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Results 136 to 150 of 1708
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Tue, Jan 22nd, 2013, 10:00 AM #136
- Join Date
- May 2011
- Location
- Winnipeg, Manitoba
- Posts
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- 22595
- Trading Score
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Fri, Jan 25th, 2013, 12:15 PM #137
- Join Date
- Nov 2009
- Location
- Valhǫllr - "hall of the slain"
- Age
- 62
- Posts
- 27,725
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- 12380
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I can't profess to understand God's plan. Christ promised the resurrection of the dead. I just thought he had something a little different in mind.
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Mon, Jan 28th, 2013, 11:39 AM #138
SORRY FOR THE STUPID LAYOUT.
It came up that way with copy/paste
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
'How old was your husband?'
'98,' she replied: 'Two years older than me'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?'
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing
about being 104?' the reporter asked.
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes
I'm half blind,
can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
take 40 different medications that
make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation;
hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends.
But, thank God,
I still have my driver's license.
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
so I got my doctor's permission to
join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But,
by the time I got my leotards on,
the class was over.
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and
told her preacher she had two final requests.
First, she wanted to be cremated, and second,
she wanted her ashes scattered over Walmart.
'Walmart?' the preacher exclaimed.
'Why Walmart?'
'Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week'
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
It's scary when you start making the same noises
as your coffee maker.
These days about half the stuff
in my shopping cart says,
'For fast relief.'
THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
the eyesight to tell the difference.
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and
told her preacher she had two final requests.
First, she wanted to be cremated, and second,
she wanted her ashes scattered over Walmart.
'Walmart?' the preacher exclaimed.
'Why Walmart?'
'Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week'
Last edited by MortgageQueen; Mon, Jan 28th, 2013 at 11:41 AM.
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Mon, Jan 28th, 2013, 12:01 PM #139
- Join Date
- Dec 2010
- Location
- Ontario
- Posts
- 24,332
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- 41090
- Trading Score
- 7 (100%)
MortgageQueen, these are awesome.
BTW, I just fired a potential mortgage broker because his attitude stunk. On a positive note, there are many many more options and for 2013 the Bank of Canada is not predicting an increase.
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Tue, Jan 29th, 2013, 02:17 AM #140
Yes, that's quite true Shwa Girl. Not surprising with the world economy still barely functioning.
I you need a broker just give me a shout.Keep in mind your term and how long you intend to stay at your present home. A large majority of Canadians break their mortgage at 3 1/2 yrs. . .which means a penalty that potentially be quite expensive.
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Tue, Jan 29th, 2013, 11:39 AM #141
- Join Date
- May 2011
- Location
- Winnipeg, Manitoba
- Posts
- 10,255
- Likes Received
- 22595
- Trading Score
- 456 (100%)
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Tue, Jan 29th, 2013, 02:59 PM #142
Being asked for ID is always a good thing.
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Tue, Jan 29th, 2013, 09:49 PM #143
- Join Date
- Nov 2007
- Location
- lost in my mind
- Posts
- 7,898
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- 7269
- Trading Score
- 20 (100%)
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Wed, Jan 30th, 2013, 06:40 AM #144
- Join Date
- Jul 2009
- Location
- Where love grows
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We all need a little sunshine every now and then
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Wed, Jan 30th, 2013, 06:42 AM #145
- Join Date
- Jul 2009
- Location
- Where love grows
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hahaha...
We all need a little sunshine every now and then
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Wed, Jan 30th, 2013, 06:44 AM #146
- Join Date
- Jul 2009
- Location
- Where love grows
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- Trading Score
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We all need a little sunshine every now and then
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Wed, Jan 30th, 2013, 06:44 AM #147
- Join Date
- Jul 2009
- Location
- Where love grows
- Posts
- 15,848
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- 20464
- Trading Score
- 109 (100%)
We all need a little sunshine every now and then
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Wed, Jan 30th, 2013, 06:45 AM #148
- Join Date
- Jul 2009
- Location
- Where love grows
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- 15,848
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- 20464
- Trading Score
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We all need a little sunshine every now and then
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Wed, Jan 30th, 2013, 09:33 PM #149
- Join Date
- May 2011
- Location
- Winnipeg, Manitoba
- Posts
- 10,255
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- 22595
- Trading Score
- 456 (100%)
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Wed, Jan 30th, 2013, 09:41 PM #150
- Join Date
- May 2011
- Location
- Winnipeg, Manitoba
- Posts
- 10,255
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- 22595
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