Baby#1- how did you know you were ready?

[aussie]

This a spin off from MercyEhm's baby #2 thread.... hope you dont mind me asking this!

How did you know you were ready to TTC your first?

I just turned 30, and DH just turned 42... we were initially planning on TTC right after our trip in september... but DH was laid off a few months before the trip... so hes only working part time right now, and collecting EI also... so we have decided to wait until he finds another job, plus I also want a car and my drivers licence before hand too... so Im hoping I can go off the BC pill early in the year!
People tell me you are never really ready, or never have enough money saved to have kids.... but I am still saving for a "baby fund". okay now Im rambling....

Thanks for reading!

[francine1985]

after we got laid off from our job (call centre moved over seas) dh got another job right away and i got a job a few months later so we both had good jobs. we decided we would start trying before we moved so we were looking for a 2 bedroom apt close to my job (we walk everywhere or take a bus and i wasnt going to be walking 45 minutes each way while i was pregnant). when i was pregnant the economy hit hard but dh and i were lucky enough to still have our jobs. its true that you will never be 100% financially ready. it requires a lot of sacrifice (especially if you decide to become a stay at home mom). you have to prepare for the posibilities of prescription drugs for yourself during the pregnancy or for you and the baby after they are born. i had to take pills for my morning sickness and had to get iv fluids a few times. i had gestational diabetes but was lucky that it was diet controlled or i would have had to be on insulin too...
the best answer i can give you is you will know when you are emotionally ready and have the willingness to make the sacrifices that come along physically, emotionaly, and financially.

[aussie]

Thanks francine! I already take medication for high blood pressure, I was switched a few months back to a pregnancy friendly version. I do have great health insurance through my work, and will continue to have it while on mat leave...

[ninna]

lol. If I waited till I was "ready," to have children I wouldn't have any children. hahaha.

Always thought I was the type who would never have kids, to be honest. Figured I was too selfish or something.

Then, 9/11 happened.

And, well, with the world seemingly at its end, we did what many, many other couples did. We made love, not war.

Seriously though, fast forward 9 years and it's not like I'm in any better position than I was 9 years ago. So if I had waited for career stability or the mortgage to be half paid off or whatever, seriously, I would never have had kids.

I'm glad number #1 was a quasi surprise. We weren't planning her (though....DUH...no condom means you're taking your chances). LOL. Best surprise of my life!

Be prepared for the fact that some couples may plan to conceive a child and then run into issues with fertility. And sometimes, when there's the pressure of actively "trying" and being repeatedly frustrated when it doesn't produce a baby, it can become stressful. So I recommend taking the leap. Don't worry about whether or not it's "the right time"- cuz it'll all work itself out in the end!

Have fun!

[Litesandsirens911]

Well, I had DD when I was 21.I knew it was time, both DH and I were together since we were 16 and we both had fulltime jobs...I really wanted to be a mom...
One thing, you'll never have enough money to have a child..children cost money and you just learn to deal with it..lol.
I wish you all the best.
DD is 17 now, and my ,am I proud of her.

[oddduck]

Our first wasn't so planned... but it wasn't exactly a bad time. We were newlyweds, young (22/23) with a house, decent jobs and no debt. I actually was terrified and sobbed when I found out - I knew I was ready with in 48 hours of the positive HPT.

[aussie]

lol. If I waited till I was "ready," to have children I wouldn't have any children. hahaha.

Always thought I was the type who would never have kids, to be honest. Figured I was too selfish or something.

Then, 9/11 happened.

And, well, with the world seemingly at its end, we did what many, many other couples did. We made love, not war.

Seriously though, fast forward 9 years and it's not like I'm in any better position than I was 9 years ago. So if I had waited for career stability or the mortgage to be half paid off or whatever, seriously, I would never have had kids.

I'm glad number #1 was a quasi surprise. We weren't planning her (though....DUH...no condom means you're taking your chances). LOL. Best surprise of my life!

Be prepared for the fact that some couples may plan to conceive a child and then run into issues with fertility. And sometimes, when there's the pressure of actively "trying" and being repeatedly frustrated when it doesn't produce a baby, it can become stressful. So I recommend taking the leap. Don't worry about whether or not it's "the right time"- cuz it'll all work itself out in the end!

Have fun!

Oh yes I have thought about fertility issues.... one of my co-workers has been trying for 3 years now... and shes only just getting on fertility drugs....
Thanks for your story and thanks for your tips!!

