Sharing space when shopping

[Minou]

I decided to do a thrift store crawl today with Sally Ann having 50% off on books. I buy books from library and classroom library wish lists to donate to my sons' elementary school.

I went to a location I hadn't been to before. They had a small children's book section two shelves wide that was a distance from the adult books. The selection didn't look too exceptional. Racks of clothing were across from it.

When I got there, there was a woman with a stroller looking at the books and blocking most of both shelves. I had access to about the first foot of the one bookshelf. I had a look at the books I could access for about four minutes and chose a few. Then I backed up slightly and hoped that she'd soon move toward me so we could switch sides. And I waited... three minutes passed, and she moved into the space I had vacated, but now had both shelves completely blocked with her body and the stroller. There was no way to access either shelf without having to go over the six-month-old baby, even if I did walk around an entire clothing rack to the other side. I waited another couple of minutes, hoping she'd finish looking, or be polite and make some room. Nope.

I went to the regular book section for a few minutes and looked around, reasoning that since she was on the last twelve inches of the shelf that she'd be done soon. After a few minutes, I returned to the kids' books. She had moved back to her original position, and there was again that foot of space beside her that I'd already looked at. We weren't even looking at the same types of books. I moved a bit closer and craned my neck to see the other books. She wouldn't take the hint, but was making annoyed noises.

"Maybe we could switch sides, and the stroller could be moved over to the other side so we can both see the books?" I suggested as I moved past her and into position next to the stroller blocking the shelves.

She huffed and puffed in annoyance and moved the stroller. "Or, you could walk all the way around the rack and go around!" she muttered.

"Thanks," I said, unwilling to get into it with her. I spent a few minutes looking at the books, and then made my few purchases.

I don't get this. Most people make room when others are interested in looking at a shelf -- I do! I was at a different thrift store later in the afternoon, heard a woman approaching behind me when I was looking at a shelf of kids' books, and realized that I had immediately and automatically moved over and ensured that my cart was out of the way. "Thanks!" she said, "we can both look!" And it's not even that I don't understand what it's like to have a baby in a stroller! I have two kids!

[Aquaria]

Ah, i think she might have been offended because you suggested "the stroller could be moved over to the other side so we can both see the books". Next time, after standing a few minutes and they don't move, go "Do you mind if I pass through? I think I see a book I might like." and then stay in that position until you are ready to move. Make it about you trying to get to the books instead of "her stroller being in the way". It might be true that her stroller is in the way but some people get mad when you point it out or imply so.

hope you don't get mad. I try to phrase my words very carefully as possible after reading a book about "How to deal with customers from hell" and "power phrases". Still very shy and bad at presentations (nerves) lol

hope your next book visits get better.

[GeorgiaK]

When things like this happen, I try to put myself in her position. Maybe she was running on very little sleep and was hanging on by a thread? Maybe, being tired, her patience and politeness was threadbare? I know I have been impatience, hostile and rude to people when I am sleep depraved.

[Minou]

But having someone standing there waiting politely (who was not risking having a book fall on a baby by reaching over a baby in a stroller) and blocking them intentionally from the shelves for close to 15 minutes? It strikes me as passive-aggressive rather than impatient. Maybe she has limited sense of power over her life.

I was frustrated with the situation, and I don't have a quick temper. Lucky for her that it was me she was blocking and not someone who was impatient, hostile, rude, sleep deprived and hanging on by a thread!

[Natalka]

Minou, of course what she did was very rude - some people like her are just so blasted inconsiderate, living in their own little bubble not being cognizant of their surroundings and who they may be affecting.

I'm like you - very aware of who is around me and what they are doing, and am kind in letting people beside, or through, etc. It's simple consideration and good manners.

[bhlombardy]

Minou...

I'm not grouping ALL parents into this -- I certainly dont know the ratio of considerate people/parents vs the inconsiderate ones... but ALOT of people with children and strollers come off (to me anyway) as having a VERY privileged attitude and are devoid of having any other consideration for anyone else with or without children.

