Horatio update: Post radiation results in

[Lynn49]

Awww!! Lynn, sad to hear that you are in the same shoes . I can not stand being bare foot except while showering , its better than a few months ago, and I am used to it, but I would love for the feeling to go away ....also, my feet rather than my hands.
Have a good day Tara SC guardian angels are looking out for you.

I hope you're feeling comes back soon, Hon...I guess either I'm getting accustomed to the feeling or it's getting a little better...I was told it could take upwards of a year to "mostly" go away...as for standing in a shower...I can't wait! I'm still sliding onto a bath seat...gah!! I want to stand under my rain shower again instead of a hand-held thingy...

TARA.....

[hollyquaiscer]

[hollyquaiscer]

[avoncallingu]

I hope you are able to feel more comfortable with your new regimen.

[TaraF]

ithinkican, whatever exercise you can get is good, and despite it feeling the way it does I'm GLAD to hear you are walking. Don't take it for granted, even if it IS uncomfortable! And Lynn, LOVE the Hello Kitty! I actually bought a hello Kitty activity book for myself on the weekend (yeah I know, how old am I) lol and so I also picked one of for the Nurses 8 year old daughter as well. So I gave that to her on Monday for her daughter, and Tuesday Heidi brings me a Thank You/Get Well card her daughter made me for the gift I gave her. It was so super sweet. She said she wanted me to know what she looked like so she drew a picture of herself and coloured it too. lol The card and picture are sitting on my ledge with the other cards I've received.

And yes Natalka, the walks are so rejuvenating, and amazing for my mind, body and soul. Every day (weather permitting) I'm getting out there immediately following radiation for a walk. I'm hoping the rain holds off today (we're suppose to get thunderstorms) because my radiation is a bit later than usual.

[hollyquaiscer]

Oh, I hope the weather stays warm for you Tara, walks are amazing, all that fresh air. I just love the smell of weather...that sounds weird, the smell in the air that rain is coming, and the smell at just that point when you know the leaves are ready to fall to the ground, I can't describe it, but it's invigorating for sure. I just love walking, and my dogs keep me honest. I feel bad for them on days when I can't take them out.

I'm so proud of you hun, you've come a long way and I just love how your are so Proactive in your own care. These day's, when it's more important than ever to do so, so many of us just give up. A dear friend of mine for over 40 years, just had his right leg amputated yesterday below the knee. He has the big C as well, and last night while dh and I were visiting him, he was so down on life. I'm going there today again, come hell or high water I'll get there. I don't want him to sink deeply into that pity party. It's ok to dabble, but I've got a bad feeling about this one.

I'd bring him flowers, but somehow I don't that will even crack a smile. Sometimes I cry, he has 1 child only, a son that he hardly ever talks to. I spoke with his son several times in the past week and was trying to get him to understand how his dad was feeling. He figures his dad should just suck it up and move on. No compassion, no love, no nothing He hasn't been to see his dad the entire time he's been in the hospital. Called him twice. Reg's son is single, works a daytime job in the city so there's no reason. They didn't have some huge fight, and his childhood relationship with his dad has been a great one. They raced cars together, everything.

It seems to me like Reg's ds is afraid. Afraid of finding out anything about the cancer, afraid of feeling something. Not sure how to fix this, but I've invited him to dinner tomorrow night and I'm going to try and explain a few things about Reg's condition, and to let him know that it's ok to cry, or have any kind of feelings. It seems he's just pushing everything away and doesn't want to face reality. Reg needs his family and friends right now more than ever. Fingers crossed! K, nough babbling.

I hope your day is a good one Tara, I'm always thinking of you and have you in my prayers. Take care honey.

[Lynn49]

Oh, Holly, what a difficult position you're in, trying to consolidate a son and his father's relationship during this very trying time in their lives. I wish people could know the guilt that accompanies a loved one's passing when something that could have been done, wasn't done. I felt I gave my Mom the best care a daughter could, and everyone, family and our doctor agrees, but still there's that niggling feeling that I could have done more.

Hello, Tara.....I hope you have a beautiful walking day today, Sweetie....gentle hugs, Lynn...