[aussie]

Forgot to add she has PCOS...which I dont have.... but I have read that it can take up to 12 months for a healthy couple to fall pregnant...

[SmackUTwice]

For me, I found myself saying (to the boyfriend at the time), "I want kids, I want you to be the father of my blue eyed little girl, but I don't want to get pregnant now--so young and we're not married, but if it happens, I will be very happy!"... I beleive in no sex before/outside of marriage, but there I was... I messed up... and didn't think I could get pregnant by this man EASILY--he had been married and TTC.... nothing. My menstral cycle was off the wall (still is, lol)... so I thought something was also wrong with me--had myself tested for PCOS. But....... a week or two in, I was preggo. I went in for the results of my PCOS tetsing--results: no cysts, but I was 6 weeks preggo. OHH BOYY!!! Didn't think I was "ready," but I KNEW I had to "step up to the plate"... and do what ya gotta do. Being a mother is SUCH an amazing blessing. It's also tough!! So, imo--if you are open to love and care for a child the best you can.... you are as ready as you may ever be. I can understand how you want "this job, that car, etc" before... which IS good/positive thinking--however, there may always be SOME excuse--soooooooooo many in this world are parents, planned or not, and (for the ones that care)... they make it work.

My best to you and hubby! Kids rock this world.

[bargain_hunter_lola]

DH and I had just got married, we were pregnant less than 4 months after the wedding. We stopped using BC and we both wanted babies fairly soon since we'd been together for 5 years before getting married and we were 27 at the time (28 when DD was born).

We figured if we wanted a few babies that we better get started soon. lol. We've seen older family members really struggle trying to concieve (BIL and his wife are now doing invitro - they are in their mid 30's) and even some friends (one of my best friends tried for almost 2 years before succeeding). We were lucky that it happened so quickly for us, we were both shocked it happened so fast.

I totally agree with other posters that if you wait until a perfect time to have kids, you'll never have them. lol. I dont think you'll ever have enough money for them. lol. The more money you do have, the more you spend on them. lol. We figured that as long as we were married, finished school, stable in our relationship and had some savings (not a lot) we'd be okay.

DH and I just turned 30 and have #2 on the way. It took us 5 months this time around to concieve- which really surprised us, we've been very blessed.

My only advice would be that only you know when you're ready. If you feel like you're ready then now is the time.

[Natalka]

I believe if you are thinking about it, and you and your husband are talking about it and in agreement - just do it!

We knew we were ready as soon as we got married! I was 28 and he was 38. But, hmmm... didn't get pregnant for two years; I had our son when I was 30 and husband was 40.

We also had agreed ahead of time that I would be a SAHM, even though I was the higher income earner, so that was something we were preparing for as well.

Turned out that there was to be no baby #2 (or more, which we hoped for!) - we are very lucky to have the one we do have.

What you said about it sometimes taking a year for a healthy couple to conceive - that can be very true. If you are on the pill, it may take longer - sometimes it takes a year to get the hormones back in balance, and then count a year from there.... Everyone is different though, depends upon your own situation.

And, don't forget prospective dad in all of this - at his age (similar to what my husband was), it might be a good idea to have him see a urologist to get his hormones and swimmers tested.

Whatever you decide will be right for the two of you. I think being emotionally and heart-being-open ready are 99% of the decision...
And just enjoy trying... I'm not a believer in charting and using kits and such... too clinical, stressful; it takes away the 'magic' of it all - the fun and spontenaeity of it all!

[matrix82]

Thanks for this thread.

I have to admit i feel now as I am 28 there is a pressure to have kids. I'm not sure if I would be a good mom. I have fears in my own ability. To be truthful I don't feel mature enough. But then I see most of my close friends with children and family members and I just end up feeling confused.

My hubby has been working at the same job for about 3 years now and I graduate this year finally with my masters and will hopefully have full time employment in july.

We talked about it before and he said he would take paternity leave if necessary.

We have crushing student loan debt, so I am not sure if a child would be the right thing to do. I know he wants one, but we have to be logical in this.

I am just so confused. My heart and gut tell me that I want to have a child, but my mind says no. I mean I've been in university for 9 years, I don't have the skills or life experience to take care of a child. I am afraid I might mess them up somehow.

I'm not sure. I am just so confused. Most of our close friends have a child and are now planning on their 2nd or 3rd child. I am trying to discern if I want a child because I want one or because everyone around us is having them.