I run into that stroller* thing all the time. I often have to say "excuse me" or "can I get by" as politely as I can and I get the same attitude you get... and it's often met with an objection with the parent saying "but I have a child". Worse, when THEY come MY way, down MY aisle which is already occupied with people and expect us to part the sea so they can barrel their way down the path and space that myself and others had chosen to occupy first. As if I disrupted their day and perhaps even circle of life because I didnt yield or give-way to them and their stroller... simply because they "have a child".

Incidentally, I don't care if you have a child. Quite frankly YOU chose to bring him/her out into public. YOU have to deal with the fact that this establishment is perhaps not built to accommodate the space you chose to take up with your over-sized child-cart... let alone consider for a moment that other people have every right to be in this space as much as you and your precious child. You dont have any special privilege nor authority over the rest of the public because you chose to bear a child and then bring a stroller into the store.

Granted, I'll move out of the way to let anyone pass... single-bodied person, and/or stroller alike, because I feel I'm a bit more considerate. But if I move for you to pass, it's not out of your entitlement, it's because i sense you genuinely need the space, plus it's just the right thing to do.

--

*incidentally, when I was a kid, strollers were nothing more than aluminum frames with a canvas seat about a foot wide, that did nothing more than hold a small child. It was narrower than most adult-sized hips, so it actually took up LESS space than an adult. If you wanted your child to, oh I dont know WALK... you could fold it up to about the size of a closed umbrella and carry it under your arm.

Now strollers are like mini SUV's... huge plastic frames, with padded reclining seats, retractable hoods, all-terrain tires, cup holders - for both the parent and the child - and loads of trunk space. Airbags I suspect are coming soon. They are wider than the space an average size person occupies, and yet, parents who tote these monstrous prams believe this gives them the right-of-way over an above every other pedestrian...

and FORGET it if they have one built for twins. It might as well be a flatbed carrying a pre-fab house down the highway.

Attachment 315756

(incidentally, I was in my teens when that 1986 stroller was around, so I was walking fairly well on my own at that point. My clipart was just to demonstrate where we've come in 30 years)

[samm07]

I'd have to say I agree with you. I have two very small children who come with me mostly everywhere (it's not a choice as suggested... If I want groceries I can't leave them in their cribs lmao...) with that said I'm quite considerate of others while we shop, if I'm looking for a product no I won't move out of your way so you can look at the same product but I will be quick and move as soon as I find it. Then it's your turn and I don't use a flat bed stroller 😂 haha I baby wear and use a regular cart for my toddler like everyone else.

Anyway with that said j find thrift store shoppers incredibly rude! It's like they think they have claim to the whole store until they decide there is no treasures for them there. Then you get s turn 😡 and frankly I actually find older customers the worst for this. But jerks can come in all shapes and sizes. It could have just as easily been someone with a shopping cart and not a stroller blocking the books.

Anyway, I've totally dealt with this! And it's so so so frustrating! My mom and I thrift q lot and we always joke about it.

The worst is when you say excuse me, they look at you and keep looking with it moving, ummmm ok then? Lol


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[Durham Couponer]

I run into a type of shopper at thrift stores that think that blocking the aisle means keeping someone else away so they don't grab a deal the blocker might want. Shopping in pairs or with a cart or scooter/cart blocking aisles is common. I have no problem now trying to wedge myself between the object or shopper and the other side of the aisle cheerfully saying, "excuse me! So sorry!". They sometimes move, sometimes get miffed, sometimes just aren't thinking. Rude is rude.

[torontogal12]

She may have been having a bad day, but that is no reason to be mean to someone. Some people are just entitled rude so and sos, plain and simple. I usually say excuse me first because sometimes people are genuinely just clueless that they are blocking the shelf. But, I give them 3 "excuse mes" before I walk into their personal space and go about my business. If they can't be bothered to be respectful, I can't be either ya know?

You were the better person here for being respectful and giving her time to move, but maybe not worth wasting 15 minutes of your time, when she is being rude. Maybe if you say excuse me from the start, people will move quicker, saving everyone time in the end. I don't think there's anything rude about saying a polite excuse me so you can go on your way

[GracieAnne]

I run into a type of shopper at thrift stores that think that blocking the aisle means keeping someone else away so they don't grab a deal the blocker might want. Shopping in pairs or with a cart or scooter/cart blocking aisles is common. I have no problem now trying to wedge myself between the object or shopper and the other side of the aisle cheerfully saying, "excuse me! So sorry!". They sometimes move, sometimes get miffed, sometimes just aren't thinking. Rude is rude.

