Baby#1- how did you know you were ready?

[vibrantflame]

Thanks for this thread.

I have to admit i feel now as I am 28 there is a pressure to have kids. I'm not sure if I would be a good mom. I have fears in my own ability. To be truthful I don't feel mature enough. But then I see most of my close friends with children and family members and I just end up feeling confused.

My hubby has been working at the same job for about 3 years now and I graduate this year finally with my masters and will hopefully have full time employment in july.

We talked about it before and he said he would take paternity leave if necessary.

We have crushing student loan debt, so I am not sure if a child would be the right thing to do. I know he wants one, but we have to be logical in this.

I am just so confused. My heart and gut tell me that I want to have a child, but my mind says no. I mean I've been in university for 9 years, I don't have the skills or life experience to take care of a child. I am afraid I might mess them up somehow.

I'm not sure. I am just so confused. Most of our close friends have a child and are now planning on their 2nd or 3rd child. I am trying to discern if I want a child because I want one or because everyone around us is having them.

It is such a tough decision. Especially considering that at some point I want to get my doctorate, so I am not sure how much time I would have for a child. Then I also don't want to look back and say I wish that we had a kid.


This is a question for someone, before you decide to have a child do you need to go to the doctor before you start trying? I've just been given a clean bill of health for my heart (tests and bloodwork came back normal). I've had heart problems in the past but surgery corrected them.

When you are trying how often should you take a pregnancy test? Once you find out you are pregnant when do you go to the doctor?

I just wanted to say I know how you feel, but do not let that feeling of pressure be a deciding factor. I say I know because my father in law keeps pressuring us to have another child (we have two sons, he wants a grand daughter). But you have to do what feels right for you.

In answer to your questions, if you have had health problems in the past, it might be best to go see the doctor before you start trying. When you are trying, it's really up to you how often you take a pregnancy test, personally I waited until I was a few days late. If you do get a positive test, you can go to the doctor to confirm but with both of my children, they just took the test as correct and didn't actually confirm the pregnancies.

Hope this helps!

[vibrantflame]

This a spin off from MercyEhm's baby #2 thread.... hope you dont mind me asking this!

How did you know you were ready to TTC your first?

I just turned 30, and DH just turned 42... we were initially planning on TTC right after our trip in september... but DH was laid off a few months before the trip... so hes only working part time right now, and collecting EI also... so we have decided to wait until he finds another job, plus I also want a car and my drivers licence before hand too... so Im hoping I can go off the BC pill early in the year!
People tell me you are never really ready, or never have enough money saved to have kids.... but I am still saving for a "baby fund". okay now Im rambling....

Thanks for reading!

Honestly, I didn't know I was ready, we just decided we wanted children and we wanted to have them young (I was 21 when I was pregnant with my oldest). I wasn't ready for children, but then again, I don't think anyone is ready for children, no matter how prepared you are. Things change so fast in this world, one minute you are financially secure, the next minute you've lost your job, etc.

I think the best you can do is to make sure you are prepared (as much as you can be) for the sacrifices you may have to make and for the time that you will have to sacrifice for your children. Not to say that you have to give everything up, but things will change and it can be hard. I have a 3 1/2 year old and an 18 month old and my husband still finds it difficult that he can't play games on the computer or video games while the kids are up and not expect to be interrupted by them (as an example).

And also be prepared for the fact that you won't be prepared (if that makes sense lol). Even if you read all the "manuals" and books, it's totally different when you're doing it, especially the first time, but that's normal.

Hopefully that helps! Feel free to PM me if you have any questions or just want to talk.

[Katyana08]

I was 21 when I got pregnant and it wasn't planned. But we decided since we were both working, he was making good money, we had 2 extra bedrooms and very little debt that we could do it... And then we both lost our jobs and had to move to a much smaller place. So much for extra bedrooms.

My point is that you can wait until everything looks good financially, but you can't plan everything. A baby fund is a great idea, but kids aren't as expensive as a lot of people think they are. Buy diapers with coupons when they're on sale. I got 700 size 4's for less than $100. Buy clothes for next year during the seasonal sales. Go to a toy lending library, or visit a family resource centre with your child so they can play with other kids and you can meet new parents.

Almost everything about life is uncertain, but as the doctor told me when I was pregnant, "a child is always welcome." If you want kids now, and so does the DH, there is no point in waiting IMO.

[aussie]

Thanks for your replies vibrantflame and katyana! You both have some great advice there!

[ElisaM]

For us our ds was a surprise we were engaged for a year and no plans of getting married anytime soon because of financial reasons. I had two jobs making good money any my husband was in school having a very small income. We were not trying but at the same time we were not being careful. When we found out (i was 9 weeks) at first I thought I had some medical reasons for having a very very light period which later I found out was implantation bleeding, we were in shock. I was crying because I thought I wouldn't be a good mom by not being able to financial take care of my baby. After the initial shock went away we planned a beautiful wedding at a beautiful hall that we saved a lot of money on because of the time of year and that my husbands family knew the owner, my husband graduated school and got a job. I did have some complications (high blood pressure and gestational diabetes) but my son was born healthy two weeks early but he was a healthy weight (7lbs 12oz) and I feel like I am a good mom he is a very active and smart 5 month old. The only thing I do regret was working a day before a gave birth in a way it kept me active but it was hard as I work with individuals with disabilites. Sorry for the long story but my point is our son made us a stronger couple and me a better person and I am planning on going back to school part time. I would not change what happened for anything I truly now what loves is now

[ElisaM]

I agree Katyana you could save big time on clothes and diapers and formula, I have been doing that since my son was born. People make it sound a lot more expensive to be a parent then it is.

[aussie]

Thank you for your reply and story Elisa! Once I am pregnant I will definently be checking out salvation army and value village for baby clothes!
Im toying with the idea of cloth diapers.... theres not a huge selection to chose from where I live.. does anyone have any experience with them? I have loads of time to decide on that anyway lol

[Natalka]

Aussie - we used cloth diapers, but not the formfitted ones like there are now. We had the old-style flannelette ones, which were rectangles of fabric, then you folded them to size and shape. However, they were absolutely wonderful! Used flushable liners so there was rarely a mess. We were in an apartment which had an ensuite washer and dryer - so the diaper pail was right beside them, and it was no hassle at all.
Bonuses - the cost, obviously. But also, our son never, ever had diaper rash!

We used disposables only for travelling, visiting, shopping... that type of thing, not often. It wasn't til he got his first stomach flu that we went completely to using disposables - and it was a time that we would have had to have gotten bigger ones, anyways, so it worked out fine.

[aussie]

Thanks Natalka for your reply! one of my co-workers has a 3 month old, and shes using cloth diapers( the form fitted ones- baby bee hind brand) and uses the disposible liners and loves them! Only over people I know who use them are internet friends on another forum...