Help me stay at home for a year with the kids...what would you do?

[lucy16076]

I'm hoping & planning to stay home with my "children" come September 2013. My son will be entering grade 9 & my daughter grade 12. I believe that this coming year will be full of new challenges for them & I hope to be able to help them through their changes whenever they require my guidance. (sometimes they don't want it! lol)
I realize this is a "want" rather than a "need", but I also believe that I will never regret doing this & dedicating my time to my children...but may very well regret not being there for them when I possibly could have been.
So....
My SC friends have been very generous with coupons, opinons & suggestions over the last year & a half! What I'm hoping to do is encourage your thoughts & suggestions, and maybe a few trades once again in helping me accomplish this goal by August 2013. Has anyone tried this? Has anyone stockpiled for a year for this or illness recovery & could help me decide what the most important things to stockpile are? I'm guessing canned goods, pasta, & bread would be at the top of my list. Things like fruit & veggies will be bought on sale now & frozen for smoothies & baking.
I'm not opposed to finding a part time job & have been reading several ways to save money & create my stockpile. I am going to do this!!
Any suggestions from my virtual family will be welcome

[kris32]

i'd say maybe a part time one sounds right if that's what you really want to do.

I would have to know your kids though to give you a true opinion on what i think of it. Some kids cope better with high school then others. Depends how they'd deal with issues like homework,peer pressure etc. I am willing to bet that your daughter in grade 12 is used to a lot of things but you will have to guide her on colleges or whatever the future may hold for her of course.

I wouldn't take it too personally that they don't want the guidance,they are teenagers and once they are older chances are they will come back around.

[momof5boys]

Not sure what you are asking but if you are wondering if you can swing it financially to stay home, I would search frugal living websites on the internet. I have always been a stay-at-home mom and have not regretted it to this day. We live very frugally and at the moment are actually considered at poverty level judging by the income here. But nothing can be further from the truth - we think we live like kings because key here is ...CONTENTMENT.... We don't need the latest, drive 10/15 year old vehicles, play board games, garden, can and freeze veggies/produce, etc. Living simply so others can simply live is the motto we go by.

[Minou]

I'm a high school teacher, and unless there's something about your kids that you're not telling us, I think this plan sounds kind of silly. What are they going to be needing you for during the day when they're at school? Do you normally work late and need to drive them to activities every night? Most high school students are pretty independent, and if you're concerned about their school work, homework discussions and monitoring can happen in the evening.

If you're in need of a break, take a year off or work part-time, but don't think that it's necessary to do this for your kids. I really don't think most high school students would like this plan much, anyway. It's probably better to work and save some of that money for your kids' post-secondary tuition rather than making things tough financially for your family.

[momof5boys]

I'm a high school teacher, and unless there's something about your kids that you're not telling us, I think this plan sounds kind of silly. What are they going to be needing you for during the day when they're at school? Do you normally work late and need to drive them to activities every night? Most high school students are pretty independent, and if you're concerned about their school work, homework discussions and monitoring can happen in the evening.

If you're in need of a break, take a year off or work part-time, but don't think that it's necessary to do this for your kids. I really don't think most high school students would like this plan much, anyway. It's probably better to work and save some of that money for your kids' post-secondary tuition rather than making things tough financially for your family.

I'm not sure why you would think it 'silly' for her to be home for her children. My younger boys are now in Grades 10 and 12 and I continue to choose to stay home. I am there when they get home and there for them if they need to talk about issues they have been facing at school. They come home to a relaxed mom who has the energy and time to spend time and have conversations with them, not a mother who is rushed because dinner has to be made, laundry has to be done, and the other myriad of things that a working mom needs to be accomplished in the evenings. I am convinced that if more mothers chose to stay home (and I am speaking of those who are able to do this) there would be less issues with teenagers. A teenager is much more likely to speak to their parents about anything (including bullying that may be happening at school) if a parent is around and not just flying in and out the door.

As for your comment about saving money for kids post secondary tuition, it really baffles me why people seem to think that parents have to fund their child's university education. Make them save their money from a young age and you will be surprised what they can accomplish on their own. Kids should have Saturday jobs early on and bank the money. It's amazing how saving adds up. One of our sons is now in his sixth year of university and just now needed to have some help financially for his last year. He mentioned to me that generally students who have their parents pay for their education don't take their studying too seriously. Have your kids pay for their own education and then it is a different story!

[Natalka]

Good for you for thinking of doing this; I hope you can swing it!

People often think of SAH parents being only important for the primary/elementary years, but I totally agree with momof5 just above me about just why it's important to be home for jr. and high school kids as well.

Yes, you are home alone during the day - but that's when you can get things done - then for the time when the kids come home after school they can have your undivided attention, and YES sometimes just being the physical presence with them can make a difference. It's that they have the 'possibility' of talking with you, letting stuff out from the school day - and you will find they will be MUCH closer to you!

My son is now 21 - and he started telling me around gr. 10 or so how much he appreciated me being home - and wow, then once he was done school, he told me so much more - as compared to his peers.

- and you know one thing he absolutely loved? It seemed odd at the time - but when he got to high school for gr.9, it had a cafeteria, and I thought wow, no more lunchmaking for me! Thought that if he would brownbag it, he could make his own lunch.
However, it turned out that if I planned and made his lunches, he ate much more healthy, and his friends were actually jealous of his lunches (trust me, they were nothing fancy....) and would try to trade something like pizza for sandwiches he had.

