April Frugal Chatter 2016

[lizzie bargain]

SA-I think your idea is right about just being roomates. Your Mum can do her own laundry, get her own groceries, cook her own meals etc-less for you to worry about-try to take some time to do something fun for yourself-life is too short to work 24/7. JMHO.

[lilo0003]

I ordered Costco ready made garden beds, we looked at building them but Costco's come already built and they deliver and it's less money.
Some of the veg I am starting from seed, I am not sure how well they will do because I don't have a grow light. We had bought some of the pots of veg last year and the consumption of peppers went though the roof. I also bought hot peppers for my teen and he is very involved in this so it should be fun. I also spent the winter adding to our yard compost. Our city has green bin pick up so it's been a while since I used it.
Avon: DH has also spent most of the weekend watching the Masters, I love just watching for the flowers, it gives me hope spring is coming.
Sassy: I know we have all offered an ear and friendly advice and I wish you luck with your mom. It seems like your roles are reversed and you are parenting the child. I say this because it's the same conversation I used to have with my boys. I solved it by refusing to get their laundry to the basement and if they did not sort it to the laundry sorting bins I won't wash it. I also don't bring it back up, each person has their own basket and I throw the clean clothes in it, don't fold either. It has save so many fights. In fact on Friday the teen night gets all the laundry including his brothers and takes it down. He does the same on Sunday, because they both know I don't do laundry during the week.

[lizzie bargain]

Lilo-you are setting boundaries with your boys that they understand. All of us need to do our share of housework-otherwise the majority seems to fall on one person-usually Mum!

[Ciel]

ciel -it wasn't shoppers that had the biotene for 9.99 in this flyer -it was fortinos -just checked cause I would have went back to the store for sure -thanks I am glad to have gotten my biotene under the redemption for sure

Whoops, I was wrong! You are correct, @coupon girl !

I saw one flyer (Metro) has Woolite on sale for $9.99. Pity it's not at Fortinos as I have a 1000 pts offer via PC Plus. Will wait for a future offer or better price later in month.

Managed to find cheap & cheery $4/m striped cotton fabric for the curtains and blackout lining at $5/m. Figured out last night that my fabric is still not truly squared up after trimming both selvedges and a bit of fabric on each side plus it looks like the blackout lining might also be slanted. Nonetheless, I managed to finished two vertical seams and a casing for one curtain and hung it last night. If the cut edge of the fabric (unhemmed) doesn't just skim the window ledge!
Am pleased I did not trim the excess backing because I can MacGyver (sew on) two bands of the trimmed fabric to the bottom of the curtain before hemming it to the lining. Anyway, this morning I did notice that the blackout lining does significantly cut down on light into the room, so that one panel was worth getting up last night! Will work on panel two tomorrow after I do my panel one fix-up.

BTW, SCers in Guelph are probably a touch sad to notice that the April Fabricland flyer states a closing sale is now on there. @anastasia1009 , have you gone round to check out the store since you moved to the city?

[jasperandchar]

Good Morning Everyone, @avoncallingu Great Deals
@sweet sparrow That was the point I was trying to get across to our internet provider, I understand things happen, we just had to delay a project at work over technical issues but an outage twice in a week and one last over 8 hours really?????? That is it so many people now work remotely and rely on being able to connect remotely. They really are effecting people's livelihood.

I slept in today as I barely slept last night. Got into a fight with Mom yesterday before she left for work, I stayed up until she got home to try to talk to her which was pointless, she basically agreed with what I said but said she is treating everyone the way she is treating me so whatever. Thinking it might be a good thing I am out of town for 3 days this week, I was going to try to change things around to be home more but think based on yesterday it is better to be away. But I guess the good new is maybe she thought about it as she seem to be in a different mood when I went in her room this morning to get her laundry basket.

Laundry is started and should be done shortly. I had big plans for today but I have a feeling someone will not work with me and I am done fighting and finding it hard to care anymore to be honest. I am trying to work her because she keeps saying how she is alone in everything and never gets any help but to get help you have to give something in return. So if she just wants to sit here and hate her life have fun, I have work I can get done.