It is such a tough decision. Especially considering that at some point I want to get my doctorate, so I am not sure how much time I would have for a child. Then I also don't want to look back and say I wish that we had a kid.


This is a question for someone, before you decide to have a child do you need to go to the doctor before you start trying? I've just been given a clean bill of health for my heart (tests and bloodwork came back normal). I've had heart problems in the past but surgery corrected them.

When you are trying how often should you take a pregnancy test? Once you find out you are pregnant when do you go to the doctor?

[shejayd]

With my son we were taken very much by suprise, but we were trying.
When I was 17 I had a baby that I gave up for open adoption, and although open, it still left a hole in me, like something was missing, but I kind of put it behind myself.
A year before DH and I got married we had gotten pregnant and had a miscarriage, and from that moment on I knew I was ready and wanted to have a baby. It became a challenge for me, and in the end it took 4 years to finally have a healthy baby I could call mine and take home. I had endured 10 miscarriages, a diagosis of PCOS and of Unexplained Recurrent losses, 5 rounds of fertility drugs, 3 d&c's and a zillion ultrasounds and 100lb weight loss just to be told by our fertility doctor that we could never have children as my body just would not carry a baby. I was put of the BC pill for a 6 month break, waiting on some genetic testing results and told that I needed to grieve for my losses as I had so many in such a short amount of time. 6 months later the genetasist said I was fine, genetics were fine, we were healthy and to just keep trying, it will happen.
I was SO ready, I had somehow convinced myself that as soon as I came off that pill I would be pregnant. I charted my temprature, I used ovulation tests, we did the deed at timed intervals, lol. And 25 days later my aunt flo blessed me with her presence. I gave up, it took everything I had to try that month, it was the last straw, I was done, finished, I was never going to have a baby.
25 days later I was on a ttc forum, telling the ladies I was done. One had asked what cycle day I was on, and I said 25, but AF hadnt showed up yet (aunt flo), she convinced me to test, I had one left, maybe just for old times sake I would. And low and behold, there were 2 pink lines on that test. I was dumb founded, due to being depressed from the last month DH and I had only done the deed twice!! Turns out I ovulated early, and after a short 35 weeks of bedrest, medications and bleeding I gave birth to a 6lbs 5oz baby boy. I had never been so ready to be a mom.

However, on the other hand it may only take you a few weeks.
My bff has a hard time concieving, both her daughter took 2 yrs to concieve. Her and her new dh kind of wanted to have another baby, so she got her IUD out on Aug 6th this year and they started trying, October 23 she found out she was 8wks pregnant. So it can really go either way.

As for financially stable, no one is every ready for a baby, it can cost quite a bit, but no matter what, you can make it. I am a stay at home mom, my DH only works seasonal work and although we make a lot of sacrafices we manage. And my bff just started working a part time job in her field (she graduated when she was pregnant with her last daughter 3 yrs ago) and her new dh just switched jobs, they just moved into a new house, and shes pregnant with #3, and they manage, they manage quite well.

Good luck, sorry I have bombarded you with personal stories, but I thought it might help.

[aeroplane]

I would advice going to the doctor...They usually start you on prenatal like three months before...And advice on some other stuff like immunization...I took my pregnancy test as soon as I realized my period was late...I think you should take it when you suspect you might be carrying...Also as soon as you find out you should go to your doctor...Because immediately they set you up with a doctor to look after your pregnancy and start monitoring...Good luck matrix 82

As for the original question....Even if you planned for a child unexpected circumstances can still hit you...We planned our child to the very last detail sort of thing and then a few months before I give birth my husband learnt he will lose his job and it was a christmas too...And he was laid off for a year after our daughter was born...So you can be ready before and then when you are carrying stuff can happen...I don't beleive in going into stuff blindly...But I don't think we can ever be ready totally for everything...

[aussie]

Thanks for your reponses everyone!

I think it is just the "unknown" which is really scary! Im going to bring this topic up again in a few months and tell him Im not getting any younger lol. I know My Mum and sister got pregnant really quickly... but yes I know its different for everyone...

I was taking prenatals... but switched back to my regular multi, so I wouldnt "waste" the prenatals( because they are more expensive) when I run out of my multivitamins, I will switch back to the prenatals...

Yeah I dont really wanna do any charting... that would just stress me out...

Okay Im rambling again! time for bed here!