[anisa]

i don't think it is silly at all.

yes, kids do ok w/o parents at home 24hrs, but to be there for them, even if everything is totally routine and normal in your home, can be something the kids benefit from.

good luck, i'm sure that you will be able to accomplish it

[frugal50]

i know this mother of three young boys, 9, 12 and 14

who is a working mom and spends half her time travelling

most career women would never dream of being a fulltime housewife/mom

she earns more than her hubby

as for me, i would rather work parttime and let the husband be the breadwinner

don't know how these working moms do it

[kris32]

i was thinking about this the other day to. Women gaining more rights has totally cancelled out chivalry.

Life is way too busy nowadays. I agree with what momwith5boys said, nobody really NEEDS shiny new things anyway. In the longrun it will create better spending habits for your children as well as better values in life. If you can afford it then that's still great.

I have $$ in resp for dd but it is all the governments, i don't really add anything much. Whatever she ends up with in there she can save the rest and go to college if she wants. There's the offer to do it so why not?

[anisa]

i was thinking about this the other day to. Women gaining more rights has totally cancelled out chivalry. ...

omg, i have always said this!

men have gotten so used to women picking up the slack.

there used to be a time when if a guy was truly interested in a woman, he would make a conscious effort to win her over. win her heart, her respect, her devotion.

now even if a guy is only just sort of interested in a girl, he's got it eeasy because she will pursue him thinking that he is really into her. she wastes her time and in the end realizes he's only somewhat interested in just a few aspects of their relationship and ends up wasting her time with a guy who is more than happy having a good time, but doesn't care about winning her heart, her respect, her devotion.

haha, really off topic, but it does sort of play into the whole larger picture of family balance, and responsibilities and obligations.

i am a SAHM, and i love it. we don't have a flashy lifestyle, all the gadgets and gizmos to show off, we have one car and an older home. on the flip side we have a lot of love and respect in our family. yeah hubby can be a doofus sometimes (he's only a man after all ) but he takes full responsibility for earning the dough, and if i chip in, then great, but if i don't it's no sweat because we don't over extend ourselves anyways.

it can be done, there is no shame in living a more humble life

[LovelyLaeticia]

I'm a stay at home mom, I do plan to work a part time job, or an at home job once they are in school. Even once they are in school, I feel like they are still going to need me. I want to be home to take care of them when they're sick, have the energy to talk and be there for them every single day... I want to be able to go on field trips (if they want me to) and be in the classroom volunteering (again if they want me to!) Once they are in highschool, I don't want to be stressed and frazzled with work, I want to be able to focus solely on them. My older daughter has special needs, and I want to be there for her always.

In order to stay at home with them, as the others have said, we live frugally. We don't have a lot of new fancy things, and the things we do have we had to save for. We have one vehicle, an older used model. We do without a lot of luxuries, and we when something breaks, we make it work rather than buy a new one.

I don't have a huge stockpile, when things are one sale, I buy 6-12 rather than 1. I don't buy things that I can make for cheaper. We don't go on a lot of vacations, and they are cheaper ones (think roadtrips!) Our house is old, it was a disaster when we purchased it for next to nothing. We live in the middle of nowhere.

I would not change a thing. We are happy with what we have.

[angel_2011]

i have a 1yr old and soon to be 5yr old. My oldest is in full day SK. I do plan on going to work part-time once my youngest starts going to school. Being a stay at home mom is great however, it does mean making a lot of sacrifices. I had to change my entire way of living - such as, getting my hair dyed/highlighted at a salon every couple of months, to doing it at home, or professionaly only for special occasions like Christmas. Like others have said - u have to live frugally but it doesn't mean make do without the best of things either. Both my kids have the best clothes and toys out there - but hubby and i don't necessarily need the most hippest clothes (u know what i mean). The only reason I'm entertaining the idea of going to work (even for a couple hours a day), is that the extra income will help with some of the bills and this means, we will have a bit more for ourselves.

[glowworm2k]

It's just the way things worked out for me, but I will be working part-time (mostly from home) during most of my child's first year.

I think that if you want to stay home, that's fine and can be done without a great deal of strife. I'd also point out, however, that there are also lots of great part-time opportunities available if you enjoy your line of work or want to make more of a gradual transition. The transition to SAH can be very, very hard for some people (several of my friends included), so I wouldn't rule out getting a job that kept you busy 1-2 days (paid or volunteer) a week for the social interaction and the time out of the house. Believe me, I've been working from home 75-85% of the time for the past year and have found it to be very, very isolating at times. Even though I was dog tired and busy as heck with my dissertation, I still found time to get out of the house and go to a part-time job just so that the walls didn't close in too much. For you, it'd be different as you have kids, but the house might be kinda lonely if you're there alone for 9+ hours everyday....

[anisa]

i have a 1yr old and soon to be 5yr old. My oldest is in full day SK. I do plan on going to work part-time once my youngest starts going to school. Being a stay at home mom is great however, it does mean making a lot of sacrifices. I had to change my entire way of living - such as, getting my hair dyed/highlighted at a salon every couple of months, to doing it at home, or professionaly only for special occasions like Christmas. Like others have said - u have to live frugally but it doesn't mean make do without the best of things either. Both my kids have the best clothes and toys out there - but hubby and i don't necessarily need the most hippest clothes (u know what i mean). The only reason I'm entertaining the idea of going to work (even for a couple hours a day), is that the extra income will help with some of the bills and this means, we will have a bit more for ourselves.

i was the chick who spent $150 on her hair every 8 weeks...
now it is home dye jobs, on sale with a coupon!

and i hear you on the clothes. childrens place, and it has to be at least 65% off, then i turn around and sell them through consignment when i am done with them.

[kris32]

I know! I am really old fashioned,maybe because i was practically raised by my nana,lol but i would much rather raise my children and family,have a gentleman then be disrespected and have the option to work.

I am sure we would miss a lot of things that i am not even thinking about that would go with the rights movement when you look at it all truthfully though!