don't know what's up with fertility til you start trying!

Just plan a nice small wedding with family and close friends; bonus is that it won't be pricey, either - more money to save for baby!

[wimbly11]

I think it's very sweet too and I love the idea of being married first. But I don't want to wait a year or more before we try. We had alreay started trying. I've been waiting for this for over two years. The idea of stopping makes my heart break at this point.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[SassyAshley]

I would say sit down and talk with him for the most part you seem to be on the same page. Ask him what he wants in a wedding as others have mentioned it could be at city hall with close family and friends and than dinner out somewhere or even a nice small backyard wedding.

Everything can be done scaled back since it ultimately seems like from what you have said the only thing missing is the piece of paper. Does he want the big wedding himself or just doing it for his parents? The only reason I ask is because if it is for his parents you can achieve that simply and quickly if that is what you both want and not really delay trying. As other have said you never know what will happen once you start trying. I feel your want to move things ahead as I myself am turning 30 this year and let's just say my life is not how it saw it being. So maybe you two can talk about it and come up with a plan that works for both of you.

[Midnightly]

who says a wedding has to take a year... it can happen in 2 months if you both want it.. if your not picky about a $$ ring, and you want something simple you could easily have a spring BBQ wedding and it may only cost you a grand (you need a marriage license and commissioner most city halls no longer do weddings(or atleast they don't in BC), a nice dress(something pretty that makes you feel special but you can easily wear again) a bouquet of flowers(costco!), some basic foods and beverages to feed a dozen or so people maybe rent a hotel room for the night to add a bit more of a special ending to the day)

[sweet sparrow]

My boyfriend and I are ready to add to our family ( he has a 12 year old daughter from a previous relationship). I've been saying I've been ready for a year or so now. Now my bf is ready too. However now that he's ready I'm having some anxiety. For one my mother is not supportive of my relationship and she will loose her mind. Two, I'm scared of te actual pregnancy and process. And three, how to afford it!! How do people do it?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

One: Mothers will worry about you until the day they die, and maybe even after. Your mom might be worried because she wants what's best for you but doesn't know how to show it properly and it comes across as unsupportive.

Two: I was dead scared myself. It's actually fine until the labour. That's the real scary part (in my mind at least!). Looking back on it all, the worst part of the entire pregnancy and labour was a super itchy rash in the heat of summer that left more of a scar than the stretch marks.... Actually, it's a toss-up between that and trying to sleep that last night while having contractions. The pregnancy rash wins because it lasted six weeks or so of near unbearable itching.

I kept telling myself that billions of women have done this since the creation of the world and if we weren't built to do it, humans wouldn't have survived this long. You can try talking to a female that has at least four children. Any woman that's had more than one child thought it was worth going through the second time around - so it can't be that bad!

Three: Six months after the birth of our LO, I still wonder how we're going to afford it. I think we'll be wondering how to afford it until LO's 40. Seriously. So far, it's just adjusting your available money to your needs. For example, clothes: you will become one of those people that live in maternity clothes for at least a month afterwards. After that, yoga pants. There really won't be anything else that you can put on your body, so shopping is now very limited, if you shop at all. I didn't. Eating out/entertainment expenses: ha ha ha! I haven't eaten out in at least eight months and maybe longer. Unless your baby is on formula or you're getting take-out, eating out isn't much of an option.

We're cloth diapering, so that definitely cuts down on any diapering expense. We're making our own wipes as well.

All our baby clothes, chairs, toys, etc. are currently on loan from friends. The only thing I've had to buy are toiletries, disposable diapers (for going out), and a foam playmat for LO to learn to crawl on. One friend gave us her extra disposables and we've managed to hit LO's six month birthday using one 36-pack of size 1 diapers that cost $10.99-$8 coupon. Everything we've purchased for LO, we've gotten back the equivalent in points, so essentially, the baby has been free up to now. My friend told me that her first child was free and I didn't believe her. Nice surprise! If you have to formula-feed, it may be expensive.

Now we're facing the enormous cost of daycare in a few months, so we'll see how it goes then.

The only cost that's gone up for us is food because you need lots of calories to BF. I don't mind. I like eating.

[lizzie bargain]

I can second that. My husband and I decided to get married on a Sunday and were married in a small ceremony the following Saturday!! And our daughter was our flower girl.

who says a wedding has to take a year... it can happen in 2 months if you both want it.. if your not picky about a $$ ring, and you want something simple you could easily have a spring BBQ wedding and it may only cost you a grand (you need a marriage license and commissioner most city halls no longer do weddings(or atleast they don't in BC), a nice dress(something pretty that makes you feel special but you can easily wear again) a bouquet of flowers(costco!), some basic foods and beverages to feed a dozen or so people maybe rent a hotel room for the night to add a bit more of a special ending to the day)

[sweet sparrow]

I have no doubts that I want to get married. However, here's my problem. We are not engaged yet and there are no plans made for marriage. However, I am 30 and he is 40. I feel like now is the time to start trying for our family, I don't want to let too much time pass. Even if we got engaged today, a wedding won't happen two months down the road. Part of me would love to be married first, however, I don't want to push this back another year or two.

I just wanted a simple wedding, city hall was fine with me. I was married before and dd the big wedding and do not want Togo through that again. However he feels he owes it to his parents to have a wedding because his sister eloped and his parents were very hurt.

I think it's very sweet too and I love the idea of being married first.

There are important things to save for like a house or a new baby, but I also think it's important to commemorate those special times in our lives. Time has a way of going by without people noticing. We had the big wedding, but we didn't have a honeymoon in the traditional sense. I have a bit of regret as we now have a LO where we'd never be able to leave without missing her for the next few decades.

I think it took maybe eight months or less to plan our dream wedding. Half that time was spent looking for the location, so I'd realistically say probably four months or less. I know you say that you've done the wedding thing before, but you're marrying your best friend and that's a reason to celebrate! It doesn't have to be expensive either. We had a larger wedding, but I asked all our friends and family to participate. There were no professionals involved, but each person who helped really did an amazing job. We stayed up the night before tying ribbons on programs. The people who played our wedding music were a teacher and an accountant. The person who did all the bouquets and created all the boutonnieres was a pharmacist. Our photographers were a programmer and a real estate agent.

When I saw the flowers, I was in awe. They were stunning, right down to the photo of the ribbon wrap that I had sent to her from a Martha Stewart magazine. I stared at my cake covered in cascading orchids for what felt like hours (decorated by a teacher). Everything was so amazing and it was just icing on the cake that they were all done by the people I loved most and there to celebrate with me.

My friend insisted that I go wedding dress shopping, even though I was borrowing one of her dresses, as she didn't want me to miss out on the bridal experience. I borrowed three wedding dresses (one wedding, two ceremony dresses) and bought one ($49.99) which my sister altered for me (free). If you know of people who have had weddings in the past five years, you can probably borrow things like decorations, tulle, card boxes, etc.

You're probably surrounded with talented people. I was and didn't know it. People just wanted to help and I let them do whatever task they wanted to. On the day, I just couldn't believe how much effort and incredible ability went into the day, and none by me. Ask people who are excited for you to help. If you're super picky, ask people who are super picky to help. You might be surprised! The more people helped, the less work and stress there was for me. Eventually, my "wedding planner" (an international business student) handled all the minor issues, so I wouldn't have to worry in that final week.

Even if it's just the two of you that are excited to get married, it's going to be a great story one day to share with your new baby!