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Thread: Party guest rant
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Tue, Jul 24th, 2012, 04:25 PM #16
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OP, sounds like an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond, where Marie, MIL, tries to take over at Raymond's house.
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Tue, Jul 24th, 2012, 08:37 PM #17
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Oh, I totally understand your rant, but she probably did that not to be bossy or nosy.
It is not how much we have, but how much we enjoy, that makes happiness.
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Tue, Jul 24th, 2012, 08:40 PM #18
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maybe they picked up the vibe that you didn't really want or appreciate them in your kitchen.
most likely, though, they thought they were being helpful in helping get the food ready for the party,
and they left after the party because they go to bed early.
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Tue, Jul 24th, 2012, 08:48 PM #19
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Lol I was going to ask if the senior women were Italian. I remember many nonnas and aunts doing this. The culture many older women grew up with is helping in the kitchen, and I was raised knowing that you were considered a rude guest if you DIDN'T offer to help. At my MIL's I always offer to help and I feel like its rude when she tells me no, but she let's my SIL do it no problem.
My mom is 60 and when she is at my house she washes my dishes, even though we have a dishwasher and I tell her to stop because she is a guest.
This is just a cultural difference. You definitely want them to act like guests but I think they aren't truly to be rude,just trying to make your life easier. So many women try to help others and don't think about enjoying themselves. You can tell them not to help, but sometimes you just can't win.
Think of it this way: at least they aren't like my cousin, who goes through the bathroom cupboards and then asks you about why you have certain products and don't use others, etcLast edited by torontogal12; Tue, Jul 24th, 2012 at 09:44 PM. Reason: unnecessary apostrophe removed!! Gasp!
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Tue, Jul 24th, 2012, 09:02 PM #20
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I blame it on that fact that they are ..... old.
I find that many people don't understand basic social queues and Most likely the ladies who have offended you would probably never guess in a million years that what they were doing was rude. There is a generation gap there for sure, I am very direct, so if it were my party, I'd of told them to sit their booty's down outside and to get out of my kitchen because I had things under control.Last edited by LauraWill; Tue, Jul 24th, 2012 at 09:04 PM.
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Tue, Jul 24th, 2012, 10:06 PM #21
I hear your frustration and at times I have said to people "the way you can be most helpful to me is to sit down and relax...we have everything under control and we just want to enjoy your company". At the same time, I am ALMOST from the generation who would consider it completely rude and inexcusable to walk into your home, get a drink and then sit down and do nothing. In the same way that the 20 and 30 somethings feel the 'senior ladies' were rude, many senior ladies would feel they were being very rude by not pitching in. (Of course, the flip-side is is that if you sit down in their homes and do nothing they may think you are being a little rude! LOL)
I like my space in the kitchen, too, so sometimes I "save" a few jobs for those who really do need to feel they are helping out. For the older generation, there is a sense of community and friendship that was developed over decades of working together in the kitchen. In some ways....they really can't help themselves!Last edited by DianneS; Tue, Jul 24th, 2012 at 10:09 PM.
So many coupons....so little time!
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Tue, Jul 24th, 2012, 10:46 PM #22
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Notice how this a generational issue for women?
I don't see men acting so keen to help out with party preparations and doing what the women have been doing to other women.2021-Bring on the sunshine, sweets & online shopping.
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Tue, Jul 24th, 2012, 10:47 PM #23
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Tue, Jul 24th, 2012, 10:51 PM #24
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I have the exact opposite problem. Many times I'll go over as a guest, and be expected to help with the cleaning. While I don't mind helping, I don't think it should be expected. When I have people over I prefer to do the cleanup after they leave. I feel that I invited them over to visit, so that's what I should be doing. The mess will wait until I'm ready for it.
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Wed, Jul 25th, 2012, 09:06 AM #25
I know a lot of seniors that use a diaper. It could be that removal of the diaper and disposing of it in a tiny trashcan (where it could be seen) is embarssing, and so she probably thought it best to change the whole bag :/ I know my gramma changes the bag in her bathroom frequently for this reason.
In the past the ladies would tend to congregate in the kitchen, lending a hand, but if it makes you uncomfortable I think you need to let them know.
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Wed, Jul 25th, 2012, 11:29 AM #26
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If I tried to do something nice and help out a friend that I knew was very busy by tidying up their home, and then they gave me crap, I wouldn't ever do it again. Then, to have been reemed out a second time when I was trying to help, forget it, I just wouldnt return. She must be slow learner,
I'm surprised that she's still your friend.
Please don't think that I am disrespecting you in any way, because I am not. I actually enjoy reading your posts. These are just my feeling and how I would feel if that was done to me.We all need a little sunshine every now and then
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Wed, Jul 25th, 2012, 12:27 PM #27
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I thought she was talking about me!.I'm that kind of friend.
I have several close friends and i go out of my way to help them day or night...not that they ask me too, but just because that's how much i value my friendships with all of them. I visit and i'm the one telling them to relax..LOL!! 4 years ago i was visiting one of them and she went into labor ..baby decided he wanted out! so she and her hubby left and i stayed behind with hubby and made him vacuum her livingroom..lol.. We spend like 3 hours cleaning her house. I know, some would be upset about doing things like that but that's who i am and that's how i treat my friends...
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Wed, Jul 25th, 2012, 01:18 PM #28
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Funny that this same friend would loose it on you for making assumtions like this
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Wed, Jul 25th, 2012, 01:29 PM #29
Some people feel obligated to help at a party...they feel as if they it's rude not too. Everyone is different....in order for you to avoid the situation, make sure everything is finished before anyone arrives...and i mean everything, so there's nothing to help with.
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