I know I need to turn this around for me but I have to figure out what steps I will need to take. But honestly right now I think it is going to come down to two people living in a house and that is it. I have tried working with her and helping her but until her moods changes we will not get anywhere and I don't think I can keep trying.

Well I have a crochet Teddy Bear calling my name as he would like some ears, have a great day everyone.

oh Ashely it can't be easy for you, you don't like to argue etc. You do so much for your mom (cooking, meal preps, laundry, house cleaning, etc).

It sounds like she has emotionally & physically checked out which is sad as you already have so much worries and obligations on your poor shoulders.

I have a suggestion, the next time you are at the doctors ask for a referral for a physiologist or someone to talk to, please do not be offend as I am not saying you suffer from mental illness or anything of the sort BUT perhaps that person can listen and offer suggestions on other approaches. I have mental illness so I'm not saying also that there is anything wrong with that either just it may not apply to you but it's nice to have a sounding board that can listen & offer suggestions.

I think you have the proper mindset of looking out for you. I think it's time that you get your brother involved even if it's to break up that shelf downstairs that is huge and solid wood, get him to do some heavy lifting, move things around, drop things off for donations, etc. You need to reclaim your house and if that means packing up your moms stuff and sticking it downstairs in a room piled to the ceiling then so be it AND she can deal with when and if she feels like it then.

You need to think about yourself, take charge and please get your brother involved to move stuff around (hugs).

PS I hope you don't mind the suggestions, I just feel so badly for you. I would have totally loss my mind by now, you are so patient.


Here is what I tell my kids "people will treat you as you allow them to treat you". If you allow someone to treat you badly or take advantage of you they will over and over again until they know where they truly stand with you. Learn to say no.

[jasperandchar]

[QUOTE=lizzie bargain;6607419]Lilo-you are setting boundaries with your boys that they understand. All of us need to do our share of housework-otherwise the majority seems to fall on one person-usually Mum![/QUOTE

Agreed everyone here does there fair share of chores, it's only right.

[Ciel]

Had a great post and lost it, bleh.
Anyway today was a good shopping day, PM'ed at No Frills cause I was dropping DH and Logan at the GO train. Buses are bit sporadic on the weekend and we are still embracing this 1 car life. I was pleased that either No Frills did away with the need for a supervisor to price match or I was checked out by a supervisor. Spent 40.00 in points and earned 8000 more. Then I went to Panera for my free tea, all month I have a daily hot drink. Walked over to winners and picked up some drinking glasses on sale for 5.00 for 4 of them. They are half the size of the ones we have now and the kids are always filling the big ones and wasting milk or juice.
EarlIer in the day I was able to get 10 of the LED bulbs, I was sure they would have all been gone by now. I also picked up a umbrella style clothesline. I have wanted one for ages but DH was never a fan, now he is so on board with saving that he finally conceded and it's my b day next week so this was what I asked for anyway. I can't wait to get it up but I just realized I forgot to buy clothespins.

Umbrella clothesline envy here! I want one too but it won't happen because it'd make laundry drying easier but someone at home would say it impedes grasscutting efforts (our lines are too high up for Mom but she lowers the lines and guess who walks into them at that level>me). Home Hardware has a price buster special in current flyer on bamboo clothespins.
What is the lumens number for the LED bulbs? Curious if the number is about 3000-was told that mimics warm light we get with incandescent bulbs. I do not much like the white LED bulbs used in some places including streetlights-too cold looking.

Collected my garden gloves order from Home Hardware. Found out store does not control which colour pair a customer gets as line items indicates assorted, so distribution centre staff picks the colour. I had requested green but got blue. Reason for order was that particular model in Mark's Choice line was not stocked in store (I checked before ordering). So headsup if you need to do the same-you'll get a pair but you won't know the colour.

