Teens Curfew

[ashl3y]

My curfew was always 9pm - weekdays, weekends, didn't matter. The only time my mom ever made an exception to the rule was if I had a special occasion one night (a concert of some sort, etc.) but to those events I was only allowed to go with immediate family so, yeah.

[Lyssia510]

When I was 17 my curfew was 11 on weeknights, unless I working late or going to a concert etc(which was pretty much every night so my curfew was pointless). On weekends I had to be on the last bus home(which was 12:30 and got me home around 1), unless I working, going to an event etc. However if I was a friends house on my street, my mom didn't care what time I was home as long as she knew where I was and I still went to work the next day. However the internet wasn't huge when I was 17 and there weren't daily reports of people being mugged, raped and killed(I'm sure it still happened but there wasn't the paranoia about letting your kid go out alone as there is these days)
I don't know what time I'd let my 17 yr old stay out until, but having a car would make me feel better and push the curfew to the later side. Plus I think there's a black out period where teens aren't allowed to drive(12am-6am maybe?) so I might use that as a curfew time.

[DianneS]

I have a 19-yo and a 23-yo, so I, too have gone through this recently. We did not have set curfews for either of our kids. What time they needed to be home was dependent on where they were going and with whom. On school nights there really wasn't any need to be out later than 9:30 p.m. unless there were special circumstances. (Keep in mind that we are both up at 5:30 a.m. for work and I like the house quiet by 10 p.m.) It wasn't that often that they were out until after midnight on the week-ends. By the time they began grade 12, I felt that it was time to give them more independence. I realized that in 12 months' time they would be in university and perhaps living away from home, so we had all better start getting used to the upcoming changes in roles and responsibilities over the grade 12 year. I think that the most important thing to consider is how well your communicate with your child, how mature he is and what kinds of choices he tends to make. I always tried to give mine as much responsibility and freedom as they could reasonably handle...and I always told them to blame me if there was ever a place they didn't want to go, or if there was a situation they wanted to get out of.

The sleep-over thing is a little more dicey. I generally solved that dilemma by letting my kids do almost all of the hosting! My DH and I have often cleared out on a Friday or Saturday evening, arriving back home at about 11 pm and then headed upstairs to watch TV, keep ears open and head down to the kitchen for an occasional snack or beverage!

[jemwars]

I think that 10:p.m during the week and 11:00/11:30 on week ends is more then fair....I have 4 kids aged 15,16,16,&18 so I know exactly the deli ma you face...almost 18 "technically almost an adult" but still is my house my rules...of course when the 18 year old calls and says I'm gonna stay till 12 on a week end there's a little leeway...but any later then that is not necessary as far as I'm concerned their still in high school and they need to be reasonable!

[jemwars]

I have a 19-yo and a 23-yo, so I, too have gone through this recently. We did not have set curfews for either of our kids. What time they needed to be home was dependent on where they were going and with whom. On school nights there really wasn't any need to be out later than 9:30 p.m. unless there were special circumstances. (Keep in mind that we are both up at 5:30 a.m. for work and I like the house quiet by 10 p.m.) It wasn't that often that they were out until after midnight on the week-ends. By the time they began grade 12, I felt that it was time to give them more independence. I realized that in 12 months' time they would be in university and perhaps living away from home, so we had all better start getting used to the upcoming changes in roles and responsibilities over the grade 12 year. I think that the most important thing to consider is how well your communicate with your child, how mature he is and what kinds of choices he tends to make. I always tried to give mine as much responsibility and freedom as they could reasonably handle...and I always told them to blame me if there was ever a place they didn't want to go, or if there was a situation they wanted to get out of.

The sleep-over thing is a little more dicey. I generally solved that dilemma by letting my kids do almost all of the hosting! My DH and I have often cleared out on a Friday or Saturday evening, arriving back home at about 11 pm and then headed upstairs to watch TV, keep ears open and head down to the kitchen for an occasional snack or beverage!

I completely agree it all depends on the kid! My rules are on a school night by 10pm (just recently increase from 9) and 12 on week ends, you are in your room and it is quite time...you want to read, watch t.v. listen to music whatever that's up to you but the house is to be quite! It works well for us.
And I am exactly the same way about being the host...I would sooner have 10 kids hanging out in my basement or back yard or kids sleeping over. At least I know there safe and not running the streets. Although it can be tough on the pocket book with all the snacks they go through lol.

