My family ticks me off and pushes my last nerve !

[kellyschool1]

My ds bday was Friday. He wanted to go to Mandarin. What did my mother do when I told her? She had to complain about the cost! There is NO reason for her to complain about the cost when they shop all the time and drop hundred in a week ok, they dont have money issues to make that clear. I on the other hand have major money issues. Single mom 2 kids going to school no job. I saved my money to take my kids there for dinner for his bday. She wanted to cook.... sigh...... We ended up going to Swiss Chalet since I had mentioned that to my son and he agreed but wasnt too happy. I happened to bump into them at WM the day of his bday and they didnt get him nothing but money in a card. Kind of burns me when they could of at least try to make an effort to pick him out something or ask him, frankly its laziness. We get back from Swiss Chalet, I had made a cake and brought it to her house. Instead of coming bk to do the cake what do they think is more important??? CLeaning out of their dog ears! no not lets do this later after we eat lets do it now. That totally pissed me the F OFF! My kids and I ate the cake and left shortly after...... Thats their big idea of doing all this for my son's their only grandson bday.....

Today its my brothers bday. I get a call this morning saying to go bowling. I was asleep and told her I would call her bk. I call her back and she says they are going at one oclock and doing the 10 pin (larger bowling balls) which I can not do nor my 11 or 8 yrd old. I said I dont want to go so come get the kids and take them if you want. That when she said what they are bowling. I said fine I dont really care if you take them or not, they know nothing about it so it doesnt matter. After her humming and sighing very loudly and rudely on the phone and telling ME what all they did for my sons birthday and we all did what he wanted????? OHHHHHHHH my blood was boiling!!!! They didnt do a dam thing he wanted! I am NOT going to sit on the phone and have a guilt trip laid on me over non sense. What kind of mother throws in their childs face about what they "supposly did for their grandchild"?

This is not the first or last time she has done this. I am always the b***h in all of these times. She is never told or apologizes for nothing. Cant tell my dad anything, he just sticks up for her. She consistently throws guilt trips and tempure tantrums and throws whatever she has done in my face all the time! She is never told by anyone but me she has done wrong and she sure doesnt see she is in the wrong! But im the bad daughter right!

I do a lot for my family. I always do what I say. I always follow through. If they ask me for a favor I dont ask for anything in return I just do it. But I never get that. I can run her around town all the time since she doesnt drive but never get offered 2 cents on gas. Its convient when my brother is in the car with her, she will offer HIS money for gas. I can go on and on and on. I am pisssssssssssssssed!

[Darth Penguin]

I think you need to scale back on dealing with your family. Don't be available when she needs a lift. It's not your job to be her chauffeur. If it's something that needs to be done, doctors appt...then there's a taxi or public transport.

It's perfectly acceptable to say "NO" and to not explain ny further. Once you start offering excuses then you give than the reason to guilt you into submission.

There used to be a web-site out there somewhere called toxic families( or something similar) you may want to look for it as it offers some very useful advice and coping stratergies. E-hell is also a good starting point as many of the members have and are dealing with family members who have boundary problems.

At the end of the day, you need to put yourself and your children first. And if that means limiting your inter-actions with your family, then that's waht you'll have to do. It will be hard and the constant drip, drip of critism will test you but at the end of the day, your relationship with your children will be better since they know thier wishes come first .

Your family will, of course, find it harder to deal with a formerly submissive person.....

Good luck.

[YOU AND ME]

Sorry you are going through this some people don't have a clue

[kellyschool1]

Thank-you for the kind words and great advice. I can almost say for sure that I will get an guilt trip email from her tonight. She has nothing else better to do than to sit around and think of the worst case scenario for everything. I am under sooooooo much stress with my own life, kids, school,moving,money,health. I just dont need this crap.

I have been going and going on steam for the past few months and I truly believe over stress (combining everything) I was not very healthy over my xmas break. I went to the hospital for a severe kidney infection that I had no signs or symptoms of a UTI previous to that or any other sign that I noticed besides exhaustion.That was half my xmas eve LOL party time Anyways I can feel its going to happen again or I am just paranoid. I have been trying to be less stressed but its obviously not working.

I just cant handle this constant crap that is my life at times. I see other ppl's parents with grandchildren treating it like a joy. Mine treat it like a chore. I have asked her a few times to watch my kids for 30 minutes before school(mine) and walk them a very short half block to the corner to school. I get " I want to take a bath in the morning" Or she just complains , and I end up saying forget it.

I am moving in March and I have to buy my appliances. All I have is a dryer from my previous home. Currently I rent so I didnt need any. I was excited since I went and found a stove that I wanted (ceramic top) for I think 425.ish and put iton lay away. My parents just looked at me and said how did I get that? Not thats nice, good for you. When I said I needed a half decent priced fridge she goes well we just got our for 500.00, extra fridge they have for a reno. I said I cant afford 500.00 for a fridge, her comment "well you paid that much for a stove".... I dont understand how someone can be that mean and say that. I told her well I dont have 500.00 here and there per applaince. I asked my dad if he would pick it up for me in March, he was floored by the request and said where is it way across town! Its 70.00 for delivery which I dont have. There comment "we are dam if we do dam if we dont" help me. He doesnt pay for gass his work does. It would take a total of 40 min tops to get it. He doesnt have to load or unload it, just drive since he has a truck.

Im just tired of it all. Thanks for letting me rant.

[Springbreeze]

I agree with Darth Penguin, you need to cut back on the things you do for your family. If they really think cleaning their dogs ears is more important then your son's birthday I would say to leave them out of the next birthday.

