Talking to kids about sex

[twogirlsmom]

While waiting in the doctors office the other day I was reading a magazine article about tallking to your kids about sex, the psychologist they interviewed said at different ages they should know different things, for example ages 3-5 you tell them about daddy planting a seed in mommy, etc.. however she said for the age group 5-7 you should say "Daddy sticks his penis into mommy's vagina and plants the seed for a baby to grow" My oldest is 7 and I don't feel comfortable telling her this, she knows somethings on this subject like how babies are born and where they come out of, but this seems a bit to much for this age group. How do you all feel about this, is it appropriate to say that to a 5-7 year old?

[Julie Andrews]

That seems like too much info for a 5-7 year old to me.
My son is only 3, and so far he hasn't asked about where babies come from. It seems like the furthest thing from his mind.

When I was a kid I was completely oblivious about this whole subject until one day they brought an aborted fetus to our class (I was 10 years old). They told us that when you have sex you get pregnant and 'this is what the baby looks like inside of you'- I still had no clue about the 'mechanics' at that point. I found that out in school a whole year after learning about abortion!

If you went by my Mom- sex didn't, and still doesn't exist.

[harkatsmom]

No I do not believe that this is age appropriate information,
other than the fact of using real terminology for our body parts...

I really am not sure what to say other than that,
as I don't believe there should be a specific age...
When your child asks, then you talk about it,
but you go off of your child's cues.

As for what happened to you as a child Julie,
well, I feel that is horrible, and actually abusive...
you must have been traumatized forever.
At 39, I have not seen an aborted fetus...I would probably bawl if I did.
I know that I would never forget it either.
All, I can say to that, is I sure hope they are not still doing that.

[Julie Andrews]

Sometimes you just have to wonder what the teachers were thinking.

[Tansy]

For alot of people it's 6 of one, 1/2 dozen of another. You as the parent know your child and your parenting style and that's what you go with.
My son wanted to know just how his sister got inside of my womb when he was 7. So I told him. Broke out the paper and pencil and drew the inside of a female's womb and explained the ovaries and whatnot, and the same for the male reproductive system. He understood it immediately, absorbed the information, and periodically for the next few years asked more questions as he thought of them.
I think the child lets you know what they need to know. If they ask you; tell them. If they don't, don't. They're only going to ask someone else and potentially get the wrong answers/ideas.
And I *know* that I don't want them to get messed up ideas about that!

[momg]

i know my daughter at 9 knows more than i would like for her to know we never had the sex talk but when she has a question or makes a statement about something we talk.i don't feel comfortable telling her anything til she questions or makes statements cause i don't want to give her too much information too early. she is a young 9 and very innocent and i would like her to stay that way as long as possible. for goodness sakes at 9 she still belives in faries why would i tell her stuff that she is not ready to know. she knew at 4 babies were grown in mommys tummies and where they came out of and lost interest almost immediatly.

[Amybee28]

The documentary about octomom got me thinking about my own children, my daughter in particular (she's 11) and talking to her about sex.
A little background for the masses, My mom had me when she was 16ish and I also had my daughter young. The biggest challenge I am having so far is trying to explain to her that I want better for her than teenage motherhood, without implying that I regret her (which I absolutely DO NOT)
Finshing school and college was so much harder with children in tow..Anyone have any experience/ideas on how to approach this one with her without making her feel bad?

[jojos_n_kelowna]

ahh so that's where it goes...LOL!

What's good is actually talking about it...whereas when I was a kid it was taboo! Age appropriate discussions I am all about that.

[yomelissa]

That seems like too much info for a 5-7 year old to me.
My son is only 3, and so far he hasn't asked about where babies come from. It seems like the furthest thing from his mind.

When I was a kid I was completely oblivious about this whole subject until one day they brought an aborted fetus to our class (I was 10 years old). They told us that when you have sex you get pregnant and 'this is what the baby looks like inside of you'- I still had no clue about the 'mechanics' at that point. I found that out in school a whole year after learning about abortion!

If you went by my Mom- sex didn't, and still doesn't exist.

that's horrible I would'nt want to see that

[Natalka]

I agree with Tansy's approach here, that's pretty much what we did.
You have to handle it according to you knowing your child's character and personality of course, but also according to your family's morals/values.
We were very lucky that starting in Grade 1, our school had an amazing family life program - we got parent books ahead of time and a copy of the student book, then we knew what they were doing in class, and could follow up with what we wanted to (there was lots of extra info, pics, etc. in the parent book). Yes, it is Catholic based, but it was very basic, and explained things in a very clear and age-appropriate manner.
I have the link to the lessons online (done by grade) if anyone is interested. You can always use the 'factual' information - I just like the way it was all presented.
That's not to say we still didn't always talk to him, and him to us, at home. He was mega-inquisitive, and we just handled things as they came up. Also, there's nothing wrong with saying "I don't know", or "You don't need to know that right now."
I just think children have to know this information earlier so we as parents can waylay the myths they are learning on the playground from others. Plus, kids are entering puberty earlier - it's not that uncommon for girls to get their periods at nine or even eight years old.
I was teaching elementary school, and you just wouldn't believe the *&^#^&*@ about sex that comes out from some kids!