Oh gosh yes, every single time I'm in goodwill or value village, I always run into someone like this. I'm the type that walks all the way around though while rolling my eyes. Books seem to be the worst because the isles are so narrow, while there would be room for two, they'd rather take the whole isle.

[GoJays]

I'm blunt. If I've waited patiently for no more than 30 seconds and they refuse to acknowledge me, then I'll just give them a "D'ya wanna move your stroller...." along with the stare

You're much, much nicer than I am, Minou lol

[LisaLisaBoBisa]

Maybe she is just a rude, mean, miserable person? Nothing you did or do in the future is going to change that type of person - it could be for a thousand reasons or none at all. I travel with a double stroller - a large one sometimes and a smaller one most of the time and it's pretty tricky to use - not to mention heavy as heck between 20lbs of stroller and 2 25lb children.. I dread tight spaces as I almost always get stuck and look like a complete clown - but for me my first stop is always coffee.. Maybe that lady needs coffee - coffee makes people happy..

I decided to do a thrift store crawl today with Sally Ann having 50% off on books. I buy books from library and classroom library wish lists to donate to my sons' elementary school.

I went to a location I hadn't been to before. They had a small children's book section two shelves wide that was a distance from the adult books. The selection didn't look too exceptional. Racks of clothing were across from it.

When I got there, there was a woman with a stroller looking at the books and blocking most of both shelves. I had access to about the first foot of the one bookshelf. I had a look at the books I could access for about four minutes and chose a few. Then I backed up slightly and hoped that she'd soon move toward me so we could switch sides. And I waited... three minutes passed, and she moved into the space I had vacated, but now had both shelves completely blocked with her body and the stroller. There was no way to access either shelf without having to go over the six-month-old baby, even if I did walk around an entire clothing rack to the other side. I waited another couple of minutes, hoping she'd finish looking, or be polite and make some room. Nope.

I went to the regular book section for a few minutes and looked around, reasoning that since she was on the last twelve inches of the shelf that she'd be done soon. After a few minutes, I returned to the kids' books. She had moved back to her original position, and there was again that foot of space beside her that I'd already looked at. We weren't even looking at the same types of books. I moved a bit closer and craned my neck to see the other books. She wouldn't take the hint, but was making annoyed noises.

"Maybe we could switch sides, and the stroller could be moved over to the other side so we can both see the books?" I suggested as I moved past her and into position next to the stroller blocking the shelves.

She huffed and puffed in annoyance and moved the stroller. "Or, you could walk all the way around the rack and go around!" she muttered.

"Thanks," I said, unwilling to get into it with her. I spent a few minutes looking at the books, and then made my few purchases.

I don't get this. Most people make room when others are interested in looking at a shelf -- I do! I was at a different thrift store later in the afternoon, heard a woman approaching behind me when I was looking at a shelf of kids' books, and realized that I had immediately and automatically moved over and ensured that my cart was out of the way. "Thanks!" she said, "we can both look!" And it's not even that I don't understand what it's like to have a baby in a stroller! I have two kids!

[bhlombardy]

oh, and here's what's coming in 2017...

Attachment 315921

[Ciel]

But having someone standing there waiting politely (who was not risking having a book fall on a baby by reaching over a baby in a stroller) and blocking them intentionally from the shelves for close to 15 minutes? It strikes me as passive-aggressive rather than impatient. Maybe she has limited sense of power over her life.

I was frustrated with the situation, and I don't have a quick temper. Lucky for her that it was me she was blocking and not someone who was impatient, hostile, rude, sleep deprived and hanging on by a thread!

Power play or entitlement action on her part. There are such folks in the world even in thrift stores. She's not the only shopper in the store.

[dyalect]

nice example to set for the baby. people in public have seemed to lose decency. (some people) a stroller does not entitle you to an aisle hog. don't get me started on those twin double wides. omg.

Power play or entitlement action on her part. There are such folks in the world even in thrift stores. She's not the only shopper in the store.