[DianneS]

It sounds like you are burnt out and need to take a step back. It must be really hard to see other parents hauling furniture, babysitting, etc. for their grandkids while knowing that your mom and dad just aren't on the same page as most. As far as driving to appointments, if you can't wiggle out any other way, it would be very truthful to say "I'm sorry, I only have enough gas to last me until pay-day, so I just can't this time." You have children and yourself to care for and that's a huge job when you're on your own. As the above posters have said, ease off and perhaps look for some resources that will help you manage your family situation over the longer term. Life is too short to be continually robbed of your joy.

[kellyschool1]

Thank-you very much for the advice. I have told her many times I can not drive her some where and she acts like a child and throws a fit. So I have to resort to not answering the phone. Everything is a guilt trip and whatever they have done for me gets thrown in my face when conflict comes. With saying that I have learned over time to NOT ask any of them for help. I will wait till I can get what I need/want or just do without. Less grief that way. Look what happens when I do ask... thrown in my face.

[luckbealady]

Your family is a drain. It's sad, but you shouldn't have to deal with it.

May I make a suggestion? Next year, do whatever your son wants for his birthday. Don't change your plans to accommodate people who won't do the same for you. Your son shouldn't be forced to compromise because his grandparents won't.
And then, if she throws a fit, tell her that you would be happy to celebrate with them on another date, if they can't make the supper.

[kellyschool1]

Next year I will be doing what my son wants to do. Im soooo tired of it all.

[hollyquaiscer]

Kelly, sorry you're having issues with your parents. I agree that you're burnt out. Just the stress of raising your two children by yourself and going to school at the same time would be enough to send most of us into a tail spin. Supportive parents/grandparents are extremely important, and it sounds like your lacking that. You need to sit down, face to face with your mom and make her listen to you. You need to get to the bottom of what's really going on. It sounds like she is and has been judging you and your life for quite some time, especially when she keeps throwing things in your face. If you guy's can figure out what the REAL problem is, perhaps you stand a chance of fixing that, and forming new, loving relationships. You're children are at that age, where they will blame themselves when things don't work out and you are upset. It's really important that you sit with them as well, and let them know that they are in no way responsible for the relationship between themselves and their grandparents. If you and mom can figure out the problem/problems and get them resolved, I'm confident that your future will be much better than it has been. In the meantime, may I suggest that when mom requests a ride, be blunt and truthful with her, then suggest that she ask your brother. She needs to know how you feel and what her actions are doing to you. If she tries to lay a guilt trip on you, you need to let her know that the problem is HERS, and that you are no longer going to feel guilty or let HER issues bother you. Let her know that you want her to have a relationship with her grandchildren and that they very much want that. Also let her know that you want a relationship with her, but that SHE needs to deal with her issues. Let her know that you are there and want to sit down face to face to hash out whatever is bothering her, but until that point, you will no longer be her dumping ground or punching bag. I'm sure, if you stand up for yourself, she will, at some point be forced to face the real issues. Until then, you need to look after yourself and your children, and all of your best interests come first. I wish you luck hon, and like other times, you know how to reach me.

[hollyquaiscer]

Also.....as far as picking up your stove, you have lots of time, so I'm hoping perhaps you could ask your brother. If that's not possible, try a friend, or someone you know from school. With lots of notice, hopefully somebody will be able to help you out. I'm not sure if you have looked on kijiji, but you should be able to find a great fridge for a very reasonable price. A lot of people do remodeling in the winter months, entailing purchasing new appliances, sooooo, that could be your good fortune in finding a fabulous deal on a fridge. I've even seen great stainless steel fridges for under $200. A lot of people get standard appliances when they purchase a condo or house and upgrade them once they move in. Give it a try, you may surprise yourself, and if you can save and pay cash, you may even be able to squeak out a free delivery once you explain your situation of not having a truck and so on. Best on luck hon.

[Shwa Girl]

OP, sorry this happened to you and to your son. I’m with your son – I like Mandarin too. And the Chinese New Year festival menu is really yummy, from what I can see http://mandarinbrampton.com/. Num num num.

I have an idea. Your son got money in a card? Would he like to take that money towards lunch at Mandarin with his Mom ?
Just a suggestion.

[tobiwobi]

I'm so sorry you are going through this. Looks like you have to take a step back, put yourself and your kids first, and redefine how much time and energy you will have left over going forward that you can devote to your parents. And then just let your parents know - you are busy taking care of 2 kids and studying. You have your hands full, period. And also, instead of struggling trying to figure out how to change your mother, how to make her be different and think different (cos you can't), just accept her for who she is. She is who she is. You can't change her. You can only change how you are reacting to her.

[Shwa Girl]

, just accept her for who she is. She is who she is. You can't change her. You can only change how you are reacting to her.

Ooooh. Really deep. And so true!
Yes, hard to change other people. But, the power is within us to change our reaction to other people.
Tobiwobi, very inciteful for the start of 2013. Thx.

[Ciel]

OP, I think what Shwa Girl suggests as a Mandarin outing>going during Chinese New Year if possible, would be a good idea to make your son's dinner outing happen on a weeknight.
Re: truck for appliance delivery-try your social network first and ask for friends to help move the appliance in too. Think of something you can do in kind for them, so you can offer a coupon to do something, like child-sit at your place for a couple of hours in exchange for the delivery/truck help.
(Good idea to ask if the truck has tie-straps too, to help secure the box in the truck.)