[IthinkIcan]

From my own experience I have seen that most people will go out of their way to help you in any way they can, but a select few very close ppl will just play ostrich and pretend the situation doesn't exist, or its a lost cause anyways. What galls me most is that when you are back then they try to come back into your life and make amends saying things like , oh! I was in shock, did not know what to say / do. This whole incident showed me who my true family and friends are, the pretenders can take a hike

@Holly , hope your friend's son comes around while he is most needed. Just a kind word or a hug makes a huge difference.

[TaraF]

Holly, it's the one thing I've learned, the most valuable lesson: You MUST be your own advocate. No matter how crappy you may feel one day to the next. But I have been feeling good, even though I noticed today that some fatigue is starting to set in. I ACTUALLY had a nap today, something I never do! I was walking a lot slower on our walk too, but I did indeed get out and walk. I figure I'm just about half way through treatment so it's probably around "that time" that it should be hitting me. Seems pretty on schedule. I'm sorry to hear of your friends diagnosis, I really hope that these circumstances can actually be a healer in the relationship between him and his son. Right now they definitely need eachother.

Strained relationship or not, cancer or not, some people just don't like to know what's going on when it comes to their (or others health), personally I don't believe in the "what you don't know can't hurt you" approach, but I guess ignorance can be bliss for some. I wish them the best, and really hope they can at least achieve some peace, it's so nice of you to be trying to help them as well.

Oh, I wanted to show you guys the cute card and picture Heidi's daughter did for me. From L-R is the envelope, card, and picture she made of herself.

[walkonby]

Tara!! That is so poignant! Is there anything more honest than a kids drawing? Love it!!!

[Lynn49]

Now HOW in the world could she have known about your love of all things Hello Kitty?!! How old is she" That's an excellent drawing of herself that she made....what a sweet and kind gesture...but no surprise there, Tara...you attract good people to you...like us! Group HUG!!!

It's wonderful that you're getting outside for your walks, Tara...it must feel invigorating and it's also wonderful for sleep, as evidenced by your afternoon nap. Keep listening to your body, Hon, as I get told at physio...rest when you need to...it's a great healer, too...

[Natalka]

[hollyquaiscer]

[hollyquaiscer]

I had a nice phone conversation last night with Reg's son. I think we're all on the same page, but I don't know for sure. I guess I'll see more tonight. I'm heading out to my appt. soon and am going to stop and see Reg again this morning. I did get out and see him for only a short time yesterday, and he's really down. I brought him some race car magazines and stuff......what do you bring a 55ish year old man that's grumpy and no, I'm not bringin him any of THOSE mag's!!!!!!

Tara, I hope you're energy level gets back up there again today. I'm praying for you, and you're getting 1 day closer to getting this weekend. Relax and rest. Thinking of you hun.

[TaraF]

I know walks, I thought it was so sweet. Today Heidi was like "can I take a picture of you? She wants to know what you look like. The other day when she came with my husband to pick me up fter work she wanted to come in and see you and I told her you were napping!". lol She is 8 years old. And apparently has good taste in people. lol She seems like quite the little sweetheart.

Today was a tad cool for a walk and I only had a sweater. I think I need to buy a fall jacket this weekend if I intend to keep walking next week while I am here.

Hrmm I don't know Lynn but I don't keep it TOO much of a secret. Oh Holly I do hope it works out between Reg and his son, at such a time in his life (both their lives really) is when they need each other. Whether they realize it or not.

Oh unfortunately my seizures have increased. Grrr. They started up again on Saturday and I've been keeping a journal of what's happening, time, where I am, etc. I saw my neurologist today here at the hospital and he is increasing my dosage of my topiramate (anti seizure med) from 4 a day to 6 a day in hopes it controls them. The odd thing is the trigger. Coffee. Not drinking it, SMELLING IT. I don't drink coffee because in the past it had triggered seizures, but I was noticing that my seizures were occurring when I was around people drinking coffee. So this morning when I walked into the nurses office and started having a seizure I asked what she was drinking. COFFEE. I asked my neurologist if this is possible and he said that smelling coffee is a common seizure trigger. Weird.

But the good news is that today's radiation marks HALF WAY through my radiation treatment. WOOT! Only 14 more radiation treatments to go. YAY!