Looking for Advice on: Finances when you are going through a separation

[Abby5]

I am looking for some advice on the topic of finances when going through a separation.

I would like to know anything!!

I am not even sure what I should know or be looking to know???

Thanks in advance for any information and share any experiences you can with me

[Abby5]

Really no one

[spinknas]

I would say the first thing is to make sure you close a joint account if you have one and open up a new one in your name only. Same with credit cards where you are the primary cardholder, etc...

[Abby5]

I would say the first thing is to make sure you close a joint account if you have one and open up a new one in your name only. Same with credit cards where you are the primary cardholder, etc...

We still have a joint Amex card but I don't use it (Costco) do u think I should take my name off it? I separated our bank and other credit cards. We have RRSPs together though. He will not tell me if he is going to file his income tax as married or separated.

[MortgageQueen]

Speak to a financial advisor (preferrably one who specializes in divorceees. There are many ways to protect yourself financially through a divorce. definitely you should protect your assets immediately
Here is a contact I have that you can call and ask questions. . .
Ken Maynard - [email protected] - http://www.ontariodivorcefinances.com/

[super807]

I would take my name off the Amex if I were you. If he runs up a bill on it while your name is still on it, you are responsible for that debt.

As mortgagequeen said, a financial advisor who specializes in divorces would be a great place to start.

[lilo0003]

Do either of you have EAP (employee assistance program) coverage? if so call them and see what they can offer for legal/financial and separation divorce info. it is best to get the information from informed and accurate resources and they may also be found in those that have had a similiar experience.
i would suggest you begin to estabilish credit in your name if at all possible
good luck

[Abby5]

I have a credit card in my own name. I own my car. I do have something through my work but I thought it was just for health? I will look into that thanks

[blueeyetea]

If it's just a separation, and not a divorce (yet), if you haven't done so, get a written separation agreement and have it looked over by a lawyer before you sign anything if you're drawing your own. A separation agreement draws a line in the sand that says one is no longer on the hook for what the other person does from this point forward. For example, even though your name was removed from a credit card, as a couple, you are both responsible for that debt as long as you are legally married. You want to make sure that any debt your husband goes after, he's 100% responsible and vice versa. It also protects your assets that are accummulated after that date, for example, savings accounts and pension plans. A separation agreement will also spell out anything in the future that needs to be looked out, like the selling of common property. If you both own the house you live in, you need to determine what will happen to it. Selling it is pretty straightforward, but if one is remaining in the house, you need to have everything spelled out like who is taking over the mortage, etc. And on that count, don't move out, until it's settled, because you lose all the control if you no longer live there.

One of my friends didn't have a separation agreement and learned the hard way why they're necessary. She held a property with her husband where they lived and where he ran his business. Five years after they separated and she moved out, she had to pay the back-taxes because he handn't payed them after she left. It was that or run the risk of losing the property to the city in lieu of paying taxes and losing her investment entirely. Two years later, she's still stuck with no money because her husband doesn't want to sell the property, and he also doesn't want to buy her share out. They've been to court twice over it and it still isn't resolved.

You want to make sure you're well protected. This is no time to be "nice" and trust what your husband tells you. Any question you ask him, make sure you know the answer in advance!

[lucy16076]

Protect yourself. Sever all joint accounts because as I've learned, checks will bounce...credit ratings could suffer...you dont' want to start out on your own with a tarnished credit rating that wasn't your fault.
You don't need to hire a financial advisor. Don't pay anyone to separate your finances other than a lawyer if you have to even do that. Your husband can file however he likes, but I can tell you again by first hand, if he doesn't file appropriately they will catch up with him & he'll have to repay anything that he might reap from claiming you as his dependent when you aren't anymore. File yours honestly if you are separated with no intention to return to him.
In my experience, some are able to write their own separation agreement which is eventually filed with the divorce papers. My ex & I were able to split everything, but honestly it was easier for me to walk away from asking for more using lawyers than to fight & cause us both more heartache & lost money (to the lawyers). Everyone's experience is different. Way out the pros & Cons of using a lawyer throughout ANY of this process & see how you feel & how you can relate to your ex. Keep your eyes wide open.
Do your research online. Dont' always take others advice because sometimes it's incorrect or tainted.
It's not tough if you & the ex can get along throughout this process. Stay on top of the legalities. There is good info on the provincial website.
EAP (Employee Assistance Program) is a good start as well...they do offer free financial advice if your company provides for that. Also, all lawyers in my town offer a first visit free consultation...take advantage & talk to the most prestigious ones in town so if it comes down to it, your ex cannot use that lawyer. They have a code of conduct that won't allow them to take him on as a client if they've already spoken to you.

[Insane]

I love my EAP. They've been great.

I think you may need a lawyer though. You can't just call up AMEX and say "take me off the card." It's more complicated than that. Official legal papers are needed. Either that or you guys can both agree to cancel the card and open up seperate ones. In these situations, especially if your partner is not being open and discussing things with you, then a lawyer is best. Don't think of it as wasting money, but rather an investement in your own peace of mind and security.

[Abby5]

Thanks for all your help/advice everyone. I have a financial adviser that I will see in February. And after Christmas I am saving for a lawyer!

[Abby5]

Now another question has anyone lived in the home for 6 months (until school is out for summer) and their spouse (soon to be ex) is still paying for his share of the bills?? (While is is paying for sn apartment of his own) This has not happened yet but he is still living in the home and refuses to go. DS2 is very upset when ever he brings up that he is leaving. (Again this is not what I want. I still love him and want to work on things-but he feels the total opposite of me )

[SassyAshley]

I have seen it where this where things get complicated. I worked with a girl who was going through this, her Hubby wanted to move into the basement and keep living with them. She ended up having to force him out of the house (better for everyone involved in this case) and as soon as he was out he did stop paying. Sadly at this point unless the 2 of you can work something out your only other options is get an order in place laying out what he will pay (ie child support, alimony) until something is formally in place and legal you have no repercussions to make him pay. But again this is where it depends on the 2 people involved.

This is where people need to sit back and look at the person and figure out if it is something you think the 2 of you can work out and will they stand behind their word or will this become a fight. No one ever wants to think this person will for lack of a better word screw them over but sadly is does happen. You also need to remember as long as his name is on anything (a credit card, a bank account, a rental agreement, bills) he has access to these things. This does not apply to your case but I know of someone who took out a second mortgage on there home spent the money and than with no way to pay the mortgage they lost the house and the person who took out the second mortgage well filling for divorce filled for bankruptcy leaving the other one to lose everything.

The other person moving out is never easy but at the end of the day you have to look at what is best for you and your family. If he is just playing emotional games upsetting up and your children is it best for him to stay. If he feels it is over and nothing can be done and he has a second apartment is he staying because he wants to stay or is it because he knows you still want to be with him and can play off yours and your children's emotions. Sadly there is never one clear right or wrong answer in these situations and in these situations you can see the worst come out in people. You have to remember you have to put you and your children first.

[Abby5]

Thanks so much for your comments. It feels like my life is in a holding pattern.