I am so blown away every time I go out at like 11/12 at night and there are groups of 12 and 13 year olds walking around...no way not my kids, in my opinion that's where the problems start!

I do admit while they are all starting to get older I seem to be working harder and harder to transition the roles in the house I am desprately trying to find a way to move into that "adult relationship" while we still have them here!

[erin9mmm]

My curfew was always 9pm - weekdays, weekends, didn't matter. The only time my mom ever made an exception to the rule was if I had a special occasion one night (a concert of some sort, etc.) but to those events I was only allowed to go with immediate family so, yeah.

Sounds like my house.
My brother and I didn't have set curfews, BUT we didn't go out to just hang with our friends either. We were both busy (dancing lessons, piano, hockey, etc) so it wasn't really an issue. My parents took it on an individual basis, depending on what we were going to do they would ask us to be home accordingly - and that was the weekends. IMO most kids out past 9:00 on a school night (unless they are doing something specific like a ball game etc) are often bored and just looking for trouble.

[Darth Penguin]

When my grandmother died, I returned to my mother's house for the funeral. While I was there, me and my sister went to our father's house for the evening. We got back a bit later than we thought we would to find DM sitting in her chair waiting for us with disapproval etched on her face at the time( 2.30 am...)

I was 32 and my sister 36....

[erin9mmm]

.....We got back a bit later than we thought we would to find DM sitting in her chair waiting for us with disapproval etched on her face at the time( 2.30 am...)

I was 32 and my sister 36....

Mother's never stop worrying, lol. Curfews are for the safety of kids and the relief of mothers!

[vibrantflame]

My sister and I never had a curfew, but that's honestly because we never went out late and the few times that we did were for things like weddings and there were adults there. I agree with a lot of what the others said...unless there's a specific planned activity that requires them to stay out really late, there's not much to do after a certain time of night that doesn't involve some kind of trouble...

As for the sleeping over thing, I would say okay if his friend came to sleep over at your place, or if his parents will be home all night. You don't want to "encourage" something to happen, if that makes sense? Like, for example, my Dad always felt that if I wanted to do something, I'd find a way to do it even if he said no, so he never talked to me about things like sleeping over with someone of the opposite sex, and I *didn't* want to do anything but was naive enough to think that that was enough...quickly learned that was not always the case!

[glowworm2k]

I didn't have a curfew, but should have. There were rules, sure, but none were hard and fast. I could stay out late as long as I asked permission at least 24h beforehand (this started at around age 16). I loved, loved, loved going to concerts, so Mom would let me go as long as I could tell her what the concert was. (This did happen on school nights; she got a bit upset if I arrived home later than 2:30am on a school night.) There were sleepovers at boyfriends' homes for sure - I'd be lying to say otherwise - but I was a typical teen and would find times and places to fool around, sleepover or not. There was quite a bit of drinking, too, but Mom was very, very reluctant to enforce any rules as she was trying to use me as a bargaining chip in her separation/divorce proceedings with my Dad; she figured that by being the permissive parent, she could keep me at her house and restrict my Dad's access to me. It's really sad that she was so manipulative.... especially as it also ended up with me making some bad decisions (although none of these things that I didn't eventually overcome).

Years later I asked my Dad about all this. He told me that he had been really worried, but that Mom had threatened him that he couldn't intervene unless my 85% straight-A average dropped. Unfortunately for all 3 of us, I could get an A+ on a high school exam when showing up still half in the bag from the night before... talk about their plan backfiring

Long story short, make a curfew, make it reasonable, and also make it open to discussion and flexibility in advance - no change-of-plans once he's already out for the night, but giving the okay to return late in advance in my book is a-ok - there will always be a special occasion or something where it just seems like the right thing to bend the rules

[erin9mmm]

....so Mom would let me go as long as I could tell her what the concert was. (This did happen on school nights; she got a bit upset if I arrived home later than 2:30am on a school night.) There were sleepovers at boyfriends' homes for sure - I'd be lying to say otherwise - but I was a typical teen and would find times and places to fool around, sleepover or not. There was quite a bit of drinking, too, but Mom was very, very reluctant to enforce any rules as she was trying to use me as a bargaining chip in her separation/divorce proceedings with my Dad.....

