Awkward Position, wwyd?

[TaraF]

I was just wondering if I could get some opinions on what you would do if you were placed in the following situation. My Aunts Husband dropped by last week and asked my Mom if she would buy some DVDs for him on her FutureShop credit card because he doesn't have the money and without thinking my Mom said sure.

My Mom is the type of person that would do anything for family as long as she has the means to do so, but where the issue lies with me is this: He is hiding this purchase from my Aunt. I know how my Aunt is (infact we are very similar) her view would be, "If you don't have the means to buy it yourself since it isn't a necessity, just wait until you do" and he knows that my Aunt wouldn't let him dip into their savings funds to buy it because it's "just dvds" so he asked my Mom. He asked her if she could go out this Friday to do it (and for those that don't know, my Mother is confined to a Wheelchair at the moment too) and he called here this afternoon from his cellphone and asked my Mom "could you also get an External Hard Drive for me?" and she said, "okay." She however now that she has had time to think about it doesn't feel comfortable.

I said to her, he's put you in a very awkward position of expecting you to lie to your own Sister if (no WHEN) she calls to say, "I have no idea where he got the money from!" or "This isn't something he needed so he went and blew money on it!".

I did tell my Mom that the bottom line is it's her money it's her life, do what you want but consider a few things. In the end she'll have someone upset with her or feelings hurt. Sure my Aunts Hubby will be upset she retracted her willingness to do it and it will probably offend him but would she rather have her sister upset at her for lieing to her?

I'm very irritated that not only he put her in the position he did but that he did so knowing her health at the moment.

I know how my Aunt is and she would be really upset with the fact that he even considered asking my Mom to use her Credit Card and more upset at the position he's putting my mom in especially since she's not mobile at the moment and than she'd be upset that my Mom lied to her when it eventually gets to that point.

So my Mom is wondering if she should talk to my Aunt and let her know what he asked, or should she just tell him no and tell him why?

Any thoughts/opinions would be appreciated. Thanks guys. My Mom and I thank you all in advance!

[gameprogirl]

I would tell your mom to tell him that he better discuss it first with his wife. No way would I allow that. I am in total agreement that if you cant pay for it and it's not a need but a want, then too bad. He is a grown man asking for handouts for DVD's. That's not very responsible, and if he doesn't pay her back, then it will start a family feud, besides sis will be mad. Your mother doesn't need that, sure he will be a little disappointed but she should just say I cant spare it right now.

Does he not work? I would never ask to borrow money for something so silly as DVD's or tell him to start doing surveys online and save up for them or something, then his wife wont be mad about him spending money.
I've bought 30 DVD's with survey money and freebies and they cost me ZERO!

[sj1986]

I believe in saving for something that you can't afford to purchase. He is taking advantage of your Mom. If his wife doesn't know obviously he can't afford it. Was there any mention of repaying your Mom. If I were your Mom I would talk to him and explain the situation but also mention that she was going to get the ok from her sister. Family, never loan money. Good luck!

[TaraF]

I would tell your mom to tell him that he better discuss it first with his wife. No way would I allow that. I am in total agreement that if you cant pay for it and it's not a need but a want, then too bad. He is a grown man asking for handouts for DVD's. That's not very responsible, and if he doesn't pay her back, then it will start a family feud, besides sis will be mad. Your mother doesn't need that, sure he will be a little disappointed but she should just say I cant spare it right now.

Does he not work? I would never ask to borrow money for something so silly as DVD's or tell him to start doing surveys online and save up for them or something, then his wife wont be mad about him spending money.
I've bought 30 DVD's with survey money and freebies and they cost me ZERO!

That's where her issue is at the moment the fact his wife doesn't know about it. Does he work? He works at General Motors (so does his wife!) and my Mother is a Widow on a pension, he surely has more money than her

The reason I posted here about it is to see how people think it should be handled. Should she just talk to him, talk to her sister and tell her what's up, etc. Thanks for the suggestion, but the problem with saying she can't spare it is he knows she just opened up a credit card at that store and there is nothing on it so he knows she has it. Grrrr.

