Am I a bad aunt?

[abbasgirl]

That's outrageous behaviour on their part! Parents are 100% responsible for any damage that their children do. They should have been watching their children, been completely mortified over the damage and immediately offered to replace everything. Emailing them to explain this to them shouldn't have even been necessary. And no, it wasn't your responsibility to provide entertainment for the kids.

[lll111]

How do these kids act when they are at one of the other SIL houses?
Maybe they were like this on purpose at your house like one of the posters mentioned before.

[lecale]

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[Ciel]

@lecale-poker iron at the mirrored door? It's not a test for babysitting, it's parents seeking money if "Precious Idiot Pumpkin" gets cut on your turf! Lawyer test is more like it.

OP-I wish I had more of you in my extended family-seriously. That was thoughtful to have provided something for the kids (remembering some visits of my youth where the older kids were not home or no kids at home and had to watch boring Sunday documentary tv if the adult conversations did not engage me), who obviously as cousins cannot play together for whatever reason. Mind you, I would have been peeved at the chocolate handprints-I'd have told sis-in-law that she has to clean it up before your hubby found out about it. Yes, he's related to those ladies. I hope he is not fencesitting on the matter but reinforcing your position on the homewreckers: not welcome no more no more.

[Ciel]

As that one character on In Living Colour (original series) would say "Go on, girl!"

[i_forget]

Well, kids are messy. No doubt about that, but what those kids are is destructive!

The only person responsible for my kids is ME. When I am going anywhere, I bring things with me to keep them entertained. It is unreasonable to expect anyone else to do that for me. ALSO, if my kids acted like that at someone else's house, I would be giving them MAJOR crap for their behaviour.

I seem to remember another post from you around Christmas about these kids and such, and I will tell you, this is NOT YOU....this is THEM.
I would be trying to find out what the issue is here...do these kids act like this all the time (bad parenting) or are they just like this around you (maybe their mothers have issues and are using the kids as excuses?)

Whatever the reason, that behaviour is not acceptable, and firm rules need to be put in place.

Make them pay for the damages. Maybe if they are held responsible now, those kids wont turn into entitled teenagers and young adults who end up with even bigger issues.

[rehender]

if I take my kids anywhere I bring what they need AND I watch them like a hawk making sure they do nothing like the above... YIKES you are not bad at all. I agree that it sounds like they all need some serious dicipline and insturction on how to act... if on the off chance something happened that my child was acting out in some way I would take the child and go home explaining that if they can not behave then they can't go out...

[Angela273]

I agree with many of the above posters, which is why I read them all and gave out a lot of "likes." I think you did the right thing.

I have two nephews (12 & 3yrs). I am one of six children, the younger children are currently 18, 16, & 10yrs old. I have babysat my 12yr old nephew since he was only 6wks old. We have often taken on my younger three siblings during the summer time so that my mom could have a break. My husband and I have always kept a few things in our house to help entertain visiting children, but they are always welcome to bring their own toys. It does not hurt that we have cable tv and a few children's/family DVDs on hand. My siblings and nephews know the rules of our household and they are reminded of these rules as necessary. Hosting children, does not mean that you are suddenly babysitting them and responsible for their every move. The parents are still responsible for the children's safety and well-being while still making sure that your property is respected. Hope that makes sense.

We now have our own 5 1/2month old baby boy. Whenever we go out we bring the diaper bag and I keep a few of his favorite toys in there. We use these toys whether we are out at a restaurant, appointment, meeting, or a friend's house. It is important to be responsible for your own children, including their entertainment and safety.

[Natalka]

OY! No, you are not a bad aunt, but those people need some serious parenting classes - can't believe they let their kids be so destructive!

[Shwa Girl]

As that one character on In Living Colour (original series) would say "Go on, girl!"

[jamicki1]

I usually just lurk and give reps, but I read this and had to chuckle, not because it's funny but because this is so ridiculous. I totally agree with the comments on here, you are not a bad aunt you took the steps necessary to protect your house. I guess you forgot to put away the chairs, curtains, carpet and don't forget the wall. I have 3 kids 5, 9 , 13 and if we're going out I 'warn' them that we are going to someone's house it doesn't matter if it's family, they need to sit and be play quietly, they are good kids so there's usually no problems. I let them bring their ds console or a book to read, if they're not within my view, I'm constantly making sure they are not somewhere there not supposed to be. people tell me to let the kids be kids and they can, when they are home. You did the right thing and they should apologize and offer to either pay for or help you replace the things that were damage. YOU ARE NOT A BAD AUNT....parents should always be parents!!!!!!!!