You were sooo different from me! I don't know if it was the involvement in my church, my shy personality, being busy at dancing etc. or a combination of all but I was pretty much the opposite. Except for a little wine at family functions I never drank as a teen, didn't go to my first concert until I was 20, didn't sleepover at a boyfriends until I was 21 (and I married him), and never really went to any teen parties. Believe or not my parents were not really that strict either, just required respect and I never felt like I was missing out on anything. The only disappointing thing to me now after reading your post is that I had trouble keeping a 70-75% average!! Go figure!

[jemwars]

I didn't have a curfew, but should have. There were rules, sure, but none were hard and fast. I could stay out late as long as I asked permission at least 24h beforehand (this started at around age 16). I loved, loved, loved going to concerts, so Mom would let me go as long as I could tell her what the concert was. (This did happen on school nights; she got a bit upset if I arrived home later than 2:30am on a school night.) There were sleepovers at boyfriends' homes for sure - I'd be lying to say otherwise - but I was a typical teen and would find times and places to fool around, sleepover or not. There was quite a bit of drinking, too, but Mom was very, very reluctant to enforce any rules as she was trying to use me as a bargaining chip in her separation/divorce proceedings with my Dad; she figured that by being the permissive parent, she could keep me at her house and restrict my Dad's access to me. It's really sad that she was so manipulative.... especially as it also ended up with me making some bad decisions (although none of these things that I didn't eventually overcome).

Years later I asked my Dad about all this. He told me that he had been really worried, but that Mom had threatened him that he couldn't intervene unless my 85% straight-A average dropped. Unfortunately for all 3 of us, I could get an A+ on a high school exam when showing up still half in the bag from the night before... talk about their plan backfiring

Long story short, make a curfew, make it reasonable, and also make it open to discussion and flexibility in advance - no change-of-plans once he's already out for the night, but giving the okay to return late in advance in my book is a-ok - there will always be a special occasion or something where it just seems like the right thing to bend the rules

This really hits home for me. My DH has 3 children from a previous marriage. At this point we have full custody of all and are sadly at a point where niether there mother or maternal grandmother aren't even allowed to speak to them or have any contact whatsoever (this drastic move came after Grandma kidnapped 2 them from school and spend two years brainwashing them to hate there Father and any kind of authority She ignored court ordera to return them or do anything else that was ordered....it ended up with the police and childrens lawyer forcibly removing them from her home!, we saw hem maybe 4 times in a year and half and they wouldn't even look at us! The Mother and Grandmother have used these kids as nothing more then pawns in there game! And it is us who pay the price.... It is a constant battle of us bieng the bad guy...they have taught them they should have whatever they want whenever they want it, with no regard for anyone else! Imposing curfew and standard rules have been a constant battle in the house, especially when they were still going to Mom and seeing Gandma because they were constantly told that we were just being "mean" to them and the classic "It's your life your decision, and you don't have to listen to them"
As hard as it has been we stick to our rules/curfew, I believe it is important that all kids have boundaries and learn respect for the rule (trust me this is an uphill battle daily) I only hope in the end it pays off!

IMO people need to grow up and stop using there children as pawns in custody battles...really how sick do you need to be to do such a thing to children...it literately turns my stomach every time i hear it or think about what these kids go through!!

[gspmamma]

Growing up I had a very strict curfew. It was 11:00 before I started to drive and 12:00 after, unless I didn't have my mom's car and then had to be in at 11:00 because that was when the last city bus ran. Heaven forbid if I was more than 5 minutes late. My butt would be grounded to my room with no phone, t.v. for a week. It wasn't until I was 19 and would go out later on weekends. By then my mom wasn't to concerned about how late I was out on the weekends as long as I was home before 2 a.m The friends I was hanging out with out go to a small bar most weekends and we would take turns driving. Plus none of us really drank that much.

My daughter is 16 and she has a strict curfew also. Weekdays it is 10:00 (very strict about this time and no exceptions are given) and 11:00 on weekends. If she needs later she has to ask before she leaves. There are no "boy" sleepovers, heck I don't even allow boys in her room with her. (her brothers don't count) Most of her friends don't even have a curfew and living were we do I don't think this is right. There isn't really anything for them to do past 11:00 except hanging out in places they really shouldn't be. In my mind this is when trouble starts. We might be letting her stay out until 12:00 starting this summer but that is only because some of her friends are old enough to have their G2 and they drive to other close cities to do things.

