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Thread: Party guest rant

  1. #16
    Mastermind Shwa Girl's Avatar
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    OP, sounds like an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond, where Marie, MIL, tries to take over at Raymond's house.

  2. #17
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    Oh, I totally understand your rant, but she probably did that not to be bossy or nosy.
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    maybe they picked up the vibe that you didn't really want or appreciate them in your kitchen.

    most likely, though, they thought they were being helpful in helping get the food ready for the party,
    and they left after the party because they go to bed early.

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    Lol I was going to ask if the senior women were Italian. I remember many nonnas and aunts doing this. The culture many older women grew up with is helping in the kitchen, and I was raised knowing that you were considered a rude guest if you DIDN'T offer to help. At my MIL's I always offer to help and I feel like its rude when she tells me no, but she let's my SIL do it no problem.

    My mom is 60 and when she is at my house she washes my dishes, even though we have a dishwasher and I tell her to stop because she is a guest.

    This is just a cultural difference. You definitely want them to act like guests but I think they aren't truly to be rude,just trying to make your life easier. So many women try to help others and don't think about enjoying themselves. You can tell them not to help, but sometimes you just can't win.

    Think of it this way: at least they aren't like my cousin, who goes through the bathroom cupboards and then asks you about why you have certain products and don't use others, etc
    Last edited by torontogal12; Tue, Jul 24th, 2012 at 09:44 PM. Reason: unnecessary apostrophe removed!! Gasp!
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  5. #20
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    I blame it on that fact that they are ..... old.

    I find that many people don't understand basic social queues and Most likely the ladies who have offended you would probably never guess in a million years that what they were doing was rude. There is a generation gap there for sure, I am very direct, so if it were my party, I'd of told them to sit their booty's down outside and to get out of my kitchen because I had things under control.
    Last edited by LauraWill; Tue, Jul 24th, 2012 at 09:04 PM.
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  6. #21
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    I hear your frustration and at times I have said to people "the way you can be most helpful to me is to sit down and relax...we have everything under control and we just want to enjoy your company". At the same time, I am ALMOST from the generation who would consider it completely rude and inexcusable to walk into your home, get a drink and then sit down and do nothing. In the same way that the 20 and 30 somethings feel the 'senior ladies' were rude, many senior ladies would feel they were being very rude by not pitching in. (Of course, the flip-side is is that if you sit down in their homes and do nothing they may think you are being a little rude! LOL)

    I like my space in the kitchen, too, so sometimes I "save" a few jobs for those who really do need to feel they are helping out. For the older generation, there is a sense of community and friendship that was developed over decades of working together in the kitchen. In some ways....they really can't help themselves!
    Last edited by DianneS; Tue, Jul 24th, 2012 at 10:09 PM.
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  7. #22
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    Notice how this a generational issue for women?
    I don't see men acting so keen to help out with party preparations and doing what the women have been doing to other women.
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    Quote Originally Posted by ColleenMGorecki View Post
    Well l think you have to realize that you are dealing with seniors and that is the way most act. She was just trying to make your work easier. Did you ever suggest that she go outside and mingle. Women in that era were expected to help with the work inside so l don't think you should feel so offended. Just think that you made her day with trying to be helpful
    My thoughts exactly
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  9. #24
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    I have the exact opposite problem. Many times I'll go over as a guest, and be expected to help with the cleaning. While I don't mind helping, I don't think it should be expected. When I have people over I prefer to do the cleanup after they leave. I feel that I invited them over to visit, so that's what I should be doing. The mess will wait until I'm ready for it.
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  10. #25
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    I know a lot of seniors that use a diaper. It could be that removal of the diaper and disposing of it in a tiny trashcan (where it could be seen) is embarssing, and so she probably thought it best to change the whole bag :/ I know my gramma changes the bag in her bathroom frequently for this reason.
    In the past the ladies would tend to congregate in the kitchen, lending a hand, but if it makes you uncomfortable I think you need to let them know.

  11. #26
    Canadian Guru hollyquaiscer's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Slaney View Post
    I would have snapped on these people. Who does that!?
    I have a friend who washes our dishes if she's here when we're not home. One day she washed our dishes (with a stove top scrunge), picked up all the pop cans my husband left scattered around the house & threw out a box with a coupon & took the garbage out. I reamed her out lol. Now she knows if it looks like garbage there's a reason it's sitting on my table or else my hubby is being a slob & he can clean up after himself. And I make sure I don't have any dishes in my sink.
    Last time she was here we had 1 pot soaking in the sink & she washed it & used a scrunge again. So she got in trouble again. She also changed the cat's litter box.
    At least now I know she's going to do things so I've made a sign that says "the scrunges are for the stove, sponges are for dishes & pineapple dishsoap is not for stealing"
    If I tried to do something nice and help out a friend that I knew was very busy by tidying up their home, and then they gave me crap, I wouldn't ever do it again. Then, to have been reemed out a second time when I was trying to help, forget it, I just wouldnt return. She must be slow learner, I'm surprised that she's still your friend.

    Please don't think that I am disrespecting you in any way, because I am not. I actually enjoy reading your posts. These are just my feeling and how I would feel if that was done to me.
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  12. #27
    Senior Canuck Kalmel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by hollyquaiscer View Post
    If I tried to do something nice and help out a friend that I knew was very busy by tidying up their home, and then they gave me crap, I wouldn't ever do it again. Then, to have been reemed out a second time when I was trying to help, forget it, I just wouldnt return. She must be slow learner, I'm surprised that she's still your friend.

    Please don't think that I am disrespecting you in any way, because I am not. I actually enjoy reading your posts. These are just my feeling and how I would feel if that was done to me.
    I thought she was talking about me!.I'm that kind of friend. I have several close friends and i go out of my way to help them day or night...not that they ask me too, but just because that's how much i value my friendships with all of them. I visit and i'm the one telling them to relax..LOL!! 4 years ago i was visiting one of them and she went into labor ..baby decided he wanted out! so she and her hubby left and i stayed behind with hubby and made him vacuum her livingroom..lol.. We spend like 3 hours cleaning her house. I know, some would be upset about doing things like that but that's who i am and that's how i treat my friends...
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  13. #28
    Senior Canuck Slaney's Avatar
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    Funny that this same friend would loose it on you for making assumtions like this
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    Some people feel obligated to help at a party...they feel as if they it's rude not too. Everyone is different....in order for you to avoid the situation, make sure everything is finished before anyone arrives...and i mean everything, so there's nothing to help with.
    filza likes this.

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