[Andit]

So sorry this happened to you, OP.

I don't have children, but I often take my pets (dog and cat) visiting to friends' places. The cat will usually just sit quietly on someone's lap or if he's had enough, he'll go hide in his purse. The dog is expected to sit or lie quietly near me at all times (although she will start showing off some tricks when snacks are being served. If we're outside at a BBQ, she won't bark at/chase squirrels or birds and usually just hangs out near the food (she is part Lab). If she has to use the facilities (I make sure she goes before we arrive, but sometimes the excitement is too much for her), she will come get me and "ask" permission, then I take her to the edge of the property.

My point is, if my animals can behave in a proper respectful manner, I would certainly expect a child to behave appropriately.

Perhaps you can put padded non-stain walls and a linoleum floor in your garage and entertain such heathens in there?

[hollyquaiscer]

Op, of coarse your not a bad aunt, but I think your sister and her partner definitely need a few parenting classes on how to discipline their children. I probably wouldn't have asked them to leave without first expressing my feeling as to what was being done by her children and to inquire as to why she wasn't disciplining them. Parents are responsible for the way their children act, so if their children cause damage, then they must pay for said damages. Only because it's family, I would try giving her a call to try and resolve the issue. But SHE is the one that needs to take responsibility for what has happened. Why is she blaming you, that's what I wonder about. Has she always been on to not want to take responsibility for anything? I raised 5 of my own children and countless other foster children. We ALWAYS had a duffle bag in the van that was filled with games, book, crayons, and small toys. It kept the children busy, not only in the vehicle but also when we were at someone's house visiting. We also had rules for outings, and if they were not followed, WE would leave, not wait for a hurricane to come through and destroy our host/hostesses home. She knew that you and dh had no children so it was wrong of her to assume you will have things there for her children to play with. You are not obligated to purchase toys for them, she's the parent, that's her job! I could go on and on as I was so upset reading your post, just the thought that she was ok with her children to running rampid in your home. Ugh.....someone give that woman's head a shake! I have the feeling that you will be a great mom as you already know when a child should be disciplined. I'm really sorry you had to go through that, and I hope you can patch things up with her and that she understands the ground rules IF you let them visit again.

[Kelly5]

These kids typically just go and play when they are at the other homes. There are tons of toys there, plus they have playrooms in the basement. The kids are usually put in the playroom with the toys. Since I don't even have a basement, let alone a playroom, the kids don't have a particular place to play at my home. I never suspected that they would or even could cause so much destruction without a playroom.

I remember being a child and being expected to sit quietly and colour or play with the few toys that I had brought with me. My parents drank coffee and talked with their friends while I coloured. Their friends usually had something for me, like cookies or those tiny donuts with the icing sugar on them. If I had done this I would have been taken out to the car, talked to about my poor behaviour, and probably grounded for awhile. I totally understand that grounding a two year old would be very ineffective, but there must be some sort of consequence for the behaviour.

My husband discussed the issue last night over dinner. He was in disbelief that this happened. He has talked to his sisters and talked to my brother's wife (also my sister-in-law). We are expecting them to pay for the destruction. They will be expected to pay for new curtains because ours were torn. He's also expecting them to pay for a new chair, and a cleaning lady for a month. I think the cleaning lady is a bit much, but he's really upset. He thinks they're taking advantage of us and wants to nip this problem in the bud. By making them pay us back, he figures that they won't do this again. He also thinks that if they're not going to clean up the stained carpet and wall, then they can pay for a cleaning lady to do it for them.

Their husbands were also really shocked about this behaviour. My brother and brother-in-laws have all apologized and offered to pay for everything. After each phone conversation we could tell that the husbands were planning on having a discussion with their wives. I kind of wish I could be a fly on their walls, but on the other hand, confrontation makes me uncomfortable so I think I'd be uncomfortable being that fly.

[erin9mmm]

I was about to ask what you husband thought of all this - good for him, and it sounds like the other husbands are embarrassed by their wives behaviour. Reading your first post it almost sounded like a "Mean Girls" movie. Plain and simple they should know better and have respect for your home. I hope they feel sheepish around you next time they see you.