[Katyana08]

I would say that it's completely dependent on your child. Many of them know a lot more than you think, and half of it is probably misinformation. No one gave me "the talk" and I sort of pieced it together from what I learned on the schoolyard, what I overheard and what was on TV. I knew at 7 that a man put his penis in a woman and she could get pregnant, but I certainly didn't know that she had to menstruate first or that people were supposed to get hair, etc. If you don't tell them, they're going to hear it from some other source, and you have no idea what the accuracy of the information they're receiving is.

I'm not suggesting taking photographs of penises and vaginas and using them as flashcards for your children, but if you think they have the capacity to understand that boys/men have a penis, and girls/women have vagainas, than why not tell them they can come together and make a baby?

[urouj862]

I would say that it's completely dependent on your child. Many of them know a lot more than you think, and half of it is probably misinformation. No one gave me "the talk" and I sort of pieced it together from what I learned on the schoolyard, what I overheard and what was on TV. I knew at 7 that a man put his penis in a woman and she could get pregnant, but I certainly didn't know that she had to menstruate first or that people were supposed to get hair, etc. If you don't tell them, they're going to hear it from some other source, and you have no idea what the accuracy of the information they're receiving is.

I'm not suggesting taking photographs of penises and vaginas and using them as flashcards for your children, but if you think they have the capacity to understand that boys/men have a penis, and girls/women have vagainas, than why not tell them they can come together and make a baby?

LOL.. yeah.. the flashcard arent a good idea.. i think it all depends on the way your child think or how developed his mind is at that age. some kids would absorb that kind of information at an early age , some kids may be confused or act out some other way.

the best judge are the parents themselves, the magazine has just made it a little easier by giving you age groups and a few sentences to startt the conversation with.

My oldest is 5 and she knows the difference between a male reproductive system and a women's . She knows babies come from women, and daddys help momy after babies are born.

She thinks babies are bought(as in money) from the hospital... lol.. that notion was set into her mind by her grandma NOT me..

i think thats pretty much enough for her age, by looking at my child's learning capabilities i think she'll be ready to know that a penis goes inside a women around age 9-10.

yeahhh i still dont have guts to talk to my parents about sex, they never mentioned it, we never said anything, i never knew much till i was 13... yeahh iw as slow. that was from school sex ed classes. My older sister taught me alot about when women menstr. and babies around age 12-13.

[sproutz80]

I would say that it's completely dependent on your child. Many of them know a lot more than you think, and half of it is probably misinformation. No one gave me "the talk" and I sort of pieced it together from what I learned on the schoolyard, what I overheard and what was on TV. I knew at 7 that a man put his penis in a woman and she could get pregnant, but I certainly didn't know that she had to menstruate first or that people were supposed to get hair, etc. If you don't tell them, they're going to hear it from some other source, and you have no idea what the accuracy of the information they're receiving is.

I'm not suggesting taking photographs of penises and vaginas and using them as flashcards for your children, but if you think they have the capacity to understand that boys/men have a penis, and girls/women have vagainas, than why not tell them they can come together and make a baby?

Pretty much the same scenario here when I was younger. With my son...well, he knows this and that but we haven't really discussed the whole aspect of sex. With him, I will go little by little. I"m glad that he is open with me so far with different issues ect that come to his mind. He knows a lot for someone so small but he also has discretion... ie. a cousin said... "you and me will have a baby, i will be mommy, you will be daddy" (Cousins parents have gone the WRONG route via teaching...trust me...) My ds replied with, "No, that can't happen. we're kids and your my cousin!!!! No one marries their cousin. Yuck!" While he could have done w/o the "yuck" LOL he is 7 and thats the way he sees it.

It helped a lot when I was pregnant with my dd. He asked questions and I/dh answered. ie, why are you preg and daddy isn't? At one point a gf's dd asked if I ATE a baby..lmao that was the time I realized I better say something to him just in case he was wondering if mommy was a baby eater. My friend was beyond mortified! (@ her dd's comment)

Its can be a hard topic. Take it child by child, whats right knowledge for one, might not be for another.

[Kaldirris]

Take it child by child, whats right knowledge for one, might not be for another.

Absolutely. You have to gauge your answers on your child's understanding level. No point in going into big, detailed explanations if your little one doesn't understand.

[mdutka]

At one point a gf's dd asked if I ATE a baby..lmao that was the time I realized I better say something to him just in case he was wondering if mommy was a baby eater. My friend was beyond mortified! (@ her dd's comment)

kids eh! thats hilarious