[Natalka]

First it's odd that someone would ask their SIL to buy something like that - if it were a family emergency/necessity of needing funds, it would be usually done sister to sister.
Wondering how he even knows your mom has a FS credit card - that's odd that he'd know so much about her finances.
And this isn't your mom paying for something cash - it's putting herself into credit card debt at a really high interest rate; she doesn't then have the 'means' as you said - so this is something she can't afford.
Also wondering is he asked your mom to keep it a secret... if he didn't, then there is no reason your mom can't talk to her sister about it.
In the end it's up to your mom - but if she buys the stuff for him, she should consider it a 'gift', not a loan.

[Sally888]

How weird hes even asked your mom, hes acting like a teenager! If I was your mom I'd reneg, this isn't even stuff he "really needs" It would be different if he needed groceries or something.

[lmack30]

Is your Mom close to her sister? This guy sounds like kind of a scammer to me....I mean really??? Asking your mom (a widow on a pension) to purchase non-necessity items when he has a job???? Wow, some people. I can understand how you would be frustrated. If I was your Mom, I would bring this up to her sister. If she were to find out that your Mom did it she would be mad at her. If she just tells her sister what her hubby proposed to her then she can be mad at her husband and not your Mom. However, at the end of the day, your Mom is an adult and can make her own decisions...it would just be a shame to see her get "taken" by this guy. Good luck, hope it all works out in the end

[Andit]

Is there a reason he needs these items right now? B-day or anniversary gift for you aunt? Does he need something quickly but needs a week til payday? How soon will he repay the loan?

She needs to speak to him & explain that she doesn't have any cash to spare, so unless he gives her a postdated cheque for the amount (say for a week or 2 later, when the bill comes in), she can't do it.

but the problem with saying she can't spare it is he knows she just opened up a credit card at that store and there is nothing on it so he knows she has it. Grrrr.

Just because she has a credit card, doesn't mean she can afford to pay it off.


If she really wants to avoid any sort of conversation, she could just say that she is not well enough to go out & is uncomfortable buying things online.

[gameprogirl]

On her credit? I would tell your mom to tell him flat out no.
Natalka is right, if she does buy it, then I would call it a gift because, he will have no means to pay her back if the finances are so closely guarded by his wife. Besides, your mom will end up feeling guilty for hiding the truth from the sister and it could cause some problems. Your mom is getting taken advantage of in this situation.

[TaraF]

My Aunt takes care of the finances because her Husband would spend every paycheque on anything electronic so he is simply given a set amount spending to last until next pay. He did specifically say not to say anything to his wife so he intends for it to remain a secret. He said he would pay her back and made mention of the 3 months no interest that she has on her first purchase on the card lol

Andit, there is no other reason than he wants it and doesn't have the money....that's it! How he knows about the card is my Mother wanted a New Large TV but didn't have the money for it so she thought that she could open an account and use that so she asked her B-I-L if he knew anything about the Futureshop card and he did. Well he wanted to go with her when she picked a new TV out and almost convinced her to buy a Blue Ray DVD Player she didn't need! What my Mom didn't know was that my Husband and I were planning on buying her a TV for her birthday and when we did she was left with this card untouched.

I did say to my Mother it's bad when you live above your means and can't afford it, but when you try to do so on someone elses creidt/money that's worse! I think the top 2 indicators as well that you have a shopping addiction is that you hide purchases from your partner and lie about the cost of purchases as well. I think he has a few issues....

[Natalka]

That all said, then your mom needs to talk with her sister and tell her everything...

[improperganda]

That situation sucks <3 I don't think using someone elses credit to get something you cant afford is a good idea. I hope everything works out <3

[miztia]

I hope your mom changed her mind on that one. Doesnt sound like she would get paid back any time soon.

[abbasgirl]

All of my brother-in-laws are good guys and I would be absolutely shocked if they asked me to do anything like that. But if they did I would say "no" and tell my sister immediately because I would be very concerned about their husband going behind their back like that. Since she already said yes though, I think she should let him know that she reconsidered and doesn't feel comfortable with it.

[truckerofbc]

I have to agree with the majority of the posters.
#1. If he cannot afford it he shouldn't be buying it.
#2. It's not a necessity like food where a family member could/would feel obligated to help
#3. He should be truthful with his wife and if he cannot be then something should be mentioned to his wife so that honesty is always the best policy.