Break-Up

[cath007]

@Vesper: so true.

[annedougherty]

Yeah been there done that lol. If he's anything like one of my ex boyfriends that knot will go away when you see he's latched onto someone else to leech off of. Don't feel quilty. Wish him well, he will survive somehow. Be proud of yourself, and wish only the best for yourself because you will find it.

[Shwa Girl]

I just broke up with my boyfriend of six years, with whom I've been living with for two. *Skip ahead to last paragraph to avoid boring back story*

Really nice of you how you made a short rant and a longer version -- clever.
And I like your avatar too.

[cath007]

When you see the people is not right for you...just dont get involved even if this person think you are wright for her..

[CanadianCouponCollector]

ignoring intuition is something only humans do, animals don't.

^^this.

[MTLcouponer]

And I like your avatar too.

Right back at you!!

[walkonby]

MTLcouponer ( you were brave to finally do what was right for you) ........and Shwa!! I love all the minions!! My newest fav toy! lol ( going through second childhood perhaps)

[Beah619]

Let me start by saying GOOD FOR YOU!! Being able to identify that your relationship is toxic and end it to better your own life is certainly an accomplishment!

I was in a similar situation when in my first year of University. I made the choice to go to University to better my future and my bf decided that he would go to college. He was a year and a bit older so he finished his schooling after my first year and had made no plans nor attempted to find a job after he left school. While in school I was saving all that I could (couponing, swagbucks etc.) and working when I was able to because lets face it University isn't cheap! I felt like I was putting in all the effort trying to better our futures when he just wanted to sit at home a play video games. I felt like I was doing everything to save what I could so that we could enjoy things like going out to dinner or splurging a bit on date night every once in a while (which I had to plan entirely on my own because he didn't want to help I might add). I finally had it when we were talking about future plans and he told me that it doesn't matter where he works because my job will pay a lot once I finish my education and he could just live off of that!!!!!! I was furious after that and finally decided that we were after different paths in life and I couldn't handle having to make every decision alone because he seemed to have no ambition or desire to work for anything. Let me tell you after I broke it off all of a sudden he came to me asking to take him back because he didn't know what to do anymore and he was sad, broke etc. but I stood my ground and YES I felt guilty but I knew it was best.

A year and a half down the road and I feel GREAT! A weight has been lifted off my shoulder and I can go after what I want in life without having to look after another person. Breaking it off was hard and I felt guilty like you but the feeling will go away and you will realize you are better off without toxic people in your life

[tjthemanto]

No need to feel guilty. You actually might have done him a favour by doing this , without an enabler in his life , he might actually do much better in life and learn to stand on his feet.

You gave him the benefit of doubt and a really long rope for a long long time.

You finally gave him an ultimatum and a deadline and ge didn't take it.

There is still a month left , if he really wanted ..he could still do something about it

[electric_viking]

You guys are awesome, thanks so much for the support!!

We never declared ourselves as common-law, so that's not an issue. We bought a few pieces of furniture together, but we're not fighting over them. I'm trying to sublet the apartment for Sept 1 and I told him he had to be out by that time, but otherwise that's it.

Hearing all of your stories is amazing!!

for your sake I hope he's man enough to move out on or before the first.

[SavvyLady]

This sounds exactly like my niece, she dated someone for six years, first boyfriend... It wasn't toxic, but she explained it like they were an old married couple!! He didn't want to do anything, would work then sit on the couch either watching tv or video games.. She made all the plans, he never spent his money he said he was saving up for a house for them. Finally she knew this wasn't the life she wanted!! Know she has met a wonderful MAN, who is on the same wave length as her, they just bought a gorgeous townhouse, and our planning their wedding!! You are doing the right thing, whatever you do don't go back!! Things will get better!!,

[frugalqueen]

I am a firm believer that finding peace and happiness in life is so important...I am happily married but my husband and I went through a couple of very hard times in our relationship and I know he is the one I am meant to be with...we laugh together, cry together, support each other and most important truly love each other...you are so brave to let him go because you need to find your happiness...and it will happen soon for you just never give up...

[natynat]

I hope that you feel better about your situation now that you see how many people support you. I am also one of the cheerleaders on the sideline . You have made the right choice for yourself and I know that you know it, because you said that the relationship was "toxic". I think that's the first step. Quite frankly, it took me two years after my own break up with my ex to say that word. From the way that you described him, I almost feel sorry for him. It seems that he lacks motivation, self-esteem and friends. Moreover, he struggles with addictions which may not be as bad as many of the ones that we normally hear about, but they are addictions nonetheless. I've been in the situation where I played the psychologist role to my suicidal and depressed ex. It damaged me more than it helped him...and it's just not the way to do it. He obviously needs an evaluation and some form of mental help. The fact that you feel bad about leaving him shows just how toxic the relationship was. I believe this is referred to as manipulation my dear. I've been in the situation of feeling bad of leaving my ex because he was depressed and I didn't want to be responsible for his suicide. Ultimately, however, it is his decision to remain on the couch and be depressed whereas it is your situation to get yourself out of there, and FAST, and never look back. Not even once. Not even when it may seem like it's easier to go to someone who knows you and accepts you, than to go into the "unknown" world of dating and having to open yourself up to someone again. However, you seem like a very determined and independent person so I know that you will be able to move out and move on with your life. And when that time comes, you will see that a healthy relationship includes two people working together to make it strong (including date nights and other social activities) and will not require you to play multiple roles (i.e. mother, therapist, teacher, etc). Keep your chin up and just remember that you have to put yourself first.

[cath007]

@Natynat: Great post,I could not be more agree of all the things you said

[YOU AND ME]

Yeah been there done that lol. If he's anything like one of my ex boyfriends that knot will go away when you see he's latched onto someone else to leech off of. Don't feel quilty. Wish him well, he will survive somehow. Be proud of yourself, and wish only the best for yourself because you will find it.

I was about to say the same thing believe you me it wouldn't be long till he hooks up with someone else.Sorry you are going through this but i will be for the best HUGS