I'm glad that even though my next oldest is 13 he has a much earlier curfew as he is mentally only about 10 years old and has to be at home before dark. Though I do let him stay outside until 9-9:30 as long as he stays in the townhouse complex and were I can see him.

[ninna]

There were sleepovers at boyfriends' homes for sure - I'd be lying to say otherwise - but I was a typical teen and would find times and places to fool around, sleepover or not.

mmm. Totally agree on this one. If kids are gonna "screw around", they're gonna do it whenever and wherever they can and a curfew isn't going to stop that. Nor is preventing "sleepovers" at friends house. I first became sexually active with my boyfriend right under my mother's nose--in her own house-- in the middle of the day!

There was quite a bit of drinking, too, but Mom was very, very reluctant to enforce any rules as she was trying to use me as a bargaining chip in her separation/divorce proceedings with my Dad; she figured that by being the permissive parent, she could keep me at her house and restrict my Dad's access to me. It's really sad that she was so manipulative.... especially as it also ended up with me making some bad decisions (although none of these things that I didn't eventually overcome).
That's a tough spot to be in--never fun to be a pawn in the chess game of parents.

I'm learning a lot from this discussion though. It's interesting to hear the perspective from kids who had "permissive" parents. Someone else mentioned previously that they felt their permissive mom made her feel like she "didn't care enough" because the mom let them smoke up or drink at home with their friends. I've heard it argued from a permissive parent that "They're gonna do this stuff anyway (drugs, alcohol, sex), so they might as well do it under the safety of my roof where I can watch them and prevent them from doing something really dangerous like getting into a car with a drunk driver in order to get home." I can see the logic of that argument to some degree. Never imagined kids on the other side would feel like their parents didn't care because of that though.


Long story short, make a curfew, make it reasonable, and also make it open to discussion and flexibility in advance - no change-of-plans once he's already out for the night, but giving the okay to return late in advance in my book is a-ok - there will always be a special occasion or something where it just seems like the right thing to bend the rules

Agree with this one too. Kids expect there to be well defined limits that are set and enforced by you, the parent. They NEED those limits and they need the consequences for breaking the rules.

Oh boy. Teenagers. My kids are slowly creeping toward this age and I'm not too sure what I think about that!

[couponcrzy]

Weekdays we had to be home by dark. Weekends I never really had a curfew. My mother preferred that if we were at a party with drinking involved that we stay the night rather than trying to come home drunk. When I started going out with DH at 16 my mom just put me on birth control. She was never the most responsible parent.

Then again, I didn't end up pregnant like a lot of the girls in my class, so maybe she was being the more responsible parent.

Kids are going to drink, likely try drugs at some point or another, and have sex. And they are starting to do all three of these younger and younger each year. I had kids working with me at DQ when I was Manager who would tell me they started having sex at eleven. ELEVEN!! The best thing you can do is make sure that they know how to be responsible - to use protection if they are going to have sex, not to drive while intoxicated or get into a car with an intoxicated driver, and inform them about the various risks that come with using certain drugs.

My friends all thought it was so great that I had a mom who let us drink and smoke weed at home and have our boyfriends/girlfriends over but it always made me feel like she just didn't care about us. If you're too strict though, they might end up rebelling against you. You need to find a happy medium between the two.

I would definitely buy your son some condoms. Tell him you would prefer he not have sex at all, but if he is going to he needs to make sure he is protected. It will probably embarrass the heck out of you both, but it's better than dealing with a pregnancy or HIV scare.

See I have a teenager who is 15. But everyones circumstances are different. During the school year she does not go out too much school and grades mean alot to her. But now that it is summertime she is staying over at friends houses alot. Not sure how I feel about it. i trust her and everything because she has called me when some stuff is going down she has called me to come home. I have bought her booze before because if she is going to do it I want to know when and where. And she knows this is the reason. I am extremely careful about where she even thinks about drinking because safety first. It is not that I do not care it is just cuz I need to know she is safe not that she is running the roads drunk...............