[jasperandchar]

I ordered Costco ready made garden beds, we looked at building them but Costco's come already built and they deliver and it's less money.
Some of the veg I am starting from seed, I am not sure how well they will do because I don't have a grow light. We had bought some of the pots of veg last year and the consumption of peppers went though the roof. I also bought hot peppers for my teen and he is very involved in this so it should be fun. I also spent the winter adding to our yard compost. Our city has green bin pick up so it's been a while since I used it.
Avon: DH has also spent most of the weekend watching the Masters, I love just watching for the flowers, it gives me hope spring is coming.
Sassy: I know we have all offered an ear and friendly advice and I wish you luck with your mom. It seems like your roles are reversed and you are parenting the child. I say this because it's the same conversation I used to have with my boys. I solved it by refusing to get their laundry to the basement and if they did not sort it to the laundry sorting bins I won't wash it. I also don't bring it back up, each person has their own basket and I throw the clean clothes in it, don't fold either. It has save so many fights. In fact on Friday the teen night gets all the laundry including his brothers and takes it down. He does the same on Sunday, because they both know I don't do laundry during the week.

very exciting lilo0003 with the garden beds made and delivered, saves so much time, looking forward to hearing about "your" family gardening adventures

[SassyAshley]

Our laundry rules is I only wash what is in the basket, I do not go looking for dirty laundry and if it does not get washed it does not get done until the following weekend as we cannot do random loads with the price of Hydro.

I am going to be gone half the weeks so we will see what happens well I am away. What drives me insane is I am willing to work with her I am not saying one of us should do it all but it is constantly 1 step forward and 5 steps back. I finally stopped doing that in my career and I am looking to carry on that pattern somewhere else in my life.

[jasperandchar]

My youngest is grilling the steaks for supper tonight and we (he) will be making homemade fudge for dessert.

Oldest will be on clean up duty (it's only fair).

I have ribs pulled from the freezer for tomorrow's supper, thinking of making those Chinese ribs I made a couple of weeks ago or try something new, not quite sure yet.

Yesterday we popped into RONA as we needed a few things for the bedroom reno, they had 15% off plus I got a SCOP ($10 off) some ratchet straps dh wanted/needed they were $19.99 but rang it at $21.99 so only paid $9.99 which is awesome.

Well off to checkout some rib recipes.

[jasperandchar]

Our laundry rules is I only wash what is in the basket, I do not go looking for dirty laundry and if it does not get washed it does not get done until the following weekend as we cannot do random loads with the price of Hydro.

I am going to be gone half the weeks so we will see what happens well I am away. What drives me insane is I am willing to work with her I am not saying one of us should do it all but it is constantly 1 step forward and 5 steps back. I finally stopped doing that in my career and I am looking to carry on that pattern somewhere else in my life.

And your career is moving forward which is great.

I can vouch that there is no perfect "home life", we all have our own issues, it's all about balance AND what works for each person/household

[Ciel]

@jasperandchar -I concur with your advice to @SassyAshley . Sounding board with a third party can be helpful step. Also with having other family member help with heavy lifting (if it comes with a food/meal incentive, it might work).

Now if I can get you to get the guys at my residence to get motivated to pick up and pack out some of their clutter!

[Giseledta]

Ciel- we do a 15 min fling....a la flylady style. it works in my house.
I also offer a bribe after.. 30 min tv, computer time... something. it does work. lol

[Giseledta]

I am going to add.... I have sold some of their .... clutter for them... it is astounding how fast they want to help declutter... clean out their rooms, once they get cash for their crap.

[SassyAshley]

Thank you everyone, I was really hoping things would get better but instead they are getting worse. I am going to see what happens when I get back and go from there.

I have seen therapists in the past and it has been helpful. Right now it looks like for the next while I will be coming and going a lot for work so maybe the best thing for both of us will be space. Once I am back for a period of time I will see where we are at and go from there. I am not putting it down just know the reality right now is with work I just cannot do it right now.

The good is I am getting a little bit of help, although my leadership coach is for work he does also go into personal issues as his main focus is our well being as a whole and he sees stress is a huge issue for me, as well he is the one who made me see I am a people pleaser and I do this at my own expense and he has really been forcing me so break this habit, as well we discussed my anxiety issues this past week. Honestly it has been helping, it has given me the strength to discuss something with Mom even the things she does not want to hear including what I said to her yesterday which started the fight.

I continue to be hopeful something will change and she will find her light at the end of the tunnel. We were finally getting to a good place and then this job thing happened and it has been nothing but downhill. I know there are good and bad days in life it just seems like the good are missing.

Okay I am rambling, thank you all for listening.