When Times Get Tough...What Do You Do?

[Ciel]

You are all so wonderful and have left me with a lot of questions for the lawyer. We won't be signing anything on Friday until we have all of the information.

Court did use a sliding scale to determine payments and the fact that we are supposdly going to have to pay for 95% of the braces. I am going to make sure we receive files on every penny of assistance she receives.

I'm going to ask DH about the braces, but I don't think he signed anything for them.

OK, ask to see a copy of the paperwork for the braces to see who did sign for them (only the other parent or is there a second signature on the documents as well).
Besides, @wimbly11 you mentioned how your own family's finances will be constrained once you are on maternity leave. You are expecting DH to contribute to your kids' needs as well.

Compose those questions and print copies for you, DH and maybe one set for the lawyer.

[Ciel]

It's better to delay signing anything and put the increased amount aside incase things are increased. BUT once you sign there is no going back.

I would seriously question your lawyer about what he has requested from the ex as proof of income because if he's a family law lawyer he should really no better. I would also ask him for a statement of your retainer and review it and question the expenses.

Go in with 1000 questions and right the answers down, even question what your lawyer has requested and or done on your behalf because it seems like he is just going to settle for what she's asking for and not what she is entitled to

Google the lawyer @wimbly11 and see if past custody cases made the news for any reasons. Or check the lawyer's record on the provincial law website too for anything related to other custody cases. Just to ensure nothing is missed-due diligence.

[jasperandchar]

Also maybe start a thread on here asking for anyone with full status rights and income/benefits, you can request they pm you if they are not comfortable posted on here.

Good luck

[wimbly11]

We started a list with questions. We are both pretty concerned at this point. You folks have been wonderful. I like the idea about trying to find someone with full status rights to ask some questions. Maybe someone can help me.

[thriftygranny]

We started a list with questions. We are both pretty concerned at this point. You folks have been wonderful. I like the idea about trying to find someone with full status rights to ask some questions. Maybe someone can help me.

Not sure what province you are in but there should be a native Friendship society you can go to to ask questions. My daughters are status and I am not aboriginal and they get some perks here in Alberta, i will ask one of them tonight where the best place to ask would be.

[ex0ticb3lla]

We started a list with questions. We are both pretty concerned at this point. You folks have been wonderful. I like the idea about trying to find someone with full status rights to ask some questions. Maybe someone can help me.

It would be better if you could seek out someone with custody and full status. Good for hubby for looking at it objectively too. If all else fails (not sure if you are in ON) my DH works with a lady who is going through custody and just got native housing up here, he could ask her!

[wimbly11]

We are in NB, I'm not sure what resources exist, but we should look for sure. I appreciate the help!

[wimbly11]

Meeting in an hour with the lawyer. Feeling like I'm going to puke....

[Angela273]

Meeting in an hour with the lawyer. Feeling like I'm going to puke....

My nerves go right to my stomach too. Just try to remember that you will have some answers by the time this meeting is over.

[Scottishgal]

Meeting in an hour with the lawyer. Feeling like I'm going to puke....

My Mom used to say, " Think about this time tomorrow and it will all be over so you can do anything for just one day right ? "
I think about this when I'm dreading something and stop....take a deep breathe....and do the best that I can at that time.

[ex0ticb3lla]

Meeting in an hour with the lawyer. Feeling like I'm going to puke....

good luck! Hope all went well to your liking

[jasperandchar]

Hope you got some answers or some answers will follow shortly.

[wimbly11]

Well, lawyer is negotiating today and if she refuses to settle then they have to go to court on Tuesday

The amount of child support is set based on a table, there's nothing we can do about that and we knew that. However, lawyer did discover that the original contract had DH paying $66 more per month than what he should have based on his pay at that time. That results in over $5000 that he has paid extra. So he's planning to use that to our leverage if she's pushing for backpayment of support.

We are fighting the braces. We are getting a letter stating they were cosmetic and that we did not sign on for them. We are not willing to pay more than our half.

Also fighting all other special expenses that she is claiming. We know the band is subsiding her activities, and the ex is asking for a set amount from us every month with no proof of what that is for, so that will be fought.

We've fully paid for activities, clothing etc over the years. Lawyer told us today that we should not be paying for clothes etc as that is what child support is for. We have handed her money because she said step-daughter needs clothes. You need to pay half. And we did. So many times we handed over money. Right to the ex with no proof of where it was going. Stupid. No more.

He answered a lot of our questions. Said if we didn't hear from him today that meant that court was on. It's almost the end of the day...feeling ill at the thought of this going into a court room. It will get ugly. She is not a nice person. Trying not to stress as I know it is bad for the baby (especially considering I have been having complications and am supposed to be taking it easy-yeah-easy for them to say...)

[ex0ticb3lla]

well hopefully she smartens up and realizes the best interests of the child. Seems like she most likely won't though, its all about money. Its really unfortunate just handing over money. You wish with your whole being that it actually goes to the child, when in actuality, most of it probably doesn't.

Either way if you do have to go to court, you guys seem like you have a decent case. You're not arguing child support which is great (set tables ARE hard to argue when you don't have shared custody), and the fact that she is asking for money for extracurricular things when the band already subsidizes her is fishy, to say the least. If DH's income changes yearly (drops especially), if its the same as ON, make sure you file a motion to change child support. Her argument for back support may be null...in Ontario you have 30 days from the anniversary date of your order to file, or you forfeit any back owed support (subsequently you also forfeit being able to lower your child support if you miss filing). Just try and relax. Either you will stress over the money that will be put out, or you will stress over court. There isn't much you can do, so take it one day at a time!!

[jasperandchar]

@wimbly11 take care of yourself, if you need to go off early from work you can use sick leave it won't affect your mat leave. I know it's not ideal but you need to take care of your baby and yourself.

Did your lawyer agree about the braces?

And is he able to track down her monthly income from various sources? or find out how it all works with full status on reserve

I'm glad you got answers and it seems that your lawyer has drawn the line and also informed you both of what the child support covers ie clothing etc.

I think that if she gets rude and crazy in court that won't work in her favour. That's a quick turnaround Friday to Tuesday in court. It may work in your favour to be completely honest.