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Thu, Jul 15th, 2010, 01:51 PM #31
- Join Date
- Aug 2009
- Location
- New Brunswick
- Posts
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- 5265
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- 76 (100%)
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Thu, Jul 15th, 2010, 01:52 PM #32
- Join Date
- Sep 2008
- Location
- Milton, Ontario
- Posts
- 1,984
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- 0
- Trading Score
- 201 (100%)
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Thu, Jul 15th, 2010, 01:53 PM #33
- Join Date
- Sep 2008
- Location
- Milton, Ontario
- Posts
- 1,984
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- 0
- Trading Score
- 201 (100%)
Being repetitive hasn't been so much fun.....LOL
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Thu, Jul 15th, 2010, 01:54 PM #34
- Join Date
- Aug 2009
- Location
- New Brunswick
- Posts
- 7,150
- Likes Received
- 5265
- Trading Score
- 76 (100%)
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Thu, Jul 15th, 2010, 01:54 PM #35
- Join Date
- Sep 2008
- Location
- Milton, Ontario
- Posts
- 1,984
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- 0
- Trading Score
- 201 (100%)
LOL
knock knock who?
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Thu, Jul 15th, 2010, 01:55 PM #36
- Join Date
- Aug 2009
- Location
- New Brunswick
- Posts
- 7,150
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- 5265
- Trading Score
- 76 (100%)
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Thu, Jul 15th, 2010, 01:56 PM #37
- Join Date
- Sep 2008
- Location
- Milton, Ontario
- Posts
- 1,984
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- 0
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- 201 (100%)
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Thu, Jul 15th, 2010, 01:57 PM #38
- Join Date
- Mar 2008
- Location
- Small boring town in Ontario
- Posts
- 4,100
- Likes Received
- 1231
- Trading Score
- 15 (100%)
Dear Doctor,
I wish to apply for an operation to make me sterile. My reasons are numerous and after being married for seven years, and having a child each year, I have come to the conclusion that contraceptives are absolutely useless.
After getting married I was told to use the "Rhythm Method." Whilst trying the samba and the tango my wife fell pregnant, and I ruptured myself doing the Cha-cha.
My doctor then suggested we use the safe period. At this time we were living with the in-laws and we had to wait three weeks for a safe period, when the house was empty. Needless to say this didn't work.
A lady of several years experience informed us that if we made love while breast-feeding we would be alright. It's hardly tastes like Coors, but I finished up with clear skin, silky hair and another child on the way.
Another old wives tale was if my wife jumped up and down after sex this would prevent pregnancy. After breast-feeding (from earlier), if my wife jumped up and down she would have ended up with two black eyes, and even knocked herself unconscious.
I asked a chemist about the condom. He demonstrated how easy it was to use so I bought a packet. My wife fell pregnant again, which doesn't surprise me, as I fail to see how a Durex stretched over the thumb can prevent a baby.
My wife was then supplied with the coil and after many unsuccessful attempts to fit it we realized that we had got a left-handed thread and my wife is definitely a right-handed screw.
The Dutch cap came next. We were very hopeful of this as it did not interfere with our sex life at all. But alas...it did give my wife a severe headache. We were given the largest size, but it was still too tight across her forehead.
Finally we tried the pill. At first it kept falling out, then we realised we were doing it wrong. My wife started then to put it between her knees, thus preventing me from getting anywhere near her. This did work for a while until the night she forgot it....another child resulted.
You must appreciate my problem: if this operation is unsuccessful I shall have to revert to oral sex. Although I don't mind just talking about it, it could never be the same as the real thing.
Yours faithfully,
Ray Jackson
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Thu, Jul 15th, 2010, 01:57 PM #39
- Join Date
- Aug 2009
- Location
- New Brunswick
- Posts
- 7,150
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- 5265
- Trading Score
- 76 (100%)
my brother made a ton of dumb jokes as a kid lol
knock knockIntergalactic Proton Powered Electrical Tentacled Advertising Droids!
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Thu, Jul 15th, 2010, 01:57 PM #40
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Thu, Jul 15th, 2010, 01:59 PM #41
- Join Date
- Mar 2008
- Location
- Small boring town in Ontario
- Posts
- 4,100
- Likes Received
- 1231
- Trading Score
- 15 (100%)
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young Engineer fresh out of Texas A&M, "And what starting salary were you looking for?" The Engineer said, "In the neighbourhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, a company matching retirement fund for 50% of your salary, and a company car leased every 2 years -- say, a red Corvette?" The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?" And the interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."
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Thu, Jul 15th, 2010, 02:00 PM #42
- Join Date
- Dec 2009
- Location
- Waterdown, ON
- Posts
- 3,290
- Likes Received
- 1074
- Trading Score
- 422 (100%)
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Thu, Jul 15th, 2010, 02:01 PM #43
- Join Date
- Mar 2008
- Location
- Small boring town in Ontario
- Posts
- 4,100
- Likes Received
- 1231
- Trading Score
- 15 (100%)
A resident in a posh hotel breakfast room called over the head waiter one morning and read from the menu. "I'd like one under-cooked egg so that it's runny, and one over-cooked egg so that it's tough and hard to eat. I'd also like grilled bacon which is a bit on the cold side, burnt toast, butter straight from the freezer so that it's impossible to spread, and a pot of very weak, lukewarm coffee." "That's a complicated order sir," said the bewildered waiter. "It might be quite difficult." The guest replied sarcastically, "It can't be that difficult because that's exactly what you brought me yesterday!"
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Thu, Jul 15th, 2010, 02:02 PM #44
- Join Date
- Mar 2008
- Location
- Small boring town in Ontario
- Posts
- 4,100
- Likes Received
- 1231
- Trading Score
- 15 (100%)
A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan". Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."
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Thu, Jul 15th, 2010, 02:02 PM #45
- Join Date
- Sep 2008
- Location
- Milton, Ontario
- Posts
- 1,984
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- 0
- Trading Score
- 201 (100%)
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